Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Underwear Appeal - donations needed


OK, you lot, fancy having some fun next week?

How about we send 6 top fashion models somewhere for a day. In just their underwear.

I'm not happy that UK airports think they can see me, my children and everyone else nude and scan me before I am allowed to travel just because it "might" stop one person setting fire to his shoe.

So the plan is to invite every tabloid and every TV crew in the land to watch 6 fashion models strip to their skimpies at the airport, get on a cheap flight and then fly back again in a day.

I reckon I'll need about £100 a girl to cover the flight and lingerie and I've already spoken to them. They're up for it (no, you cannot have their telephone numbers.)

It isn't illegal, no one is going to get arrested, it will raise the profile of my campaign in Cambridge and embarass our glorious leader and his government with just a few days left before a general election. In every national newspaper and every TV station.

Dig deep, guys, this could be fun. £600 to make Gordon look the proper authoritarian bastard that we know and love in his dying days.


67 comments:

Ampers said...

Looking at the photograph makes me wish I were 45 years younger and single - and a hell of a lot richer!

Go for it Guys!

Jim Baxter said...

I'll think about it if you promise to give them MY phone number. They can all visit at once if that would make them feel more comfortable.

Rebel Saint said...

The problem is you need to get some disgusting fat birds to strip down. If it's classy totty like you've got then everyone will think "Wouldn't mind getting a job on one of them machines"!

Scrobs... said...

Go for it OH!

Ampers, we must be the same decade..., so... do you remember a certain lady being told that she she couldn't go i the door at Claridges, because she was wearing a trouser suit?

She was (is - lost touch) a very good chum then (1960s), just embarking on a singing career, and got all the publicity she needed including loads of newspaper coverage and photographs of said removal of trousers outside to reveal just an incredibly short - er - dress...!

What a gal...

So, OH, while I cannot join you, you've made a happy man very old!

wv 'TOPUNGS', which has made me feel very faint as well...

Henry Crun said...

Even better, get them to follow Mrs Dromey for the day out on the campaign trail...

Anonymous said...

Isn't the most exiting bit going to be at the security check - where cameras/filming aren't allowed? - and they don't really have anywhere to put the hidden camera!

Will you be selling the worn lingerie afterwards? ;)

Ampers said...

Scrobs,

Was this Katherine Hepburn, Gawd that was a while ago, right at the beginning of the fifties. 1951 if my "long term" memory is still good.

Jim Baxter said...

Now that I think of it, women often find musicians interesting. Tell the ladies that I can play guitar, Hendrix-style, with my teeth. OK, I have to take them out first.

caesars wife (peppa pig on the grassy knoll) said...

You could lose the wimmins vote , and people think you run a seedy lap dance joint ,however certainly should clear up on the dungeons and dragons circuit .

For those who thought Peter Mandelsons calm down dear moment at this mornings labour press conference was a masterstroke in control . CW notes that Adam Boulton did not get his question answered and DP summed up it well with a peppa pig sat in an empty chair , on Labours avoidence stategy.Andrew Neils line on on answering the question was right in the sense in whats the point of press briefing if they dont answer the questions.
Buisness debate didnt fire off , and how long have they been going on about getting banks to lend , how many months since John macfall said "he would hold there feet to the fire" .Lib dem John Thurso was terribly nice , but I just thought put an enfield bolt action rifle in his hand , black berret on his head and some olive fatigues and I thought he could earn some extra wonga as a saddamOgram . Whole debate seemed to go over same problems from 18 months ago , which is is targic for all those businesses that have been under the banks need to correct balance sheets .

Watched cleggs zombie flick (not that green littering multiple urban areas ), and the line about breaking up the banks and making them pay was a bit unfair , as the sums are so huge that the banks would just make us pay (although we are anyway) , so full 10 on guffometer and ecnomics for 5 year olds for that one . DOH !

