|The Victorious Troll Army|
Now we are all back behind our desks, noses to the grindstone, we have to listen to fat Maureen whinge on about how small the Quality Street tins have become as she eases her bloated and gravity assisted carcass into the £600 "orthopedic" office chair the boss had to buy her to stop her taking days off for being fat. Through puffs and frenetic gasps for air, she recalls how she rang the Police on Christmas Day (between courses) because Katie Hopkins, the horse faced champion of outrage had dared to mention that anyone large enough to have their own gravitational field might not want to call themselves "disabled".
"I want her arrested. How dare she go around saying those things about us 'plus size campaigners'. I'm big boned. She should be put in prison until she behaves" wheezes Maureen, her vengeful puffy eyes red with anger, outrage, tears of self loathing and cholesterol.
"I've started a petition on the Internet. If I can get thousands of other people to sign it, I'm sure the Police will *have* to arrest her and then we'll see who has the last laugh" chuckles Maureen, possibly having her very last laugh, right there, right now.
"Oh Aye!" says Jock Murphy, who the company employed as a favour to the local Alcoholics Anonymous/ drug homeless rehabilitation centre when he kept showing up at 3am on their doorstep high on Buckfast and crack, threatening to stab everyone who didnae support Rangers.
"That fuckin' bitch. If I ever see her, I'm a definitely gonna stab her and eat her heart in front of her fuckin children. Told her so. With a Tweet, I did. Did you see what she called us on Twitter? Fuckin JOCKS", says Jock "the RACIST FUCKIN' WHORE"
"I've started a petition on the Internet. If I can get thousands of other people to sign it, I'm sure the Police will *have* to arrest her and then we'll see who has the last laugh" chuckles Jock, possibly having his very last alcohol and heroin addled laugh, right there, right now.
So there we have the Festive breakdown (in every sense). The outraged lynch mob running off to the Police because a brand specifically designed to cause outrage, had caused outrage amongst a group of professional victims who chose to be outraged. Where once an off button or change channel routine would've sufficed, the greatest tool the world has ever seen, the Internet, was used in an attempt to er.... close down the Internet.
The Scottish Police have today issued a statement stating
"we will not be prosecuting people for satirical comments, offensive humour or provocative statements"
and hopefully a little common sense will finally prevail and some of the 30,000 who signed online petitions demanding the execution of Katie Hopkins for daring to speak freely will go back to demanding the beheading of those who insult Islam or draw cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed (suw). On the plus side, we now have their names and just like the East Germans, will be able to shun them in public for stitching up their fellow citizens to the Authorities in the hope that like Pastor Martin Niemoeller, they'll come for them last.
We know who you are now, and we'll be watching you. you're the enemies of free speech in a country that was once famous for free speech.
No worries, I'm sure the pitchfork wielding offendotrons will find a new target soon enough - probably football related - and the whole sorry cycle will kick off again. So here's the current score
Old Holborn 1 - Liverpool 0
Old Holborn 1 - Glasgow 0
Old Holborn is now through to the quarter finals of the Free Speech cup. Just the psychotrans Feminists and the entire Authoritarian Left to defeat and we'll be able to smoke, drink and tell jokes in a pub again - like we used to.
Happy New Year readers.....