Friday, 21 May 2010

Go on, pull its wings off


I never fly BA and now thanks to Unite, no one else will.

A little background on the dispute. It is well known that travel perks are one of the reasons you work for an airline. Most people who work for BA take annual holidays in Bali because they can. Instead of paying tax on this benefit in kind, it is off contract, just like the Unions asked for.

The boss of BA said "go on strike and you'll lose this" and lo and behold, they did. Now they want to cripple BA so they can fly to Bali for fuck all again.

And move into rant mode....

One of the reasons I don't fly BA is that the staff are fucking horrendous. From the minute you arrive at "Thiefrow" airport, battle past the hi-viz vested smoking malingerers loitering everywhere you are greeted by the utter disdain of thousands of BA ground staff who are put there to make your journey as unpleasant as possible. Your baggage disappears into a black hole to be rifled through by Sundeep, Winston and Crazy Dazza before being sent on it's way to 12 thousand miles from where you will land.

Once onboard, you will be greeted by a fat balding middle aged poof or a matron with all the social skills of olive from On the Buses. If you are lucky, you will be thrown a biscuit, if not you will be sat next to a Nigerian screaming baby. You will then be totally ignored for the rest of the flight whilst the three campest men in England gossip in the galley and tell you to sit down if you stand up to rearrange your bollocks. Secret hand signs tell the staff which other passengers are on freebies from BA and those lucky travellers will spend the entire flight eating fois gras and quaffing champagne whilst you have to drink tap water from the bogs. Sordid tales of Moroccan mens saunas are blurted out by the shaven headed peacocks busy filing their nails whilst stocking up on Gin and Tonics from the "off record" drinks trolly that makes one appearance on a 12 hour flight.

Bastards, one and all. Put them on their arses, Willy. Bankrupt the airline, buy it back for a quid and reissue contracts to those who actually want to work. Preferably size 10, blond and Polish.

55 comments:

pedant said...

its

Norton Folgate said...

Couldn't agree more.

Snowolf said...

It isn't just the intransigent entitlement culture at BA, it is also the fact that whenever you travel with them, they try to make you feel that they are doing you a favour by letting you spend your money on them.

I've avoided BA as much as possible for the last 10 years or so, now it will be avoidance at all costs. If it is a choice of flying BA or staying at home, I'll stay at home.

The government had better not fucking dare bail them out.

Rebel Saint said...

Utter BS. Not necessarily in support of the strike (don't really know enough about it to judge) but if BA offer the worst in-flight service then you've obviously had a much more cosseted existence than I have, or you're one of those idiots who bases a company of tens of thousands of employees on the basis of one bad experience.

"I hope that whole company collapses because I received bad customer service" ... aren't we glad you didn't get within 19,500 votes of being elected.

Damon Lord said...

And that's why I won't fly BA!

BA = Bloody Awful.

Uncle Marvo said...

Reasons I flought (past tense of fly?) BA:

o Terminal 5
o Price you saw is price you paid
o Pilots know how to fly aeroplanes, and speak Queen's English, same language as traffic controllers, which is useful.

Hope Willy gets a good job or enjoys his retirement. Not the best man for the job but by no means the worst.

R. Broxted said...

My, how we laughed when Beshanivsky was shot.

Ampers said...

Sorry, Rebel Saint, but I hear disaster stories from people flying BA wherever I go.

I do hope they go bankrupt and every member of the staff get on the dole. They are doing their best to wreck the airline in these trying times because of their greed. They deserve to be out of work and their families deserve to go hungry.

I hope the Union wins as it will be another nail in BAs coffin and the sooner they go bust the better.

I would hazard a guess that the Chief Executive is just waiting for a chance to go into administration and looking at their present figures, and taking into consideration the strike and the volcano dust, I reckon this could be the year he achieves his aims.

Ampers

Old Holborn said...

Bollocks to that. I have to send one of my kids to Seattle now and then which means a trip to the Solo Flyers lounge.

Usually around 15 BA women in there reading magazines and one tearful and bewildered child being ignored before being sent off to Pakistan to marry their 45 year old cousin.

Catflap said...

