Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Two faced Tories



Muslim girls, yesterday

I notice that Philip Hollobone has proposed a Private Member's Bill called Face Coverings (Regulation).

Now obviously my own vested interests to remain anonymous in public are paramount, but since when did the state start deciding what people can wear?

I await the howls from the usual suspects that "a man dressed in a burqa could rob a bank". He still can even if the wearing of the burqa is banned, except the usual method of disguise is a pair of tights. Should we ban them too?

If Muslims want to wear burqas, so what? It does not adversly affect me in any way whatsoever. I know many Christian women who prefer not to get their tits out on the beach, are we to employ clothing inspectors next? When does this stop?

If a shop refuses to serve you wearing a crash helmet, balaclava, hoodie or Burqa, then shop elsewhere. Oh, and Parliament, get the fuck out of my wardrobe. It is my face, it belongs to me, I was born with it and what I do with it is my business, not yours. That includes not showing it to you on demand, just as I do not have to give you my fingerprints because you are curious what they look like.

Ye GODS, give me strength. Here's a picture of a filthy criminal......




Papillon - Welcome to Devil's Island

Ken Clarke is right. Our record number of prisoners is an outrage and costs us a fortune.

More to the point, what exactly is the purpose of imprisoning anyone who is not a physical danger to other individuals?

The last 13 years of Labour have seen levels of trust by the State towards it's innocent citizens similar to those offered by the Soviet state towards it's erstwhile citizens; suspect all, trust none, imprison many.

We live in a land covered by CCTV. Our movements are monitored on ANPR cameras, new cameras will also be able to listen to our conversations in the street, travel cards and RFID passports, loyalty cards and credit cards monitor our locations and spending habits, Internet watchdogs monitor what we are thinking and searching for on google, databases log our entire lives and lifestyles. Vast swathes of State beuarocracy may enter your home at any time, open your mail or spy on you should you leave your bins out a day early.

Go outside and look. They will certainly be watching you. If in doubt, drop a little piece of litter or light a cigarette in a building. Or read the names of the dead in Iraq out loud. Or take a photo of a policeman. Or call a black person a coconut.

Ken is right. Only put those in prison who are a genuine threat to life. Let the others join us in Open Prison UK. There are enough warders out there in the form of PCSO's, community Wardens, civil enforcement officers to keep us in place.

My advice to you is the same given to any new convict by both the screws and the seasoned inmates at any prison:

  • If it's yours, hide it or nail it down. If you don't it'll be gone.
  • Don't smile or converse with the warders.
  • Half the people in here are innocent, don't worry about it.
  • Don't be a grass. Ever
You can still leave HMP Britain without an exit visa issued by the Guvnor, but you'll need a boat. Or like Steve McQueen in Papillon, you can hope for a 7th wave. First though, you'll need to recognise that you ARE on Devils Island and no matter what privileges the Guvnor has given you, it is still a prison. It is not freedom.


Tuesday, 29 June 2010

The Economic Consequences of Mr Brown

I fought the law...


I suspect there is a massive row coming between a Police "Service" that has been allowed to do whatever New Labour told it to do (including hiring dwarves as the above pic shows) and the coalition government which would like it to do what is best for the people of Britain.

As we all know ACPO is a private company consisting of chief Police Officers who "advise" the Government on policy and in effect, run the Police "service" to enable a "hands off" approach to policing by the Government.

It hasn't worked. Crime is at appalling levels whilst the Police chase the targets that enable ACPO to get rich and Politicians to grin. Swathes of our inner cities are no go areas as the politically correct "advisers" stay away from the controversial and hit the predictable again and again. So instead of rounding up known criminals, we have speed cameras. Instead of focusing on the 100,000 prolific criminals that cause most of the crime in this country, we have pointless knife amnesties and dwarf policemen.

The result of course is a Police Service that does anything but serve us. It is built and functions only to serve Politicians and ACPO. We watch as each and every day, OUR Police force becomes less accountable to us, the people who agree to be policed and more accountable to demented politicians anxious to develop social experiments or control dissent for failed policies.

We NEED elected Police chiefs. Brixton residents would vote for a Police Chief that took drastic measures to reduce crime in Brixton. It's the residents that have to live with it, day in , day out. But no, our Politicians, living in gated communities declare that is not necessary. What is needed is more targets without offending "the local community".

Stuff that. Free the people of Brixton from the effects of crime by allowing them to tell you what Police Force they want. They're the ones paying for it anyway. Name me one ACPO member who has to live in Brixton? They don't. They all live in thatched cottages after retiring at 50 on a full pension. No decisions taken by them will ever affect them.

Worried the people of Brixton might elect Lee Jasper or another Bernie Grant as Police cheif? Bring it on. They are the ones who will be dealing with the consequences, not you or I. If the gun culture thrives, it'll be their children being shot, not mine and it'll be their fault for not dealing with it. If it's not safe to walk the streets in Brixton because their new Police chief has decided all his officers need to be "culturally aware" and has sent them to Kingston, Jamaica, so be it.

Likewise, my local Police "service" are pretty much invisible. Crime is naturally low where I live, so I resent seeing PCSO's wandering the not mean at all streets of Braintree. Bugger off and leave us alone. I'd vote for pretty much the guy we already have. My choice after all.

If you want to improve the area you live in, you should be able to vote for whoever is going to Police it, just as you should be able to vote for who will run the schools or clean the streets. Get the right man for the job and watch it prosper.

Monday, 28 June 2010

Pull up the ladder Diane

I notice our favourite Labourleadership idiot has kicked off, calling plans to send people where there is work "cruel"

Let me guess where Dianes parents came from, looking for a better life, eager to move, eager to earn money and improve themselves and the lives of their children.

Jamaica

Let me guess where Dianne would be now if her parents had not had the good sense to grab an opportunity when it was offered.

Jamaica.

Tending goats on a 1 acre plot outside Trenchtown, dodging the AK-47s and stripping plaintains with her last remaining tooth.



Instead, Britains first black Oxbridge female MP is demanding that all the opportunities given to her by her parents be denied to others.

Oh, to be a Socialist......

Out of Africa

Members of the iechyd da tribe struggling to get by, yesterday, under a tree in Cardiff.

Someone once told me of his times working in Africa. He pointed out the futility of giving billions in aid to a people who just wanted to grow enough crops to feed themselves and spend the rest of the day sitting under a tree, like they always had. The money always ended up the hands of the most corrupt who used it to buy solid gold thrones to sit under a tree all day.

"Offer an African a cigarette, and he automatically takes the whole packet" he said "Why wouldn't he? You can afford it, he can't"

Ladies, Gentlemen. Go and have a look in the town centre today. The weather is nice. People will be sitting outside, some of them under trees. Go to unemployment blackspots and you will see lots of people sitting under trees, chatting, relaxing, drinking, smoking in the full knowledge that they don't even have to grow enough crops to feed themselves.

