Sunday, 9 May 2010

Take your pick


Scenario 1.

Gordon resigns and is replaced by Harriet Harman in a deal that sees Nick Clegg get Proportional Representation and a coalition between Labour and the LibDems. PR introduced, leadership battle sees a Miliband take control of Labour. LibDems quit coalition and a vote of no confidence sees an election called, this time under PR. As expected, Labour get 150 seats, LibDems get 140 seats, Tories get 200 seats, UKIP 21 and the BNP 12. Anti EU MP's call for and get a referendum on Europe. Britain joins EFTA and withdraws from the EU. Labour are consigned to the dustbin of history. For ever. English MPs demand an English Parliament. Scots and Welsh Parliaments to collect their own taxes. Tax in Scotland and Wales rises to 65%, English taxes fall to 19%.

Scenario 2

Clegg joins up with Cameron and the Tories, gets a few ministerial posts. First past the post remains and 70% of all votes continue to be worthless. Liberals, UKIP, BNP, Greens all give up as they will never achieve power over the traditional two party minority state. Britain bails out Spain, Portugal and Italy and then joins the Euro as demanded by Brussels. Cameron, Clegg and Miliband meet up for drinkies at the Bilderberg conference and congratulate each other on being awarded top europosts in the unelected European Commission. Turkey joins the EU, followed shortly by Morocco and Algeria.

Other scenarios on a postcard in the comments section please

in the meantime, I'm out and about in London on Saturday

UPDATE: It appears I'm not the only one thinking along the lines of Scenario 1

42 comments:

john in cheshire said...

This is getting to the point where, if someone gave me a gun and said kill brown, i'd do it. At least, i would if, the deal was to kill harman, balls, mandelson and campbell, and of course blair. why can't we plan a cristalnacht for the labour shit?

M de Plouquenet said...

Elections are usually fought on areas such as the economy, education, health, welfare. This one had (has) civil liberties as a voting issue. In a free society? Discuss.

Constantly Furious said...

Gordon resigns and is replaced by Harriet Harman in a deal that sees Nick Clegg get Proportional Representation and a coalition between Labour and the LibDems. PR introduced, leadership battle sees a Miliband take control of Labour. LibDems DON'T quit coalition (they're MP's - they're not honourable) and ...

The eevil Tories never get into power again, and nor does anything other than this unholy centre-left, slightly liberal, mainly authoritarian mess.

We repeat this exercise every 4 or 5 years, with exactly the same results.

No-one protests, because after the first few elections everyone realises that nothing will ever change again.

Anonymous said...

In scenario 1, how do we get a vote on withdrawal from the EU?...Or are you saying that the Lib/Lab pact that would ensue would grant one out of the goodness of their hearts...OH your maths is worthy of the Gorgon's statistical accuracy there....

zorro

Anonymous said...

On the button CF...but don't worry OH they will still allow you to wear the costume...

zorro

Marchamont Needham said...

Scenario 3 - Mandy offers Clegg PR, the Premiership and Gordon's head on a platter.

Anonymous said...

Slight problem with scenario 1, if it is introduced the threshold will be put high enough that minority parties won't get a look in. The Lib Dems are already talking of 15%

Lutney Chocker said...

OOh I like scenario 1 - you're giving me a stiffy with that yer mucky bitch.

Not sure either of your scenarios are going to happen.

For a start, any PR system Labour agree to is not going to be one that leaves them permanently in the shit (and obviously they'd do their best to rig it to keep the British Naughty Party out).
Half of Labour depends on FPTP, and with 258 these zombies are still marchin' with or without the Limp Dumbs.

Most of Labour don't want PR... but I spose for them it's more like cutting their own legs off, whereas for the Tories is more like cutting their own heads off.

I'm quite convinced that Labour will bullshit the LibDems as much as the Tories... most swings are between Lib and Lab, it's only Brown that wants to do it; the bulk of the Labour Party are on the verge of mutiny.


...you can see Darth Mandelslime grooming his next batch of hoes in the likes of Tristram Hunt, and any LibDem he can curl is sticky tentacles around. [shudder]

What is it with terrorists these days? Why can't the Provos and Al Q get their act together and hit a target that'd get 'em a round of applause?!

Anonymous said...

Scenario: Mob storms parliament.

Drags Brown, Harman, Balls, Mandelson, Blair et al to Tyburn.

Stages re-enactment of the hanging of the traitors.

Old Holborn said...

Quite like that one too

CF-ette#1 said...

