Monday, 28 June 2010

Out of Africa

Members of the iechyd da tribe struggling to get by, yesterday, under a tree in Cardiff.

Someone once told me of his times working in Africa. He pointed out the futility of giving billions in aid to a people who just wanted to grow enough crops to feed themselves and spend the rest of the day sitting under a tree, like they always had. The money always ended up the hands of the most corrupt who used it to buy solid gold thrones to sit under a tree all day.

"Offer an African a cigarette, and he automatically takes the whole packet" he said "Why wouldn't he? You can afford it, he can't"

Ladies, Gentlemen. Go and have a look in the town centre today. The weather is nice. People will be sitting outside, some of them under trees. Go to unemployment blackspots and you will see lots of people sitting under trees, chatting, relaxing, drinking, smoking in the full knowledge that they don't even have to grow enough crops to feed themselves.

Today's announcement that incapacity benefit is to be slashed is a GOOD THING. Unless we want to become a white tribe that sits under trees all day waiting for handouts from the IMF then we have to accept that the state is not there to feed us, just to protect us from invasion and crime.

Last year, we spent £1.8 BILLION pounds on people who are stressed, suffer from depression or anxiety. Not in treating their condition but in making sure they could sit under a tree all day without money worries. £12 million alone on paying people incapacity benefit because going to work might give them a headache.

It cannot go on. It is immoral for the State to take control of our lives in return for a few pennies in the same way it is immoral for an African tribal leader to hog the wealth of his people. We have made it on this earth for over 2 million years without the need for an army of State employees handing out danegeld to wastrels in return for votes.

Cut deep, Gideon. Start in Myrthr Tydfil and don't stop until the only people sitting under trees enjoying the sun shine are those on their lunch breaks.


I am Stan said...

Holbys mate said,

"Offer an African a cigarette, and he automatically takes the whole packet" he said "Why wouldn't he? You can afford it, he can't"

Is that true Holby dear or are you employing a little artistic license?.

I`ve recently returned from Africa,gave a few fags away but no one took the whole packet,gave a swiss army knife to a Masai warrior,he was made up and gave my squeeze some jewelry in return,hes gonna use it to remove stones from his cows hooves....bless!,nice people the Masai,but I wouldnt want to cross em,in fact you should get yerself over there Holbs and say stuff like that to their face`s,start a fund up and get yerself a flight from Glasgow.:)...

Oh you cant leave the EU can you,freeman an all that.....

Benefit sponger said...

We take our moral guidance from Westminster.

Anna Raccoon said...

Weird isn't it - the more money we pour into the NHS the sicker our population becomes.

Adyhpos said...

"Anna Raccoon said...

Weird isn't it - the more money we pour into the NHS the sicker our population becomes."

The more money we pour in, the more goes, by the approval of NICE, into the research, by the drug companies, into new and startling diseases which they and they alone can discover, and for which they and they alone can find the cures.
These cures are not realy cures, they are ameliorations which necessitate the permenant attachment of the "sufferer" to the teat of the local GP's surgery. Thus securing the support of the countries GPs.

The Penguin said...

Leave the EUSSR, abolish the TV Licence Tax, privatise the NHS, Take the railways, water companies, power companies back into public ownership with no compensation, privatise all education, burn all quangos, stop paying little sluts to breed, stop uncontrolled immigration, slash benefits so working is a better bet.

Within a year let alone a Parliament and there'd be no budget deficit and no national debt.

There'd be a lot of squealing by the socialists.

The Penguin.

Anonymous said...

Having spent 45 years stressed to the limit in mind blowing industrial projects I should, like
OH and others be frowning on the
idle and malcontents.
But I do not pour scorn on these
who have done least in the national decline.
Blame those who sat back and let it happen,we know the ones, Mr&Mrs
Happy,Nice house,smart car,trendy
hols,plenty of credit cards,french
wine from Sainsbury's,rural meals on Sundays,kids at suburban comps.
Ivory Tower dwellers,grab what you can and point fingers at the ones left behind. Millions left behind now basking in the sun with a betting slip,a foreign pouch of baccy and a two litre bottle of 8.4% cider.
Many were called but few were chosen

Far fron the madding crowd

Chris Ferguson also known as K.McEgan and Ron Broxted said...

