Friday, 30 April 2010

Vote Labour Gran, you bigot






Good fun in Cambridge today.


I have never tweeted - Daniel Zeichner


google cache says otherwise Daniel.


The Most Effective Way To Deal With The 'Untouchables'

Dear Friend,

As election day gets closer and closer it is vital that the expenses crisis isn't drowned out in promises and spin. Over the last two years the Sunlight Centre's largest campaigns and investigations have been into the Smith Institute and former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith. With your help we want to remind voters about this in the run up to polling day.

Not many people, and certainly not many of his constituents, know the role that Ed Balls played in the scandal around Gordon Brown's favourite, think-tank The Smith Institute, and its breach of the charity laws covering party political activity.

Following the Charity Commission investigation initiated by the Sunlight COPs, the board of the charity had to resign. In the year between leaving the Treasury as Brown's Special Adviser and becoming an MP, Ed Balls was paid close to £89,000 to write two pamphlets for the sham organisation. We want to tell the voters in his constituency of Morley and Outwood about this so the Sunlight Centre will be running an advert highlighting this and his expenses claims throughout the local paper websites in his constituency. We also want to remind Jacqui Smith's constituents of her role as the "poster girl" of the expenses crisis.

Electoral Laws allow us to spend £500 in each constituency, but we need your help in order to raise these funds. If you could please contribute perhaps £10, £20, or £50 then together we can make sure that these two rotten elements of the last rotten parliament are not returned on election day.

Thank you in advance,

Harry Cole

Media Director
The Sunlight Centre

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Truth matters

++++Daniel Zeichner deletes his twitter account+++


Luckily, I have the screen shots of Daniel calling Gillian Duffy a xenophobic bigot with BNP views.

I'm at the Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge tomorrow from 11am for a hustings with Daniel. Thanks to your generosity, I shall be presenting him with a brand new spade to bury himself with. Do come along, I promise it will be fun. Bring cameras.

UPDATE: If it hadn't been election time, Mrs Duffy could have been prosecuted for "hate crime".

We have become East Germany




UPDATE 2: Nice to see that Tony Juniper (greens, Cambridge) has been endorced by a man who wants children to have anal sex.

UPDATE 3:

Daniel is spinning so fast, his head might come off, like in that film

Cambridge’s Labour candidate Daniel Zeichner said: “I think most of us have said things we regret, but the key thing is how you deal with it, and he was right to apologise in person, which must have taken courage.

“Actually, it could just be the moment that brings the election alive. I’ve been saying on platform after platform that immigration is a key issue, particularly for working class voters in Cambridge.

“Julian Huppert says it doesn’t come up. It does, and we need to treat the worries that people like Gillian Duffy have very seriously.”


I await Daniels public apology to Gillian duffy for calling her a xenophobic bigot with BNP views

Source

Grease is the word

Situation 1.

Greece, crippled by its own Governments spending and a welfare state that allows pensions of 95% of last earnings and a retirement age of 61 runs out of other peoples money. No money to pay the wages of the huge public sector, no more money to bribe the electorate with, begs Germany to pay its bills for it as it is now "part of the Eurozone" and can rely on others to cover its debts. Germans, who work hard and retire at 67 say "fuck off, pay your own bills"

Result = Greeks Riot. Athens in flames



Situation 2

Angela Merkel, facing elections in Germany on May 9th, is told by the unelected and unaccountable EU commission to spend 8 BILLION Euros of German taxpayers money bailing out "lazy" Greeks so that the Eurozone remains intact.

Result = Germans riot, Berlin in flames, German Govt falls at election, anti EU parties elected.



Situation 3

Germans tell Greeks to fuck off, Greece withdraws from the Eurozone, devalues the Drachma, slashes public spending and elects a sensible government.

Result = Greeks riot, Athens in flames. Eurozone falls apart, Spain and Portugal do the same. Brussels in flames



Interesting times.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

What a week for Labour



This is isn't a car crash. It's a multi lane, multi vehicle pile up on Britains busiest road. If Carlsberg did election fuck ups...

I love watching Labourites screaming

"It was a private conversation"

Under new Labour, every phone call we make, every text we send and every email we write is recorded. By Labour themselves,

There are no private conversations any more. Labour insisted "for our own security"

This is history in the making, enjoy it while it lasts

hat tip to guido. Ps, don't forget you can meet me, guido and lot's of other gobby reprobates at the Adam Smith Institute tomorrow night

Gordon apologises, will Daniel?


