Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Ron Scuttle MP

Nestyn, Tuesday. So-called recess. Knackered, coated in baby-vomit and deafened by whining thanks to the Ron4Nestyn brainwashing offensive: launched Saturday with singalong 'n' advice session at Nestyn Elders' Home (taught them "vote for Ron, dear", to the tune of Oh My Darling), then appointments each half hour till nightfall.

Diane worked the stopclock while I did Young Mums Breakfast Club, Disadvantaged Teen Equestrians, 45-to-63-year-old Romany Drop-In Centre, Fair Trade Speed Dating luncheon, Breastfeeding Learners Roving Support Bus, and South Nestyn's Child Carers Chinese New Year Celebrations. Proof you can't actually die of whingeing constituents. On the plus side, a few hundred votes in the bag (Elders permitting) and a couple of the Child Carers did volunteer to help Diane with the cleaning.

And at least, with Twitter, the whips get a record of the relentless grinding bondage that passes for public service, backbench-style. With full emotional credentials. "Up at 6.30 to visit Elders. Some tears explaining the death tax". "Just a biccy for lunch today! Too moved to eat after pledging support to mums re post office queues". "Way past my bedtime but still time for a group hug with struggling breastfeeders". "Taking time to recover after opening fortune cookie. V tragic motto". "In pieces from watching GB – a great leader whose heart is as big as his brain".

Am doing myself proud, even Diane admits, until orders arrive for a mass spoof of new "I've never voted Tory" ad. It's late, I've had a couple, and at the time, "I've never voted Tory because Tory women are evil bottom-smelling dogs" looks genius. Even get a few compliments until the tweetlash begins: first "look who's talking" from Pippa Rowe-Dent, then 3,000 "disgusteds" on a Facebook petition, then the "Have you met Luciana Berger's blonde best friend" routine from Millbank.

Grovel time again: "Labour's Ron Scuttle insists he did not write the words 'bottom-smelling'. 'I would never stoop to something so infantile,' says Scuttle. 'But I admit I mis-twote in my playful I've Never Voted Tory spoof.'" And how. Until I got the day job I never voted anything else.


moonmadmerv said...

Like a night club in the morning----ah fuck it you just have to listen to john cooper-clark

Doozer said...

Nothing to do with the post, but is that you background of this picture?

Love the blog by the way, all the way from NZ,

P said...

This evil sponsor of state subsidised homosexuality and non-white immigration should be forced to dig his own grave by the people who love this country. This disgusting specemin of humanity, ruptured in arse and corrupted in mind is exactly the kind of person that concentration camps were designed for: utter undesirables who have no place in a civilised society. If 20 people were to turn up for his funeral it would be surprisingly high given the obvious homosexuality gene within his family and given the fact that no person of any decency would appear to watch him be creamated at a non-denominational service overseen by poovy subvsersives. It's no coincidence that the first law that the evil and degenerate "Labour" (=workers) party dismantled was the treason act in 1998. Unfortunately, merely railroading words through legislation does not intrinsically alter the situation and all of these people must be put to death, Including this excremental smear masquearading as a human being. Thank god that they'll all be dead soon!

ukwebspiderdotcom said...

hi Holborn

I made a film and your in it! it's here


Anonymous said...

Was the article written in ENGLISH?

Fuck me, I must be going blind or something....

Ed P said...

Surely this is a Benny Hill joke - this Scuttle cannot be for real!
Incoherent gibberish from an MP - whatever next?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Very funny! ;o)

Who did you nick it from?

Anonymous said...

One of FRED's offspring
er missus

eight rounds rapid said...

the phrase "what a shit bastard", comes to mind =)

Ron Broxted said...

I've had him. He looks different from the front. Oooooh matron !

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