Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Brew your own


It's simple. The powers that be, instead of clamping down using existing laws against violent drunks have decided that the easiest way to stop them drinking is to stop you drinking as well. Last week socialists were suggesting we be issued with alcohol "entitlement cards" and today, the Tories are demanding huge price hikes in alcohol to deter binge drinking.

Apart from the arguments that putting up the price of petrol doesn't stop 19 year old twats from hitting lamp posts at 80mph, it is an excellent way to fill the ever greedy State's coffers whilst pretending to be looking after the children.

I drink VAST quantities of alcohol. I do not get into fights, drive drunk or stab people outside the Mustafa's kebab shop because they look at my bird "a bit funny". I do not urinate up against cars, shout abuse at 3am or beat up my wife and kids. I do not set fire to taxi drivers heads or vomit in post boxes. I tend to fall asleep in front of the telly and wake myself up with a large fart at 3am. I am a drunken danger to no one.

So why am I being punished? If you are going to put up the price of booze, you pasty faced fucknuggets then reduce the cost of the Police. They have been able to arrest and prosecute drunks for the last 130 years. They have been able to round them up in big black marias, throw them in the cells overnight and present them to the beak in the morning for a fine. Which if they can't pay, they go to jail. See that? Crime- Criminal-Police -Punishment?

What changed? Why am I being punished because Dazza can't hold his cider? Go after Tracey if she is kicking off after downing a bottle of Vodka before she hits the dancefloor and three bouncers. Not me. I'm at home, snoring on the sofa. Why should I be fined? I wasn't even there!

Anyway. I can thoroughly recommend brewing your own beer. Beer kits are cheap and good and available on Ebay. I pay around 30p a pint for 5.4% Real Ale and it takes about 20 minutes to make 40 pints. So do it.

23 comments:

Ampers said...

I used to not only brew my own beer and lager, but made lots of wine as well.

Apart from home brew causing personal gas to escape more rigorously, it tastes great.

I had a party once with forty people, and had gallons of the stuff on draft. The next morning I counted 36 bottles of wine not consumed!

When making my own wine, I had a deal with the local greengrocer who used to give me overripe fruit, or stuff that wouldn't keep another day and I would always give him a bottle or two of the wine when it was ready to drink.

If any of this comes to pass, I will start this up again.

Ampers

microdave said...

The reason that Darren & Tracey aren't being punished is because it takes time & money, and there aren't enough prisons to put them in. Punishing YOU instead is easy and cheap - in fact as you've already said it actually MAKES money for the exchequer.

And think of their Human Rights..........

Scrobs... said...

Spot on OH!

I do the same, and it's usually cold when I wake up...

Why the hell do I have to do what I want to do, but with rules set by some faceless jobsworth with a pc and a huge rule book?

Of course, you've hit the nail on the head with the police statement! Forget chucking just unmarried mothers in a home; build an extension for drunks, film them, and lets all watch a free-for-all which would make every politically correct outreachworrrrrrker rush for the compensation lawyers...

Fidothedog said...

Spot on, would that Camra the group that is supposed to support drinkers would wake up and distance themselves from this government.

Sadly they are as bad as the new age puritans in Labour.

Barry Stonham said...

Tracey rarely hits bouncers, she hits Sharon. I agree re;drinking. "Plod to get more powers" How the fuckety fuck does that work in a police state? France 1% tax on vin de table plonk. Ingerlund? It is like fucking petrol, dude...Dude!

BTS said...

How did you get hold of my passport photo..?

SO17 said...

On my daily commute to Westminster before I got a Motorbike, every train or tube carriage appeared to have its own official Pissed Scotsman.
'Have ye got a price of a Pint'
was the standard line.
My first ever visit to Scotland I was no more than 5 mins out of my car and I felt a tug on my coat.
Looking down I saw a pissed Scotsman in a wheelchair.
'Have ye got a price of a pint'
Jesus titty fucking christ.

Ivor Bigot said...

