Thursday, 5 November 2009

Hogwarts


Firstly, many thanks to those who joined me on my annual stroll to Parliament.

We actually got in. Twenty five Guys Fawkes's actually got into Parliament on November 5th.

Sure, we were bullied, threatened and abused (by the authorities) but we got in. Eventually.

It was not a pleasant experience.

For those who have never been inside, it is a VERY impressive building. In fact, it's fucking Hogwarts. Lock, stock and barrel. It has House Elves, dressed in bizarre fancy dress with white bow ties, ready to pounce on you if you so much as dare try to conduct a TV interview on the second step of St Stephens Hall (the first step is OK. Really. We checked). A fellow seditionary was dragged off by the Police for wearing a hat (apparently only the Queen and the Police can wear a hat inside Parliament). It has hordes of security who are there not to make the place secure (we got in, remember) but to enforce bizarre House Rules. Could we have a copy of the House Rules? Ask the Sargeant at Arms. Fill out this form.

So whilst five MP's droned on about Climate Change, I was warned by someone dressed as a butler to behave myself in the public gallery ("this is an ancient hall. Behave"), we were informed by the Police that we had NO RIGHTS WHATSOEVER in Parliament. None. Zilch. All rights for the public are suspended as soon as they walk through the door (not for MPs of course)

It's a joke. Our MPs fall from public schools into a larger public school. The prefects patrol the corridors, house points and trophies are traded with not a jot of any recognition to the country outside Parliament. And when this is over, it's off to Senior Hogwarts in the Lords for more feasting and Roast Swan.

I thoroughly recommend you get your arses down there. It is a Disney Theme Park, created by monsters who simply couldn't give up the six form common room. I found school to be the most undemocratic and brutal regime, full of nepotism, injustice and sheer stupidity of authority for authoritys sake, something which gave me a lifelong distaste for both my elders and betters. And these bastards have just recreated it, to perfection.

Unlike Hogwarts however, these bastards hate muggles. With a passion. Parliament is Slytherin. I need a shower. I can smell their contempt still lingering on my clothes. I want nothing more to do with any of them.

48 comments:

The Penguin said...

Well done - for getting that far - and add a splash of Dettol to your ablutions.

Then treat yerself to a large Glenmorangie (or two).

The Penguin

calais said...

Good on you OH (&the other 24).

You should be able to dine out on (or @least fill the blog with) the pics for quite a while.

Giolla said...

Pleasure to join you as ever, but you forgot to warn people if they are visiting don't wear anything with a slogan on it or you will be required to take it off and wear it inside out if you've nothing else to wear.

caesars wife said...

first smell of politics OH ? I had you down as having the stomach for it !

Still your best march yet ! there may be a day when its a 1000 strong

Rog said...

Well done all.
Wish I could've been there.

Anonymous said...

WEll done OH, while we do not share the same politics (i'm not a Libertarian but social democratic - democratic being the KEY word), it warms my soul to know you were there on behalf of the people, representing the people as none of the slime inside will.

Hope you shook them up a little!

Viktor Berzhins said...

Tovaritsch next time ve go viz Semtex, ja?

No more NWO wars said...

Twelve people have been killed and 31 wounded in a shooting spree at a Texas military base by what officials believe was possibly carried out by an Army officer.

The suspected gunman was identified by ABC News as Major Malik Nadal Hasan.

The shooter was killed and two other suspects, who are also soldiers, have been apprehended

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/soldiers-killed-fort-hood-shooting/story?id=9007938

Rogerborg said...

Good show. Next time, I'm sure you won't take any lip from your employees in the public gallery of your "ancient hall".

Was it a masks on or off affair in the public gallery?

Anonymous said...

"Still your best march yet ! there may be a day when its a 1000 strong"

At his current rate, that will be in 3009, so most of us will be dead.

The comment about people in the building dressed up was a tad ironic.

wv: latignes. Bung an r in the there and it's close enough - a load of shite.

Gordon Brown said...

How I would love to give you "six of the best" you bastard

woman on a raft said...

With thanks to Giolla for the badge.

Guthrum said...

'At his current rate, that will be in 3009, so most of us will be dead'.

And you are so intimidated by this crap of a system that you post as 'Anon'

Simon said...

here are a couple of vids from yesterday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAw81jahZrM


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGVOjBQ48VA

Anonymous said...

Top Job.

That sounds exactly as it should be - lots of pomp and silly rules but nothing that got in your way to see what you wanted.
Should also remind MPs etc that they still have to follow rules (although don't always work)

The equivalent in europe must be the eurovision song contest.. that has lots of silly rules but is a great show, but you wouldn't want to run the whole country like that.

Constantly Furious said...

Fucking well done. Really.

