Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Mummy, Daddy, Children. Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin


Your children, if aged 13 and under have only ever lived under a New Labour government. That means you have not had to take responsibility for their education, discipline, welfare, behaviour or aspirations. You have been taught to give them all they require and send the bill to the Government who promised to look after everything as long as you voted for them. Nike trainers, PS3's on demand, iPhones for under 10's, the lot. and if you couldn't afford it, Labour made sure that every credit shark in the business could lend you money you couldn't afford to repay.

If your partner legged it, so what, more tax credits. If little Timmy punched a teacher, so what, he'll get extra sweets from an ADHD diversity coordinator and if he burnt down the house, so what, Labour would give you another one. If he can't read and write, so what, he'll go on the Social and get a flat for his now pregnant girlfriend he met last night. No need to worry about the kids, that's what the state is for, ain't my fault, innit.

Well guess what? That's coming to an end. If you didn't bother to nurture your offspring, the State will no longer take responsibility for them. You will. Chardonnay is not going to get a council house because she dropped them as soon as she could to the first passing asylum seeker with no forwarding address. She and her halfling are going to be living in your spare room, smoking your fags and wolfing down your pot noodles.

Little Connor (who is an angel, says his Nan) is not going to get one on one tuition in an effort to stop him hitting the teachers. He's going to be smashing up YOUR front room instead of a classroom. Oh, and he's not going for two weeks camping with the council diversity coordinator where he can run riot and you get a fortnights heavy drinking in. He's staying with you. Ripping up your stuff to show how creative he is. And the army of hairy lipped sandalistas you normally rang and demanded "sort 'im aht, he's doin' my 'ead in" aren't going to be there anymore.

In short, the buck now stops with you. Not me, the taxpayer. Enjoy the fruits of your loins. Every horrifying minute stuck with what you allowed Labour to create in your name. Put down the remote and teach your child to read. Sit at a dinner table and eat with your child. Meals YOU have cooked. Teach him the value of food, conversation, family, money, hard work, ambition, aspiration and dreams. Show him knowledge. Teach him manners. Teach him the consequences of his decisions. Teach him respect.

Because no matter what they promised, Labour certainly didn't and now you are going to have to pick up the pieces. I wish you luck, you're going to need it.


Your world is about to change dramatically. In order to survive, you are going to have to do things you have never done before. You are going to have to acquire skills that will enable you to live in a world where there are no free hand outs and no one is being paid to put up with your abuse anymore. Trust me, they aren't going to do it for free either.

If you decide that school is a pain, family is shit, money is everything and having a laugh whilst someone else pays and deals with the mess, then you are in for a shock. It isn't your fault but it IS up to you to sort it out. And you can. You have a unique opportunity to crawl out of the pond that so many of today's neets are mindlessly swimming in and you'd better make sure you're in the first wave who do, because sure as eggs, the ladder will be pulled up.

Study. Read a book. Gain knowledge that others do not have, it will make you valuable. It will mean you do not have to live with your mum, her numerous boyfriends and Chardonnays screaming brat "doing your head in". It will give you independence to live your life as you wish, not as a Politician wished you to live it. It will give you freedom.

One thing is for sure, if you want what Labour promised, an easy idle life with no responsibility, then you are going to have to finance it yourself.

As Liam Byrne said "There's no money left". And he wasn't joking.

further reading available here


Garfield said...

And not before time.
I saw this on another blog and found it interesting


Uncle Marvo said...

Where did you get that picture of my kids?

Mine, even the small one, understand. They also think that LibCons are wonderful, because they got the curry they were promised when Labour didn't get in.

bofl said...

it won't happen.......

most of the parents are too thick themselves....

it is all part of the meisterplan....

Anna said...

Although my personal politics are rather complicated* and we disagree on many things this really is spot on. You could almost be writing to my ex.

Keep it up, please. :)

* I'm trans, a Christian and a small business owner who detests smoking (I was surrounded by it throughout my childhood and developed mild lung problems as a result. Rightly or wrongly the smoking ban has meant I can at least go into pubs again).

When I meet politicians or street preachers they tend to run away from me. Life is at least interesting. ;)

Anonymous said...

Let's have some consistency OH - in the previous post you are up in arms because some crusties got their collars felt and in this one you mock the 'hairy lipped sandalistas'.

Mog said...

Fucking genius!

Old Holborn said...


The crustys are not being paid by me

The Penguin said...

Sooner they stop paying the little fuckers to have bastards by any passing penis the fucking better. In my humble fucking opinion.

The Penguin

Billy Blofeld said...

"ADHD diversity coordinator"

These people do exist. Not quite with that job title, however, if a mother takes her child to see said ADHD specialist, and breaks down crying in front of the "doctor" - then they immediately prescribe a big bag of ADHD drugs called Concerta (no questions asked).

Worse still, the mother is encouraged to really get the kid whacked of their faces on Concerta and to self regulate administration and increase or decrease the dosage themselves.

Over prescription is common and the kids walk around school monged of their faces - with no appetite etc.

Now there are kids out there with genuine issues, Aspergers, O.D.D and even ADHD etc etc... however, the willingness of doctors to throw fashionable ADHD drugs around like confetti, mis-diagnosing some kids and just drugging up normal but badly behaved kids is astounding.

Our house is regularly filled with a lot of 13 / 14 year olds. They can tell you all about global warming - yet some of them can barely read. I am not joking.

A few years back the fat ones were even allowed to sit out of sports day.