OH, you fail to realise the hoops a claimant has to jump through, along with the masses of forms that have to be filled in before the benefits start arriving on a regular basis. I am an unemployed actor, having been so since my last appearance in my junior school nativity play in 1968, in which I played the rear end of a donkey.
That aside the numerous medicals I have had to undergo and interviews for my incapacity claim have taxed my acting abilities more than any other role I could have undertaken.
Have you any idea of the physical pain I have to endure adopting the body and facial expressions of a cameo of the Hunchback of Notre Dame? All that suffering for a paltry £145.09 per week.

the beast of clerkenwell said...

Why work for shit that you dont need ?
That's now my life(apart from the laptop, Blackberry etc)
One time or another all races have been slaves, now we all are.
Having said that, I wouldnt want Stan for a neighbour just incase he stole my television, car jacked me or tried to get my blackberry and spend the cash on crack

the beast of clerkenwell said...

If you are prepared to jump though a firey hoop twice a night in central london for £150 a week I will give you a job

Punisher said...


Four teenagers having a beer under some trees in a park. They're not exactly the four horsemen of the fucking apocalypse, sans their horses, are they?

(Isn't it a little odd that you possess pictures of young boys in any case, OH? Hopefully this is as far as your homoerotic attraction goes for lads goes and you haven't got any other pictures of young boys stached in a drawer, or whatever, showing underage boys being buggered, fisted, wanked and fellated. That's called paedophilia, OH, don't you know? And paedofilia isn't normall considered to a good thing, Old Holborn, my old fruit! Outside of your own home at least.)

Whatever next?

The Visigoths are at the gate!

Wasn't it a better age when such striplings and scamps like tihis were compelled to toil in mills or help to cheaply excavate coal and rock from the nation's mines and quarries?

What an ignorant and filthy old fucker you are you prat! Fuck off to your cache of gay porn, and, if you manage to excite yourself enough to become erect, attempt to wank yourself to ejaculation!


banned said...

OH you will be pleased to know that NHS regions have an ongoing programme of screening suspected On The Sick malingerers that requires them to visit Occupational Health Centres on pain of having their benefits withdrawn. No doubt this programme will be stepped up.

What might not please you is that for those 'clients' for whom such a visit is just to arduous they supply a taxi, there and back.

Anonymous said...

We see ex Constable Haslam again in turmoil. isn't Rons real name Andy? Now it is Chris. Oh dear, better stick to cottaging you sad old queer! How is the weather in Bedford?

Dianne Abbott said...

Banned. And what's wrong with the public paying for taxi's to haul our fat arses around in comfort?

Anonymous said...

Good heavens Haslam/Faux Ron how many identities does this chap have? You don't think there is an army of Rons out there? So who is Andy then? A Free Tibetan?

Broxted said...

Why aren't any rabidly right-wing individual intelligent and cultured? Why are those on the right almost always such stupid and ignorant dicks?

Weird isn't it?

Dig for Victory said...

Whilst working on the dark continent, I came across a well known parable from which I learnt something of great value. The parable concerns a Benin fisherman.

The fisherman returns home in his pirogue and is met by a foreign expert serving in this developing country. The expert asks the fisherman why he is back so early. He replies that he could have stayed out longer but he had caught enough to care for his family.

“and now, what do you do with all your time anyway?” the expert asks.
The fisherman responds: “Well, I do a little fishing. I play with my children. We all have a siesta when it gets hot. In the evening, we have supper together. Later I get together with my friends for some music, and so on”.

The expert interrupts: “Look, I have a university degree and have studied these matters. I want to help you. You should stay out fishing longer. You would earn more and soon be able to purchase a bigger boat than this pirogue. With a bigger boat, you would earn still more and soon be able to build up a fleet of trawlers”

“And then?” the fisherman inquires.