I haven't flown since 1992.
The smoking ban fucked it for me.
However Still seen a bit of the world on the QE2 sailing from Southhampton.
Fooking luxury.
Pound for pound a cruise with a quality operator is very good value.
Oh the food,I fucking have dreams about it.

John R said...

oooooh...I like rant mode!!

Last time I flew Bloody Awful it lived up to its name.

BTW Have you noticed how the trolley dolly representatives you see on TV outside the High Court or Heathrow are not quite like the ones you see on the planes? There was some cheering chimp standing next to Derek Simpson who wouldnt have been able to fit down the aisle on a jumbo!

John said...

You're article is absolutely right.

There is nothing particularly special or skilled about being cabin crew. It's a delusion that exists purely in the minds of the cossetted staff who do the job.

Right now there are 2.6 million people registered as unemployed. There must be tens of thousands of experienced bar and restaurant workers in the London area alone who would kill for the chance to make even half what these BA staff do.

I would actually support Willie Walsh if he decided to just sack the fucking lot of them and recruit new non-unionised staff instead. God knows the rest of the public sector has had to accept cost and staff cuts in the face of global competition and the UK's financial meltdown. Tell me why the fuck BA staff should be immune to those pressures?

Tony Woodley and Derek Simpson are leading these overpaid lemmings to the cliff. The BA staff are horrendously mistaken if they think the public are behind them on this. And when they've lost thier jobs, or BA has been liquidated and rebuilt without all thier costly talents, they will be upset to see the UNITE union leaders swanning around the TV stations moaning how unjust it all was - whilst still collecting thier own salaries of £130,000 a year...

Uncle Marvo said...

@John R, or anyone:

Anybody know WHO that cheering chimp was? Was he the bloke in the wheelchair off Little Britain or not?

He needs to become (in)famous.

K.McEgan said...

"Once onboard, you will be greeted by a fat balding middle aged poof or a matron with all the social skills of olive from On the Buses."

I didn't know McEgan worked for BA. I thought he was a long-term incapacity benefit claimant.

Ooooh Matron !

Ron Broxted said...

Your sooooo right about BA staff OH, I once got gang banged by three BA stewards on a freebie flight. I was going out with Jason a BA steward at the time and had been asked to present a paper on anal abuse at a conference in Copenhagen. The people running the conference said they couldn't meet my travel expenses. Desperate to go I asked Jason if he could get me a free return ticket through his connections. He said he would but their would be a small price to pay. Too fucking right, I was dragged into the toilet and shagged by three of his mates for almost the entire flight. When I got off I was walking like a cowboy. But it was nice on reflection.

Ron Broxted said...

Own up, who keeps telephoning 07708858694 and telling them I have secret meetings with the Special Branch in Belfast?

Electro-Kevin said...

I'm a moderate union representative (Aslef). I voted for Cameron (there are plenty in Aslef like me.) I wish I hadn't.

The more concessions he gives away the less likely I am to temper my more radical colleagues.

There is a militant tendancy growing among the lower middle-classes. BA is an example.

It stems for the thought that bankers and politicians have got away with bloody murder and now have the chutzpah to tell us what to do.

From now on I'll keep schtuum in branch meetings and regional conferences - let the looneys have their way.

Fuck Cameron and his false Government.

Time to unleash the dogs.

hangemall said...

Errrrmmmm.... I don't wish to appear pedantic, OH, but blond (without the "e") is masculine. I hope you meant "blonde."

Lord Denning said...

Ron Broxted? No it is D.G Haslam of Bedford, cunt extraordinaire.

Anonymous said...

Bit dissapointed in you OH really - I have always read your blog with interest but this one seems a little knee-jerk.

I am not going to pretend I know what the quarrel is between BA and its staff (maybe I should before posting this comment) but your sentiment of sack the lot and get in new staff forgets that the unions do have a part to play in the employee/employer relationship.

We have to remember that in the main employers will take any opportunity to reduce employee costs, whether that is by withdrawl of benefits or simply by cutting wages.

Without the threat of collective action employers will run rampant, echoing your sentiment of 'if they dont like it they can fuck off'.

Workers then become no more than sheep to be pushed around without any regard to their happiness or well-being.

Unfortunately unions nowadays seem all too quick to use the strike baton and this really undermines their cause.

