Sunday, 17 January 2010

How to beat the scanners

I'm flying to Zurich tomorrow. At the first sign of a full body scanner, I'm going native. You want to see me nude? Then see me nude. Hopefully a few Muslim women will be "offended".


Anonymous said...

Yeh and Im on my way to New York.
Just thought I'd drop that in.

Joe Public said...

As you continuously wear a mask, how will we actually know it's you?

Bertie-Bassett said...

You'll see him down the Market, buying the left over rotten fruit for his Freeman diet.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys,
just to let you know Im off to Joburg, SA tomorrow, so I wont be posting my normal pieces of shite!


Rogerborg said...

Good on them. Point well made.

Shame they couldn't find any really fat ugly lesbos to strip right off and swing 'em around their kneecaps though. That might have made their point a little more piquantly.

Old Holborn said...

I'm planning something for Heathrow.

Old Holborn said...

Ampers said...

Hey, Anonymous,18:38, Joburg? How twee... it's called Jozie nowadays :-)

Fantastic vid, I always wear a Cowboy belt and am always forced to remove it.

I borrowed a huge pair of jeans when I went to SA last, and wore no underpants. When they made me take the belt off the pants fell down and I was bollock naked.

It caused a big flutter and the security weasal told me to hold the trouses up, so I bent down from the waste and there was a scream. He told me then to put the belt back on and he used the scanner wand, as he should have done in the first place.


SO17 said...

At St Stephens entrance we had an Xray machine,a metal detector that you had to walk through for it to work and an explosive sniffer that you had to stand still in for that to work.
Despite instructions every member of the public did the opposite.
Stood in the metal detector and walked straight through the sniffer often forgetting their bag in the Xray as well.
St Stephens post was nicknamed the 'Funny Farm'cause it would drive you round the fucking bend.

Harri said...

Fuck me !

You wait and wait for a cunt to come along, and then two arrive at the same time.

Who would have thought it.

Joe Public said...
As you continuously wear a mask, how will we actually know it's you?

17 January 2010 18:34

Bertie-Bassett said...
You'll see him down the Market, buying the left over rotten fruit for his Freeman diet.

17 January 2010 18:35

Scrobs... said...

Harri, yet again, plonk all over keyboard!

Having watched Countryfile tonight though, I'm beginning to get even more pissed off with the supermarkets telling me about broccoli.

We use a local greengrocer and she tries ten times harder to help her customers.

Nothing wrong with rotten fruit either, it saves on yeast...

Harri said...

Scrobs... said...
Harri, yet again, plonk all over keyboard!

And aint it a bitch?

But it's good plonk !

Unlike, the fucking sticky bastard keyboard.

Scrobs... been there have you?

Harri the townie said...

Scrobs... said...
Harri, yet again, plonk all over keyboard!

Having watched Countryfile tonight though, I'm beginning to get even more pissed off with the supermarkets telling me about broccoli.

Countyfile eh ! BBC, i presume! should be renamed ' Cuntryfile '

"I have been watching, countryfile.. ,maybe you need to get out more, and actualy get a fucking life.

liberal lefty lental muchers day out goes badly wrong! said...

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) –

Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

lental muchers day out goes badly wrong said...

Picture of fascist lental muncher taped to tree

NWO Hitler youth said...

Camerons Hitler youth

David Cameron has already backed plans to introduce a so-called “rights of passage” scheme. Gordon Brown has also backed proposals for limited national service.

As has Obumma and Crudd – no it’s not the NWO hitler youth these things just randomly magic out of thin air and the bilderberg group has nothing to do with it!

Besides how could it be, it hasn’t been on the BBC and they would tell you the connections right?

Under Cameron’s proposals, all of the UK’s 650,000 16-year-olds would take part in six-week projects after they leave school. The Tory leader has backed military training.

Hitler youth backed by Cameron, Brown, Obama and Rudd (the NWO) said...

