Thursday, 25 February 2010

Help stop it now …

Guest post by Daed Parrot

BULLYING SHATTERS LIVES – Help stop it now …

The sea of human misery is increasingly deluged by the bitter torrents of bullying in our otherwise wonderful, modern, new-labour society. Listen to these tragic stories, if they touch your heart, help protect the future victims of bullying and take action now.

Gordon’s story

Gordon is a disabled scotchman who was partially blinded in a tragic sporting accident. He has been living in London for several years on measly MP expenses and is so poor, he has to share the funding of his three houses with the taxpayer and he even has to share the costs of cleaning his third house with his impoverished brother, who works as a senior executive for an oil company.

Let him describe his experiences:

“I was called ‘psychologically flawed’ by the Blair gang and for years they mentally abused me by repeatedly refusing to let me be Unelected Prime Minister. Until it happens to you, you don’t realise the hurt it causes, I even made mistakes at work like giving away all of our gold, messing up the financial system and creating the worst recession any western country has experienced. Others even said I was a useless Prime Minister, it’s OK for them, they don’t hate the British people and they don’t have a country to ruin …”

Gordon has been traumatised by these appalling acts and sadly has become a bully himself, please help him by voting him into a retirement home at the next election.

Toni’s story

Toni used to be a happy-go-lucky straight kinda guy. With a ready smile and sympathetic eyes, he was the “nice boy next door” kinda guy who was adored by everyone … well you get the idea. In 1997, he suffered a terrible accident of a “landslide victory”, things were never the same after this. Poor Toni’s life was ruined when the neighbours from hell, the Brown Whelan gang, moved in next door. He was frequently taunted, they frequently hurled many insults at him and his joyful friend Peter. They even applied peer pressure on the rest of their Labour club friends until everyone in the Labour club was calling poor Toni horrible words like “smarmy”, “phoney Toni”, the list of these appalling abuses is long and some cannot be repeated here. The inevitable happened, once-sweet Toni turned to crime such as lying to start a war which caused tens of thousands of civilian deaths, stealing billions from taxpayers and giving it to anyone who proved they were crooked, even to the EU neighbours. Various other disorders have set in, such as attending funerals of women he doesn’t know and crying “She was the peoples’ …” and some witnesses allege that he even pretended to be an international peace-maker somewhere in the Middle-East.


Toni’s wife Cherree is also a lovely person and has a notable winning smile. She works as a 24-hour mum, as a humble millionaire lawyer and also as a struggling ghost-written-for-writer. She was cruelly accused of being a stuck-snob up and a sponger. These comments hurt her deeply and drove her into a dark depression. She developed various behavioural disorders such as sponging off people even more, dabbling in hippy mystic meg-ism, buying millions of pounds worth of properties and she even felt forced to charge a fee of hundreds of thousands of dollars to a charity. Sadly her traumas worsened and she eventually turned to crime; she was seen taking thousands of pounds worth of clothing from an upmarket clothes shop in Australia without paying, taking some expensive jade jewellery from China without paying and she was even not arrested and not charged for evading a train fare at Blackfriars station. Imagine her despair when she sees normal, happy, lucky fare dodgers being prosecuted and punished while she doesn’t even get arrested, it must be heartbreaking.

How you can help Toni and Cherree

Toni and Cherree are now living the life of Reilly in undreamed of luxury and are ecstatically happy. Their children get the best education and the choicest top jobs available in the western world (as a result of Toni’s Iraq-War friendships).

Toni and Cherree need your help, please press your MP for an Iraq/credit crunch/other stuff treason trial and for an investigation into a certain MP’s shredded expenses.

But wait …
Beware of Fake Bullies!

Yes, it is hard to believe but bullies actually pretend to be a victim themselves.


Walter appeared to be a harmless elderly man and loyal Labour supporter. But this was a fake veneer to hide his bullying tendencies, he viciously cried “Rubbish” at the back of a Labour rally. The real victim was the fearless crusader, Jock Straw, whose father was a famous war hero coward. Jock bravely endured this single quiet comment with the same stoicism and courage shown by his father.

As a result, the bully Walter was promptly thrown out of the hall by many security staff and police, with the help of the Terrorism Act. It is shocking to read that some gutter journalists actually think Walter was the victim and that saintly Jock Straw was the bully.

Please help poor Jock by voting him out of office so that he can concentrate his lawyerly skills on suing Walter.


And there are many shocking examples of fake-bully-victims, what about unrepentant fake-victim Pam, who, just because she was horribly injured in the Paddington rail crash, had the nerve to mildly rebuke the Labour government. She fully deserved the full weight of Noo-Labour’s kangaroo justice when it hit her. The selfless noo-labour spin workers, such as Peteh Mandelson and Alleystare Campbell et al., heroically smeared her with justifiable lies (in a politically correct way of course).

Girl at the cenotaph

Yes, they all LOOK harmless don’t they, either young and vulnerable, or old and frail or even injured. But don’t let appearances deceive you. You will will be appalled to hear that an innocent looking girl read out a list of the Iraq war dead near the Cenotaph in an intmidating and provocative way. Sensible observers were relieved when a large whit police van arrived withing minnutes and thanks to our barve politicised police ( (C) ACPO) this vile fake-victim was immediately arrested making our streets safe once agian. Of course we must also thank our prescient, freedom-loving legislators for bringing in that wonderful body of anti terrorist law which allows such prompt action to be taken.

Taken from the comments at Guido


R Nosgrove said...

Fucking brilliant. It's a pity NuLabour 'don't do' irony.

Anonymous said...

Scotch is a drink. It only refers to people if you live in the eighteenth century and believe that the adjective "Scots" follows the same syntactical rules as the Dutch adjective "Duits" and that, correspondingly, the -ts termination translates as -tch in Southern British English.

But don't let linguistic reality (or your own alarming lack of education) stand in the way of your doltishness.

Daed Parrot said...

Dear Anonymoutch of 18:08

This Englitch doltish dolt's good upbringing included calling a Scotchman by the correct nomenclature of "Scotchman".

I don't think there is a universal syntactic rule for natives of countries.

Is it Denmarkish, Denish or Dane?

Is it Francish, Frog or French?

Ummm, hope you understand your dilemma. By the way pedant-baiting is a fun sport, you must try it some time.

Now shall I have a nice glass of Scotch whiskey tonight or Irish whisky, ;)

All the best, och aye.

Daedalus X.Parrot

Clive said...

It would be highly inappropriate to speak of Scotsmen, as there are no men in Scotland, only alcoholic tramps and long streaks of piss.

Is the 6pm ninny-mouse off to the tavern or off to bed?

Shree Blair, nee Fuckwit said...

One day Tony will be as revered as Churchill.

Ratings and Recommendations by outbrain


Related Posts with Thumbnails