Wine is pretty easy as well, although it takes a little longer, maybe 8 weeks for a decent batch (either 6 or 30 bottles in the standard sized kit). The lack of alcohol tax makes it taste so much better, plus unlike the £5-a-bottle supermarket shite it hasn't had Christ-knows-what thrown in to make it all taste uniformly crap.

No need to bother with fruit picking and all that messy nonsense either, there's some excellent grape juice available online, works out only about £2 a finished bottle.

I wonder how long before we have a demijohn tax?

Anonymous said...

At least booze was cheap in Oceania.
Urban11

Billy Blofeld said...

This video catalogues the usual Dazzas and Traceys kicking off......

However, roll forwards 1 minute to some thugs who attacked some transvestites... who turn out to be cage fighters wearing fancy dress. Oops......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSILex-2Uu8&feature=player_embedded#



Links to original article on my limp organ

Billy Blofeld said...

Sorry - just noticed you already had that video.......

libertyscott said...

Yes it simply demonstrates whether Labour or Tory, the bastards just want to tell us what to do. Labour bastards want to grant you permission, Tory bastards want to pillage you for the right to ingest what you wish.

When will enough stand up for the right to do as we wish to our own bodies as long as it hurts no one else?

Anonymous said...

If the Tories get in it will be a re-run of when Boris was elected Mayor. All the high hopes he'd fix the traffic lights and get the jobsworths off our back and what does he do? Ban booze on the underground. Cunt.

Looks like it might be even worse under Dave. He's telling us we'll have to work more and give him all our money before the election, imagine what he'll do afterwards.

Speaking of Boris, I just got another Congestion Charge penalty because I forgot to phone them. More money for the corrupt cunts to spend on their girlfriends, or the Police to buy plasma TV's. Wait until after the election, it'll get even worse.

The Beast of Clerkenwell said...

I neck fucking huge amounts but
5.45% just doesnt do it for me beer wise

NZ does a natty line in stills

electro-kevin said...

I brewed my own IPA about fifteen years ago. It was awful but I was loyal to it and drank the 40 pints over a Summer. My guts have not recovered since. My farts smell like an open sewer and my wife has threatened to divorce me over it. I've had to go to the doctors and they don't know what to do about it. I think some alien culture has taken over my innards. :-((

(So17 will confirm this is all true.)

Does anyone have any ideas ???

Sir Henry Morgan said...

What am I bid for my alcohol permit?

Marchamont Needham said...

electro-Kevin,

that bird on the Actimel advert looks like she shits rose petals. Give that a try.

And stop eating meat - that's the real problem.

Thud said...

In Napa valley at present and surrounded by drink and drinkers with nary a sign of violence etc only thing missing is chavs.EK...cider is pretty easy to make and usually to a pretty decent quality.

Shane Richmondporksausages said...

Barry Stoneham I recognise writing style. You are really that chutney ferret nonce and snivelling apologist for Muslim suicide bombers and IRA cunts K.McEgan. You blog on my telegraph as Begbie and on the Indy as Ron Broxted.

banned said...

Sir Henry Morgan said...
"What am I bid for my alcohol permit?"
What makes you think your permit/ration will be transferable ? So out goes buying the wife a Babycham or getting a round in with the lads.

Primark had better beef up their security because thieving from them is where Darren and Tracey will be getting their extra White Lightning money.

Phil Free said...

"Anyway. I can thoroughly recommend brewing your own beer. Beer kits are cheap and good and available on Ebay. I pay around 30p a pint for 5.4% Real Ale and it takes about 20 minutes to make 40 pints. So do it."

Probably the best advice blog advice in the world.

Chris said...

Probably not such a good idea for an aspiring MP to boast about their alcohol intake and besides, if you brew your own, you aren't going to be hit, are you?

If there was a way of discouraging off licenses from selling chilled booze (without going down the bansturbation route if possible) this might go some way to relieving some of the problems caused by booze.

I tried growing my own weed but Plod smashed my door off and fatefully stole my plants and growing equipment.

Anonymous said...

Home brewing definitely leads to harder things- like Turbo Yeast and water purification equipment.

The last four years have been a tax-free blur.

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