Labour seem to be going nilhistic , no doubt trying to get dave all angry , compared to St Ruin of benefit who was steamrolling on on R4 world at one , thursday could be a tumble weed event with useual crappy 99% verb content .At least Mr Chote has decided all 3 are not laying out to the electorate .

meanhwile in America , ghoulman sachs are explaining how you cover a really big bet made up of other peoples money used in trust ! The little bank that was the toxic waste pipe into the market is surprising in that such a small bank could dump so much .

meanwhile standard and poor have downgraded portugal and given greece junk status ." afuture fair for all " we may all have nothing !

Anonymous said...

I'll stick you some money towards it later tonight.

Sounds like a hoot(ers)

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Jim, if you could play guitar with your tongue, I'm sure there would be interest...

David Farrer said...

Contact O'Leary. Ryanair will probably provide a free plane...

Scrobs... said...

Ampers, it was a lady named Jane Griffiths, and she was a real jazz singer - mainly brought up on Billy Holiday! Her voice was incredible!

The Hastings Jazz Club at 'The Regent' was full of great admirers in those days, and she deserved the break!

Wonder whatever happened to her...

Elby the Beserk said...

Meanwhile, back in Cambridge ( http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/independent-cambridge-debate-live-1955934.html), did they not ask you to join in, OH?

Old Holborn said...

Scrobs, the 2nd gig I ever did (aged 19) was Ronny Scotts.

Old Holborn said...

Elby, the email:

Hi

Thank you for your email and interest in the Independent Live! debate.

I apologise, but we are limited to only 6 people on the panel and those six have already been allocated. So fuck you, you oddball.

If you would like to attend as a guest you are able to do so, simply email back with your full name and I will add you to the list and send you the confirmation details.

Kind regards

Hannah Nicholls

Ron Broxted said...

OH, have you considered your proposed protest could be viewed as rather sexist? I would be more than willing to stroll through a UK airport of your choice wearing just my studded leather cap, posing pouch and jackboots, indeed I could bring my own little posse of fellow leather queens. How much are you prepared to stump up?

Anonymous said...

Ron! You are so right! I suggest that doss brain dead CUNT Haslam.

Gallimaufry said...

Pablo Mason did something similar four years ago. But good luck anyway.

Ras Clart Haslam said...

Oh yes get that hot white spunk right down my throat Uuh. Just like in WW Two. Give it to me me baby!

Anita Haslam said...

I fucking want some ANGOLAN cock up me. My Hubby ain't providin' me wiv ANY lovin!!

Sound and Fury said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hopalong Heffron said...

Will you ever fuck off! I am trying to get my leg sorted!

Sound and Fury said...

OH, I've written a piece about you on my humble little website: http://dev-null.chu.cam.ac.uk/htm/soundandfury/10-04-27-ukip_old_holborn_and_cam.htm
I referred to our short conversation after the hustings as an 'interview' - I hope you don't mind!
If there's anything you'd like to correct or clarify about what I've written (eg. any misquoting), just let me know (I'm much better behaved than Big Media in that respect)

Tragic Sharon Beshanivsky said...

Fuck off Hopalong you cunt! I was shot by Somalians!

Ghost of David Beiber! said...

Would ye all FUCK OFF! I am doing life here!

John Hurley Mwah. said...

You sick fucking cunts!

D.G.Haslam said...

Holborn ye cunt ye, yis are losing it!

Anita Haslam said...

FUCK OFF YE UAF CUNT!! OI'H is God donncha know. Up da CIRA!

R. Broxted said...

FUCK OFF and ride some Angolan!!

D.G.Haslam said...

Look, ye fecker ye! Up the UAF and FUCK THE BNP to hell.

Don't Give Up The Day Job said...

O.H:

Can you not set up a pay pal account to get rid of McEgan in all of his tedious guises? You could possibly retire on the money that would pour in, to such a noble and noteworthy cause as that one.

ceasars wife said...

O Hooters , already that second job is rising out of the ether .

The cape and mask and 6 young scantily beauties , going through a scanner , is it twisted Labours version of Benny Hill , voyer Hill!

However back to more mundane election stuff , glad to hear the news on the doorsteps . I hadnt noticed what the press picked up on that the ruin was paddling his own shabby canoe around the country , whilst labour remnants were ready for leadership fight at london bunker. Ken livinstone answered my question that a new leader does not require the NEC .
The more I see of Alec salmond saying how great a "balanced parliament" is the more I am reminded , what a mess it would be , and I doubt if once tasted by the electorate it would be repeated .

