Monday, 19 April 2010

Travel Update

For all those people stuck somewhere, this is handy cut out and keep guide on how to stop sleeping on an airport floor and ringing Radio 4 every five minutes to complain whilst expecting the Government to come and get you after your lovely Easter holiday in the villa.

Lots of these around. Get on one and don't get off until Calais

This is a hire car. Drop it off in Calais.

This can carry lots of people. Talk to the people around you who are also sleeping on the floor and then hire one from a local firm. Get off in Calais

This has been a public information broadcast in the interests of common fucking sense and taking responsibility for your own life by the Old Holborn Education Unit, Cambridge

UPDATE: Despite having their own fucking train, MEPs have decided not to go to work.


Uncle Marvo said...

Couple of snags:

All hire cars in civilised countries in Europe are booked, according to The News.

Same with trains and coaches. Taxis are available at exorbitant rates, but when you get to Calais all boats are full. This is only for foot passengers though, which is why the sale of bicycles in Calais has gone through the roof.

But I take your point. You should not expect the government to help. You should only expect them to help themselves, or a third world country, or a bank, or an airline. And then only if it will get them voted in.

Joe Public said...

"MEPs have decided not to go to work."

I bet they haven't decided not to claim expenses though. In fact they can probably claim more for not working.

Old Holborn said...

And off we go

Ampers said...

Bleddy Hell, OH expecting people to take control of their own lives?

You'll expect them to start taking out private pension plans next!

Mr Armageddon said...

Well what another fine mess we are in, just because of a volcano and its dust.
Scare mongering has started already that food could run short in a few days because it is flown in from overseas.
I have many friends who are stuck abroad, and their children will not be going back to school today.

The jet stream is still pushing down towards the UK and it don’t look good till Thursday when they think that the jet stream will turn more to the east.

We can’t blame Gordon Browne or the EU for this, but any politician will make the most out of it, politically or otherwise.
Something is telling me Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warning, Give it a week or so and suddenly they will bring out the reduction in CO2 numbers while planes were not in the air flying. And they will start the old global warming battle wagon going again. Makes you think do they want the planes in the air or on the ground so they can get the date !!!

Anonymous said...

Blogger Ampers said...

Bleddy Hell, OH expecting people to take control of their own lives?

You'll expect them to start taking out private pension plans next!

19 April 2010 09:30

Which me reminds of another legacy of Gordons. A distrust of private pensions. How can anyone know that in the future another Gordon will not raid them to buy votes. Like the good socialist that he is he has demonstrated the foolishness of self provision.

Anonymous said...

Fuck private pensions - big Con out!

Anonymous said...

twats... why don't they buy a car then sell it at calais to buy a speedboat then set up a private channel crossing service.

Make enough money to buy a better car in the UK and drive it home and keep it.

Dumb bastards all wanting the gov't to help.

Uncle Marvo said...

I believe (from R4) that they've stopped the private crossing services, which have been running on fishing boats and ribs at the weekend. Private enterprise? Good Lord, no. And some of them are French, They won't be paying us any of that lovely tax, nomnomnom.

Bill Bailey has bought a car, I gather, to get back from Spain, and it has broken down in France.

Vladimir said...

Marvo is quite right. The gendarmes actively work against people who try to help themselves. See this. Getting off the Continent is really not an easy prospect right now. If you were lucky enough to hire a car, which means you realised the necessity on Thursday afternoon before the car hire companies were fully booked, then all you managed to do was get a bit further up the queue. There are some things money can't buy, and this weekend, a ticket out of Calais has got pretty damn close.

SadButMadLad said...

You forgot the bit about the Gov't not wanting others to help themselves otherwise people would realise that there is no need for a Gov't.

The French stopped Dan Snow from organising speedboats to France to pick up stranded British.

Captain Haddock said...

At least its stopped, albeit temporarily the uncontrolled flow of illegal immigrants ..

St Paul said...

The Great Gordo is in full deceit mode, making out that he has the power to take decisive action to solve the crisis; spinning acronyms like COBRA.
Sadly the deluded twat, as our regional governor, has to obey EU Transport Commissioner Siim Kallas who is in charge of the EU's "single sky" framework, which is dictated by Eurocontrol, on the back of IACO guidelines. Gordo must ask him the question "What am I allowed to say?"

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

If you're in the UK - look out the window. Blue Sky eh ? Now have a look at this - I mean... this is dust....

This is complete and utter bollocks and the hairless chimps impersonating governments are to blame (particularly the UK)- the precautionary principal? - only if you don't have a soddin clue - not even a milligram of informed insight.

This bit of dust seems rather wimpy compared to the Saharan Harmattan (Ghibli , Khamsin) that annually (Nov>>Mar) blankets large bits of West Africa under enormous loads of sand - and nobody says much of SFA about it. Flights do get cancelled but only when they can't see the runway.

The airlines are responsible, experienced in flying and are being ordered about by a bunch of self evident halfwits backed up by a bucnch of so called weather forecasters who don't in general bother to look out the window.

What's that whooshing noise ? duh, the last shreds of The Met Office's credibility disappearing down the plughole.

A plague on John Hirst and his ilk. The Met Office's shameless political weather forecasting and AGW agitprop coupled to it's wilfull refusal to look out the window is a national disgrace. They've over egged this pudding to the point of farce.

As for MAndelson's Dunkirk - well the only thing missing in the reports is an Edward Elgar soundtrack - pure farce too - I mean, the Royal Navy has more Admirals than floating assets and can't afford fuel most of the time - what a total balls up.

Anonymous said...

And the Carbon footprint of the volcano is how big exactly? I think it's going to make mine look pretty small whichever way you look at it! What a hefty load of shite all those taxing government emissions targets really are.

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Expect them to try and keep the flight ban in place until HMS Ocean and Ark Royal have had their photo op in Calais with Wee Gordo & his pal Mandy

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Feck the clipboard - Wee Gordo and his 'lil pal Mandy

woman on a raft said...

Buy big tin of goose fat. Cover yourself in it and swim home.

Snowolf said...

I was in Calais yesterday, and it's a fine idea, except you can't move in the port for abandoned hire cars, there's hundreds there. I'd be surprised if you can get a hire car anywhere south of Paris.


Because SNCF staff, in true French socialist 'let's all strive together in unison against the common enemy and adversity' style decided to go out on strike as soon as the rumblings about the volcano started in the media.

As for a Eurolines coach. Fuck that, I'd rather walk. Or perhaps just sit in this nice cafe and have another croque and glass of rouge.

microdave said...

"The airlines are responsible, experienced in flying and are being ordered about by a bunch of self evident halfwits"

And, from what I observed on one of the tracking sites yesterday afternoon, some of them have had enough. In the space of 10 minutes, 3 regular commercial flights departed Frankfurt, and a cargo flight from Amsterdam. Aeroflot were also passing over en-route to the USA. They were also a number inbound from far off places.

BA chief Willie Walsh went up in a 747 yesterday evening, and nothing was found wrong with the plane on its return.

As I type this there are several tests going on, and a commercial flight from Greece to Norway.

Ethan said...

COBRA you say...when I heard McRuin was involved I heard it as Cobblers.
My hearing!

Abdul said...

Your friendly local people trafficker also has lots of empty space on the Dover to Calais route.

Just go to your local Mosque and ask for Abdul. Just don't mention anything about his beloved Magic Carpet as that has been grounded too.

Mr Armageddon said...

Here we go, as I fucki@g said it was a scam, funny they have backed down this afternoon and we will all start flying again tomorrow and now the CO2 shit has started

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