Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Surviving Austerity (Part 1)

How many strange objects can you name?

Right. Look about you. Fat people, shiny cars bought on the never never, millions idle, high streets full of takeaways and shops selling expensive tat, advertising everywhere promising you a better life.

We're fucked. You wouldn't think it because politicians are just printing more money to hand to us to keep us quiet, but we are mightily fucked. So fucked not even our children can pay off what the last generation of politicians have spent trying to keep us happy. And pretty soon, it's going to collapse.

So it's time to live within our means again. It won't hurt if you change your mindset and lower your expectations of driving a Ferrari like Wayne Rooney just because your teacher showed you a football was round.

The human species is roughly two million years old, you will survive a little austerity, I promise. Just 100 years ago, there were:

No washing machines, cars, microwaves, radios, sun beds, aeroplanes, LCD TV's, mobile phones, computers, PS2's, toasters, iPods or central heating.

Just 100 years ago, there were:

No Potato Marketing Boards, Diversity Focus Groups, soft Play areas, community 5 a side pitches, Asylum Outreach Centres, Somali translators, teaching assistants, Community enforcement Officers.

People survived and thrived. Families supported themselves, respected fellow citizens and poor but honest was a virtue. Wastage was zero, trades were learned, skills were acquired that could feed a family in hard times. Time was used constructively, children were crammed full of knowledge in the hope they would get worthwhile and lucrative employment, meritocracies allowed the clever and the ambitious to get ahead. Philanthropy was rife, and we had a sense of pride in our achievements. Our homes were furnished according to our needs, not our whims, our bellies were filled with energy foods to sustain us instead of inflating us.

It will not kill us. It didn't then and it won't now. So instead of sitting on the sofa watching mindless pap on Sky, go and plant some carrots. Instead of endlessly texting your mates, read a recipe book. Learn something that will keep you alive, whether it be a skill everyone needs and will pay you for (clue:it isn't HTML or aromatherapy), or how to cook a meal, learn something useful. Learn how a chicken works. Learn how to plant a potato. Learn how to look after YOU and yours. You're going to need it. The people who have been overpaid with your money to do it all for you are not going to be there much longer. And do it now, the internet has all the answers to all the questions.

Those currently rioting are those who sold their souls to politicians. They made no provision for themselves other than greedily grabbing whatever a politician threw at them to keep them quiet.

Invest in yourself for a change. Because ultimately, you are the only thing you will ever truly own. Make sure you have value because pretty soon, you may well be on your own.

Bring it on. Your children will thank you for it. Start with taking away for a night camping.

Two guys trapped on safari realise they are being stalked by a lion. One takes out a pair of running shoes. His friend says "Ha, do you really think you can outrun a lion?". He says "I don't have to. I only need to outrun you"

UPDATE: I'm buying this.

2.5 acres and a beachfront with boatslip £45K. Planning permission for a three bed log cabin, (delivered and fully built £100K)

Half the price of a one bed flat in London. No government advice or money required


OldSlaughter said...

Jim Davidson called. He wants his gag back!

JD said...

Good sense OH.

Anonymous said...

100 years ago, you'd have been dead of childhood diseases before you hit 12.

If you were amongst the minority to hit puberty, you may have been poor but honest but you also had rickets and could look forward to being covered in soot and dying before the age of forty.

During the First World War, there was an average difference of 1 ft in height between officers and enlisted men due primarily to malnutrition and the prevalence of disease. Your vision of Edwardian Britain isn't just rose-tinted, OH; it's fucking delusional.

Jess The Dog said...

Agreed. We know tax rises will come, so why not target them at the insane consumption? Call it a 'bling tax'...30% vat on the sort of tat we ship from China one week and landfill the next. Buying land seems a good idea but you need an income, and developable land close to work opportunities is far from cheap. Of course, there are other ways to work, and ways to circumvent the planning system by embracing alternative low impact livestyles, as in Wales recently...

Anonymous said...

We could stop buying cars, plasma TVs and a Sky subscription for the unemployed too. Unemployment benefit is supposed to help people survive, not treat them to the same perks the working family next door have to pay for.

Anonymous said...


You told us all that you'd bought that gaff a couple of years ago. Either you've been telling porkies (again) or are becoming a log cabin property magnate.

Shurely shome mishtake??

Old Holborn said...

I'm a log cabin magnate, twat

I am Stan said...