Today's announcement that incapacity benefit is to be slashed is a GOOD THING. Unless we want to become a white tribe that sits under trees all day waiting for handouts from the IMF then we have to accept that the state is not there to feed us, just to protect us from invasion and crime.

Last year, we spent £1.8 BILLION pounds on people who are stressed, suffer from depression or anxiety. Not in treating their condition but in making sure they could sit under a tree all day without money worries. £12 million alone on paying people incapacity benefit because going to work might give them a headache.

It cannot go on. It is immoral for the State to take control of our lives in return for a few pennies in the same way it is immoral for an African tribal leader to hog the wealth of his people. We have made it on this earth for over 2 million years without the need for an army of State employees handing out danegeld to wastrels in return for votes.

Cut deep, Gideon. Start in Myrthr Tydfil and don't stop until the only people sitting under trees enjoying the sun shine are those on their lunch breaks.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Some easy listening

What the Germans think of us.




As a matter of reference, I lived and worked in Germany for 12 years, first as a musician, then in computers, then my own motorsport business. Four of my children were born there. I was in love with the place for seven years and spent the next five trying to get out. You need permission to breathe in Germany and in the end, it made me into the Libertarian I have become.

Strangely enough, I am spending the next five years attempting to leave the UK for exactly the same reasons I left Germany. New Labour took just 13 years to achieve the impossible. Turning the British State into a German one. Something the Germans themselves never managed (not through lack of effort, I add)

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Worm Food


I notice the Govt is planning to raise the age of retirement to 70 on the understanding that we are healthier and therefore can be taxed for longer before we get a paltry pension from the hundreds and thousands, if not millions we have paid in over our life times.

I like to believe that I control my own destiny and the State will not be the ones telling me when I can stop, I will. This means taking responsibility for my own retirement.

In the UK, we use property as our pensions. We constantly upgrade our houses to the highest possible level we can sustain and then downsize using the capital for our retirement. Other European countries tend not to do this, due to decent state and occupational pensions, hence the lack of property bubbles. You don't expect to own a house in Germany until your parents die and leave you theirs and likewise, your children will own their first property when you kark.

It is, of course in the States interest that you should provide for your own retirement but it is also in your own interests. What we saw under New Labour was the state attempting to enslave the public by over reliance on benefits, including pensions whilst ensuring that those who could provide for their own pensions were bled to death to feed the ever growing army of servile "client voters". Raising the age of retirement to 70 is simply the new Govt's way of forcing you to succeed at your own private pension if you wish not to die of exhaustion at your desk.

So do it. Get savvy. Get a second property and never sell it, ever. Even if you have two small properties and only live in one, you will never starve and you can raise two fingers to the State in the full knowledge that when you have had enough of paying taxes, your second property is going to fund your retirement, not the whims of a Politician peddling his lies to the gullible and the feckless. It costs a lot less than you think. Instead of buying a RangeRover during your life, buy a property. There's a reason Communists hate private Landlords. They hate competition and they hate you not having to rely on them, the all powerful, benevolent yet brutal State. And mark my words, the next generation will fall for the lies of the Socialists, just as we did and our parents did. It may take 20 years, but they will be back again offering the feckless and idle, the gullible and the stupid whatever it takes to secure power over us all.

I watched my parents do shit jobs for the State for decades on the premise that "ah, but we'll get a good pension at the end". Both died aged 69 to howls of laughter from the State. I can hear the shuffling of nervous feet of over 7 Million state workers as we speak. Times up. You're own your own. You always were, you just never realised it.


Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Before ze Germans get here.....


Sorry for the lack of blogging, I've been busy (note: doing urgent, important stuff so that my Idle Theory can take over).

Today, I took a radical step in that I have convinced the board of a multi, multi million pound company that they are doing it wrong. Never an easy thing, although I suspect their lack of growth has been a clue. I simply pointed out that it is the British way to do short term business, ram square pegs into round holes (cue Ron Broxted), send teenage Sales persons with tattoos, hair gel and iPods to deal with seasoned Procurement managers and attempt to fleece your customers at every turn is not the right way to grow a business. It always ends in tears.

They are going to adopt my model instead. It will consist of:

Work. Lots of it, but fun and rewarding. I expect my staff to laugh all day. I also expect them to sit and day dream for half an hour. I know they are not there "to work" but to pay a mortgage, get a career, for the banter, for their mates. Nobody other than factory workers "go to work to work". It isn't work if you enjoy it.

Growth. Not just the business, but people. Sounds like bullshit but it isn't. I have never hired a qualified person in my life and will not start now. I take the people that can do the job, given the chance, but have never been given the chance. It's my job to work out who that is, because let's be honest, qualified people never ever fuck it up, do they?

The long term view. No, I am not going to watch you piss off our customers because you want to hit your targets and grab your bonus - Anglo/US bankers fucked us doing exactly that. I will not allow you to jeopardize a company that pays the mortgages of hundreds of people because your girlfriend really, really wants a Porsche. If the deal does not benefit ALL of the people involved, it will not happen and you are in the wrong company.

Not surprisingly, this is all based on living in Germany for 12 years. If the British company will not adopt German methods of business, then the British Company deserves to go the way of most British Companies. Shafted by management and shareholders, shafted by suppliers and shafted by employees. If Mohammed won't come to the mountain, then I'll bring the mountain to Mohammed. Except the mountain is called G√ľnther and is quite, quite used to doing what the customer wants. Unlike Mohammed.

Oh, and I'm going to introduce "apprenticeships". Show me you want the job, show me you can do the job (well), show me you appreciate the thousands in training I am going to spend on you, show me you will return (eventually) at least what it cost me to hire you.........and you'll have a job for life.

Here's hoping it's going to catch on.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

To stick it to George Osborne, only eat pre-slaughtered horses and unshelled nuts


Guest post by Chris Stokel-Walker



I don’t mean to alarm you, but I’m going to show you how to overthrow the government. Forget the fact that the Greeks can’t afford to do, well, anything anymore and that the Spaniards are hoping that closing their eyes, putting their fingers in their ears and shouting “lalalalala” very loudly is going to make the recession go away. We don’t need an austerity Budget, and we don’t need a higher rate of VAT. That’s for wussies. So here’s my simple plan on how to make back at least some of the VAT rise by shopping smarter.



There are different brackets of tax for VAT. HM Revenue & Customs oversee what food items go in which tax bracket; there are three, but in practice only two are usually used: zero-rated, which means that you pay 0% VAT, and standard rated, which means you pay the full rate of VAT (until this morning, 17.5%).