I have just ordered a very large glass of water for Daniel Zeichner (Lab) to wash his foot down with.

See you Friday at the Anglia Ruskin Hustings, mate. Try and bring the full uniform this time


UPDATE: According to Daniel, if you, like Gillian Duffy of Rochdale are concerned with high levels of unplanned Eastern European immigration into the UK, you are espousing the views of the BNP. I have just got back from the post office where I despatched an Argos spade to Labour HQ Cambridge. They can use it to bury him and his campaign in Cambridge properly.

UPDATE: Aw bless, he's deleted his past

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Underwear Appeal - donations needed


OK, you lot, fancy having some fun next week?

How about we send 6 top fashion models somewhere for a day. In just their underwear.

I'm not happy that UK airports think they can see me, my children and everyone else nude and scan me before I am allowed to travel just because it "might" stop one person setting fire to his shoe.

So the plan is to invite every tabloid and every TV crew in the land to watch 6 fashion models strip to their skimpies at the airport, get on a cheap flight and then fly back again in a day.

I reckon I'll need about £100 a girl to cover the flight and lingerie and I've already spoken to them. They're up for it (no, you cannot have their telephone numbers.)

It isn't illegal, no one is going to get arrested, it will raise the profile of my campaign in Cambridge and embarass our glorious leader and his government with just a few days left before a general election. In every national newspaper and every TV station.

Dig deep, guys, this could be fun. £600 to make Gordon look the proper authoritarian bastard that we know and love in his dying days.


+++Video of Gordon insulting the Public+++



UPDATE: You can hear me ranting on Star Radio 107 FM here

Get outside, now. I say so. I AM the law.



As many readers will know, I am for the choice of Landlords to have smoking or non smoking pubs along with smoking or non smoking restaurants. Seems only fair, considering they are private businesses and will live or die accordingly.

So here are the names of the 453 MPs who didn't bother to ask you what you wanted but simply decided that you have to stand out in the rain, in January, in Aberdeen, outside an empty pub , at 10pm if you want a cigarette.

Vote wisely. Salt, fried food and organic lentils are next. And they won't bother asking you if you would rather have a choice. You don't count. Just them

I'll be offering prizes for those who can find an MP who smokes who voted to deny other smokers a free choice. Without asking them of course.

OFF YOU GO

the Common People

Iraq is more democratic than the UK


Just wondering what system of democracy we are imposing on Iraq and Afghanistan? First past the post?

Of course not.

Elections for the Iraqi National Assembly will be conducted according to a closed list proportional representation system with the entire country considered as a single electoral district . The system will elect representatives to 275 seats with a goal of having 25% female representation .

A contract with Cambridge


Constituents Contract

I, Old Holborn, as candidate in the General Election 2010 hereby agree to the following contract with my constituents:

• I will remain a fiercely loyal representative for my constituents. I will not put any party or other interest, before my constituents. If I do, I will resign.

• I will work with any organisation in Scotland, the UK or Europe if it will help the people of my constituency.

• I will never promise what I know I cannot deliver.

• I will endeavor to acknowledge all letters from constituents within 24 hours between Monday and Friday.

• I will endeavor to acknowledge all emails from constituents within 24 hours between Monday and Friday but hopefully sooner.

• I will attend regular advice/consultation sessions which will be widely advertised in the constituency. I will arrange home visits for the elderly, disabled and carers.

• I will never knowingly claim credit for something when the credit is not mine.

• I will tell people my real views, even when I know they will disagree with me.

• I will do my best to keep my website updated every day. I will blog regularly.

• My calendar will be published on my website and kept up to date daily from Monday to Friday.

• I will not claim one penny in expenses that is not absolutely required for me to carry out my job as an MP. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will publish my expenses (if any), in full, monthly or possibly weekly on my website. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will not use any taxpayer funded equipment or office for any other reason that to carry out my duties of MP. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will be a whistleblower against anyone. In this, I will not be anonymous and I will use the press. If I am caught knowing about illegality or sleaze and not whistle blowing, I will resign.

• I will be a full time MP with no jobs outside politics nor will I take any money from anyone for access. If I do work for anyone, it will be in a voluntary capacity which will not infringe on my time as an MP.

Signed Old Holborn 27.4.2010

UPDATE: I'm asking the other candidates to sign this contract too.