I wish I could have been there - I was stuck in an office not more than a mile away - and I hereby give a guarantee (and not just a cast-iron one) that I'll attend the next.

HairyChestnuts said...

Yesterday was a great day out, and a real privilage to meet so many like minded people.
I'm looking forward to next year already ;-)

thelunaticarms said...

Well done, once again mu super powers were needed in Peckham (broken washing machine) so couldn't make it myself.

Lovely building though, shame about the residents.

Snowolf said...

It was bizarre in there.

Reverential like a church, people wearing funny clothes and whispering.

Searched twice between the gates (kudos to the main PC from the Lake District who took us in very good humour and the blonde House gopher who didn't miss a beat) and the gallery.

No masks, hats, capes, wigs, phones, cameras (my camera had to share a pigeon hole with OH's mobile phone and steadfastly refused to work until Mrs. Snowolf nursed it back to health. I don't know what is on your mobile OH, but it seemed to upset poor little snappy), shirts with slogans or seemingly anything. Surprised there's not a no jeans, no trainers policy.

The oddest things were what you don't see on the TV, the deeply ugly perspex screens dividing the gallery from the floor, the odd juxtaposition of modern TV screens and countdown clocks declaring the member talking, his/her constituency and how long they have left to bore everyone to death, and then the very strange scurryings of the 'House Elves' in wierd costume, bowing and scraping every third step.

A watcher from elsewhere would probably think all this deference was due to the 'honourable' members, but remember this is a Royal palace - it truly is the twilight zone. It'd drive me up the bloody wall.

That being said, I quite like the institution, I quite like the odd little goings on, it is at least not as sterile as the cultureless European Parliament. It's the members of the institution I have a problem with.

haddock said...

OH, I see that the HoC are to reserve seats in the Public Gallery for six of 'our brave soldiers' under some right of entry scheme. Soldiers just getting back from the shithole of Afghanistan want entry to clubs, entry to girls..... I imagine visiting HoC ,to hear fuckwits drone on about it being the right thing to do that the soldiers get killed,is not high on their list i.e. not on the list at all.
However, if the authorities wanted six fully kitted special service type in the gallery, on standby, to sort out subversives like you...it would be a terrific wheeze.... especially as they have said that if more than six turn up they will be taken around other parts of the building and into the Lords..... That should cover all the exits while they deal with you dissenters. Good planning.... control sorted, and brownie points for being nice to our service personnel.

Anonymous said...

I sat upon the hill overlooking a good 25 mile radius of my hometown in the northwest of england.. around me I had Blackburn, Preston, Blackpool and I could see the lights of Lancaster... but after sitting there for an hour waiting for the fireworks to begin (which were almost none existant) I could not see 1 bonfire at all.

As a boy I would go up on the hill every 5th Nov to see the fireworks and bonfires. At that time you could not go 100 yards without seeing a roaring pyre, but it appears that the government are putting an end to this by making it all but illegal. Well here is my plan for next year ..

I will build guys wearing the masks of Blair, Brown, Farman and Mandleson. I will sit outside my local asking for "penny for the guy" or allow people to kick, spit, whatever takes their fancy and hand out information leaflets.

Then on the big night, burn the fuckers on a roaring fire.

Does anyone think this idea could take off? Could we organise something around this?

Spartan said...

Sounds as though you had a great day being in the faces of the establishment ... l'm somewhat jealous.

Wyrdtimes said...

Well done all, would like to have joined you but I can only afford one trip to London this month and that's reserved for the Campaign for an English Parliaments demo on the 18th.

I've been inside parliament several times and this description is bang on. The attitude even extends out to thing like the bogus Regional Grand Committees. I was recently at a demo against the "West Midlands" RGC and after an hour or so outside we went into the meeting. Several times I tried to speak each time a man dressed as a butler told me "your can listen but your input is not required or wanted".

So much for bringing democracy closer to the people.

Roger Dodger said...

T'was a giggle.

See you next year.

Custard said...

On the way back to Victoria from the Chandos, we decided to pop into the Westminster Arms (again). Nigel Farage turned up, had a pint of Spitfire and sparked up his pipe.

HairyChestnuts said...

Simon, I hope you don't mind but I combined your footage with mine and added a merry tune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_0NtD9EkT4

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Do they allow drunk, kilt wearing scotsmen in?

woman on a raft said...

Dozens of 'em. Call 'em the government, they do, Rab. Or ex-Speaker Martin.

Barman said...

It was a great day, I enjoyed it immensely. It was worth flying over from Cyprus for. Will be back again next year...

Nobody has mentioned the excellent response from the general public, very pleased to see us. And the old veteran who had been to the remembrance service who said 'we should have blown them up years ago!'