Hitler youth comparison, So you don't believe in a dictatorial genocidal NWO huh!

You scared yet? if not you ain't paying attention! said...

NWO Hitler youth in their own words

Repeate after me, the nwo does not exist, the nwo does not... said...

Nathan Rothschild said (1777-1836): “I care not what puppet is placed on the throne of England to rule the Empire. The man who controls Britain’s money supply controls the British Empire and I control the British money supply.”

Harry Hill said...

Show them you 'Mohammed was a paedophile and fucked a nine year old when 53 years old' tattoo.

I dare ya.

Anonymous said...

Alternatively, with a star of David tattoo you probably won't get scanned at all, since the security of many international airports is controlled by Israeli firms.

Ampers said...

National Service was great. After basic training, they sent me to Paris, let me wear my civvy suit, gave me a PPK and let me wander around Paris (before NATO went to Brussels) in a company car all day long.


caesars wife (reconstituted and freelance) said...

I some how cant help but think post 21:38 is a clear example of free association and freedom of expression despite the duct tape .

clearly one mans comfort zone is another mans life in error .

If we have democracy then we try and shape things by argument/discussion/debate , no party should think certain descriptions of situations are wrong , history is littered with examples where minority voices were not headed only create a further situation .

The modern world is making people worthless in its own way I can articulate that , perhaps people with totalitarian views are weak in there own way , but doesnt the loss of freedoms lead to that way of thought ?

I mean if this fabian/socialist/marxist idea is wrong (i think it is) you would expect dissent towards it ,even if it is a bit crude at times , why should this goverment get away with it, with a weak election ? and smiling at leaving a massive debt , and broken society .

Hamish said...

Dammit Old Holborn,
I was hoping it was a post from Anna.

Anonymous said...

Ampers said...
National Service was great. After basic training, they sent me to Paris, let me wear my civvy suit, gave me a PPK and let me wander around Paris (before NATO went to Brussels) in a company car all day long.


18 January 2010 00:13

That was before we launched illegal wars and were ruled by an undemocratic foreign fascist police spy state and feared a now near non existant outside russian invasion threat you muppet.

if conscription is brought in, it will be used either on our own public like the SA or further indoctrinate our youth like the hitler youth or will be used for a needless greed and imperial based foriegn invasion that will kill millions.

You only need conscription when there is a serious outside threat - there is no such threat.

Using it to keep the youth amused in a forced slavery system as some kind of `fix` is bullshit and simply shows that civil society has broken down and no amount of national service will fix that.

Spending the money on grammer schools and real productive skill traing would be far more fruiteful and potentially far less deadly.

Ron Broxted said...

I have decided to put my name forward for the position of editor of the Independant due to the poor standard of the other proposed candidates Rod Liddle (Too fat) Suzanne Moore (Too bitchy). I would like you all to vote for me, so here are some of my details.

Ron Broxted
Age: Biological 49 mental age 9
Gender: Male Transvestite
Astrological Sign: Taurus
Zodiac Year: Of the Cunt Ox
Location: Belfast YMCA and Multi-story car park (basement stairwell)

About Me
I am a keen supporter of the BNP and into Gay Rights issues big time. Recently I infiltrated the Islamic movement in Northern Ireland and attended several mosques to gather information on activists for the BNP.
I am currently not in any full time relationships due to the fact that I prefer Cottaging and cruising for rough trade, with the odd bit of Badger Watching...Oooh matron.

What turns me on?

Rimming,Glass top coffee tables, Beastality with Yorksire Terriers, Extreme bondage sessions Copraphilia, Pictures of Rod Liddle, Will Young and listening to recordings of myself talking.
The squish of shit between my toes; and other tramps ejaculating on my face.

Favourite Films

Raging Bull Cross of Iron Gladiator movies, Homo bikers Revenge, Lord of the Ringpiece, Brokeback Mountain, Biggles takes it up the arse, Bosnian Bumboys and Croatian Lesbians, Summer Holiday,Splash out on my face.