There are some strange anomalies in the food VAT system. Were I to buy a live horse (as my girlfriend would want me to – though presumably not to kill and eat later) I would have to pay the standard rate of VAT. If, though, a friendly farmer has already saved me the bother of killing it (I’m really really sorry – you know I would only buy live horses to give to you), then I can have a whole dead horse – or horse cutlets – vacpacked and sold to me as exotic meat, VAT-free. Why? Live horses aren’t considered a recognised food species. Dead horses, presumably, are.



All the normal kinds of meat and fish that you find on supermarket shelves and butchers’ counters are zero-rated, as are fruit and vegetables: they’re a staple of the Great British Diet. Fruit juice, though, is taxed. Which means that my penchant for a glass of orange juice many many times a day is costing me more money than it would if I were to squeeze the juice from the orange with my bare hands in the style of a Neolithic man.



Monkey nuts (peanuts in their shells) fall under the zero rate; the second you remove the horrible outer shell, they become KP nuts (or some other equally popular brand) and you have to pay VAT. It’s not even the roasting or salting that makes the difference – it’s the shell. Honest.



MSG=VAT. Bad news for those of you wanting to start up a Chinese restaurant. Though you can try and make some money back from the Treasury by selling prawn crackers made from tapioca, rather than prawn crackers made from cereal. Here was me thinking that prawn crackers were made from prawns.



The dead horse thing really takes the biscuit. Biscuit? Don’t mind if I do. Oh wait, some of them are zero-rated and some are standard-rated? Well, I’ll have to be more discerning in my biscuit choices (we’re British – how can we be more discerning about biscuits?!). If you have a particular fancy for chocolate digestives, stop. However – and I really like this – ‘chocolate chip biscuits where the chips are either included in the dough or pressed into the surface before baking’ are zero-rated and therefore you can eat them to surfeit. HM Revenue & Customs also obviously missed biscuitgate of a few years back when a judge ruled that Jaffa cakes aren’t a biscuit (you wally) because here they are, zero-rated under section 3.4.2 of the guidelines.



If you pop into your local bakery from today, eye up those gingerbread men with caution. If their little toes have been dipped in chocolate (because gingerbread men’s feet would get blisters if they had to walk without shoes), then the government has ruled them to be too extravagant. They’re parading around in their chocolate boots, while your average Tom, Dick or Harry Gingerbread has to make do with a pittance. ‘Gingerbread men decorated with chocolate’ come under the standard rate of VAT, ‘unless this amounts to no more than a couple of dots for eyes’. Bakers of Britain: let your gingerbread men and women run naked, free like pre-Lapsarian Adam and Eve! We’ll have no fancy winklepickers, thank you: this is austerity Britain.



If you’re thinking of buying your child an ice-cream when you’re out at the park this weekend, don’t. You’ll be taxed. Instead forgo the ice-cream and ask instead for the cone. That’s zero-rated, and presumably delicious and dry.


Millionaire’s Shortbread is zero-rated while plebian chocolate-covered shortbread is taxed at the full rate. I don’t think I need to explain why that one is funny. The 70s were grim (apparently – I wouldn’t know). So what better way to relive the 3-day working week than to feast on rum babas, delightfully, deliciously zero-rated for your pleasure? Kitsch is in this summer, I’ve heard: and God knows that with all the rest of the squeezes, cuts and rises we’re not going to be able to afford the latest fashionable clothes to keep up with the Joneses that way.


Chris Stokel-Walker is a freelance writer who won the 2008 Channel 4/4 Laughs Window of Opportunity in June 2008. To view Chris' portfolio, visit www.stokel-walker.co.uk

Budget Open Thread


Right, you lot

Let's have some ideas of what you would like to see implemented. Paul Waugh suggests scapping the free handouts to new mums to buy LCD tellies with, saving us over three quarters of a billion, I recommend scrapping social care for kids and putting them into excellent boarding schools.

I'll add them to this thread as they come in. Get slicing and let's give our kids a chance to grow up debt free for a change.

UPDATE; Do check out Captain Ranty's ideas

Monday, 21 June 2010

New World Order - Fruit And Vegetables



Following the example of David Millipede, that other great statesman Kim Jong-Ill has decided that he too needs the adulation and support that follows being photographed with a fucking stupid fruit or vegetable.

Of course, being one of the two remaining communists in the known world, he chose a red one.

Millipede, being a coward, chose a yellow one.

The Penguin

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Big Issue, Sir?

It costs us £1M to produce this, thanks to Socialists

Revolutionary. The founder of the Big Issue, John Bird has demanded that the Govt slash benefits. His logic is absolutely flawless.

80% of people selling the Big Issue were raised in social care programmes costing over £2000 a week. If they've been in care for ten years, that's cost you and I £1M for each and every one of them. In comparison, sending them to Eton for ten years would have cost just a quarter of that.

Just think of the misery spared, the opportunities and avenues opened up by a first class education, the payback in productive and responsible citizens. Cracking idea. Now, let's see private schools applying to councils to take their vulnerable children in care away from a life of crime, drugs and alcohol and into a life of education, responsibility and personal wealth.

Will it happen? Will it fuck. The state has built an enormous and expensive apparatus for churning out "victims" who will need to be fed, housed and clothed exclusively by the State. No way are half a million social workers, "outreach" workers and diversity coordinators going to hand over their budgets and jobs to people who actually get the job done at a quarter of the cost.

"Please stay poor. My job and pension depend on it"

John goes further. By slashing benefits, the drugs trade will collapse, along with fast food outlets and betting shops. All happily sponsored using OUR money to keep people in poverty and misery.

If you were applying for a job in a private company, no one would expect the same generous pension as were on offer 20 years ago. The same should apply to the benefits system


Do it. Cut hard and cut now. No one wants to be revisiting this in five years time. Free the poor from the clutches of the State. At last.

Father's Day



The queue outside Ulrike Jonsson's house this morning

Friday, 18 June 2010

Rinsed

an old person swimming yesterday

Yesterday, the Govt announced that it is no longer going to pay for free swims for kids and OAPS.

Call me old fashioned, but I welcome this news. Since when did we decide that every hamlet up and down the country needs an Olympic swimming pool and then let everyone in for free?

Being a good parent, the minute Braintree's new multimillion pound swimming pool opened and I heard they were giving away free swims, I rounded up the brats and went and stood in the queue for free passes along with all the other volvo driving middle classes and their grammar school kids. All of us could afford the £2.95 per kid, but hey, it's free right?

One week later and the kids couldn't be arsed anymore. Not just mine, all of them. The pool is now empty except...when the schools book it to teach kids to swim every week. Like they used to. And don't charge the taxpayer £140 MILLION for the privilege.