13 years of Labour has done these kids no favours.........

Anonymous said...


No? So you don't contribute to the cost of their dole then? I guess you do, otherwise you wouldn't be quite so narky about all the Wayne and Waynettas that are draining our resources. Innit.

Wish I'd said that said...

"sort 'im aht, he's doin' my 'ead in"

Priceless (to coin a phrase...).

Ampers said...

Fucking brill!!!

Well done OH,

And Anna, I agree about smoking up to a point. As a Libertarian I agree that we should be able to do anything we want as long as it doesn't stop anyone else doing what they want to do or it harms others.

Smoking harms non-smokers so that has to be included.

However, as OH says, if a pub wants to be a smoking pub, and they promise only to employ smokers, then they should be allowed to.


A Right Nasty Bastard said...

"* I'm trans, a Christian and a small business owner who detests smoking (I was surrounded by it throughout my childhood and developed mild lung problems as a result. Rightly or wrongly the smoking ban has meant I can at least go into pubs again)."

Fuck off you self-righteous cunt.

SadButMadLad said...

Love the girl on the right. Too small to understand properly which finger is really used to Give The Finger. :-)

Anonymous said...

Aww, bless - Labour voters seen in the wild!

Anonymous said...

Fascinating to read that 1 non smoker has returned to the pubs.
Shame the other 15 million didn't bother. Anyway enjoy your solitude whilst the rest of the pubs close down.

Spot on OH.

Captain Haddock said...

Sadly, it's not going to happen ..

There are far too many influential people with kids at private school, holiday homes in Tuscany & Mercs etc in the double-garage to permit that ..

Cameron (more like Macaroon .. flaky & moist in the middle) & Clegg lack the collective balls to tackle the "industry" which this has become ..

Anna said...

> Ampers: Smoking harms non-smokers so that has to be included.
> However, as OH says, if a pub wants to be a smoking pub, and they promise only to employ smokers, then they should be allowed to.

Very true - no objections to that at all. It just wouldn't be a place I'd visit for obvious reasons.

> A Right Nasty Bastard: Fuck off you self-righteous cunt.

Oh my. You are hormonal, aren't you?

FWIW the only reason I mentioned ANYTHING about my background was to make the point that even though who we are often seems contradictory, there are some things that unite people who perceived wisdom would suggest would not agree on much.

The current state of our country and the contemptible way we've been treated by our so called Government is one of them.

Anonymous said...

"Old Holborn, 25 May 2010 11:02


The crustys are not being paid by me"

Really ? So, who do you think is paying their benefits then, OH ?

And their Legal Aid, for that matter ?

AngryDave said...

Fucking brilliant!

But, as much as i would love for it to happen, i wont be holding my breath.

Anonymous said...

Fucking spot on.

McEgan's mummy said...

OH, can you do something about this ghastly man Stephen Pound - http://news.pinkpaper.com/NewsStory.aspx?id=2980

My son K McEgan thought he was a supporter of faggot's rights, but he's not, he's just a hypocrite.

Please expose him for the foul-mouthed fascist he is.

caesars wife said...

mmm broadly agree but we need the jobs first , then tell everyone you are responsible for your own life etc etc educate it even . Long way yet on getting the labour poisend fangs out of the sytem yet .

JD said...

Very well put. Thanks for that, JD.

Kit said...

I'll believe it when the social security budget comes down.

Might be a long wait.

Anonymous said...

It's about time there was a crackdown on Doley scrounging Workshy and Bone Idle. The last 13 years was all part of ZaNu-Labs 'Miester Plan' to dumb down society to it's most common denominator - Bullshite Level!!

To create an underclass of welfare dependant Life-style choicers benefits scrounging Chavs and Chavettes. The Wyne and Wynettas, the doley scrounging Vicky Pollards.

The problems will be... Will the Tory - Limp-Dick coalition ahve the political cojones to make this happen. Or will the Uming Rites lobby be bleating and whinning for all to hear, and threatening to sue everyone... Bah Humbugs, and Bugger and Damn the Labour Party for their stupidity and incompetence.

Mr Gordoom McSporran-Ruin, late President of the Kingdom of England, London, EU-rine-Land Universe

The Chinese guy said...

Bloody hell considering how fucked the antithesis of the people you describe are what with outsourcing automation etc.

They are going to be so utterly fucked.

BitterScottishExPat said...

Fucking. Awesome.

I moved from Scotland (yes I'm a scottish git) and lived in London for 12 years and hated every moment of it.

In fact I hated the UK so much I left the cuntry and moved to Japan - that's how much I hated Airstrip One.

I'll wait and see how the ConLibs do, until I make a judgement on them. I'm just glad to see NuLabour out of government - the bunch of cunts they are.

And how dismayed I was at the morons in Scotland who - YET AGAIN - chose to vote mostly for NuLabour! Frankly, that embarrasses me no end.

But this blog posting is awesome, and hopefully oh so true. I cannot wait to see how Chav and Chavette cope with the unveiling of Reality B)

Anonymous said...

A long, long time since I have laughed so much. That was until I remembered you are not Prime Minister and nothing will be done!!
You even have a mention on ARRSE.

Well done sir.

George Monsoon said...

This made me chuckle. I don't think things will work out quite this well, but one thing is for certain the gravy train has left the station and spongers will be targeted by this new government. I still think they are still selve serving cunts, all 650 of them.

Honest John said...

Why are right-wingers such irredeemably stupid cunts?

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