Also, I would like to add one more Clause

  • I will work tirelessly to get Lenny Henry OFF the BBC. He can earn his own money in the private sector if he thinks he's worth any.

The Great Untouchables


The bigbad3 will be blethering on about crime today with Labour desperately spinning that the world is a safer place now that the Police can kill people and get away with it and that black gun and knife crime throughout London doesn't exist, rampaging hoards of Kurds stabbing Turks to control the drug turfs is merely "cultural differences" and Albanian gangsters kidnapping 14 year old girls to put in their brothels is just a blip in this otherwise green and pleasant land.

We've had 6 Home Secretaries under Labour and none of them has done anything other than spit in the faces of millions of law abiding and harmless citizens. They have stripped the innocent of any rights in the vague hope of catching a rogue bad 'un in their huge trawler nets. Meanwhile, swathes of our cities are no go areas, owning a pistol is de rigeur for anyone under 25 in most of multicultural London and our feral youth continues to kick to death anyone who dares complain when they piss up against their car.

I see it every day. The gobby shaved and tattooed apes wandering around, clutching a can of Stella sneering at everyone and everything, the gangs of schoolchildren now travelling with a fat friendly police constable on the trains or buses to stop them from stabbing each other, the bars on council flat windows and doors to keep the neighbours, high on crack, out of your living room, the blood splattered pavements on a Sunday morning after Dazza took exception to the colour of the shoes some poor passerby was wearing and rammed a pint glass into his face.

I see the "bwoys" in their uninsured and untaxed Saxos smoking spliffs and spitting at pedestrians, I hear the abuse of teenagers at anyone who is not in their peer group and I see the kick offs when whatever they are demanding is not immediately available at no cost. I see the happy slapping, the menacing scowls, the "can't touch me" howls of delight when finally someone has the balls to call them to account.

And I see the one finger salutes when after a lengthy catalogue of warnings, arrests, unpaid fines, cautions, social workers, asbos, reports and curfews, they finally, as a very, very last resort, get sent to play PS2's and smoke fags watching the telly for three months at her Majesty's Pleasure.

Whilst dealing with the Great Ignored, perhaps it is time to deal with the Great Untouchables. Let's see how punchy you want to be when you've been picking up litter by the A14 in winter for three months.

A member of the Politburo reassuring the anxious public by going for a walk yesterday

An ordinary citizen defending his property, yesterday

Monday, 26 April 2010

Delusions of erm...

From Tony Juniper, Green Party twitter page

From the Cambridge News er...today

Cons 29.8%
Labour 11%
Lib Dems 21.3%
Greens 4.8%
Others 3.2%
Not sure 11.7%
Can't be arsed to vote 3.2%

I'm off to cut down a tree using a 4x4 with the aircon full on for that, Tony. You MADE me do it.

++What you actually want - Exclusive+++

Just one of 646 MPs, yesterday

Whilst the usual career politicians are wandering around telling you what you want and what you're going to get whether you like it or not, I'd like to refer my readers back to the whole reason I'm standing for Parliament in Cambridge.

You never get asked. Well, twice a decade, 10 times in your entire life if you're lucky. I've never voted in referendum because I've never been asked to and I'm two thirds of the way through my tobacco and Bordeaux soaked existence, I reckon.

I've seen war, recession, poverty, membership of an unelected EU stealing my money, terrorism, corruption, half my earnings grabbed by the State, DNA databases, Biometric profiling, my emails are read by the State along with my phone calls and I'm watched on CCTV everywhere I go.

And nobody asked me if this was OK. Well, they sort of did 5 years ago and 78% of the people who could vote, said FUCK OFF. But alas, our corrupt first past the post system means the 22% who did want it can now impose all of the above of me and my family. Regardless.

Here's the results from the Jury Team/Gallop poll that actually asked people, real people , (not policy wonks or Party Special Advisers) what they wanted, rather than telling them what they were going to get.

  • A referendum on the EU - 83% - IGNORED
  • Limiting Govt borrowing to 10% of expenditure - 47% - IGNORED
  • Stopping Casino banking by nationalised banks - 72% - IGNORED
  • Limiting benefits to no children claimants to 80% of minimum wage - 63% - IGNORED
  • Harsher punishment for violent offenders - 78% - IGNORED
  • Reducing troops in Afghanistan to match other Nato countries - 67% - IGNORED
  • Private medical insurance for non EU citizens - 68% - IGNORED
  • 10 years to qualify for a British passport - 81% - IGNORED
  • An English Parliament - 58% - IGNORED
  • Proportional Representation - 54% - IGNORED
  • 5% on demand referendums - 71% - IGNORED

So those are the policies I'm standing on. The policies most of the people of this country actually want and most of the policies denied to them by a mere 646 self serving, union serving, big business serving, lobbyist serving bastards. When they can be bothered to ask you. Twice a decade.