The OAP's round our way can't be arsed to go swimming. They prefer whizzing around on mobility scooters and blocking up the post office. They didn't ask for a 25m, 8 lane facility on their doorstep and they're not the ones paying for it either. I am. To wash gypsy children once a week. Bollocks to that.

Next move in the "getting rid of really expensive things no one asked for" are:

  • 5 a side football pitches,
  • skateparks,
  • council funded multicultural festivals,
  • gay pride marches,
  • equality roadshows,
  • "Legz Akimbo" style theatre groups touring schools teaching them to be poofs and communists,
  • anything to do with Lenny Henry

Love hurts

click to enlarge

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Rejoice!!!


Here is the list of funding for projects agreed to by the Labour government since January 2010 which have been axed, or suspended by the Conservative/Liberal Democrat coalition government


The full list of projects cancelled:


Stonehenge Visitor Centre: £25m- Welcome everyone. Here are some rocks. In a field.


Local Authority Leader Boards: £16m


Sheffield Forgemasters International Limited: £80m


Rollout of the Future Jobs Fund: £290m -


Six month offer recruitment subsidies: £30m- NO


Extension of Young Person's Guarantee to 2011/12: £450m


Two year Jobseeker's Guarantee: £515m- Try the Army


Active Challenge Routes - Walk England: £2m- Nope, I'm not even going there


County Sports Partnerships : £6m- Fuck off, use a phone


North Tees and Hartlepool hospital: £450m- Send in Oxfam instead


Local Authority Business Growth Initiative: £50m- More aromatherapy shops? How many astral gem shops does Powys need?


Outukumpu: £13m


List of projects suspended:

Libraries Modernisation Programme: £12m- we still have libraries?


Sheffield Retail Quarter: £12m


Kent Thameside Strategic Transport Programme: £23m


University Enterprise Capital Fund: £25m


Newton Scholarships: £25m


Health Research Support Initiative: £73m


Leeds Holt Park Well-being Centre: £50m- No one in Leeds is well. It's why they live there


Birmingham Magistrates Court: £94m


Successor Deterrent Extension to Concept Phase Long Lead Items: £66m


Search and Rescue Helicopters: £4.6bn (Successor Deterrent Extension to Concept Phase Long Lead Items will be reviewed as part of the broader Trident value for money review, which will report in the coming weeks. Search and Rescue Helicopters will be reviewed as a matter of urgency) - thank fuck for that. If you want to walk in the peak district in a t-shirt and flip flops in January, pay for your own fucking rescue


A14 Road: £1.1bn - this road doesn't need improving. It just needs the Police to breathalize the drunken Latvian lorry drivers heading North from Harwich and the cheap bar on the cross channel ferry.



Now before anyone says "what a saving", it isn't. It will not put one penny back in your pocket. We have to start getting rid of the stuff that actually will. Because only when YOU have money in YOUR pocket to spend, will the economy recover. As long as we have a Potato Marketing board and a queue of desirables waiting at Calais, we are not doing it right.

Watch them squeal


Oh my, the noise coming from the Old Guard over IPSA is deafening.

They are being asked to fill in forms. Online. And use computers. And account for public money that they want to spend on employing the party faithful in their offices. Pushing bits of paper around.

Tom is livid

Tom, you are not a minister. You do not need staff. Answer the letters from your constituents, attend the debates that will impact your constituents and vote on matters that will affect your constituents. Cut back a bit on the blogging and the tweeting and the late night drinking sessions in the Strangers bar, decline a few interviews for Radio 4 and all will be well again.

Welcome one and all of the 650 to our world.

I hereby request all readers to submit horror stories of Labour introduced bureaucracy and madness and I will add them to this post.

In the meantime, Tom's task for today is to accompany a woman signing on for the first time at a Glasgow South Job Centre.

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Open thread


"The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do."

Discuss

(sorry, really busy)

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Idle Theory


Someone pointed me to this earlier. It's so fascinating, I'm reproducing it here.

We have, over the past 400 years, developed an extraordinarily powerful body of scientific knowledge - but without any corresponding development in political, economic, and ethical understanding. The result has been that almost all our most intractable problems are political, economic, and ethical in nature. The success of modern science has prompted any number of attempts to extend the methods of science to these problems. Most of these attempts have failed.

Idle Theory takes a new look at this old problem. Using a simple physical model of life, it first explores biology, and evolution, and then extends into human economics, ethics, and politics. In Idle Theory, all forms of life are regarded as alternating between periods when they actively work to maintain themselves, and periods when they are idle or inactive. The most idle forms of life, that do the least work, are those most likely to survive crises during which more work needs to be done. Human life is another form of idle life. The history of human society, human technology, trade and law, is one long attempt to increase human idleness. Humans are free to act as they like to the extent they are idle: they are part-time free agents. All human culture - art, music, poetry, literature - is the product of idle time.




In Idle Theory, human life is regarded as simply another variety of natural life. Individual humans coalesce into human societies, in ways precisely analogous to the coalescing of individual cells into multicellular life. And the evolution of human society mirrors the evolution of preceding natural life. The basic problem for human life is the same as it is for all other life: how to survive.



In the scheme of evolution just outlined, life is easy and idle for long periods, and interspersed episodes of difficulty. It seems plausible to suppose that for long periods early human life was easy and idle, but interspersed with episodes when life became hard, and human idleness was driven downwards, forcing idleness-increasing innovation. Necessity (Latin, ne-cessare to not be idle) was the mother of invention. But human evolution did not entail modifications of human physiology so much as the development of social organisations, techniques, tools, and weapons. The history of human evolution is the history of the evolution of technology.



  1. There seems to be no reason to suppose that humans always lived in social groups. Rather, human society was itself an invention, a mutual assurance society that offered its members increased likelihood of finding food or capturing animals, as well as increased protection against predators, and assistance when injured or sick.



  2. The principal human innovation was the development of tools - such as knives, bags, ropes, clothes, fire. A knife enables plants or animals to be cut up more rapidly than they could be torn apart with bare hands. A bag enables a man to carry more than he can with his hands alone. Clothes reduce body heat loss, and hence reduce food requirements. Fire heated up the local environment, reducing body heat loss. Fire could also be used to render food hot, quicker to eat and easier to digest. Each of these tools brings increased idleness, and hence increased likelihood of survival.

    The production of a tool entails a time cost, which appears as a period of decreased idleness. Once made, and put to use, the time value of a tool is the increased idleness over its lifetime. If value exceeds cost, it is a useful tool. If cost exceeds value, it is a luxury.




  3. The development of agriculture also increased idleness. Instead of being gathered from the wild, plants were grown in one place, protected from other grazing animals. This increased the yield, and reduced the harvest time. And when herds of animals could be penned in one area, they were easier to capture.

