Sunday, 18 April 2010

Campaign Update


Well yesterday was loads of fun campaigning in Cambridge Market and the Police were only called once with the story that "people were rioting in the Market and throwing eggs at each other". I also used the opportunity to find ten nominees who lived in Cambridge and were on the electoral roll, cheers Guys.

In the meantime, my literature is being "vetted" by the Royal Mail (by Law) to ensure that no one is offended when they deliver 45,000 of them (or simply dump in a hedge if my local Mail are anything to go by), more leaflets and posters are being printed (we got through 3,000 yesterday), more stunts are being planned and I did a nice long interview with BBC Look East and the Cambridge News.

Many thanks to those who volunteered. I'll need people for next Saturday too, if anyone wants to have fun.

On the negative side, the Electoral Commission appear to think that my real name must be used not on the nomination, not on the ballot papers, but on the result. I'll sort that out in the morning, either by telling them to fuck off, or simply changing my name to Old Holborn for a couple of weeks. You don't need a Deed Poll or even a lawyer. Just a piece of paper, a pen and a witness.

Cambridge Council also rejected my idea to put three MPs in a cage. Here's the letter:

1. Do you have Public Liability Insurance? - Do I need it?
2. Have you prepared a risk assessment? - I'm handing out leaflets and for 5 mins every hour some actors will parade behind six foot high safety barriers (Heras fencing, mesh size 10cm x 3 cm, hired from HSS Cambridge, no fruit will pass through in solid form)
3. Will you have fire/safety precautions in place? - there is nothing to catch fire
4. Have you informed the local police station? - Do I need to?
5. What provisions will you put in place for ensuring there will be no litter/rotten fruit etc left behind? - full clean up, removal of all traces of litter etc, washing down of any surfaces.
6. Could you provide more information about the mock explosion? - There will be no mock explosion or pyrotechincs of any kind

We always ask that groups do not obstruct the highway or block doorways or fire exits and no trip hazards. - No problem

Gotta love the risk assessment and Elf & Safety bit.

A complaint was made to the police by someone as (gasp) an egg hit the Guidhall and life as we know it came to a halt.

So, I'm off tomorrow to hand in YOUR £500 with my nomination papers and that is that. Loads more campaigning, loads more ringing up the Press and the Media and making noise and if I get 2,000 votes, I'll hold a massive party for all those who donated. If I win, I'll hold the biggest party Cambridge has ever seen.

Oh, and keep those donations coming, I'm excellent value for money.

23 comments:

denverthen said...

Wish you were standing in my town. Mind you, having said that, no one would understand a word you were saying (they're all boyos). Or care (they're all on benefits).

"Political apathy" was invented in South Wales. By the Labour party.

"Bastards", as you would probably say. Indeed.

Good luck with the scam.

Anonymous said...

I will be voting BNP, as they are the only hop for the causcasion people of norfolkshire.

john in cheshire said...

Best wishes. I wish you could assail the local functionaries with something more than wit.

Sue said...

I wish you the best of luck OH. If I lived in Cambridge, I would vote for you :)

killemallletgodsortemout said...

I'd vote for you too, OH. Good for you - all the best!

RantinRab said...

Excellent stuff. I'd vote for you too, if I lived in Cambridge. And if I was registered to vote.

Lister said...

Personally I hate all politicians ~ whatever their particular colour.
Im just sorry that you thought it fit, you want to become part of the 646 trash.

Personally I could,nt give a flying fuck who wins what ~ its all a fucking sham... and you, yourself konw this only too well.

Shame on for wanting to become a pig at the trough.

Dazed And Confused said...

I'll be voting.......

No I wont.....

Nobody to vote for here, except the one eyed mong or clueless Dave.

Andrew McCuntface said...

OH, might I ask what nationality you are? I only ask as I understand that Nick(shagger) Clegg is only 25% British, and that he is part Dutch and part Russian and married to a Spaniard. Incidentally all countries that we have been at war with over the years! Your use of that mask, I hope that is not because you are really a darkie is it? Not that it would make the slightest difference in the modern multicultural Utopia we now call Britain.

Old Holborn said...

I'm a Catholic Buddhist Nigerian Jewish (fathers side) Innuit

Hope this helps

john in cheshire said...

Haha, well that seals it. You have my vote, mon brave.

caesars wife said...

enjoyed that OH , I thought you may find the journey interesting , claps !.

Biffo said...

Good luck with it all OH.

Uncle Marvo said...

"No fruit will pass through in solid form".

So throw smoothies. Innocent.

cam man said...

Was that a real female police person in the pic? And why was she bowing to you?

OH's mum said...

Is it cos he's black?

Andrew McCuntface said...

OH,now that you have admitted you are part Nigerian, I would advise other readers to be very wary about making online donations to your campaign fund. I have nothing against darkies as such, but Nigerians and computers are a toxic mix.

Ron Broxted said...

There is nothing wrong with being black. I am proud to be black. Being black comes from deep inside, and it doesn't matter how white you are on the outside. I think you should start leaving the mask off however OH as a rumour doing the rounds at the Indy is that you are really Jackie Smith's husband Richard Timmey.

Colin Berry ( Expat) said...

OH, since making a small £5 donation to your online fund I am somewhat distraught to find that my bank account is seriously overdrawn to the tune of £5. No doubt some Nigerian is now cruising the streets of the Nigerian capital in a new Mercedes and laughing aloud because I was so fucking gullible.

Araminta Gussett said...

I would like to say that whilst I am well into the autumn of my years, I find the youthful Nick Clegg very sexual in a dark brooding sort of way.

Claire Le Bonkers said...

Am I alone in thinking Vince Cable and Nick Clegg both starred in West End production of Fiddler on the Roof before entering the political arena?

Araminta Gussett said...

Hi Claire, did you get by email concerning your gorgeous old grandfather?

Claire Le Bonkers said...

Hi Araminta, yes and many thanks for the recent picture of yourself you attached. I will show him next time I visit him. I found Weight Watchers to be very good when I needed to shed a few excess stones.

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