“Then, instead of selling fish through a middle man, you could negotiate directly with the factory or even start your own fish-processing plant. You would be able to leave your village and move to Cotonou, or Paris, or New York and run the whole thing from there. You could even consider putting your business on the stock market and earn millions!”

“How long would that all take?” the fisherman asks. “Perhaps 15 to 20 years” the expert answers.

“And then?” the fisherman continues. “That is when life gets interesting” the expert explains. “Then you could retire. You could move away from the hustle and bustle of it all to some remote village”.

“And what then?” asks the fisherman.
“Then you have the time to do a little fishing. Play with your children, have a siesta when it gets hot, have supper with the family, and get together with friends for some music”.

I am Stan said...

the beast of clerkenwell said...

"I wouldnt want Stan for a neighbour just incase he stole my television, car jacked me or tried to get my blackberry and spend the cash on crack"

Rest easy beasty boy,Ive got me a new flat screen (specialy for the world cup),a good deal on my iphone (much better than blackberry`s) and I`m a weed man...and I own my own gaf in the burbs and I`m presently negotiating a deal for one in SA, so why would I want to move to some sink estate in the west midlands eh?.


Ken S said...

A huge problem you keep neglecting to mention OH is that where are all these jobs going to come from?

12 years ago I worked in a Kara bread factory. This factory has been almost completely automated these days.

With automation and industrialisation you only need 10-15% of the population to provide everything that we need. So what do the other 85% of the population do? Make toys? Ok so lets be optimistic that this takes up 30% you still have 55% of people with no jobs.

Anonymous said...

The other 55% are there to provide a whipping post for right on righties like Holby to blame for the nation's ills.

Chris Ferguson also known as K.McEgan and Ron Broxted said...

the beast of clerkenwell, make that £200 and you have got a deal. Can I design my own costume, frilly but fire retardant?

I see the faux broxted is back with his homo eroctic obsessions with his ex-bum chum Haslam of Bedford. I wonder if he ever found his X-rays?

rabidly right-wing individual intelligent and cultured said...

There are a few of us about.

The rest of the human race is, by and large, a bloated dimly conscious lump of uselessness, the principal reason for whose continued existence is to provide a contrasting backcloth against which I may shine with a lustre exceeded by none.

So fuck off.

Bill Sticker said...

Hey, if someone wants to laze around all day doing and thinking of nothing but their own self gratification, fine, wonderful, great. Let them. No problem.

Just remember who is paying for them to do so.

Their Lordships said...

Cheers Bill!

bofl said...

i find it odd that you always attack the 'little ' people holborn.....

it is the fault of the people at the top that the country is in a mess.....

they are the people responsible for the kids being unable to read and write.......

they are responsible for flooding the uk with more bodies than we need.....

they are the ones that allowed the constant offshoring of jobs.......

they are the ones responsible for pissing our money eu+wars........

they are the ones that ran banks which funded ponzi schemes and loaned money to russian 'businessmen'........they are the ones that had to be bailed out by our government or as in barclays case by the singaporeans and arabs.......and bob diamond keeps kis £25 million a year going!

8million unemployed and 400,000 jobs.......

the solution is????????????

Old Holborn said...

I notice diane abbott is up in arms about people moving to find work.

Her parents moved from Jamaica to find work

I am Stan said...

Yo Holbs,

I know some long term unemployed Somali`s,give us your address an I`ll send em up to your area to find gainful employment.....

Oh they might need somewhere to crash,that place you got by the sea will do em.

ps-make sure youve got plenty of ciggies :)

Chris Ferguson also known as K.McEgan and Ron Broxted said...

I've got a brilliant idea, if they move people from council estates where there is no work to other area's where there might be. They could then flatten the empty abandoned council houses and build factories for people to work in if they can afford a private house or flat in the area. Simples!

Anonymous said...

The truth is we have had mass unemployment since the 70s, with successive governments finding ever more devious and desperate ways to disguise that nasty little fact.

