Monday, 11 January 2010

Shitting on the NHS

I know the NHS is loved by its 32 Million employees, worshipped by 9 million Labour voters and held in the highest esteem by the unemployed/Nigerian health tourists, but honestly....





What interests me the most is that this gem was produced by an "independent National Health Consultant", Ray Addison and Norgine Ltd. Now to send an FOI request to find out exactly what this fucking madness cost the taxpayer.

Source

27 comments:

strongholdbarricades said...

Is this a pre-production model

minus NHS copyright?

moorlandhunter said...

OH? Are you shitting me that this is true?
If not...shit the country has finally gone down the pan.

microdave said...

Holy Crap!!!

W/V "imasing"

Old Holborn said...

Of course it's true

Click the Source link to Wales NHS

libertyscott said...

It doesn't include the sign of how to pay for the NHS.

It also involves removing your clothes and bending over, and not wincing when all is removed from you.

Anonymous said...

It was only a matter of time before they told us how to shit.

Ron Broxted said...

As a genuine half black Jamacian Jewish Muslim and decrepit old queen, who likes to wear a kilt and fishnet stockings when cottaging. I usually take a shit crouching over a street drainhole. You should see the state of my old boots and my shit stained jogging trousers, and the smelll is well awful............Oooh matron.

buddedat said...

Produced in 2003 (read the small print).

Real breaking news there, OH.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

I think we ought to see alongside this diagram one for the fuzzie wuzzies, depicting a scene where they balance their feet on either side of the rim of the bowl and crouch down for a #2.

I'd love to see the HSE approval meeting where they are torn between political correctness and trivial risk assesment.

Old Holborn said...

Ask and you shall receive

http://www.eastlondon.nhs.uk/uploads/documents/interpreting_manual_a4_somali_final2_2.pdf

lilith said...

Actually I find this diagram rather helpful. It seems I have been doing it wrong as I have no foot rest.

Anonymous said...

OH, the person in the illustration is clearly black, so one assumes an immigrant. Would you disagree that it's important that immigrants who come to the UK use a toilet rather than shit in the street as they were accustomed to doing? If so, what are you complaining about?

ullage said...

Not a word about what to do next. Typical.

Anonymous said...

TUG craps all over Ron Broxted and strangley Ron seems to like it. See TUGS latest scrap, or should that be crap on the my telegraph site. Broxted is appearing as Shanghai Joe and David Barclay. How many scalps has Broxted got left to lose?...........continued on page 69.

Harri said...

Old Holborn said...
Of course it's true

Click the Source link to Wales NHS

11 January 2010 12:23

Wales eh !

Far more advanced than the South East.

Once, one has had a shit
Next you will, require some paper
If the paper can not be found
On the wall there is a scraper
If the scraper can not be found
You will just have to rub your arse
Along the ground.

Simples.

OldSlaughter said...

Christ,

So that's where I was going wrong.

This is going to save me a fortune in laundry.

Thanks OH.

Joe Public said...

But the Goatse demonstration is the best way of opening one's bowels.

Nick said...

Wife got one when she was pregnant.

I'm going to frame it and put it on the door of the downstairs loo.

What else are you supposed to do with it?

Joe Public said...

Nick.....
"What else are you supposed to do with it?"

Why don't they get Andrex to print it?.

Ron Adolf Broxted said...

Six questions the B.N.P must answer.
Griffin to stand as M.P for Barking? Quite apt as he is the best candidate. Barking and Dagenham council to be controlled by the BNP? Unless something dramatic happens I say bring it on. Why has this occurred? Largely due to ZaNuLabour taking the white working class vote for granted. Whether immigration is out of control it is my contention that they obtain preferential treatment for housing and welfare benefits that is why I joined the B.N.P. last month.
Stoke, Amber Valley, Burnley, South Leeds along with Bishop Auckland have all been targetted. Islam4UK should be banned and why not they are far more dangerous than the BNP. Seig Heil. Is it a fact that Ali, Faisul and company are a greater threat. Very likely according to the evidence. constable. Where is the money coming from, to finance our campaign? Is it the Barclay Brothers? There is certainly a major presence of far right bloggers on the Torygraph, my hero Obergruppenfuhrer Barnbrook a (former gay porn star) My god he is well hung.....Oooh matron, he had a blog there. Cllr Barnbrook is unmarried like me. I like to go down on one of the the Torygraph's bloggers, I shall call him Lurgan Boy in case his wife finds out. Finally before Islamic suicide bombers moan why they became the target. They should take a look in the mirror. Their brothers in Afganistan are killing our boys.

Robert Campbell said...

Ron Broxted are you sure your mother didn't take a stiff shit and think it was a baby boy and called it Ron?

Toilet Inspector said...

Actually, I think I know the reason for this. According to Reynolds the paramedic shitting can put a lot of pressure on a certain nerve if you've not careful, which can strain the heart. (this is how Elvis died IIRC)

Reynolds used to work in A&E, and apparently one of the things the staff most feared to hear was a request to use the toilet.

Grumpy Shitter said...

Bloody Hell - I've been doing it wrong!!

A better use of money might be to tell us whether we should sit or stand whilst we wipe

Anonymous said...

This leaflet has been around for years so I wouldn't waste your time - it's designed to aid people with digestive disorders - and Norgine LTD (a private company) as far as I'm aware paid for it's production.

Exlax said...

Awaiting frequency instructions!

Windpower said...

Emissions - the poower of propooganda
for the
Poopulus

Anonymous said...

Was this from the same series as 'How to Wash your Hands'?

I forecast 5 years ago that soon Big Nanny would not trust us to wipe our own arses: Let's face it, we're probably doing it wrong, so it's a public health hazard that's costing the NHS billions (love that scapegoat-society bullflop, doncha?).

Where it's going is that teams of highly trained Government-Appointed Arse Wipers will be required to do the job for you.

Frankly, you can't be trusted.
And they can prove it
- Did you ever go on an official arsewiping training course? NO.
- Have you reviewed and updated your technique? NO.
- Have you read up about latest hygene protocols? NO.
- Have you submitted your annual fee and progress report to the Institute for Arsewiping? NO.

Told ya! You're not competent, and from now on Nanny's gonna do it for you.

Yes, it's the Philospher's Stone, the perfect meeting point in for all of the Nerdly covens - Bureaucracy, Health and Safety, those political stooges masquerading as 'the NHS', the Nanny-from-Hell government and the finger-pointing fools to buy into them...

It's only fair, people and if you've nothing to hide you've nothing to fear, so Bend Over.

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