  4. Humans also set other animals to work for them. They used oxen to draw wagons and ploughs, horses to ride, dogs to hunt. Getting these various animals to work for them resulted in increased idleness for the humans, but decreased idleness for the oxen, horses and dogs.




  5. In organised human society, rather than each individual making every tool, each instead became a specialist in one trade. One made knives. A second made bags. A third made clothes. The specialist toolmaker could make a better tool in a shorter time and with fewer resources than a non-specialist. So a society made up of specialist craftsmen was more idle than one where everyone made everything.



  6. Also, within organized human society, there grew up a set of customs, or ethical codes of conduct, later formalised as laws. The effect of these laws was to make for smooth, harmonious operation of society with the minimum of dispute and contention, and thus to increase the idleness of society. Thus, for example, a convention as to who had right of way in a narrow passage would prevent time-wasting deadlock.

The idleness of a dependent system is the idleness of its least idle member, much as the strength of a chain is that of its weakest link. Thus as human society developed, it became important to ensure that idle time was equally distributed among its members. If it was not, and some were overworked, shortages of tools would appear, and these shortages would result in decreased social idleness, threatening the entire society. Egalitarian societies would survive crises which inegalitarian societies could not.



The primary human need is for idle time. This time need not be spent in complete inactivity. It can be used for games, pastimes, and the production of amusing luxuries. The time that can be devoted to these secondary wants is restricted by available idle time. If there is no idle time, there can be no games or luxuries. Thus there are two kinds of goods: primary tools which create idle time, and secondary luxuries which use up idle time.



The value of a tool such as a knife is the idle time it provides, which is an objective, measurable quantity. The value of a luxury, or toy, or game, is subjective and changeable. What one person likes, another may not. What one person enjoys one day, he may not the next. Needs can be distributed equally. Wants, of their nature, cannot.



The primary purpose of human society, and all its innovations and inventions, is to increase human idleness. This idleness is the fund of time that enables all art, music, literature, games, friendships, love affairs - everything that humans enjoy.

4. Human predators: conquest and empire



The success of human society in increasing its idleness resulted in a growing population, and the spread of farming settlements. But, assuming that the first settlements occupied the best land, new settlements would be forced onto poorer land, and a less idle existence. At the margin, life would be very hard, and such societies would urgently seek an easier existence. And just as increasing numbers of grazers prompted the appearance of predators, so wealthy human societies began to attract human predators, from the margins of civilisation, who robbed them or enslaved them or taxed them.



A tribe of nomadic hunters, in lean times, could turn their skill with spear and bow against rich but defenceless farming communities. It was either a hard life hunting animals, or an easy life robbing rich human settlements with their abundant stores of food. Once successful in this, the switch from hunting animals to pillaging farms became permanent. The idleness of the nomadic hunters increased. The idleness of farming communities fell, as losses to the new predators were made good, and defences constructed, militias trained.



Thus opened an era, in which the principal way for a society to increase idleness was through the subjection of other societies. Egalitarian human societies gave way to inegalitarian societies whose predatory rulers enjoyed a largely idle existence, and whose subjects were forcibly reduced to slave labour. The rulers interested themselves in the art of war. Their education stressed physical fitness, courage, endurance. Their ingenuity was devoted to the development of new weapons, new military tactics. Since their armies were made up exclusively of physically more powerful males, the role of women was reduced to providing the maximum supply of males to restock decimated armies. The rulers had little interest in the development of labour-saving technologies in farming and industry because their slaves performed this work for them. So technical innovation languished.



Since a larger army would usually defeat a smaller army, larger states subjugated smaller states, and expanded into empires.



This era resulted in a progressive fall in social idleness. Towns and cities became fortified, and garrisoned with militias. This in turn led to the development of siege warfare - catapults, scaling ladders, mines, battering rams. And that in turn led to the improvement of defences, with thick stone walls, moats, ramparts. All of which required increasing amounts of labour, and proportionally larger numbers of slaves. Falling idleness brought inflation, as the real cost of living increased.



While an empire expanded, it could enlarge the numbers of its aristocracy. Once it ceased to expand, or contracted, the numbers of idle rulers that the empire could support began to decrease. Increasingly, aristocrats were reduced to slavery. Civil wars within the aristocracy broke out as factions struggled for supremacy and security.



Ultimately, falling idleness brought the complete collapse of these coercive societies. The dwindling aristocracy became unable to impose its will, or to collect taxes and tributes. If the empires did not fall to external invaders, they disintegrated into a collection of independent smaller states, largely free of coercion. Freed from high taxation and the need for military defence, social idleness rose. Technical innovation to increase idleness, rather than improve weaponry, restarted.



In this way, and in other ways, human society has alternated between an easy, idle life and a life of toil and difficulty. Idleness increased as new techniques and technologies emerged, and decreased as populations rose and wars broke out.



Value Systems

Low Idleness Society.

In a low idleness society, where life is near-continuous toil at the brink of extinction, any mistake or omission threatens the existence of society. Therefore such societies must be highly disciplined, with each member carrying out their tasks with scrupulous care.

  • Strict egalitarianism is required, with everyone working, because such societies cannot support an idle elite.

  • Theft and violence are intolerable, because they reduce social idleness, and threaten the entire society.

  • All products are useful tools. There can be few luxuries, amusements, or diversions, partly because such societies have little free time to spend on them, and partly because such amusements threaten to divert men from necessary work.

  • Sexual conduct must be highly restricted, because runaway population growth brings falling idleness. Complete sexual abstinence acts to reduce the population.

  • Little technical innovation is allowed, partly because there is little time for it, but also because the failure of a social or technological experiment could be fatal.
  • There is a tendency to despair, to lose all hope that life will ever improve. People live for tomorrow. They hurry through life, and see death as a release.
  • Social idleness tends to rise.
  • Men regard themselves as in the grip of powers other than themselves.

These are the ascetic practices of a monastery, and they are the required behaviour of humanity in extremis, and provide the baseline set of human survival values. In that fallen world, none would entertain any hope of a happy and carefree life.

High Idleness Society

Where social idleness increases, discipline can be relaxed. In the most idle society, the world is a playground.

  • Little necessary work needs to be done to sustain life, and therefore life is secure. Strict equality becomes unnecessary.
  • Moral strictures relax. Promiscuous sex is normal. Theft and fraud are commonplace, but do not threaten social security.
  • Most products are luxuries, toys, or diversions, desired for the pleasure of owning them or using them.
  • Experimentation and exploration of every kind flourishes.
  • Laws are regarded as social conventions, the rules of the game. Moral dispute revolves around secondary concerns - dress codes, manners, appearances.
  • There is a tendency to ennui, to boredom, and thrill-seeking. People act not out of necessity, but from impulse. They live for today, not for the future. They dread dying, and want to live forever.
  • Social idleness tends to fall, as essential work is done badly or not at all.
  • Men regard themselves as masters of their own destiny.

