Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Ad on Craiglist

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shor tly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster fo r it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or " Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" th at was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I Guess while he traced your number etc.). 0D
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex


Now, was man with pistol:

a) Labour
b) LibDem
c) Conservative
d) UKIP
e) BNP
f) Libertarian

44 comments:

cornet girl said...

Jesus I’m sexually aroused..... you have made my day Sir x x

Mr Punch said...

That's the way to do it!

SO17 said...

Of course on the planet UK his girlfriend would have been made to perform a sex act on the mugger while he had to watch.
I would have just shot the cu*t if I was in a free gun owning country like the USA.

LSP said...

Nice pistol, the 1911 Kimber.

Anonymous said...

Yes, ocassionally there is an upside to living in a country saturated with fire arms.

sconzey said...

This is awesome. That guy is a Hero of the Proliteriat.

Billy Blofeld said...

That is the perfect story........

It would be nice if a film director could use this story as the basis for a grown up gun slinging "Kevin" in the latest instalment of the Home Alone series of films.

scunnert said...

Good man that.

Anonymous said...

Now, was man with pistol:

a) Labour
...
f) Libertarian
or g) Fake


Pulling a gun to stop a mugger? Believable. Confiscating the mugger's wallet and phone? Believable. Mugger craps his pants? Believable.

Using his credit card/keying a pimpmobile/threatening the President using his phone?... hmm... realms of fantasy here.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful. Hope every word was true.Glad Momma was kept updated.

ClickMonster said...

Sorry to piss on your fireworks but I doubt the story is geniune. Variations on this theme are always floating around Craigslist .. quite often the same story posted in several cities.

Old Holborn said...

Click

I doubt it is genuine as well.

But I don't care.

Anonymous said...

Pics or it didn't happen.

Katabasis said...

The chances are though that something very similar *has* happened a number of times.

So - WIN!

Anonymous said...

Off topic.

Now I know what those Tory cunts rent boy fuckers are going to do. Fuck me harder as a working person.

Those cunt wankers living on the dole- fucked the Country with the help of that cunt Blair and the one eyed cunt Brown.

The banks who have fucked the Country and I paided to prop the cunts up.

So there you have it, all you WORKING, YES FUCKING WORKING, WORKING FUCKING HARD, some cunt wants to screw you HARDER.

THE BUNCH OF FUCKING WAKERS.

Oh and the bunch of FUCKING rent boy fucking cunts called MPs. NO EXPENSE spared.

FreedomIsYellow said...

Nice to hear from a place that doesn't have victim disarmament laws! (Even though it's probably fake)

Billy Blofeld said...

In case the story is fake, here is a nice video of a mother taking out an armed robber in Norwich............

You'll have to ignore the American commentator who pronounces it Gnaw-Witch

Ampers said...

Did you see that part of Switzerland that the Hedge Fund boys are moving to to exscape the extra taxes? It ia beautiful, within easy reach of the mountains and even closer to the lakes.

Wish I worked with Hedge Funds... Love to live there...

Ampers

hangemall said...

The version I showed my friends came from

http://www.fourwinds10.com/siterun_data/health/safety/news.php?q=1253986711

Anonymous said...

When I was in Colombia I actually heard a bloke get shot for real. Neighbours later said it was a bloke trying to nick a mobile.

Shades Of Ansel said...

PLEEEASE tell me this is for real ( as my daughter says ).lol

bofl said...

being armed empowers us........

that is why if this happened in the uk then the gun man would have had a swat team sent to his home at 4a.m-the mugger would receive police protection and probably take the victim to court for a breach of his human rights!

in hte u.s the right to bear arms is being eroded.why?

because the shit is hitting the fan and a lot of americans will shoot back.........34million people living on food stamps aren't going to be placated by O'bamas false hope.

microdave said...

Who cares if it's a fake - It gave me a good laugh.

Kinderling said...

f) Libertarian

They are the only ones who are heros in their dreams.

Tomrat said...

Outstanding!

Anonymous said...

Even if not true it brings hope that there IS another way!

Anonymous said...

The point is - legally armed citizens kill criminals here every day. In states where concealed carry in public is legal and commonplace, armed robbery is very low as would be obvious. The problem is what happens when people get boozed up and tempers flare...

Chaney's itchy trigger finger said...

The great thing about having Concealed Carry is that everyone is protected, as the perps. do not know who is packing heat, and who isn't.

You have to be brave to go on a burglary spree in America. Well, apart from the libtard areas, and places such as Universities, where guns are banned.

Cho would never have gotten into double figures at VTech if other students were armed.

FireForce said...

It is past the time when we should be armed in this country, alas there is no ne standing for westminster that will reverse the pathetic laws we have over here.
Should have heard the police when I pulled my swiss army knife on those 8 muggers in London that time, on Western Road, Colliers Wood, cowards and black bar one white trash bitch.

General Stiltskin said...

It's a nice fantasy.

The only party that would genuinely have the balls to reinstate the 1689 right to bear arms is the BNP.
(I just like 'em because every time you say those three letters, MPs, journalists, and regime activists bab their pants... saying you might vote for them is like walking down the street with a rottweiler puppy - there's something empowering about 'em, even if they are cocks).

