Wednesday, 4 August 2010

From the Valleys

That's another mobilty allowance down the drain

This is Darren. Darren is 21 and lives in Caerphilly. Darren left school at 16 clutching a fist full of worthless certificates given to him for attending the local comprehensive school now and then but alas found that there was no work for someone freshly qualified in Wayne Rooney Studies and Social Media.

So Darren signed on, as his father before him and settled down to life on the Dole. In an attempt to finance a new iPhone (all of his Social Media course covered the iPhone), Darren decided to do what generations of Welsh have done. Grab stuff. Unfortunately for Darren, he fell off the conservatory roof of the house he was burgling and broke his ankle. Luckily, he was able to sue the negligent home owner and was informed by the Dole office that as he was now disabled, he could claim £95 a week instead of £64.

When the cheque from the insurance came through, Darren did his parents proud. He threw it in the pot so that they could retire to a static caravan park in Newport and took over the four bedroomed council house they were living in. Darren now rents out three of the rooms to Poles who amazingly have managed to find work and rakes in a healthy £700 a month in rent, plus the incapacity allowance, and the mobility allowance (for the car) and the council tax allowance and every other benefit given to the feckless.

Dazza is not happy. Dazza is about to lose the fucking lot because not enough people voted for the Party that let Dazza live the life of fucking Riley whilst others worked and paid for it. He's furious in fact and can be seen in the park every day shouting "life's not fair, boyo" whilst he tries to work out another plan to be well paid for doing nothing. And drinking.

A tip to Dazza. All he needs to do is get on to fake charities and he'll be minted. Like these entrepreneurial people

*Note. Dazzas can be found in most Welsh, Scottish and Northern towns

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