Yo Holbs,

Looks like a nice bit of land there.

However most dont have that kind of money to spend,or have family,work commitments etc meaning moving to the middle of nowhere is not a realistic option.

No,blossom where you are,whether its a flat in a high rise,a terrace on an estate or a semi in the blurbs,bug in and prepare for the worst.

Eliminate your debts as far as you can,grow as much of your own food as possible, store food and meds until your gaff is heaving,its amazing how much you can grow in a small space,just takes practice

Buy a couple of chickens and a good dog (english terrier),secure your home properly,get to know your neighbours (for better or worse know who`s around you) and join a clay pigeon shooting club,get on a bus to the sticks ,go once a month enjoy and get your own shotgun.

What you got to lose?,when the shit really hits the fan your giving yourself and loved ones a better chance of growing old.


UK Survivalist said...

Echo 'I am Stan'

and also would suggest the Zombie Squad forum as a useful link. Hopefully my own humble blog will one day be worthwhile too.

Anonymous said...

You still don't have a clue do you OH, not a bloody clue.

If you add up the billions we give away each year we could be a very rich country.

the billions wasted on the EU

the billions wasted on interest on nstonal usery debt

The billions wasted oon third wiorld aid.

Future investment, wages and hope estroyed by mass immigration.

the education system that would rather destroy our young than invest in them, which creates an overal drain long term.

The billions blown on communist/EU centric quangos.

The billions blown of the scottish and welsh parliments.

Most of you money is not spent on you, but apent to destroy you!

Anonymous said...

Jesus you are some smug cunt I didn't overextend my credit worked saved to retire and now my income has gone down by 30% any ideas clever cunt?

Gallimaufry said...

There isn't a Potato Marketing Board now. The Potato Council is funded by farmers and seed growers and doesn't receive any tax money.

gobshite said...

I think that bit of land is a very canny purchase at 45k.

Best place to be when the shit hits the fan is far away from other people.

And I'd look on ebay for log cabins, as you could could get a nice one for half that.

dicarin said...

Gallimaufry said: " The Potato Council is funded by farmers and seed growers and doesn't receive any tax money."

Farmers *have* to pay the levies. They are compulsory. It is a tax on growing potatoes for resale. It is a self funding quango.

Anonymous 1237hrs said: "During the First World War, there was an average difference of 1 ft in height between officers and enlisted men due primarily to malnutrition and the prevalence of disease. Your vision of Edwardian Britain isn't just rose-tinted, OH; it's fucking delusional."

The difference was due to living standards. Today is not Edwardian Britain and living standards at the bottom are far beyond what they used to be. Few in the UK are truly poor and destitute. Food is cheaper and of better quality. Most homes have central heating, running water, electric lighting and internal toilets. There are no credible excuses for children to be growing up with rickets. This is in part due to limited state action but mostly plain old-fashioned wealth creation.

Were it not for the state there would be charitable concerns, co-ops galore and building societies in towns across the country still doing the good they have always done but with far more resources at their disposal (due to increased levels of disposable income) and accountable to locals. We had schools long before the national curriculum and hospitals long before the NHS. They ran tight ships because their income depended on their results and the benevolence of people with spare cash. Because the Government gets first dibs on our earnings the so called 'third sector' has wasted away.

The state purposefully wants us to look to it for help rather than to each other. It further abuses it's monopoly by making those who seek private services pay twice for them.

Old Holborn said...

You don't even want to know how much EU subsidies are given back to farmers directly from our taxes paid to the EU.

Figures from this year have been delayed until after the election.

Here you go, hold on to your hats

julia seizure said...

why not plant that carrot up your anal allotment, old ho. if you lot had stuck with us romans, you would have had central heating nearly two millenia ago, plus we could now be legally feeding the socialists to the lions in the olympic arena.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:37

You regurgitate Nu-Lab version of history, in which the wicked Tories shoved children up chimneys and the request for more gruel was met with a flogging from the regional Lord.

Guthrum said...

100 years ago, you'd have been dead of childhood diseases before you hit 12.

More Welfare State Bullshit. Life expectancy once you got past the first two years of life, was eighty plus pre 1830. Good food, healthy physical life styles.

It was jamming people into towns that drove life expectancy down due to life threatening illness. It is not normal for humans to live cheek by jowl.

downhill gardener said...

good source of proper knowledge.

Going green-fingered said...