"Liberals, UKIP, BNP, Greens all give up as they will never achieve power over the traditional two party minority state."
Give up? What, like they have afer every other election for the past 100+ years? Er.... no.

Twisted Root said...

Shallow , misguided and idiotic. No electoral 'reform' which benefits us will arise from any conceivable scenario. I have not seen any detailed proposal, just a mindless parroting of a call for change, which for anyone who was paying attention began and was carefully orchestrated on election night. No real democratic defecits will be addressed such as the massive over-representation of Scotland and Wales. It will simply result in a permanent entrechment of a carefully selected and controlled politcal class.

You have huge enthusiasm OH but you are politically naiive.

Old Holborn said...

to all those calling me politically niaive...

East Germany. It IS possible. 61000000 of us. 649 of them.

john in cheshire said...

Things will only change when people like me (pasive conservatives) get off our arses and do something. We,the English are not programmed to do things that are seen by others. We don't do 'protest'. It sounds old fashioned but that's the truth. We don't like to make a spectacle of ourselves. However, I believe that we have to recall the vehemence of the revolution (charles and cromwell) and fight for our way of life. We are better than the shits that purport to rule us. We are English. For God's sake, wake up and see yourselves for what you are and not what the evil socialists tell you that you are.

BlahBlah said...

"No real democratic defecits will be addressed such as the massive over-representation of Scotland and Wales."
Remember, no-one in Wales ever asked to join the UK, it was forced upon us by England. So, tough shit, lads, we get over represented and extra cash too. Think before you act next time, eh?

ian said...

OH is a moron. All we will get under PR is a center-left coalition FOREVER.

NO vote on EU. Just corruption and then more corruption.

You forget most people are morons and economically illiterate. They vote for FREE stuff.

Fuck them all, we need a military takeover and then a new constitution limiting government GDP to 5%. That is the only way youll get liberty and freedom..

FUCK DEMOCRACY AND FUCK THE MASSES

Led said...

If they let Turkey in surely that would lead to Israel joining the EU before Morocco and Algeria?

Scenario 1 does sound intriguing, I have been pissed off forever with Doctor Who full of propaganda about PMs called Harriet

Surely it's best to let lib dem/labour carry the can for 6 months, watch it all fail, then bring back the economy when we can rinse out all the union twerps?

Twisted Root said...

@Blah Blah

I've no objection to Wales leaving the UK.

Lutney Chocker said...

"Anonymous, 9 May 2010 20:21
Scenario: Mob storms parliament.

Drags Brown, Harman, Balls, Mandelson, Blair et al to Tyburn.

Stages re-enactment of the hanging of the traitors."

I'm cumming, I'm cumming, ahh, ahh,, ahhhhhh

------------------

"john in cheshire, 9 May 2010 20:42
Things will only change when people like me (pasive conservatives) get off our arses and do something. We,the English are not programmed to do things that are seen by others. We don't do 'protest'. It sounds old fashioned but that's the truth. We don't like to make a spectacle of ourselves"

Absolute bollocks.

Do you know nothing about British history? There are more riots and revolts than you can find anywhere in Europe - it's in our DNA!

That "warm beer, and stiff upper lip" bullshit is a late Victorian & Edwardian fiction... it is NOT the way we are".

---------------

Have to say, that Harman to Clegg Milliband fantasy is intriguing... You couldn't wish for a better result in terms of laying the hate of the recession and cuts on those leftist filth; it would make a Tory megajority worth a flutter once the coalition broke.

It's far better to have a massive Tory opposition than a massive Labour one at the moment... the blame HAS to fall on Labour to secure our freedom.

thfull said...

Like the picture OH. Tagline for the first filum was 'Whoever wins, we lose'.

ian said "OH is a moron. All we will get under PR is a center-left coalition FOREVER."

Not for definite. All that would be required for a small state right leaning Government is a credible small state right leaning party to vote for. The only thing stopping the Conservatives being like that is the Conservatives.

Personally I think anything that puts the Cons in power *now* is a bad move for them. They will see it as a confirmation of Daves wibbly wobbly Big Society heir-to-blair crap AND get the shit handed to them on a plate by the economy.

Shug Niggurath said...

Tories got a majority of 62 in England. None of the pundits are raising that statistic.

Catflap said...