I don't agree with all of them, but I don't count. WE do. And it's time we did.

Prepare to be brutally governed by yet another minority government for yet another 5 years. And if you count the unelected and unaccountable European Commission, for ever. You count for nothing, except your hard earned money, of course. They just can't get enough of that.

10 days to go

I'm off to the TV studios, then Star 107 FM. Catch ya later.



Those that can, do.

Top Quality Candidate!!


You have to admire the way that the New Liebore Party is scraping the underside of the barrel to field top quality candidates for election.

There's a really great example standing for the trough in South East Cambridgeshire.

Mr Cowan, a former glamour model manager who lives with his mother in Wymondham, Norfolk.

Kicked out of the Limp Dems, "seriously" considered joining the Conservatives, declares himself to be New Liebore through and through...

Looking at his track record, he's probably right!

The Penguin

OH Update: Labour have suspended him from the Party but can't withdraw him from the election. How we laughed

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Something to think about on May 6th

Out and about in Cambridge. Again


No police called this week. Amazingly

Keep the donations and suggestions for stunts coming

Daniel Zeichner (Lab)

Number 2 in a series of 7.

Following the debacle of a goose stepping PPC for Cambridge, here's his declaration of interests

dz

Not a Career politician at all.

Tried ringing the Socialist Environment and Resources Association where Daniel works (when he's not fundraising for Unison, one of Labour's largest donors). They wouldn't answer the phone.

UPDATE FROM WOMAN ON A RAFT


Who funds SERA? (Yeah, I know, but still let's do the exercise).

From Companies House:

THE SOCIALIST ENVIRONMENT AND RESOURCES ASSOCIATION
2ND FLOOR
1 LONDON BRIDGE
DOWNSTREAM BUILDING
LONDON
SE1 9BG
Company No. 03775489

Status: Active
Date of Incorporation: 21/05/1999

Country of Origin: United Kingdom
Company Type: PRI/LBG/NSC (Private, Limited by guarantee, no share capital, use of 'Limited' exemption)
Nature of Business (SIC(03)):
9133 - Other membership organisations
Accounting Reference Date: 31/03
Last Accounts Made Up To: 31/03/2009 (TOTAL EXEMPTION FULL)
Next Accounts Due: 31/12/2010
Last Return Made Up To: 21/05/2009
Next Return Due: 18/06/2010

A name given for contacts at SERA is Melanie Smallman who was a previous Labour candidate, polling 17,378 at Hammersmith and Fulham in 2005.

The SEAR website is coy about how it is funded, but if you click on the design and implementation link at the bottom, it goes over to the agency techPolitics explains they developed the standard format at the behest of the Green European Foundation, which links to www.gef.eu, where in tiny type at the bottom of the page we find:

"With the financial support of the European Parliament"

and clicking on the terms and conditions finds who is setting those terms and conditions

aisbl Green European Institute
15, rue d’Arlon
1050 Brussels
Phone: +32 (0) 2 / 234 65 70

E-Mail: info@gef.eu

The political foundation on European level has been registered as an international non-for-profit association under Belgian law (association international sans but lucrative, aisbl)
.

So what I think happens is this: money is taken from you in taxes and given to sleek eurocrats who have the cheek to think they are better than bankers.

The eurocrats then set up vanity organizations such as Green Europe. Some of the money - not sure how much without checking the accounts - is spun out to what are effectively regional franchises of the brand. The jobs in those regional franchises are awarded to Labour's chums to keep them from having to do a proper paid job, not even one in the public sector like nursing or teaching where at least you stand a chance of getting something for your money.

And finally....Melanie Smallman congratulates herself that she is saving the world and we all ought to be jolly grateful for this opportunity to pay her to do a pretend job while waiting for her shot at the Westminster honeypot.

...

If I can be bothered, I might check some of the other names associated with SERA, but really the important thing to do is to work out how to get this bloodsucker organization off without it leaving its jaws in the body politic to go septic.