Favourite Music

Opera, Will Young, Queen, Scissor Sisters,Village People, Pet Shop Boys, Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Judy Garland.

Favourite Books

Noddy series, Anything I can colour in or try to join up the dots, or the ones with pop-up pictures.

Blog names; I blog also as John Steed, Robert Napier, Kiska,Ewanme,K McEgan,Shanghai7 Craig Lynch E Jones, Wesley Groves, Baby P,Begbie, Trafalgar, Zydeco, Brixton81.

I attended Peckham Special needs school, Robert Napier Secondary School Gillingham Kent, expelled for wearing too much make up.
Further Educashun
Hertfordshire Poly
NVQ Cottage Management (Failed to complete course).
McDonalds Customer Services 3 days.

Employment History.

Still waiting for that dream job.


Anonymous said...

Anyone see the film US Marshalls on Ch 5 last night? The part where the convicts were being transported by plane was an education. Shackled and chained. Thats how mosquerats should travel in a sealed section for the duration of the flight. Save us a lot of grief.

Anonymous said...

Ron, I think given your CV, the Star or the Express might be a better bet.

I am Stan said...

Biometric security systems like fingerprint and retinal scanning have been on the forefront of security, but a new biometric procedure promises to go even deeper.

Heathrows new rectal scanner promises to be the end all in security.

"As has been shown in countless movies, fingerprint and retinal scans can be easily duplicated by using wax molds or by cutting off the head of a passenger, but rectal scanning is almost impossible to fake," said Heathrows Head of Security

"The inside of everyone's rectum has a unique pattern which is more complex than fingerprints and a rectum is harder to pop out than an eye so it is more secure, after an initial ten-minute scan to map out the person's rectum, it's just sit and go."

The probe vibrates and expands if it detects an invalid rectal signature.

"It's a simple process. The passenger lubes up the probe to increase electric conductivity then just sits down on it," said a Heathrow spokesperson

"A few passengers complained, but most are used to taking it up the ass from management around here, so it wasn't a big adjustment."said a cleaner

Some passengers complained that the process is "quite painful" while others had to be forced to get off the probe.

Managers at Heathrow have suggested passengers wear miniskirts or kilts to speed up the process.

Anonymous said...


"At the BBC, where I worked for seven years, homosexuality was very nearly compulsory."

January 18, 2010
The day I decided to stop being gay
Twenty years after he came out, Patrick Muirhead, 41, explains why he is suddenly feeling the appeal of the opposite sex

bofl said...

perhaps if we stopped killing muslims they wouldnt want to kill us?

who are the terrorists?
muslims or jobsworths all working as low paid stasi members like robots?

perhaps if the 'authorities' spent more time actually stopping the loonies ie the nigerian helped onto a plane without a passport (ffs) instead of harrassing the general public we might actually be safer........

but then that wouldn't be ok with u.s oil interests or freedom would it?

Anonymous said...

Muslims have been killing non-muslims for 1400 years. The best thing is to treat them like rabid dogs.Have nothing to do with them,leave their lands,kick them out of ours.Trade oil for whatever they need,until we can work out a way of living without their oil. Then let them wither and die.

Pablo (yo) said...

Great blog!!
If you like, come back and visit mine:

Pablo from Argentina

John Steed said...

Tried your link and got nada. Count de Komarowsky. This me talking to my self. Am I not a mega cunt?

Ron Broxted said...

I have been thinking, if by some miracle I do not get the editors job at the Indy I wouldn't mind becoming a body scanner operator at a busy airport. Just think of all the fit young twinks I could spend my time watching electronically stripped of their clothes......Oooh matron. I would be prepared to work double shifts without any fucking breaks. I think they should also give the operators permission to look up young mens arses for dynamite.........must go.

VotR said...

Safe trip.

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