So before castigating the unions for defending their members' rights spare a though for how things could be.

Mac the knife said...

I haven't yet Ron, but I will now you filthy little grass.

An Undertaker writes said...

Lord Denning is dead, unlike Kevin McEgan who is only dead from the neck upwards and in his soiled underpants.

Ron Broxted said...

I ask again, who keeps telephoning 07708858694 and telling them I am a police grass? This kind of behaviour could cause me to discover just how versatile a cordless electric drill can be in the wrong hands. Please stop immediately....please pretty please.

Blakelocks Head (on a spike). said...

Ron (Haslam) chucked off the Torygraph again for telling porkies. Uncle David (queer Navy chap), war hero? Visits to India? Always following never leading. Failed police constable who was too shit scared to join the army. Did nasty Kevin make you cwy? He is still running the show. Not much of a stalker are you. No real name, address, mobile. After 3 years. Fuck it I am off for coffee and a bikkie. Stay and chat to the brain dead BNP/EDL/KKK wankers like Carr. Fuck the Royal family, Eat The Rich!

Ron Broxted said...

I warn you all, I have had martial arts training and can kill with my bare hands....however my right wrist is still very weak from my RSI problem. I wonder what ever happened to my X-rays?

DS 501 Danny Lawrence said...

Ron (Haslam of Bedford) have you got David Beibers address? I need to send him a few quid for a drink! Hear how those BNP supporting cunts in the plod he slotted screamed? Fucking music to my ears. A bit like when your Missus Anita takes it up the arse from that Angolan lodger of yours! UAF rule you fucking Ras Clart!

Lord Dennings Ghost said...

Your RSI condition was no doubt caused by excessive cock pulling Ron. By the way there is nothing wrong in you assisting the security forces in Northern Ireland in my opinion.

Haslams Mum fucks Angolans! said...

Yes D.G Haslam, bit creepy you checking out the real Rons Twitter account. Are you queer for him? OK who thinks the false Ron (a.k.a D haslam of Bedford) is a gay troll? Now who thinks he is "Alamo", "Sigourd", "Ross Camp", "Gay to be gay" (see a pattern emerging?) from Brecqhou? UAF rules you BNP cunts.

John Hurley Mwah. said...

Oh dear, D.G Haslams I.P address is now with the 32 counties committee. Ooh Matron! Fnnnr fnnr. Tiocfaidh Ar la!

Anonymous said...

I would love to laugh at all you are saying but I don't understand. Could you please make your in-jokes more obvious to thickos like me?

Kate Day said...

Enough of this shit. So you have a poster called Ron who is really D.G Haslam of Bedford? The cunt can't write can't fuck his old lady as he is queer and had a gay uncle in the R.N! Personally I am glad Holbers is allowing Care in the community wankers like Haslam to post here. He is banned on The Indy! Fnnr fnnr.

Anonymous said...

Try Emirates I had to sit next to a fat fucker who was that big he couldn't sit with the armrest down for 8 hours. So I paid for 100% of the seat got 75% of it complained to them told me to fuck off, the fact they are bankrupt same as the parent country doesn't seem to bother them but ignoarnt cunts they are. They will not guarantee anyone in cattle class 100% of their seat ask them if you don't believe me

DS Danny Lawrence Child Protection said...

07708858694 is that the mobile number of someone who runs an Irish Republican Web site? That is what they said when I telephoned the number five minutes ago. He said his telephone hadn't stopped ringing.

Joe Slavako said...

I understand Ron Broxted is also queer for Michael Hewitt, but Michael told him to fuck off because he is a straight guy.

Anonymous said...

It would be good to get the full story of who is who and what is going on regarding DG Haslam and "Ron Broxted". It`s hard to keep up.

Naked Gerbil said...

Dear Anon 13.34 I googled Ron Broxted (Oooh Matron?) he writes for The Independent, gets 10,000 hits a month and is read in 175 nations. I googled D.G Haslam and got someone who wrote for the Telegraph a few years back. Whomever the Ron is here he (she?) is not the one on The Independent. Different I.P address for a start. The original Ron posted here years ago and D.G Haslam (an ex policeman) followed him over. The real Ron (try and keep up) appears to have jilted D.G Haslam (some gay thing?) Holborn does not delete so that leaves acres of his otherwise fine blog taken up with shit.

exurin said...