Friday, 23 April 2010

Nice


Introducing Barry ALLCOCK, the new UKIP Candidate for Meriden, Birmingham

Anna has the scoop

Trillions of Taxpayers money is just too tempting...


The erupting Icelandic volcano that has wrought havoc to European air traffic may have calmed for now, but geologists are warning that volcanic hazards such as this could become more commonplace due to climate change


Volcanic hazards could become fiercer and more frequent

Frightening the children



I'm in the Market Square in Cambridge tomorrow from 10am. Come down and grab some great posters (not your usual LibLabCon cheap shit either), badges, stickers and stuff. Feel free to ask me awkward questions.

Fleming Walloons


Belgium is on the brink of simply falling apart. News today is that there is an imminent chance of the country splitting into Flemish and French speaking regions and going their own way in the world.

I like this. I don't like big states, I don't like an unelected and unaccountable EU and I prefer power to be in the hands of the governed, rather than the governers.

Great Quote from their now ex-prime minister

all the Belgian people share is their king, national football team and certain beers.
I'll drink to that. It's more than I have in common with the Welsh. Now about an English Parliament....All the best on St Georges Day

Vote for a hung Parliament

More pigs to be elected?

How not to Canvass

The good people of Bracknell ignoring Tory hopeful Philip Lee. Not surprising considering their last Tory Mp was Andrew Mackay, a notorious thief.




Courtesy of goodbyemackay.com

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Election cancelled?


Only if you live in the North Yorkshire constituency of Thirsk and Malton where voters will have to wait until May 27th before they get a chance to elect a new MP.

The UK Independence Party (UKIP) confirmed that their candidate John Boakes had died. Janet Waggott, acting returning officer for Ryedale District Council, said that meant the election in Thirsk and Malton must be stopped and re-run. Only UKIP will be allowed a new candidate.

The last time an election was stopped was following the death of Liberal Democrat candidate Jo Harrison in Staffordshire South, in the 2005 general election

On looking at the relevant section in the Electoral law hand-book - I found that if one particular candidate died, the election would have been cancelled for everyone.

Not Gordon Brown!

Step forward (and mind the gap, don't trip) John Bercow.
Should anything unfortunate befall Mr Bercow between now and May 6th - the entire election has to be cancelled.

3.90 If the (Acting) Returning Officer receives satisfactory proof before the result is
announced that a candidate who was the Speaker of the House of Commons
seeking re-election has died, then the election must be stopped immediately. If the
poll is under way or the count is being undertaken, that process stops. The election
is re-run.


I do hope he is wrapped up in cotton wool, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him - at least not between now and May 6th.


"Ecocide" to be a crime


Tony Juniper (left), Green Party candidate for Cambridge in Davos, Switzerland recently pretending to defend "democracy"


"Ecocide" to be a crime along with climate change denial apparently.

Supporters of a new ecocide law also believe it could be used to prosecute "climate deniers" who distort science and facts to discourage voters and politicians from taking action to tackle global warming and climate change.
I am going for a lie down. They are not going to stop until they control every single aspect of our lives. Just like the Communists. Watermelons, each and every one of them

Nick Hillman, Conservative, Cambridge


Not another career politician looking for a safe seat at all.

Miliband has just broken the Law?





There I was, minding my own business when Niall Paterson of Sky tweeted that Miliband is buying him lunch in Bristol.

Ooops.

"Corruptly influencing a person to vote by providing them with meat, entertainment or other provision is an offence punishable by up to one year in prison, or an unlimited fine, or both." - Electoral Commission


Oh look, someone has just reminded Miliband of the law



Hmm...Sky TV's Niall Paterson did tweet alot about David Miliband buying him a steak

To the memory of Malcolm McLaren



Wednesday, 21 April 2010

BBC Interview


You can listen to my dulcit tones on the BBC Drive Time programme today

HERE (1H22M in)

Ladbrokes have me at 100-1 to win in Cambridge. It seems the concept of being the first person to ever stand anonymously is gaining popularity. After all, if I win, anybody in a mask can enter Parliament. All 61 million of us. They'd HATE it, wouldn't they?

Watermelons

Green on the outside, solid red in the middle.

Cambridge Council Elf & Safety

Anatidaephobia - the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you


On Wed, Apr 21, 2010 at 2:17 PM, Heather BevanHunt wrote:
Dear Old Holborn

With reference to your Saturday stall outside the front of the Guildhall last Saturday - we asked that no throwing of fruit be allowed. The City Centre Rangers reported that eggs and fruit were being thrown and they had to clean this off the walls of the Guildhall afterwards. There are still marks on the walls. We advised that this was a danger to the public as a slip hazard.