I dont know whats the biggest news Ian Dale swearing over unscrupolous Labour cancer care vid or 3% being wiped off european shares . Clegg has a fab team ,and wants to be PM (Now I am swearing) and will summon money out of thin air , tell us the euro has many benefits and that PR doesnt mean public rationing .

Still the remains of Noahs ark have been found on Mt Arat in Turkey (daily mail seems to have a picture of a classic snow capped conical volcano ?) , wonder if it can float on a sea of debt ? be a bit a bit of blow if they find a plaque saying virginbc cruises and a left over poster saying "virginbc cruisers we take you beyond the end of civilisation".

Liam byrne seemed happy to not explain what cuts his budget means move over quentin the treasury have gone into the sketchwriting business , well impressionist cartoons or drawings by 5 yr olds .

ruins traffic jam in Glasgow went down well , should have sent the dark lord to calm them all down , I promise to do some work but its not easy fighting the forces of darkness even on a good day.

OH fails again said...

You would have made MUCH more impact if you had naked old people(seasoned actors and art models), showing the indignity of it all, instead you go for dolly birds where no one will give a shit.

I really wonder why you do this sometimes OH?

Anonymous said...

CW." afuture fair for all " we may all have nothing!"

About the only thing you said that added up to more than mainstream fed dross parroted in true sheeple fashion.

caesars wife said...

anon 01:56 awww you missed the best bit then.

Old Holborn said...

OH Fails again

I'm not a baby kissing, door knocking type but I need to reach the ordinary people of Cambridge who don't use the internet.

So I intend to put myself on the TV and on the breakfast table of most homes in Cambridge. Care to name a tabloid that wouldn't carry this story, with photos?

Age of consent said...

.
Great quote from Iain Dale on homosexuality, after Philip Lardner, was dropped as the Conservative candidate for North Ayrshire & Arran for claiming that

“Homosexuality is not ‘normal behaviour’.”

Iain says:

"It is in fact quite normal. It's just not the 'norm'".

George Orwell, roll in your grave, eat your heart out etc etc

The language is well and truly dead, and useful only for special pleading, twisting, wriggling and deceit...

Oh yeah, and of course no homosexuals were involved in Catholic church kiddie fiddling.

That's just a slur on the good name of homosexuals.

Scrobs... said...

OH, didn't we all discuss this some time last year, when Tuscs decided to wave his arms about?

Now if you're talking about 'Berlin Ritz' in Oxford Street...

Or were they 'Childs play' then?

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Anonymous said...

Can I have the underwear afterwards plz:) Only joking good idea, I will ask the wife if I can donate.

Mr Armageddon said...

OH it may be better if they go around Cambridge on pubic ! sorry public transport would save a few quid, getting off at popular stops and waiting for another bus would get some attention.

OH fails again said...

Old Holborn said...
OH Fails again

I'm not a baby kissing, door knocking type but I need to reach the ordinary people of Cambridge who don't use the internet.

So I intend to put myself on the TV and on the breakfast table of most homes in Cambridge. Care to name a tabloid that wouldn't carry this story, with photos?

28 April 2010 05:51


So let's say you get in the papers with a bunch of dolly birds that will blend in with all the other dolly birds?

Many will think scanning is a great thing if everyone looked like they do and if they are prepared to strip off inhj public why not everyone else?

You have just undermined your argument - Doh!

However if you have old people you could have a stall under partial cover for their bottom halfs where where you can only view their naked bodies by looking through the screen.

Then invite the press and public to look through the screen and then ask them if they would like to go in the stall!

That should bring him the indignity of it and get some media coverage that would not backfire.

or you could have the old people in their underwear, bounds to get more media attention than dolly birds that anyone can see in every paper already - where is the media event?

no media coverage of this would in my view be better than media coverage of dolly birds that make the system seem glamourous.

Clive said...