Thus social values shift to reflect circumstances. What is right at one time becomes wrong in another. The discipline that serves so well in low idleness society is not an asset when life is a party. Equally the wit and humour and personal charm that are assets in idle society are of little account in low idleness society.



5. European Civilizations.



In antiquity, when human technology developed slowly, the principal way for men to increase their idleness was by enslaving other men, and getting them to do their work. The Roman Empire was a vast system of coercion, extending across the entire Mediterranean basin, whose colonies were taxed to maintain Rome in idleness. After about 100 AD, the empire stopped expanding, and Roman power gradually dwindled until by 500 AD the Western Roman empire had been overrun by migrant tribes of Goths and Vandals, looking for new homelands.



After the collapse of the Western empire, Europe dissolved into a set of small feudal societies, whose peasant farmers paid taxes to local barons in exchange for protection from bandits and invaders. From about 500 AD to 1500 AD, new farming methods, ploughs, watermills, and other innovations appear to have raised social idleness. In the late medieval period, there were some 100 public holidays each year, in addition to the 52 sabbath days.



European innovation and invention produced technologies which surpassed those of other states. One likely reason for this is that in the cold north of the planet, life is much harder than in tropical regions, and idleness-increasing innovation is essential. Tropical humans, in Africa and America, living largely idle lives, had no need for such innovation.




Around 1500 AD, Western Christianity disintegrated, and began to be replaced by a secular humanism, which owed much to Greece and Rome. Emulating Rome, Europe began to use its technical superiority to forge a global empire. The Americas became colonies of Portugal and Spain. Africa was carved up. India became a British colony, as did Australia. When the expansion was nearly complete, and a few European nations controlled most of the world, European civil war shattered this hegemony. The empire broke up into small self-governing nations.





Chris Davis

From Cradle to Grave

Imagine if you will a system that creates prejudice, class hatred, loss of reality and an absence of love. Now imaging immersing a child into that system, for life.

During my recent electoral campaign in Cambridge, I came up against just such a system of child cruelty. It's called the professional Politician. Born and bred to follow one single path, regardless of the cost and it's a pantomime.

First, the child is ignored by it's parents and farmed out to a stranger to "care" for it until it is old enough to attend a grand public school, where firstly it is bullied and then taught to bully. It is taught to regard itself as superior in every way. It is provided servants, grown men in antiquated uniforms and taught any number of ridiculous rules and regulations designed to keep dissent to a minimum.

Then the child attends a grand University where the same traditions apply. Grown men in antiquated uniforms open and close doors for them. Strange rituals and secret societies are de riguer. Huge oak doors and echoing architecture reminds them of their place in this world.

Then they follow a grown man in an antiquated uniform into another grand architecture to watch a woman in an antiquated uniform make some speech or other and hang their coats on the lower peg as usual, join secret societies and are taught the numerous bizarre rules and regulations of their new "school", Parliament. (eg. It is illegal to die in the House of Lords)

Then it's more dressing up in antiquated uniforms and putting your coat on the upper peg in the Lords.

It's a pantomime of life, specifically designed to remove individuality, love, affection and humanity and instill complete obedience and authority. I give you Eton, Kings College Cambridge and Parliament. Absolutely guaranteed to fuck up the life of any human being. In any other country, it would be classed as child cruelty.

In our country, it's how we get our leaders. No wonder they hate us so much.


Eton

Kings, Cambridge

Parliament

Just wait till I get started on the Judiciary

Monday, 14 June 2010

How much is enough?


600 years ago, your average farmer worked just 120 days per year, his wife stayed at home and raised the kids and they spent the rest of the year feasting and partying. Fair enough, life expectancy was short and could be brutal if your feudal Lord decided he didn't like your lack of forelock tugging but we obviously survived and thrived.

To maintain the same standard of living today, two adults must work around 440 days a year between them. Not much time for feasting and partying, even if the kitchen is full of time saving white goods. Too busy buying shite we'll forget we even had 10 years from today.

Why? Why are we working ourselves to death? Africans don't. South Americans don't. Eskimos don't. Aborigines don't. Navajo Indians don't and the rain forests of the Amazon are hardly full of stressed executives preparing powerpoint slides and fretting over their blackberries.

Why do we do it? Where is all the leisure time we were promised when the toaster was invented? Whilst the washing machine runs for an hour instead of 8 hours of hand washing, what are we doing with that saved time? Educating our kids? Enjoying the one life we get? Spending quality time with loved ones? No, we're working. To buy more time saving devices so we can work more with the time saved.

I've worked exactly how much money I need, how much I spend and how much I save. Assuming I live to 75 and don't have a crippling disease, I'll need around £600,000. Not exactly a fortune but half of that will be tied up in property anyway. I'm not expecting the state to cough up anything and in return, I'm not expecting taxes to rise either.

I'm not going to own a helicopter, an infinity pool or a diamond studded Learjet. I have no desire to own more than two suits or every release of the iPhone. In fact, I've realised.....

I have enough.

I'm done with "stuff". I'm free. Niether my children or I are going to starve or be homeless. Ever. So I'm not going to bust a gut for anybody.

Now of course, I'm not telling my readers what is right or wrong or how to live your lives but perhaps if a few of us just decided that the endless scramble to sell our labour to the highest bidder, the endless consumption of everything we see and the endless struggle to own it all is actually pointless.

If you lose your money, you can regain it. If you lose your health, you can recover it, even if you lose a loved one, you will get over it. The one thing you can never ever have again is your Time. It's gone and it's never coming back. Ever.

Think about that the next time the boss wants you to work late whilst he takes his family to a restaurant or the government asks you to work harder "for the sake of the economy" from their villas in Tuscany.

Ps. Keep an eye on my MP, Brooks Newmark. So far this parliament, he's been to Boston to watch his kid graduate from Harvard and is currently in South Africa watching the football.

UPDATE: This little gem arrived in the comments section. Fascinating. Idleness is GOOD.

Friday, 11 June 2010

You, the guilty, take to the Dock

Some poor victims of the evil White Man's slavery and climate Debt, yesterday

Wonderful stuff coming out of Bonn yesterday. For those who don't follow the world as closely as I do, EU ministers and the UN were jetting in to Bonn from all over Europe to discuss, wait for it...

Calls for Developed Nations to Repay 'Climate Debt' and an 'International Court of Climate and Environmental Justice' to Prosecute Developed World


Oh yes, after the failure of Copenhagen to force people who have earned their money to hand it over to those who haven't, there is a mad scramble to redistribute the wealth on the planet to people who prefer to sit under a tree all day, doing fuck all, surrounded by goats and cuddling an AK47.