My scenario:
Nemesis (the horrible cunt) stuns Broon with a cattle prod a feeds him to the pigs.
LibLab coalition results and PR gets slung out on the first free vote.
Greek style shit hits the fan and the LibLabs get the blame.
Election.
LibLabs are destroyed hopefuly for good.
Conservatives win with big majority but the right of the party don't forgive the Cameroons being plastic EU socialists.
With a large majority and no opposition the Cons can afford a civil war whilst in office.
The right of centres hand can only get stronger as the country can no longer afford to indulge in Liberal shit anymore.

ian said...

thfull, do you really think the british electorate would vote for a small state right leaning party?

I seriously doubt it.

Anonymous said...

I have already explained over and over, you wont get PR worth a damn, Hardman has already said she would use it to keep the small parties out of power.

they are all simply making plots to destroy the country and they will use the most efficient method to bring that about, the press will say it is a triumpth for democracy and you get corporate fascism prancing around pretending to be Marxism.

enjoy your slavery all those that voted lib lab con.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Meanwhile, on sofas throughout the UK, Darryl and Shaznay are deciding for whom to vote in the "Strictly over the rainbow in wheelchairs on ice in the jungle" final.

Scary, ain't it?

Anonymous said...

A Question For Old Holburn :

Now that you are sucessfully unelected, does this mean that you can get a seat in the Lords and Join Mandy In Government ?

Yours sincerly or is it faithfully ?

Magda aged 6

Anonymous said...

"Darryl and Shaznay"

sounds a bit classist there!

I think you will find the middleclasses played a far more vital role, It was the middleclasses that sold us PC, Immigration, Global warming, Tony.

Still don't let that get in the way of you predudist against people who were deliberately robbed of an education while the middleclasses had the best!

Catflap said...

I voted BNP after all.
Protest vote I may add.
For the benefit of 'Stan'. I love my Bredrin really.
What a fucking disappointment the UKIP/BNP vote barly registering on the richter scale though.
Despite the strength of feeling as well.
I don't like it but there is only one game in town.
The Conservatives(excuse me while I spew)
I think if all of us NON EU socialists joined the Cons (including you OH) maybe we could turn the party around.
PR is bollocks, promoted most by the party that has most to gain by it.
The LibDems.
And also at this time of need the Labour fucking party as well.
with friends like those you can stick PR.

Anonymous said...

prejudiced even...and middle classes

zorro

Anonymous said...

Ill take 1 - *FUCK* the scottish and welsh. those fuckers give us Labour

Anonymous said...

I'll vote for any party that does the following:

1. Bring in earned citizenship. Leave school illiterate? No vote. Monoglot chadored fuckslave? No vote. Three convictions under the Theft or OAP Acts? No vote.

2. Replace the word "human" in the HRA with the word "civic".

3. No benefits until you have: paid 3 years NI/reached the age of 21 with NO convictions of any kind/done six months in uniform/married or partnered for 3 years.

The State should not concern itself with those who do not contribute, except as a source of order.

caesars wife said...

So since 1997 parliament has been about comparing navel fluff and changing hearts and minds into navel fluff judgeing and camparison .

Its like the closing scene from "raiders of the lost ark" , "we have our finest minds working on it !" as UK is crated up and placed into the EU warehouse collection of curios .

"this sceptic isle"

Scenario one assumes quite a lot and jock seperatist vison of oil wealth crofting , in reality has a 10yr span before the need for other markets means alec salmonds memorial is abused as much as the ruins tribute to soviet scotchland .

best laugh today was bully bragg claiming 15 new labour councils and BNP flushed down the pan , when delightfull BBC news presenter , pointed out that with PR BNP would be flushed and that system in fact worked . Que ocean finace lighbulb on Bullys head doh.

however close second was Fraser Nelsons R4 papaers cooment on Daily mirrors columist "with all the loyality of grey friars bobby and the sentementality of North Korea " (Cw fell of sofa).

However the business of the pros for which they are well paid , is set to continue and all of its suggested reservoir dogs ending , each holding a gun to the other .

Quite wether the Uk is about to engage in a dual for its soul is not at all clear allthough it is begging to whiff of coporatsist marxism as the terminus .

The conservatives hand is strong in this subtle game and somehow I cant get rid of the feelings that all the ruins clinging onto his own dimishing projection of worth or authority , will have in the end determined the end of the labour fruitcakes and its wonk EU vison . That vison of the EU is introuble from the same rot we in the UK have . What fun that will be that after decades of Franco German civic control, tantelising and harmonisation , that we are led to the holy golden doors of the final result of the project , the doors open and the vista of a room , dripping in slime and full of bickering accountants and lawyers stretching off into the distance .