Caesar's wife (27 April):

OH lost the "wimmin" (or however the more strident feminists choose to spell "women" to avoid having to write the three letters "m, e, n") the day he was born. More to the point, those censorious, disapproving harridans would never support his political beliefs under any circumstances, so nothing he can say or do would lose him their votes.

Fool (28 April, 1:50am):

Anyone who is politically active on the internet probably already knows about Old Holborn. Getting the attention of people who rely on the mainstream media is a lot more difficult -- the BBC in particular does a lot to filter national debate.

Nubile young female models will attract the attention of The Sun, far more than older models would. In this context I won't say a single word against The Sun or against News International, because they have a much higher circulation than this blog.

Anonymous said...

"Nubile young female models will attract the attention of The Sun, far more than older models would. In this context I won't say a single word against The Sun or against News International, because they have a much higher circulation than this blog.

28 April 2010 15:39"

You think OH an unknown in Cambridge with his anti NWO protest will make it to the NWO sun.

ROTFLMAO

Clive said...

Anonymous, 3:43pm.

Yes. The Sun loves publicity stunts like this: it sells papers and makes money for the proprietor.

You should see a doctor about your epilepsy.

Anonymous said...

Clive said...
Anonymous, 3:43pm.

Yes. The Sun loves publicity stunts like this: it sells papers and makes money for the proprietor.

You should see a doctor about your epilepsy.

28 April 2010 17:27

The sun produces its own publicity stunts, they wouldn't give a crap what some independant is doing who has no chance in Cambridge and they certainly will not be drawing anymore attention to the bodyscanners.

Now if OH had a group of half naked twins that were jelly wrestling to buy Gordon a sense of humour they might just bite, but this? - earth calling Clive.

Now get back to reading the sun clive, it appears to have rotted your brain.

Ron Broxted said...

Having just returned from yet another hard day canvassing on behalf of the BNP, I noticed that the brain damaged K.McEgan has been running riot in the comments section. Next he will be trying to convince us all he served in the military, had a heroic uncle Albert who won defeated the Hun single handed along with a paternal grandfather that didn't hide in the cellar to avoid being called up in the first world war. What a prick.

Tragic Sharon Beshanivsky said...

Who is K. MacEgan Mr Haslam? Some random punter that has been fucking Anita? (Half of Luton has mate, the Asian half!)

D. Beiber said...

Ron you cunt buy me a drink!

Hopalong Heffron said...

Don't give up the day job (how apt you fucking rent boy retard) WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING LEG?

Claire Le Bonkers said...

Ron you are forgetting that at the tender age of eight years K.McEgan organised and took part in the Brixton riot!!!! He is a classic example of a special needs child who was badly let down by Lambeth Social Services....no he isn't, he is just a complete fucking moron.
That isn't a guess, I dealt with the family and they are all inbred morons.

Ron Broxted said...

Claire, K.McEgan aka Hoplong braindead with only leg is clearly deranged and has only the Internet for a social life. I strongly suspect that he is in a secure institution, but sadly they allow them access to computers in the hope that they will stop smashing the furniture up.

John Hurley Mwah. said...

D.G.Haslam, do you want you address printed here? No fuck it, I will tell the lads at Luton masjid. UAF rules OK you fucking BNPscum, run off the Torygraph AGAIN Degsy? Let Wladisla kiss it better you old fat queer.

Lord Denning said...

Tell us about your leaving the Met over child porn Mr Haslam.

Stormfront White Aryan said...

Degsy why did you lie about attending Uni? Nobody at the Torygraph believes you. Bit of a leper there aincha?

Wavy Gravy said...

Anita has just been rogered by an Angolan. Again. With his tiny cock (and liking of batties) her hubby Degsy Haslam (his uncle was a queer in the Navy) is all alone now! Mummy dead aaahhh.

Blakelocks Head (on a spike). said...

Did the real Ron make you cwy? Cos you can't get on The Indy? Here is a hint. WRITE SUMMAT GOOD! Not some whinging shite about "darkies".

Ron Broxted said...