Anon 1311hrs said: "I am not going to pretend I know what the quarrel is between BA and its staff (maybe I should before posting this comment) but your sentiment of sack the lot and get in new staff forgets that the unions do have a part to play in the employee/employer relationship.

We have to remember that in the main employers will take any opportunity to reduce employee costs, whether that is by withdrawl of benefits or simply by cutting wages.

Without the threat of collective action employers will run rampant, echoing your sentiment of 'if they dont like it they can fuck off'."

Here's the thing Anon, since Labour in particular positioned the State as the pre-eminent arbiter of terms of employment and working conditions such as maternity and paternity leave, minimum wages, holiday and sick pay, health and safety and suchlike, the job of unions is now pretty much an anachronism.

The unions have done themselves out of a role in society by supporting a Party that has exploited them as it has exploited everyone else.

If the unions want their role in life (which certainly began with the best of intentions) returned then perhaps they could start campaigning for a smaller state and less Government interference. But no. They've been bought off like lots of other vested interests.

Ethan said...

Yep OH exactly my sentiments. BA's Air Doris' can go forth and multiply as far as I'm concerned.

Unite really are a poisionous bunch of oaf's aren't they. Fire the lot Willie...show some backbone.you wimp!

RantinRab said...

Holby, sort out this Broxted/McEgan/Haslam shite out once and for all.

It's tedious as fuck. Ruined a decent comments thread.

caesars wife said...

couldnt agree more , at least they are earning , tin foil hats all round !

Anonymous said...

They should have an airline seat at check-in, same principle as the hand-baggage .. If you don't fit; you dont get on or you pay for two seats ... simples ... who wants to spend the entire flight next to a sweaty lardy ass ..

Dick Puddlecote said...

You describe it so evocatively it's almost like being there! :-)

no longer anonymous said...

"Holby, sort out this Broxted/McEgan/Haslam shite out once and for all."

Seconded. I'm against censorship and deleting comments in general but these "people" are just tedious.

Shane Richmond said...

Agree with Ranting Rab & No Longer Anon, please, please...ban the tedious fuckers!

Dick the Prick said...

Come on - being a trolley dolly takes years of training, studying, contingency planning and sucking cock.

I am Stan said...

@ The Bansterbaiters

What else you gonna ban cause you dont like?.

Anonymous said...

Who in their right mind would ever choose BA, and that was before the strike action.
Derek Simpson sputtering like a spitting image puppet about workers rights as their company circles the plughole.
They deserve to be sacked for the slightest reason because of their petulant stance about free travel.
The rest of the UK has to cut their cloth to fit, I don't see why £40k a year washed up tramps pushing a trolley down a plane should be any different.

I am Stan said...

Holby,

I know this may be a shock for you...so take a deep breath,when you get on a plane you will find people from different countries who look and act differently from you...

hope that helps..:-)

Dr Evadne said...

No matter what country they are from I believe that all should be weighed along with their baggage. If your bag is 2grms over the miserly 2kgs you get charged £30 or something, usually in the name of the 'environment'. If you are a fat thing and clearly too big for your seat there is no extra charge for this. Why?
I have had few problems with BA in the past and if you want hatchet faced old boots, Holborn, try the Flybe check-in staff at Glasgow. Only half a kilo of luggage allowed or £50 to up the already overpriced 'low cost' fare. I hate 'em!

Ron Broxted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ron Broxted said...

What I really hate about flying is the fact that I get really scared about it, and often wet and poo myself. That is why I tend to stick to ferries and just hope the Irish Channel isn't too choppy, because if it is I cannot stop throwing up.

Shane Richmond said...

Please ignore comments appearing here apart from this one, purporting to come from myself and Kate Day. The real source of these bogus comments is a deranged idiot called K McEgan.

Peter said...

Keep it up guys, collectively you've had me in fits laughing for the past 15 minutes. Well done.

Anonymous said...

Peter, do fuck off.

Anonymous said...

D. G. Haslam of Bedford is a cunt.

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