Dantes vison of hell was wrong, it wont be some horned beast overseeing naked people doing unspeakable acts , it will be a slightly rotund beaurocrat taking his/her turn in the rotating No1 beaurocrats chair , controlling quotas so that none may miss out on there fair share of hell , renamed as heaven .

Antipholus Papps said...

with Doctor Who full of propaganda about PMs called Harriet

Hey, at least they had the decency to kill her off at the end of the series. Oh that we were so lucky!

Scenario 4:
Daleks storm Downing Street and exterminate Brown, Cameron, Clegg, Mandlescum, Harperson, Osborne and Simon Hoggart. Ed Balls retained as pig-man slave. Nation rejoices and welcomes our new angry pepperpot overlords!

caesars wife said...

Antipholus Papps: Scenario 4 has many redeeming features , but were all a bit dazed , boardering on simon hughes sounding sensible.

The tangled web of international debt shuffling is causing a bad outbreak of anti patriotism at the luxury car showrooms at canary wharf.

darling is unsure about UKs £13bn secure to junk euro deal , tax death scenario deal ontop of increased EU contributions just about ensures labours place in history , Astonishing really that the new ecnomic theory is that a bigger bust will blow the PIGS bust out , red adaire must be advising treasury . Daleks are in brussels !

quite a few months to go by the look of it , Mrs Merkel shouldnt have shook hands with the ruin , next stop holland , before tears start.

working on new brand .
UKIP : unable to forgive at the mo
BNP: not very good with money or poll forcasts
Eng democrats : just as bad as snp
Monster raving looney :had them for last 13 yrs unnoficial as Imelda party.
Justice party : List of those requiring justice bound to cause fallout.

1955 party : sole manfesto pledge is to build a huge time machine and transport Fraser Nelson back in time to 1955 and implant him as scottish Labour leader and to form a coalition goverment with Enoch Powell in 1972 to win the no to the common market vote .

I am Stan said...

Senario 3.

The Stan Party fields 365 candidates and wins by a landslide.

Immediately abolishes personal income tax,withdraws troops from foreign wars,legalise`s arms,drugs and prostitution.

Withdraws from the EU,declares Scottyland and Wales as independent countries,hands Northern Ireland back to Ireland.

Recinds every law passed in the last 13 years and begins review to recind as many laws as possible.Dismantles the big brother apparatus,

Builds a Colosseum where murderers,peado`s,commies,fashists,libral`s
socialists,footy hooligans and fraudalent bankers are pitted against each other in duels to the death,or attacked by ferocious wild beasts or whipped etc.

Declares Grimsby a national disgrace and cover`s in concrete.

More on request!

Anonymous said...

There maybe a point where Brown will deliver PR. Tories don't look so keen.

The McBroon (well Labour) could be our salvation for PR.

Glosman said...

Holby... for once I agree with your comments in this section. Zanulab look on the whole, a far better deal than Zanucon.

The Cameroons seem set on getting PR off the agenda.

Bastards!

Mavis B Sausage said...

Cyclops Drown IS a dalek. One of the old fashioned ones who didn't fly and therefore couldn't get upstairs. Can't you just imagine him trundling round Downing Street shouting 'exterminate, EXTERMINAAAAAATE'? I can, and it's making me giggle.

Anonymous said...

@ I am Stan, ...I'd fucking well vote for you in a heartbeat. That's the only manifesto I have yet seen worthy of being rewarded by a stint in power.

Catflap said...

Stan:
Make sure that Cunt Austin Mitchell is in the concrete mix and you have a slam dunk manifesto.

I am Stan said...

@ Catflap,

Aha, I was gonna save that Commie cunt for the opening ceremony of the English Colosseum,

He and Dennis Skinner will be paraded in front of the baying blood thirsty mob who can throw eggs etc,then chained by the neck to a large central stone ,

English terrier`s will be then used to bait them ala the old bear baiting.I think to add a little variety they could be armed with table tennis bats and the dogs fur dyed multi colors.


Their screams and pleading for mercy will make a perfect backdrop to the stoning of Mandelson methinks...:-)

Oh and some morris dancing!...then its Banker time...yeeeehaaaaa!!!

Anonymous said...

I still want OH to explain how, in Scenario 1, you get this referendum on the EU. It look to me like you'd either get a Tory-LibDem coalition, or a Labour-LibDem coalition, just like we're facing now. So where does the referendum come from?

Also, how exactly does Labour get consigned to the dustbin of history?

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