You see dear Reader, "climate change" is about two things.

1. International Marxism - Take money from the rich and give it to the poor so that we are all poor and easier to rule. This makes the UN very happy as it will be the only one with any power.

2. Carbon Trading - Now the banks have been shown to be basically charging for lending money that never actually existed and when held to account just demanded that Governments and taxpayers stumped up the real cash they made up, we won't be fooled again. so what better way to make trillions than trading in something else that doesn't actually exist.

They tried it with slavery, demanding that the evil White man repay money to the great great great great great great great great grandchildren of slaves and now they want to hold YOU responsible for the Industrial revolution that has made us richer than a simple wife beating shepherd in Shitistan or tribal lackey in Bongo Bongo Land (copyright Daily Mail)



I'm not going into a huge rant this time because I'm tired of it, but if you want to know how to save the British Taxpayer £205 BILLION in one fell swoop, there is no simpler way than to say "carbon trading is a con, shove it up your arse"

Bastards

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Hot Air


Quick, the Gummint wants your views on climate change. You have until midnight to add your abuse

HERE

Education, Learning and Skool


With every government comes a new education system for our children as a few dozen Parliamentarians decide that their version of how to create a model citizen is better than the last version.

Millions of innocent lives are blighted forever as social experiments crash and burn, trillions of taxpayers money is thrown into the black hole of State Education with little or no regard for the outcome and Lordships awarded for the ones who do the least damage.

The latest Government is about to undertake another massive "experiment" with the lives of our children safe in the knowledge that they only have to pick up the glory if it works, not the blame if it fails. We'll have that to worry about if it does with unemployment, crime and poverty, not them. They'll be sitting in the Lords with a golden pension, bank account stuffed and CCTV on their expensive homes whilst we put bars on our own windows to protect ourselves from monosyllabic ferals with no hope of ever functioning as a rounded human being. No wonder Diane Abbott sent her kid to a private school.

So why do we always do it? Why do we always fiddle with the system? We KNOW what the successful system is, we used to have it here before we gave a few dozen politicians the chance to play God with our kids futures. Remember the following:

Posh Independent
Grammar
Comprehensive

Technical College
Polytechnic
University

Put bluntly, the brightest kids went to Eton, smart kids went to Grammar and the mongs went to the Comp.

Brainboxes went to University, technically good kids went to tech and normal kids went to Poly. It worked.

Industry and commerce knew exactly where to find the people it needed and we flourished. We made things. Ships, cars, aircraft. We produced Scientists, Engineers, creatives and entrepreneurs. The rebels could study art and many of them did exceptionally well at it. We ruled the world in fashion, music, photography, film making and art.

IT WORKED.

The Germans have an excellent education system because Politicians can't get their hands on it. It is based on three types of school.

The Gymnasium is designed to prepare pupils for university education and finishes with the final examination, Abitur, after grade 12 or 13.
The Realschule has a broader range of emphasis for intermediate pupils and finishes with the final examination, Mittlere Reife, after grade 10
The Hauptschule prepares pupils for vocational education and finishes with the final examination, Hauptschulabschluss, after grade 9 or 10

See that? And what does Germany produce? Cars, ships, power stations, railways, aircraft, infrastructure. No fucking about in Germany. If you're thick, no WAY are you going to University to study to become a Nail Technician. You'll do an apprenticeship at 17 that will pay pretty much bugger all and then you'll get a job that will keep you and your family fed for life. We used to do the same here until the Socialists decided that was not the way to a progressive future.

And all because Germany has the courage to say to it's citizens

You're smart, you're average and you're thick. Don't worry, we have something for all of you
And most of all, they keep their education system away from the clutches of Politicians. Their kids are far too important for a few dozen idiots to ruin. It's time we learned to be honest with our population again. We OWE it to them.

Whilst we import German cars, kitchens and machines because they are so fucking excellent, I can see no better argument for a return to sanity in our education system. Who knows, in 30 years, the Germans might be buying our cars whilst they push bits of imaginary paper around a banking system for a living.

For info: OH's kids study for the International Baccalaureate,
not A levels.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Please sir, can I have some more?


It always amazes foreign visitors to our humble abode that the School day starts at 9am and finishes at 3.30pm.

"Where do ze children go for lunch?" is the usual squawk in a variety of accents, followed by a look of total bewilderment when informed that our schools have kitchens and the ungrateful bastards are fed on site.

Today, George Osborne announced that free school meals are to be abolished and half a million children will have to make alternative arrangements. These children belong to families earning less than £307 a week. To put that into perspective, that is 5 pairs of Nike Trainers, a PS3 and some games or 25 packets of fags and 20 Dominoes Pizzas. A week.

Now, the cost to you and I of a free school meal is around £2.05 a day or £40 a month per child. For half a million children. A quarter of a billion pounds a year in fact, spent subsidising "the poor".

Nobody starves in this country. Nobody dies of malnutrition, in fact the greatest problem we have is the very opposite. Waddling heaps of nylon football shirted congealed blubber blocking the pavements and putting up the price of airline seats.

I'm not a heartless bastard but I really do think the responsibility of nourishing your child rests with you, the parents (or in the case of most of south London, parent in the singular). It isn't hard. I was raised on a peanut butter sandwich, a banana and a home made flapjack for lunch for ten years. No fizzy drink. No crisps. No designer yoghurt or cheese strings with Wayne Rooney on the cover. Presented to me every morning in an old Ice Cream plastic box and expected to be returned, empty the same evening. It was usually empty by 10am and I survived. I had a decent meal at 6pm every day - gasp - sat at a table - with a knife and fork, did my homework and went to bed.

I simply cannot believe that HALF A MILLION children are so desperately starved in this country that I am expected to feed them. It seems bizarre that the very same children eating £40 a month of free food are the very same ones shoving £10's worth of KFC down their bloated faces on a Saturday night washed down by a gallon of purple sugar gas.

I have an idea. Work out what weight a child should be at a certain age/height. If the child is under that, offer the parents a free school meal option. We do it Africa after all. If the child is undernourished, then OK, we should nourish it whilst educating the parent(s). But offering a quarter of a billion pound of free food to the rotund offspring of feckless adults really needs to stop.

My favourite idea is simply to release a live tiger into primary schools. That'll sort the fat kids out once and for all

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Win a trip to New York. $3000 prize up for grabs


Yup

For the ninth year, International Policy Network (IPN) is accepting submissions for its annual Bastiat Prize for Journalism. The Prize is open to writers anywhere in the world whose published articles eloquently and wittily explain, promote and defend the principles and institutions of the free society.

Submissions must be received on or before 30 June 2010.