We cannot allow any throwing of any fruit, eggs or similar and if this happens again this Saturday, we will have to withdraw your permit for the following Saturday.

Can you please assure me that this will not happen again.

Regards
Heather


Dear Heather,

I cleaned up all the mess immediately, so check the "City Centre Rangers" (whoever they may be. Are they like Power Rangers?) overtime claims

I do hereby solemnly promise to be on my best behaviour this weekend and not throw anything at anybody. I do have plans however to run a "Cambridges Ugliest Baby " Contest and have been offered a real live African elephant, dressed in a suit, that does John Prescott impersonations. Would you and the Council have any objections?

Regards

Old Holborn

Another Pickles moment?


This time for gobby shitestick Richard Littlecock

The blind leading the blinded


Utterly remarkable.

For six days, our air borders have been closed by the unelected and unaccountable Civil Aviation Authority , resulting in utter misery for hundreds of thousands of Britons. Let's have a quick look at the CAA

Ah, yes. Chaired by Deidre Hutton, the professional Quango hopper, who has 11 quangoes on her CV and absolutely nothing to do with aviation. Only four on the Board have any experience of aviation at all, the rest are a mish mash of Labour appointees.

It get's better. They've just agreed that the no fly ban should not have happened at all.

I await "lessons to be learned" and "moving forward". Nice one Gordon.

OH Update: I had to drop off Mrs OH at stansted this morning for the 7am to Newcastle. There were 10 people on it. For amusement, I tracked the flight to see if I could claim on her life insurance. One thing I did notice is the lack of anything but Easyjet and Thomas Cook flights leaving. Ryanair can't be arsed to start flying until this afternoon and no BA domestic flights either. One Easyjet Airbus I tracked went from Luton to Hamburg, then back to Luton, then off to Glasgow then back to Luton and is currently outbound to Greece. Good for Easyjet.

Ignorant by choice?



Makes you wonder, eh?

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

I smell a flying rat...


I've just listened to Pravda tell us all that UK airspace is closed under 20,000 feet and a no fly zone exists over Germany and Holland.

Yet as I type this, I have just watched an Easyjet plane leave Luton, a private jet owned by Porsche land at Southampton from Bratislava, a Privately owned (!) 737 leave Luton for the States and a BA flight from Calgery, Canada is headed for Heathrow.

Interesting. Why are we being lied to?

Watch for yourselves here

UPDATE: I've just realised. Gordon will not open UK airspace until AFTER he has personally welcomed home a family from Swindon, rescued by the Navy.

The Curse of Jonah.



It transpires that Daniel Zeichner, the Labour candidate bravely standing for election against Old Holborn in Cambridge, is the only Labour candidate to risk putting a picture of the gurning Gordon on his election literature.

It is a very small picture, and well hidden, but it should do the trick.

With Jonah's curse on Daniel, we just have to worry about the other 6 hopefuls.

h/t Guido.

It's already started

The Grand Master Of The Empty Gesture


Jonah does it yet again - a headline grabbing stunt which has not been properly thought through and ends up causing more trouble than enough.

Seems like lots of angry and out-of-pocket folk will be returning to the UK just in time to vote in the general election.

Of course, if the cunt had properly funded the Royal Navy he'd have had a few more ships to send to the rescue.

The Penguin

£100 a minute


Mark Thomas, although being a BBC luvvie, has been on a personal crusade against Section 44 and the right to protest wherever he damn well likes.

The Metropolitan police stopped and searched Thomas after he gave a speech at a rally against the arms trade in 2007.


The police searched his shoulder bag and wallet for weapons, which they said could be used to cause criminal damage.



A police officer recorded on an official form that Thomas may have been carrying weapons as he had an "over-confident attitude". Nothing was found.



In January the European court of human rights ruled it was unlawful for police to use arbitrary stop-and-search powers against peace protesters and photographers under terrorism legislation. Kent police admitted conducting unlawful searches on 11-year-old twins and other activists at an environmental demonstration.



They detained him for 12 minutes, against his wishes without actually arresting him. Those who know the law (like me), know that is unlawful.



He has justed banked £1200 for being unlawfully imprisoned for 12 minutes by the Police.