K.McEgan aka Andy Cuntface, I hear you are blogging as a woman again on your beloved torygraph site as (GATB). Are you sexually confused, or are you hoping some pervy old man will start having exciting email and Skype exchanges.
"Can't get on the Indy?" Read my blogs you stupid Muppet 10,000 hits in 170 countries. Well I like to think so. I am sorry you are upset by me canvassing votes for the BNP, but as a Bassett's allsort you will know it makes sense, even if you seldom do in all your silly comments here. Did D Haslem reject your manlove?

Anonymous said...

Er you are D. Haslam.

Caravan Grabachick said...

K.McEgan why are you posting comments as Anonymous? You're such a weirdo, are you also the fake Broxted? Either way you are both fecking idiots.

Clive said...

Anonymous, 6:24pm:

The Sun produces its own publicity stunts, and reports other people's ones. They won't care about the underlying issues, reporting them helps sell papers, and selling papers is what Rupert Murdoch does. They certainly won't be hiding in their offices, frightened to draw attention to your assortment of conspiracy theories.

Your suggestion: instead of a publicity stunt to protest about something, have one to protest about nothing. You devote a great deal of green ink to making sure that as many people as possible are protesting about nothing. Clearly, you don't speak for earth; nor do you speak for Earth.

I don't read The Sun -- it's far beneath my intellect. You don't read it either, for precisely the opposite reason. Now get back to your sister's lingerie catalogues: they appear to expand your mind.

Ron Broxted said...

Here is a brief outline of my proposed best selling novel and Hollywood film blockbuster.Sadly nobody wants to know, I can't think why?

The Koala that ate Queensland and shat on Andy.

Scene One: A koala (normal size) eats radioactive eucalyptus leaves. The premise of this film is that a marsupial grows to gigantic size and runs amok in Australia.
The author mwah
(Telephones Hollywood, tries to get an advance for location shoots on the Gold coast. The project bogs down as Ron, the writer and director all wind up playing beach volleyball with antipodean rentboys.

Scene Two: Ron minus writer and director awakens with a hangover next to a fit young lad named Bruce. Story seems to be drifting away from initial idea. Just then a giant radioactive koala chews up Queensland. (Stock footage of Godzilla, they'll never notice). Davina McCall eaten alive by Koala. (Cheers from the audience). But is this too cerebral for an Australian audience as most of them are really quite thick?
Scene Three: Rolf Harris, French Fries Rafferty, Mavis Branston'Pickle and Nicolas Yidman join forces to battle the koala. (Can we get Kylie Minogue if Nicolas is busy?) Try and have the koala on the Empire State building swatting aero planes. What do you mean it's been done? Koala wranglers go on strike in Australia damaging the shooting schedule. Ron gets drunk, yet again and blames evil forces for wrecking his creativity.
Scene Four: Dalai Lama tries to mediate and is eaten. Or is that meditate? Alternative ending, Dalai Lama has a "Pulp Fiction" moment and shoots koala. Homage to Peckinpah - in slow motion. Mel Gibson wants it subtitled in Livonian but Ron disagrees loudly. Woody Allen wants it shot in black and white with jokes about Hasidic yeshiva books. Ron writes to him saying that it would "destroy the artistic integrity" of the project.
Scene Five: The conclusion. Amidst the wreckage of hotels near Brisbane a band of intrepid heroes stand disheveled, the koala retreats into the bush (gives us the chance of a sequel, nominally titled "Koala Two, Furry and Furious". Jeremy Kyle tries to interview Koala and is eaten alive. To the applause from the audience the light fades and Ron collapses, exhausted realising that his chances of writing anything remotely interesting are unlikely.
Back to the dole queue, reality starts to dawn.

Andy Withers said...

Was your brain deprived of oxygen following your birth?

Colin Berry ( Expat) said...

Excellent stuff Ron,I must have a crack at this creative writing malarkey. Perhaps something involving starch?

Cat A Belmarsh said...

Stick to promoting the BNP Ron, at least you will be doing something useful.

Hiram A Buttbanger Jr said...

Ron I think your storyline may well have possibilities of being turned into a best selling novel and Hollywood blockbuster. I will be at the Premier Inn at Earls Court again this weekend, if you fancy discussing a possible deal. Wear the same outfit as last time luv.xx

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