In addition to the Bastiat Prize for Journalism (First - $10,000; Second - $4,000; Third - $1,000), we are again awarding the Bastiat Prize for Online Journalism (first prize only, $3,000). Entrants are allowed to compete in just one (not both) of the competitions.

More Information:

Rules for 2010 Bastiat Prize for Journalism

Rules for 2010 Bastiat Prize for Online Journalism

Online entry form (for both prizes) - nominate me, you bastards and I'll split the cash with you.




ALLOW ME TO CLARIFY. YOU MUST BE A LIBERTARIAN AND FUNNY TO WIN




UPDATE; Apparently I have to nominate myself. I'm asking readers for the ten funniest posts over the last year and if I win, the person who recommended the post can go and collect the prize for me in New York. Can't say fairer than that, can I? What made you blow coffee through your nose? What caused "leakage"? What caused a divorce or funeral?



Entries in the comments please. Reminder, not other peoples stuff, mine. It'll probably have to make Yanks laugh too which is the only serious handicap to me winning, I reckon.


Dear Braintree.....


Dear Town Clerk (no, not CEO),

I'm Old Holborn, a political blogger and live in Braintree. I'm the one who told you what I was going to pay for the bits I wanted in my council tax, not the other way around, remember me?

Couple of things

1. Any sign of the £2 Million of OUR money the bean counters you hired pissed up the wall in Iceland yet? When can we expect sackings?

2. Clean the streets up. You took £1.8 million to clean up the streets and it looks like Hurricane Katrina out there. Shit all over the place. Whilst I realise a great proportion of the inhabitants of this town are little more than tattooed shaved babboons that source their daily nourishment from Kebab shops and McDonalds drive throughs, there is no excuse for the place looking a Nigerian rubbish dump (photo of the high street above).

I see the council vans out and about filled to the brim with Sun reading hi-viz vested unemployables but why are the roads covered in piss filled plastic bottles chucked out by Latvian lorry drivers on their way back to Harwich? What's with the half eaten chicken carcasses in the high street? Instead of holding "multicultural" festivals complete with Romany nose warbling demonstrations and the obligatory single parent halfing attempting to convert the loyal citizens to the joys of "Gangsta Rap, innit" at 120db (yes, just last weekend) or shit like this or putting up CCTV on every street corner and hiring more "civil enforcement" officers, why don't you just bollock the oafs who are supposed to be cleaning the place up at my expense?

Tell you what. Sack the lot of them and use some of the endless stream of "vulnerable young adults" that are up before the beak every week for beating strangers with pick axe handles for daring to look at their drunken pitbulls. Instead of sending them off to anger management classes held by 60 year old Lesbians who have only ever worked in the gardening department of Braintree Council, send the bastards out in pink uniforms to pick up the litter and roadkill instead. Readers of my blog will gladly donate to pink uniforms and leg irons to keep the scrotes in their proper place. Picking up shit, in January, in the rain or scraping badgers off the tarmac in mid August under the beating sun.

£1.8 million a year saved. Nearly as much as YOU lost in Iceland, you cocktrumpet. Oh, and stop giving schoolkids a fiver to put litter in bins. No. Really. Stop it

I'm coming to the next council meeting to ask you in person.

a message to Mr Cameron

Monday, 7 June 2010

It's only going to hurt if....

viscious child cruelty, 50 years ago

Cameron is preparing the ground for a massive cut in public services and hopefully a reduction in our bloated state in order to reduce the deficit that 13 years of a psychotic Labour gave us. Bring it on I say. It will affect every man, woman and child he says, perhaps for decades. No it won't. Not me.

You will only "suffer" if:

  • You cannot play a game of football without astroturf or floodlights, courtesy of the Council and a £3m pitch to keep da Yoof happy. In every town and village up and down the land.
  • You really liked having an Olympic pool in your town, even though you never used it.
  • You need everything translated into Somali
  • You have decided Poles are the right people to pick carrots whilst you are the right person to sit on the sofa all day claiming benefits
  • You are so incapable as a parent, you need an army of hairy lipped sandalistas to do the job for you.
  • You are incapable of taking responsibility for your own behaviour and actions
  • You demand your child has one on one tuition at my cost because it's easier than teaching him not to stab anyone at school
  • You bought things to impress other people and can't make the payments
  • You got your job because you are unemployable in the private sector
  • Your lifestyle "choices" make you unemployable
  • You believe that astral gems and aromatherapy are really needed in remote Welsh villages
  • You are fat and demand I buy you a mobility scooter instead of hitting the salads
  • You think it is your right to be treated equally even though you are a convicted thief
  • You think it is the States job to feed you, house you and clothe you
  • You are a Communist and expect everything for nothing, like in the 70's.
  • You are Welsh or Scottish and used to living on handouts whilst drunkenly shouting abuse at the English, the ones paying for it all.

Luckily, like a few million others in this country, I am none of the above and I'll be just fine. I'll get by, selling my skills, growing some food, ignoring fashion and consumerism, making do and taking responsibility, brewing my own beer, cooking my own food, insuring my own health, repairing my own car, mowing my own lawn and raising my own family. I have never ever required the services of a Diversity Coordinator and neither have you. They won't be missed at all.

So before you all panic, just ask yourselves what exactly you require from a bloated parasitic State that eats up nearly £1 TRILLION a year of OUR money, stolen from our children? A war in Iraq? A guided bus system in your local town? Albanian speaking nursing assistants? A potato marketing board? A general teaching council? Traffic Enforcement Officers?

It would be immoral to hand the bill Labour has now presented us with to our children. They will gain no benefit from the last 13 years of collective insanity. The very least we can do is hand them a clean sheet to make their own mistakes, just as we were handed one 13 years ago. Oh, and if you have kids, teach them that two jumpers make perfectly adequate goal posts, no need for Nike trainers, astro turf and a sparkling new multimillion pound "leisure" centre

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Lord Monkton nails global warming loons


Lord Monckton, a former science advisor to Margaret Thatcher during her years as Prime Minister of the UK, concluded the case for the proposition. He drew immediate laughter and cheers when he described himself as “Christopher Walter, Third Viscount Monckton of Brenchley, scholar, philanthropist, wit, man about town, and former chairman of the Wines and Spirits Committee of this honourable Society”.

At that point his cummerbund came undone. He held it up to the audience and said, “If I asked this House how long this cummerbund is, you might telephone around all the manufacturers and ask them how many cummerbunds they made, and how long each type of cummerbund was, and put the data into a computer model run by a zitty teenager eating too many doughnuts, and the computer would make an expensive guess. Or you could take a tape-measure and” – glaring at the opposition across the despatch-box – “measure it!” [cheers].

Do read more about the debate at Oxford Union

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