Remember the golden words - "Are you detaining me?". I use them constantly when the Police want to have a quiet word with me (and they always do, can't think why). They HATE it. Unless you are committing a crime, the Police have no right to stop you going about your lawful business. Remind them as often as possible, unfortunately they need it.



Just for interest, another ploy they use with me is: "You are not allowed to protest here"



Simply reply "I'm not protesting, I'm walking around in a silly costume. Just like you in fact. Goodbye"


Caption Contest


The Browns visit Broadmoor

Monday, 19 April 2010

Nomination papers accepted in Cambridge




From an anonymous man in a Guy Fawkes mask. No ID check, no names. Never been done before.

Keep up the donations. I want to hire an elephant and spray paint it to look like John Prescott.

Your country hates you









Travel Update

For all those people stuck somewhere, this is handy cut out and keep guide on how to stop sleeping on an airport floor and ringing Radio 4 every five minutes to complain whilst expecting the Government to come and get you after your lovely Easter holiday in the villa.

Lots of these around. Get on one and don't get off until Calais



This is a hire car. Drop it off in Calais.



This can carry lots of people. Talk to the people around you who are also sleeping on the floor and then hire one from a local firm. Get off in Calais


This has been a public information broadcast in the interests of common fucking sense and taking responsibility for your own life by the Old Holborn Education Unit, Cambridge

UPDATE: Despite having their own fucking train, MEPs have decided not to go to work.

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Look where the money went

It's only your money, after all.

£850bn bailing out banks… and £107.1m on financial advice


£76bn To purchase shares in RBS and Lloyds Banking Group


£200bn Indemnify Bank of England against losses incurred in providing over £200bn of liquidity support


£250bn Guarantee wholesale borrowing by banks to strengthen liquidity in the banking system


£40bn Provide loans and other funding to Bradford & Bingley and the Financial Services Compensation Scheme


£280bn Agree in principle to provide insurance for selection of bank assets


£671bn Total Government spending in the financial year 2009-2010


£32.9m Slaughter & May – Commercial legal advice


£15.4m Credit Suisse – Financial advice on a range of measures, including Bank Recapitalisation and the Asset Protection Scheme


£11.3m PricewaterhouseCoopers – Advice on APS


£8.7m Ernst & Young – Due diligence on APS, Northern Rock


£7.7m KPMG – Due diligence on APS


£7.4m Blackrock – Valuation advice on APS


£5.3m Deutsche Bank – Financial advice on a range of measures


£5m Citi Financial – Advice on Aps


£4.9m BDO Stoy Hayward – Valuation of Northern Rock


£4.5m Goldman Sachs – Financial advice on Northern Rock


£1.5m Morgan Stanley – Financial advice on Bradford & Bingley


£2.5m Other advisers – Financial advice on a range of measures and proposals to revive Britain’s ailing economy


add £7 billion for the WORST GOLD TRADE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TRADING!!!!!


And now it transpires the banking meltdown wasn't caused by mismanagement. It was caused by a deliberate fraud. An awful lot of pockets were lined at YOUR expense. Guido has more

UPDATE: Govt Borrowing from £27 bn to £163 bn
Govt Debt from £347 bn to £799 bn
Growth from +3.3% to -5.0%
Inflation from 1.9% to 3.0%
Personal Debt from £492 bn to £1,460 bn
Health Spending from £43 bn to £119 bn
Education from £38 bn to £161 bn
Unemployment from 2.23 mil to 2.45 mil
Average House prices from £55k to £161k

It's only your money after all....

As I said at the time..

Campaign Update


Well yesterday was loads of fun campaigning in Cambridge Market and the Police were only called once with the story that "people were rioting in the Market and throwing eggs at each other". I also used the opportunity to find ten nominees who lived in Cambridge and were on the electoral roll, cheers Guys.

In the meantime, my literature is being "vetted" by the Royal Mail (by Law) to ensure that no one is offended when they deliver 45,000 of them (or simply dump in a hedge if my local Mail are anything to go by), more leaflets and posters are being printed (we got through 3,000 yesterday), more stunts are being planned and I did a nice long interview with BBC Look East and the Cambridge News.

Many thanks to those who volunteered. I'll need people for next Saturday too, if anyone wants to have fun.

On the negative side, the Electoral Commission appear to think that my real name must be used not on the nomination, not on the ballot papers, but on the result. I'll sort that out in the morning, either by telling them to fuck off, or simply changing my name to Old Holborn for a couple of weeks. You don't need a Deed Poll or even a lawyer. Just a piece of paper, a pen and a witness.