Growing my own food for the first time this year. Fantastic spiritual experience to see those little green shoots develop into the food we will be harvesting and eating in 2-3-4 months time.

Everyone should be doing this and my garden is about 20ft by 10ft. You just have to use your imagination. We have strawberries in hanging baskets, herbs on the kitchen window sill and we're using every available inch of space.

This year is just an experiment and we have lost a lot already - beans especially- something is nibbling them.

It's a learning curve and since we started this the neighbours who we barely spoke to have shown us a few tips. Instead of living miles from the nearest folk, a good idea is to start befriending those closest to you. That's when resistance and survival in times of difficulty take on a whole new meaning.

Try it folks, most of your neighbours won't bite!

Lutney Chocker said...

" Guthrum said...
It is not normal for humans to live cheek by jowl."

You wanna try spending some time in the far east, it's been normal there "longtime", and it's fuckin' scary.

The essence of OH's vision is mostly sensible, but still a little delusional.

The biggest real issue that a lot of other things like the "climatechange-religion", obesity & food shortages, various inter-ethnic conflicts, etc... (the list is long) is the simple fact that there are too many humans for the current systems to support... the unseen and seen knock-on effects of this are the biggest single cog in the system of gears that makes the world go round.

The population in the UK 100 years ago was about 42 million, 36 of that in England (Scotland and Ulster hasn't grown that much really).
A large percentage of that population was young; average family size was double what it is now (& 4 times the growth rate); and there was the first influx Russian-Jew immigrants.
Basically there were loads more births than deaths (until the World Wars).
Our current birth rate is very low (relatively speaking), so to manage the situation, the best thing is to remove the immigrant sections of society that are breeding like rabbits; immigrants of all categories breed more; so halting immigration immediately would solve that problem, which would mean that you'd have to vote UKIP or BNP to get that, as the Tories won't ever touch it.

The whole demographic and economic picture is substantially different: were were a largely ethnically homogenous country, and homogeneity (as well as illiteracy) breeds common effort... as you balkanise a society into ethnic groups, so you move towards an American style ghettoisation and capitalism/libertarianism (i.e..: selfishness), this is because humans are hard-wired to form groups based along ethnic lines and prioritise the interests of their group in a competition for resources.
I'm afraid if you want a golden age of neighbourlyness, then you have to vote BNP, because mass deportation by ship is the only feasible way of achieving that.


As for sending the betracksuited peasants to the fields to encourage them to return to "Manon des Sources" rustic charm, you have to also vote BNP, because in order to make taking away their Argos & ASDA tickets a success, you'd have to deport all the EU labour that's filled the void... and that would also probably mean leaving the EU and rejoining EFTA (to remain in the EEA).

...more to the point, your bucolic idyll (albeit in Lithuania), is only a peaceful idyll because of the industrial revolution and the shifting of the serfs to the slums.

british bulldog said...


fuck off veggie...i'm growing a nice juicy bone

Ivor Bigot said...

Our first earlies are all through :-)

Bring it on...

Old Holborn said...

I'd just like to mention that the state does not develop cures for diseases that plagued our ancestors.

Shareholders, little people, do.

Microsoft has already saved more lives in Africa than the state ever could.

Right, time to lock the chickens up. 2 minutes and half a dozen eggs tomorrow. Get some. They're hilarious.

protection protection protection said...


yes, the state is the smother of invention - it nicks rare birds' eggs, blows out the yokes and then puts them on display in the museum.

microsoft have vaccinated african children against many things, except for poverty - microsoft's legacy is a heap of used hypodermic needles which will be endlessly re-used (unsterilized) for the routine operation of surgically spreading aids. would bill gates be in favour of self-empowering africans exporting food to the usa...or even computers, i wonder?

subsidized farmer cameron said...


would bill gates be in favour of self-empowering africans exporting food to the usa...or even computers, i wonder?

oohah...don't want no foreign muck here.

Sciatico said...

Way ahead of you. I got my Island hectare cheap five years ago. In a much nicer climate. Just about to plant myself some tobacco down below the orange trees.

barack obama - first afro-american president of the united states said...


would bill gates be in favour of self-empowering africans exporting food to the usa

mmmm...i'd have to consult the mighty white grain-silo on the prairie about that one

the niggerbread man said...


yessir, we know the president always get white loaf to put on the family table.

mambo cambo the prime mango said...

i'm actually in the process of erecting an extended greenhouse with a view to cultivating a bunch of british bananas on home soil

conga cambo said...


