Tuesday, 27 April 2010

A contract with Cambridge

Constituents Contract

I, Old Holborn, as candidate in the General Election 2010 hereby agree to the following contract with my constituents:

• I will remain a fiercely loyal representative for my constituents. I will not put any party or other interest, before my constituents. If I do, I will resign.

• I will work with any organisation in Scotland, the UK or Europe if it will help the people of my constituency.

• I will never promise what I know I cannot deliver.

• I will endeavor to acknowledge all letters from constituents within 24 hours between Monday and Friday.

• I will endeavor to acknowledge all emails from constituents within 24 hours between Monday and Friday but hopefully sooner.

• I will attend regular advice/consultation sessions which will be widely advertised in the constituency. I will arrange home visits for the elderly, disabled and carers.

• I will never knowingly claim credit for something when the credit is not mine.

• I will tell people my real views, even when I know they will disagree with me.

• I will do my best to keep my website updated every day. I will blog regularly.

• My calendar will be published on my website and kept up to date daily from Monday to Friday.

• I will not claim one penny in expenses that is not absolutely required for me to carry out my job as an MP. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will publish my expenses (if any), in full, monthly or possibly weekly on my website. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will not use any taxpayer funded equipment or office for any other reason that to carry out my duties of MP. If I do not keep this pledge, I will resign.

• I will be a whistleblower against anyone. In this, I will not be anonymous and I will use the press. If I am caught knowing about illegality or sleaze and not whistle blowing, I will resign.

• I will be a full time MP with no jobs outside politics nor will I take any money from anyone for access. If I do work for anyone, it will be in a voluntary capacity which will not infringe on my time as an MP.

Signed Old Holborn 27.4.2010

UPDATE: I'm asking the other candidates to sign this contract too.

Also, I would like to add one more Clause

  • I will work tirelessly to get Lenny Henry OFF the BBC. He can earn his own money in the private sector if he thinks he's worth any.


@Parlez_me_nTory said...

Full respect to you Sir, you deserve to be elected.


Ampers said...


Apart from being reproduced on my blog, it is going to two people I know personally who lead their own well known parties. It is going to quite a few councillors and candidates/MPs I already know.

And a hell of a lot of ordinary people with the plea to send it to their own MP to show them how it should be done.

And I will publish it in my newspaper.

Well done OH.

Uncle Marvo said...

3 small points:


I will never promise anything unless I know I can deliver it.

I will not be anonymous :)

Ampers said...

I corrected the spelling before I sent it out :-)

Well spotted for the last item though!

Catflap said...

Ah but OH I have seen the delights Parliament offers.
Like a stinky whore who thrusts her womanhood in your face she will tickle your balls and wet your pallet.
It starts with one meal or a drink then next thing TROUGH!
Be strong brother.

Billy Blofeld said...

I was born and bred in Cambridgeshire and grew up in St Ives near by.

I've moved away now, but I've been pissing myself laughing for a long while at the cluster-fuck that is the St.Ives to Cambridge Guided-Busway.

Whether you become MP or not - I suspect there is a lot of gold for you to mine in this particular cock-up O.H.

Why didn't they just reconnect Huntingdon and St.Ives to Cambridge - and hence London - by rail?! That would have had some benefit to the local economy and also been cheaper....




Ampers said...

No No No

Keep the last clause OUT OF IT!

wonderfulforhisage said...

Well said apart from the full time politician clause.

John Redwood manages to work hard for his constituents and have outside financial interests. The last thing we want is Parliament to be stuffed with ex SPADs which I believe is the inevitable consequence of electing full time politicians.

Having outside interests demonstrates competence and keeps feet on the ground.

Antisthenes said...

If you make it to parliament and I hope you do and you fulfill your contract to the full despite the many temptations that you will encounter to do exactly the opposite.

Then I will sponsor you for sainthood, a Nobel prize and every humanitarian prize going.

Your intentions I fear you will find hard to achieve when the cold practicalities of political life confront you.

Uncle Marvo said...


If I read OH right, he is as immune to all that shite as I am.

I think he can do it. I hope so.

OldSlaughter said...

I was about to write a long post abusing you and then I read your final point!

Now, not only would I vote for you if I lived there, I will donate handsomely to your campaign. Anything to get that talentless relic of tokenism off our teets.

In all seriousnees though, (or at least as much as I can muster) I am looking at your list here OH and I can't help feeling a certain contradiction.

"I will remain a fiercely loyal representative for my constituents. I will not put any party or other interest, before my constituents. If I do, I will resign"

This clause smacks of a good constituency representative. Good, after all, that is how our system is set up. A member represents the population of a geographic area.

However, when you previosly posted a list of your manifesto points I clearly saw 'proportional representation' on there. I commented at the time that that was where you lost me.

How do you reconcile the wish to be a representative of an area and deny party loyalty whilst simulaneously promoting a system that widens the gap between the representative and the constituant?
That puts the power in the hands of whips and back room deals.

Please explain what it is you mean by PR when you advocate it and if you would, please explain how this is compatible/supportive of your current approach.

Either I am missing something or you are. I am perfectly prepared for it to be me.

FTAC Watch said...

"I will endeavor to acknowledge all emails from constituents within 24 hours between Monday and Friday but hopefully sooner."

Contrast this with my (former) MP, George Galloway; he deletes e-mails without even opening them (I can provide proof).

If he had helped me at the beginning I would never have gotten into so much trouble. He would never help me – I’m a white Englishman.

caesars wife said...

has potential OH !

Dick Puddlecote said...

"I will be a full time MP with no jobs outside politics"

Sell the business?!?

Sorry, but I'm with wonderfulforhisage, as long as you completely divorce yourself from debates involving your line of work, and you devote all the time needed to fulfilling your parliamentary obligations to your constituents, how can it harm your integrity to earn income from something you've worked hard to achieve?

wv feckoh - now that's pretty funny.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Sorry, forgot to say, the rest of it is top drawer. All that talk of resigning is going to scare your opponents from signing. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I would vote for you if I could for the Lenny Henry clause alone.

Tracey Ullman's Unwieldy Talent said...

Poor Lenny Henry! He may be the unfunniest fucker to ever appear on telly, but he's just lost his gorgeous and most comely wife! Have a heart!

*enjoys condensed milk sandwich*

subrosa said...

Good luck OH. I'll copy this and see if any PPCs around here will sign it. That's if I can find one.

Anonymous said...

Add these people to your "off the BBC" list and Ill move to cambs to vote for you

- Graham Norton
- Johnathon Woss

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