First they changed the way the unemployed were counted, a racket that is still on going.

Then we had the massive expansion of higher education under the Tories, were every local polytechnic was turned into a ‘University’ over night to get the unemployed off the books for three years.

Then we had Labour’s massive non-job creation scam in the public sector, which in part was motivated to massage the unemployment figures.

If they counted unemployment the same way they counted it in say 1970, without the massive expansion of higher education and non-jobs to soak up the numbers, just how big would unemployment really be?

Anonymous said...

A conscious decision to close down British industry in the 80s, coupled with continued unprecedented levels of immigration guarantees mass unemployment in Britain for the foreseeable future.

the beast of clerkenwell said...

Stan I was advised to get an
I phone and had the full " I told you so" afterwards when holding my Blackberry in a state of confusion
Even by an 11 year old, who told me its better kit, but for an old geezer?
Little wanker

ulain said...

Some slight problems with the story in the Sun.

Its in the Sun, so it has to be read with a skeptical eye.

Leszek in Merthyr is being paid less than minimum wage if he is only getting £180 for his 48 hours. Assuming he wasn't getting overtime he should be toplining about £250 a week, net of tax and NI he should be on about £210 or so. ( I see the article was published in October 2009, when minumum wage was £5-80 an hour ).

One of the problems with minimum wage is that immigrants - illegal et al - seem keen to undercut our own slaves illegally. I do hope the Border Control visit his employers urgently to make sure all the workers do have the right to work here.

I do agree with your general tone, but the example you give is not terribly good. In places like MT there is often a dearth of aspiration. People are comfortable enough on welfare so they don't work. What we need to do is give no money without work being performed. If people don't want to work, they best not get hungry. Workfare, not welfare is what we need.

Is it not ridiculous that we have a minimum wage and yet the tax threshold is less than that? If the state thinks it is not reasonable for someone to work for less than £5-80 an hour, then it is certainly not reasonable that they be asked to pay tax on less than that.

Anonymous said...

Not particularly relevent to this post, but... you often say this thing about "we've surived for 2,000,000 years without the state... we don't need it now"; well what do you mean by 'survived'?

For example, I'm haemophilic - my modern life is perfectly normal but that is because of the NHS and modern (publicly funded) science. 100 years ago I would have died of internal bleeding before my balls dropped.

Given that it's not my fault that I have the condition, isn't it more fair that I pay the same share of my treatment as everyone else?

Anonymous said...

Nah, I'm in favour of moving Merthyr, and Aberdare for that matter to where the jobs are.

Then turning the Rhonnda Valley into a reseviour.

South Seas Seer said...

@ Dig for Victory 13.49.

Like you, I spent a few years in the Pacific islands watching aid cash being squandered fruitlessly all over the place. The native Fijians have the right idea - let the stupid industrious Indians do all the work while we sit under a coconut tree out of the sun all day. All they need is a bowl of kava and a taro root or a coconut to chew and they seem happy as sandboys without a care in the world. Lucky sods!

However, when the military takeover shit hit the fan some 20 odd years ago, the Indians were all on the first planes out to Oz and Canada with their cash and expertise; which is why the Fijians still sit under coconut tress waiting for the aid boats to arrive....

Ergo ShitShat said...

All this business about forced "encouraged" migration of council tenants to other areas, like nomads, to find work... I thought ethnic cleansing had gone out of fashion! Not according to the Tory Party it seems!

Also, becasue most council housing has been sold off, a majority of benefit claimants now live in privately rented accommodation.

Are they going to be ethnically cleansed as well? Or what? Can anybody tell me who is going to be put on trains like the Jews in Nazi Germany because, just like Heinreich Himmler, Iain Duncan Smith also believes that "Work makes you free"? Is the Tory "Work Plan" their "final solution"?

Fed Up Of Troll de Luton. said...

How long is that title going to get? ChrisAndyRonDennisFergieBroxyKeeganPughPughBarneyMacGrew?

Dave said...

