Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Dear Braintree.....


Dear Town Clerk (no, not CEO),

I'm Old Holborn, a political blogger and live in Braintree. I'm the one who told you what I was going to pay for the bits I wanted in my council tax, not the other way around, remember me?

Couple of things

1. Any sign of the £2 Million of OUR money the bean counters you hired pissed up the wall in Iceland yet? When can we expect sackings?

2. Clean the streets up. You took £1.8 million to clean up the streets and it looks like Hurricane Katrina out there. Shit all over the place. Whilst I realise a great proportion of the inhabitants of this town are little more than tattooed shaved babboons that source their daily nourishment from Kebab shops and McDonalds drive throughs, there is no excuse for the place looking a Nigerian rubbish dump (photo of the high street above).

I see the council vans out and about filled to the brim with Sun reading hi-viz vested unemployables but why are the roads covered in piss filled plastic bottles chucked out by Latvian lorry drivers on their way back to Harwich? What's with the half eaten chicken carcasses in the high street? Instead of holding "multicultural" festivals complete with Romany nose warbling demonstrations and the obligatory single parent halfing attempting to convert the loyal citizens to the joys of "Gangsta Rap, innit" at 120db (yes, just last weekend) or shit like this or putting up CCTV on every street corner and hiring more "civil enforcement" officers, why don't you just bollock the oafs who are supposed to be cleaning the place up at my expense?

Tell you what. Sack the lot of them and use some of the endless stream of "vulnerable young adults" that are up before the beak every week for beating strangers with pick axe handles for daring to look at their drunken pitbulls. Instead of sending them off to anger management classes held by 60 year old Lesbians who have only ever worked in the gardening department of Braintree Council, send the bastards out in pink uniforms to pick up the litter and roadkill instead. Readers of my blog will gladly donate to pink uniforms and leg irons to keep the scrotes in their proper place. Picking up shit, in January, in the rain or scraping badgers off the tarmac in mid August under the beating sun.

£1.8 million a year saved. Nearly as much as YOU lost in Iceland, you cocktrumpet. Oh, and stop giving schoolkids a fiver to put litter in bins. No. Really. Stop it

I'm coming to the next council meeting to ask you in person.

32 comments:

Ampers said...

Fuck me! Did you really add "I'm coming to the next council meeting to ask you in person."

You'll have scared the shit out of them, I'm quaking in my boots and I don't even live in the area :-)

Nice one mate!

RantinRab said...

I just had the misfortune to watch the video of the fucking unemployable arseholes making tits of themselves.

I tried to leave a comment, but comments are moderated.

What a fucking shock!

Billy Blofeld said...

The video of the synchronised penis heads is disturbing - tax payers money straight down the shitter.

Field Marshall Watkins said...

"the highest quality street performers, from across the globe, mixing the mundane with the bizarre and the absurd."

The video was mundane, I suppose the bizarre and absurd bit must allude to the fact the taxpayer is giving them money for it.

J MacFarlane said...

It was a shithole when I went through it in 89 looking for work. Building sites, owt. Fuck Braintree, Essex and Luton.

The Penguin said...

Take something virulent with you and leave it in their executive toilets...or just have a good hot cabbage and egg curry before you pay them a visit.

The Penguin

Agent Moselle said...

You utter bastard! I just almost died laughing at this.

Chief_Sceptic said...

I laughed all the way to the end - then stopped dead - £5 a 'pop' for putting rubbish in a rubbish bin ! ...

How about the 'enforcement officers' giving the little bastards a good slap on the back of the head instead ? ...

It worked on me, and it worked on my children ...

apessig said...

Yeah, the kids seemed to be enjoying it and we don't want any of that kind of shit now do we, na mean.

mrs agato said...

Is this really true? http://lobbydog.thisisnottingham.co.uk/2010/06/former-mp-signs-on.html

Are these just gonna sign on?

Catflap said...

A national scandal that overpaid cunts lost hundreds of millions and still hold their positions.
Nobody talks,everybody walks,seems to be the order of the day now for these major fuck up specialists.
It would have been cheaper if Steve Larter at my council who lost £2.5 million had been on the dole where he belongs instead of fucking things up.
In fact that 2.5 million would have kept him and and several generations of Larters on the dole where they could do no harm.
I am pissed off being public enemy No1 for my £90 a week with such utter fucking incompetents costing this country serious money,both in wages and fuck ups.

caesars wife said...

I had always assumed Braintree was an expensive leafy suburb , council broucher not honest then either !

Gets point across though with customery OH spleen vent.

Leather Apron said...

Fucking hell. I just watched the video.

All looked a bit French for my liking.

wv Polund !!

Could be I suppose!

Infidel said...

Couldn't pop up to Colchester and berate the fuckwits about the VAF, bet you really want to come and see that pile of useless space.

ranter said...

OH at his best! Not a mention of a Mossad, Zionist, Bilderberg, illuminatus, reptilian conspriacy anywhere. GO OH GO!!!!

Shanghai's Right Wrist said...

That's telling them OH. John MacFarlane are you still actively seeking employment in the building trade?

Anonymous said...

Troll alert 16.45. Haslam chaps coming in under the radar.

Chalcedon said...

Love it. But do the bastards ever reply?

Anonymous said...

Mm that lovely pic look like a bit of Photoshoping I did involving Westmonster

and on subject of counils/councillors I have been unrelenting in sending e mails and letters regarding anything I deem worthy of criticism...keeps me busy 24/7!

Anonymous said...

Mm that lovely pic look like a bit of Photoshoping I did involving Westmonster

and on subject of counils/councillors I have been unrelenting in sending e mails and letters regarding anything I deem worthy of criticism...keeps me busy 24/7!

Anonymous said...

Mm that lovely pic look like a bit of Photoshoping I did involving Westmonster

and on subject of counils/councillors I have been unrelenting in sending e mails and letters regarding anything I deem worthy of criticism...keeps me busy 24/7!

James Purnell said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Corrugated Soundbite said...

Is that Obo's troll?

Anonymous said...

Is that you at 1.10 in, dressed in your Freemans Uniform?

You may as well go to the town hall given you're not an MP and the windmill industry is likely to take a bit of a dive soon.

Oh well, makes almost 30 people laugh.

no longer anonymous said...

Did you ever get a response re your council tax?

Anonymous said...

Terrific, this should be in the MSM.

yardarm said...

Is that really a Nigerian rubbish dump, Holborn or have you been bunging your recycling into the storm drain ?

Gordon Is a Moron said...

I feel inspired to do the same to my local bunch of idiots

john miller said...

I disagree with only one tiny bit of this post.

Please do not donate leg-iron.

Kit said...

Good man.

If you're lucky the stupid bastards will threaten to arrest you for your opinions. It's happened to others.

ps, when is the next council meeting?

banned said...

Class rant OH, wish I'd done the same when I got posted rubbish through my letter box informing me of the delights of my citys Celebrating Diversity 2 day 'Free' festival which was just an excuse for the local lesbo feelgood collective to have a party at my expense.

Anonymous said...

OH- I read your stuff reguarly. Good stuff. Some of the comments on here are really really horrible though- the one above actually made my stomach turn, and I'm not a soft sort. Can't you please do something about it? block his IP? I don't know- but seriously- comments that are simply vile insults surely can be got rid of...

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