I was with Custard when we met up with Nigel - seems a thoroughly nice bloke actually.

Looking forward to seeing you all (and hopefully many more) next year.

Ron Broxted (McEgan's Gay Pimp) said...

"Viktor Berzhins (McEgan again, I think you'll find) 06 November 2009 01:34

Tovaritsch next time ve go viz Semtex, ja?"

Fuck off, McEgan. You Dhimmi twat.

beness said...

Nice vids all, Chestnuts does a great edit job.

Noticed that OH was not that bothered about the rest of you getting onto the palace. Miserable old sod!!

Old Holborn said...

The camera lies. I made sure EVERYONE got into Paliament.

Newgates Knocker said...

Well done OH, I really did not think you would get in.
Anon 9.25
I too was deeply disappointed by the lack of bonfires and fireworks. The kids are more into halloween now.(the nasty tacky sort!)
My Guy was in fact a Guyess in the form of Jacqui Smith.Burn baby burn!

beness said...

HE HE, ok OH.
I had a great day (yeah right). Shopping for fireworks and food, for last night and the coming weekend.

Hate bloody shopping, Would only spend £30.00 on gunpowder products.
Don't mind spending more on food and alcohol though.

It's been very quiet round here(fireworks wise)until last night when all hell let loose. Don't think there's much money about.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Well done, OH and all.

Indy said...

Self-indulgent crap.

If 25 men (and something tells me you are all men) dressed up as Guy Fawkes walked into my place of work I would want them to behave themselves as well. Or preferably be chucked out.

Lexander said...

Interesting. Can I presume you are all members of REPUBLIC?

Bag of spanners said...

John Steed aka McEgan Broxted would have liked to join the march, but had to pull out due to the fact his sister woke up and screamed, "get off you fucking pervert."

yokel said...

"It is a Disney Theme Park, ..."

Precisely. Westminster is there to give us an illusion of home rule, while the big boys in Brussels make all the really important decisions.

Come the start of December 2009, it will only have the role of being a tourist attraction. UNLESS. Unless Parliament has the balls to repeal the 1972 European Communities Act.

John Steed said...

Bag of spammers you haven't quite got it dear. This is a fairly hard political blog, you need to keep On Topic not wank off a la Torygraph. You really are a silly cunt telling everyone you are in Dubai. Peterborough DSS is in Beech Avenue.

Dick Puddlecote said...

"If 25 men (and something tells me you are all men)"

Buzz! There were 6 women there off the top of my head.

"dressed up as Guy Fawkes walked into my place of work I would want them to behave themselves as well. Or preferably be chucked out."

Do you arrogantly make invasive laws, based on corrupt 'research' and 'public' consultations involving no public, which fuck people up the arse, too?

Blanket Of Ash said...

>> If 25 men (and something tells me you are all men) dressed up as Guy Fawkes walked into my place of work I would want them to behave themselves as well. Or preferably be chucked out.

Ahem.

What has your place of work got to do with visiting a public gallery to view public servants? I suggest you get back in your cubicle.

Would have loved to tag along, but had family commitments. Hope there's a repeat next year, or maybe a similar thing in between.

The fuckwits mummy said...

John Steed is the best blogger here by far. Could someone tell him his chips are on the table.

Rogerborg said...

>If [blah de blah] walked into my place of work I would want them to behave themselves as well.

When the people who pay my salary walk into their place, where I work for them, I find myself not much minded to impose dictats on their behaviour.

Regardless, all real "work" in the Palace of Westminster is performed in the nineteen (19) bars and restaurants anyway, where our money is used to subsidise the booze that they buy using more of our money.

Steeds Mum said...

Better than you, daft fucking neo-nazi shite. Hey how do you reconcile wunnerful Britain with Seig Heiling? Er...BNP are now friends with the Jews and hate Muslims. Il ha'am du li'il eh, C 18 are cunts!

Matthew Hopkins said...

"If 25 men (and something tells me you are all men) dressed up as Guy Fawkes walked into my place of work I would want them to behave themselves as well. Or preferably be chucked out."

i think you find the employers can wear what the fuck they like since they pay your wages.

they work for us. i pay enough money in that should allow me to wander round that place bare arse naked if the fancy takes me...

Dick the Prick said...

Well done buddy. I know i'm a fucking chump as am going out delivering leaflets today and it's just changing the squad rather than the game - but fuck it. I hate Labour so much and yeah, for sure Cons are just as bad but it's the fucking faces that get me vexed - fucking Labour faces with their porcine contempt, that they've completely fucked their base - the poor and under priveleged.

Fuck it - you can't buy love but sincerity sure comes cheap.

WV: conven - a group of harridan political withches?

Anonymous said...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/08/guy_fawkes_demo/

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