I'm originally from Cornwall. We moved to London fifty years ago to improve our chances of getting work, buying a home etc. All the normal aspirational things.
One hundred and fifty years ago my ancestors would have had to move to Mexico or Australia, to work in the tin mines in order to escape famine. The Scots and Irish moved to the US to escape famine.
Two hundred years ago the weavers of Norwich and Taunton had to move north to the mill towns to find work and escape famine.

It's called Diaspora and until the invention of the welfare state it was how the population adjusted itself to the availability of work.

The Welfare State has sapped the strength, and sucked the lifeblood and vitality out of this once proud nation.

Now we are the destination of choice for anyone who wants free healthcare, cheap food and subsidised housing.

Jumping Jack Shit said...

Hey, Dave.


I hate to point this out to you my old son but moving council tenants from one area to another has nothing to do with famine.

Or diaspora.

Diaspora (in Greek, διασπορά – "a scattering [of seeds]") refers to any movement of a population sharing common national and/or ethnic identity, usually in respect to refugees fleeing from conflict, e.g., tens of thousands of Tibetans fleeing to India after the Chinese invaded their country in the fifties.

Mate. Diaspora has fuck all to do with moving voluntarily a few hundred miles, from one place to another, within your own country simply to better yourself or get a better job.

What are you going on about?

You're not well are you?

E. Jack Elation said...

I'm hoping that, after George Osborne's welfare cuts really begin to bite in a couple of years, to be able to enjoy some tight top quality teenage snatch at bargain basement prices when the young single mothers start having to whore themselves on the streets to feed their children.

Pity I'm going to have to pay more VAT on condoms, but you can't have everything I suppose!

Punisher said...

Hey, E. Jack. Your ideas about sexually exploiting the welfare cuts to your own advantage will be lost on Old Holborn and his posse of right-wing crypto-queens. If you want to put a smile on their lips you should have suggested how the welfare cuts would make young homeless teenage boys more inclined to offer their orifices and erections in respect to masturbation, fellatio and homosexual penetration.

Holby and his Nazis aren't interested in teenage quim but bum-boys and male teenage arseholes!

Now wonder George Osborne has got them all fired up! They finally feel as if they might finally be able to "get some"... at an affordable price!

What a bunch of homos!


Monkey said...

I own my tree if i wish to sit in it all day and thats my choice i dont i work to afford a bigger tree and when i have my ideal tree i'll sit in it all day, i dont tell you what to do with your tree, leave me alone

\|/0lFrAm said...

Hey 'Punisher'...I suggest that you learn the proper procedures for a constructive debate rather than expound on your voracious homoerotic fantasies.
It is becoming most tedious reading the mindless ramblings of the fudge-covered pole-monkey that you have presented yourself as.

Punisher said...

Hey, \|/0lFrAm. Old Holborn's blog ain't about debate it's ALL about propaganda you thick-as-shit retard.

The old Queen is having a whale of a time brain-washing limp-wristed shirt-lifters like you, you panty-waisted bastard and grooming you to apply vacuum massage to his semi-erect antique sexual organ in the hope that his prostrate may not have dried up beyond spitting out a few millilitres of sticky sterile seminal fluid.

What a queer affair.

In more ways than one!

\|/0lFrAm said...

'Punisher' I really pity poor, filthy little creatures like you, but am not going to waste the time hanging around waiting for you to evolve from the slime that you are vegetating in. Hopefully you will just become extinct and do the world a favour. Your next attempt at provocation will be ignored so I suggest you do not waste the little time that you have.

Punisher said...

Hey, \|/0lFrAm. When you're gagging on Old Holborns wrinkly length of man-meat you'll be less outspoken than you seem to be now you come-dribbling sticking cunt. And when OH is rhymically penetrating your flaccid arsehole, compacting all that shit inside you, you'll be crying like a pig. Cause you gonna do some praying for Old Holborn, boy! Then you're gonna squeal some and louder than Ned Beaty in Deliverance!

Ratings and Recommendations by outbrain


Related Posts with Thumbnails