Cambridge Council also rejected my idea to put three MPs in a cage. Here's the letter:

1. Do you have Public Liability Insurance? - Do I need it?
2. Have you prepared a risk assessment? - I'm handing out leaflets and for 5 mins every hour some actors will parade behind six foot high safety barriers (Heras fencing, mesh size 10cm x 3 cm, hired from HSS Cambridge, no fruit will pass through in solid form)
3. Will you have fire/safety precautions in place? - there is nothing to catch fire
4. Have you informed the local police station? - Do I need to?
5. What provisions will you put in place for ensuring there will be no litter/rotten fruit etc left behind? - full clean up, removal of all traces of litter etc, washing down of any surfaces.
6. Could you provide more information about the mock explosion? - There will be no mock explosion or pyrotechincs of any kind

We always ask that groups do not obstruct the highway or block doorways or fire exits and no trip hazards. - No problem

Gotta love the risk assessment and Elf & Safety bit.

A complaint was made to the police by someone as (gasp) an egg hit the Guidhall and life as we know it came to a halt.

So, I'm off tomorrow to hand in YOUR £500 with my nomination papers and that is that. Loads more campaigning, loads more ringing up the Press and the Media and making noise and if I get 2,000 votes, I'll hold a massive party for all those who donated. If I win, I'll hold the biggest party Cambridge has ever seen.

Oh, and keep those donations coming, I'm excellent value for money.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

"We'll fight fair" say all Cambridge Candidates. Except one.

I notice that the Cambridge News is saying

CANDIDATES in Cambridge have signed up to a pledge to fight a "clean" campaign.

Green Party candidate Tony Juniper instigated the idea, which commits candidates to refrain from personal attacks, not to mislead the public about who is likely to win – and to make only "honest and reasonable" promises.

Mr Juniper said it was designed to "help restore trust at a time when faith in politicians is at a low ebb".

The signatories are Martin Booth (Cambridge Socialists), Peter Burkinshaw (UKIP), Julian Huppert (Liberal Democrats), Nick Hillman (Conservative Party), Tony Juniper (Green Party) and Daniel Zeichner (Labour Party).

Mr Juniper said: "I take it as a very positive sign that all the Cambridge candidates have decided to take this pledge.

"As it is a pledge of faith, we will trust the voters of Cambridge to act as the judge as to whether or not the individual candidates stick to this pledge.

"I hope we can have an honest and respectful debate which shines a light on policies rather than resorting to political point-scoring.

"If I am elected as MP I also pledge not to abuse the expenses system, to retain my home in Cambridge, to hold regular surgeries for residents to raise issues with me, and to respond promptly to communications from residents."

Mr Booth said: "On behalf of Cambridge Socialists I am pleased to sign up and would also add a few pledges of our own if I were to be elected, namely – to only accept the average pay of a manual worker (about £21,000 pa); not to perform any paid work in addition to my MP’s duties; not to accept any ‘expenses’ other than those essential for representing the people of Cambridge.

Mr Burkinshaw said: "I agreed to this – except I have not undertaken not to make personal attacks on other party leaders and their crews."

Mr Hillman said: "The problems facing Britain and Cambridge are so big that we must focus on the issues that matter – and not the flim-flam that undermines politics and disengages voters."

Mr Huppert said: "I am delighted that the other parties are signing up to these pledges, which have been the Liberal Democrat approach for many years, and which I entirely support."

Mr Zeichner said: "I’m very happy to sign up and I’m happy to let the public decide who best upholds the pledge."


Well, I'm not signing. No one mentioned a pledge before politicians decided to thieve millions from us, treat us with utter contempt, shit on our civil liberties, tax us until we bleed, take us to war, introduce 42 days detention and ignore us for 5 years, even if MILLIONS of us marched against their plans. Have you even bothered to ask the people of Cambridge if they agree?

If you have something to hide from the electorate of Cambridge, I WILL find it. Yes, I'm talking to you Julian Huppert, Daniel Zeichner, Nick Hillman, Martin Booth and Peter Burkinshaw.

As our current masters love to tell us, "Nothing to hide, nothing to fear". Oh, and I'm very very good at it.


This is exactly how it starts.

And ends up with moat cleaning, false mortgages, house flipping and floating fucking duck houses.

NO.

Write up in the TAB

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