...although my other bollock tells me to try out dead-man's-fingers, or concentrate on brewing up sloe-gin.

Mrs Rigby said...

Anon 12:37
100 years ago, you'd have been dead of childhood diseases before you hit 12.

They must have married very young!

Don't believe all you hear about the past. People might have been poor, and public health not as good as now, but it wasn't as bad as you say.

There have always been charities, before the concept of the state interfering in every aspect of our lives, and people helped each other moreso than now. The last 13 years have made many people very selfish.

mr ben said...

hey bill, little weed's jumped into my pot

ozzy ospawn said...


weed? great idea. poppies might send out the wrong message right now

the dandy lion of zion said...

hey babe, nice soft bed, how about we try it out then head to the club for a smoke with the liberal members?

Fausty said...

I've been thinking along those lines, too.

Just so long as they don't find an excuse to stop you from planting your own vegetables (health and safety, natch), or from burning wood/waste paper bricks for energy, you might be OK.

I hear that in the US, drilling boreholes is to become illegal - on your own land.

president obombaklaart said...


hillary honey, could you sort out the potting-shed - it's been getting a bit untidy lately, looks like a motherfucking cluster bomb hit it.

Anonymous said...

Im pretty sure its covered in those survival sites but pesticide will be worth its weight in gold after a major collapse. You will lose 50%+ of your crops without it.

Chooks are great, pigs good too.

I do have one query on your property selection though. does it have fresh water on site, preferably a well?
If your costal wont your water be a bit brackish or too salty?

Old Holborn said...

It has its own well

Old Holborn said...


That plot is the UK. The Lithuanians bring the house over and build it for you for £100K.

Whilst the rest of the UK lives on a diet of welfare supplied Aldi spaghetti hoops, I'll be harvesting my own oysters and mussels, washed down with my own home brew and a couple of lobsters.

Furor Teutonicus said...

As to waste.

I was away over the weekend, and there was a wild Boar roast. I was bloody AMAZED that I was the only one to take the head, and eat the eyes, tongue, then split the skull and ate the brain.

Everyone else thought it was "disgusting".

The BEST parts of the pig are thrown away these days....or fed to cows.

As to the photo.

That is Ben Nevis in the Background if I am not mistaken.

I could probably place where the photo was taken to withing a couple of yards if that is so.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Answers on a post card please, thank you SO bloody MUCH Google!

Old Holborn said...

Not Ben Nevis

Crumpled Fiveskin said...

"Old Holborn said...

That plot is the UK. The Lithuanians bring the house over and build it for you for £100K.

Whilst the rest of the UK lives on a diet of welfare supplied Aldi spaghetti hoops, I'll be harvesting my own oysters and mussels, washed down with my own home brew and a couple of lobsters."

gu dearbhfior... 's ann an Earra Ghaidheal nach eil?

tha fios am mu dheidhinn an cabanean fiodh as an lachlann, mas b'urrainn ceannaich cabanean beagan nas saoire, e.g.: £60-70,000.

john stonehausa said...


call that a mountain?

is it somewhere in the chiltern hundreds, old ho?

the great white grain-silo on the prairie said...


hoya there president boy...i hear you gettin bit confused listen to me, don't go eating any of that black african bread's got aids boy...i'm telling you, for your own good.

president obombaklaart (junior) said...


but mister, it's not really black, the flour's white, just like our stuff...and it's cheaper too...

the great white grain-silo on the prairie said...


well, of course, it's cheaper got aids, don't it?...stands to reason boy.

president obombaklaart (junior) said...


but mister great white grain-silo...never mind about the aids, we gonna protect all those afro-africans against that by vaccinating them with the new christianity44dd jab (if there's any left after we've vaccinated all of microsoft's bloody computers...). no, mister, if we allow cheap grain onto the market, we can reduce the huge subsidies for farmers and cut taxes...

the great white grain-silo on the prairie said...


look boy, don't let me discourage your hard-headed business approach, it's very commendable, usually...but what i don't think you realize that we don't really give all that money to the white wheat-farmers, you see boy...we actually use most of it to produce those loud bangy bangy fireworks that you so love dropping on other basket-cases around the world, it's a bit of technical tax thingy...d'you get my drift boy?

president obombaklaart (junior) said...


oh well, that looks like it the africans' turn to hold an austerity lunch for our benefit.

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