Nelsons Column is currently an 18ft pillar with a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson situated at the top, resting above bronze acanthus leaves.
Under the Shari'ah, the construction and elevation of statues or idols is prohibited, and consequently, the statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson would be removed and demolished without hesitation (click on picture to enlarge).
Indeed, there is none truly worthy of worship except Allah (SWT) and thus the veneration of any man or woman is unacceptable, let alone a man such as Horatio Nelson who was a notorious fornicator, as his illicit relationships with married women such as Emma, Lady Hamilton demonstrate.
Furthermore, due to the fact that the actual column is based on the architecture of the Temple of Mars Ultor, in Rome, the engravings on the column will have to be altered in favour of Islamic indentations, possibly floral designs.
Possible Replacement for Nelson Statue: Islamic Clock
On completion of the demolition of Nelson's statue and the alteration of its Corinthian engravings, we would envisage seating an exquisitely constructed Islamic clock with the black flag of Islam flying high over it (refer to picture); this clock could also be fitted with an electronic device that would sound the Islamic call to prayer 5 times a day; moreover, because the statue of Horatio Nelson is coincidentally positioned facing due south, on its replacement with an Islamic orientated clock, the front of the clock could duly be rotated 45 degrees (anti-clockwise) so as to indicate the direction of the qibla i.e. direction of the Kaabah in Makkah, thereby making it easier for Muslims in the locality to know which way to pray.
I'm actually slightly dizzy from laughing