I doubt the right to bear arms would increase gun crime in the inner cities; but it'd certainly reduce crime elsewhere, and we could just put walls around the ghettos with arrows pointing them to Heathrow and Dover.

It's their own fault if it happens... they kept pushing a placid population, but beware the worm that turns... half the UK might go hillbilly on those cryptofascist lefties, since we've been lied to, mocked, and sent mental by their unbelievable behaviour.

Best thing we can do, is unite and exploit the law to the max, and buy all our mates shotguns as presents and do the absolute minimum the law requires.
Arrange legal marches with legal banners saying legal things that *they* don't like.

I can only wonder what the police would do with several hundred armed civilians peacefully and legally marching down the road!
They haven't got that many Armed Response Units.
The main thing is, it'd get on the news...
I get a buzz out of quivering voices on the telly (as we saw on the Euroelection results... that's the way to put the fear into them).

(Although I'm aware of "Seditious Libel" laws, I do think it would be desirable for the government to fear the people, rather than the other way round).

caesars wife said...

I quite like the poetic justice of it is assume its none of the tick boxes as Savannah is in Florida (or a place called Savannah is)so probely republican.

A checkout girl was murdered in london with links to a so called ongoing drug fued. She was no doubt selected to make pay back , she wasnt armed!

The description of man making a casual knife mugging and meeting his match is perhaps a good reason for carrying legal leathal force , keep out ,keep off is what we assume the fear of retribution will acheive.

In the young girls case, the fear of retribution had long since gone in the murders mind, and his weapon was illegal.

The gangsta chic starts in the mind , an unrestrained fantasy of male definitions and emersive logic of how fear controls , its all too like the lines in a sapranos or video game.

I wonder what will be passe in 10 years time

General Stiltskin said...

"FireForce, 06 October 2009 23:40
It is past the time when we should be armed in this country, alas there is no ne standing for westminster that will reverse the pathetic laws we have over here."

Can I just say "Bollocks to that"! You talk as if laws are permanent, and once a right has gone it can never be retrieved - well that's what they want you to believe; but they're wrong.

I would argue that the time to be armed in this country is more likely to be in the near future than the near past; and there are some people standing for Westminster who would return this right.

When are people going to learn that they have to vote for what they believe in, not tactically - they want you to vote tactically, because that keeps it a fake three-horse race.

It's time to protest vote - big style!

Fausty said...

Don't mess with OH!

I wish I had your balls!

Hope there are no repercussions for you, although I'm sure you'd be well-equipped to deal with them.

Can we have an OH helpline, please? :)

hangemall said...

Totally O/T but I came across this for those of us who are using windows:-

http://nationalexpositor.com/News/1128.html

FireForce said...

"General Stiltskin" 07 october 00:48.
No I do not say these laws are permanent, I just wish someone would stand up and say it is time to fight back against these maggots that ruin our life.
Like the parasite that pulled a knife on me when he was poaching on the river going through my land,
I should have had the right, the means, to put at least two bullets in his chest and get rid on this oxygen thief.
Then at least he would not have gone on to have children with the trash he has and WE would not be paying to keep this shitbag.

Billy the Fish said...

General Stiltskin (@ 00:48)

There's another horse?

Fish x

Liberty not Libertarianism said...

If the justice system would do it's job by banging up criminals for a long deterrant stretch,we wouldn't need to be tooled up to nip down the shops. Mugging is armed robbery, and should be a standard ten years minimum.

Elby The Beserk said...

@sconzey, 06 October 2009 18:08

This is awesome. That guy is a Hero of the Proliteriat
//

Only a Proletarian would spell Proletariat Prolitariat.

My father, 60+, was mugged outside Earls Court Tube station in the 80s. Happily, his mugger did not know that the old man had trained as a Chindit. Had mugger on the ground in an armlock and his knee on his neck in no time at all.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it really happens

Thugs attack two transvestites... who turn out to be cage fighters wearing fancy dress

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1218651/Thugs-attack-men-dresses--turn-cage-fighters.html#ixzz0TF88NE9G

Head of IT said...

Hangem..

Your link above is really quite astonishing but as it is not on autolink, I have done the necessary so folk will bother to go and look. Click the blue bit folks and prepare to shit yourselves.

I am Stan said...

Hahahahah..mugger gets made a mug off...nice change that....some one tried to mug me once...i did the 1500 meters faster than Sebastion Coe..hahahahah..

Wish id had a gun then...

microdave said...

Hangem & Head of IT - I've had a look there, and done some follow up via Google and there are suggestions that even the Mac O/S and Linux COULD be at risk!

I recently installed Prevx on my P.C.'s - they claim their software will find rogue programmes which the more popular software won't. How effective it is I don't know, but the mere suggestion that even well known companies will allow their products to ignore certain "nasties" to keep Governments happy tells you all you need to know....

hangemall said...

Thanks for the live link Head of IT and to microdave for your further info.

General Stiltskin said...

FireForce, 07 October 2009 07:05

soz!

I think I misinterpreted your post...
I thought you meant that the opportunity to re-arm has passed.

...disregard my last one.

[blush]

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