Thursday, 17 September 2009

Learning to Love Mandelson


This is a guest post by Paul Richards of Progress, Labour's Progressive Blog and also featured at Labourlist

Next year marks an important political milestone: it will be 25 years since Peter Mandelson entered front-line Labour politics. This silver jubilee deserves street parties, at the very least. Leaving aside his time as director of the British Youth Council (including that infamous trip to rub shoulders with the Soviets in Havana at the height of the cold war) and a brief, inglorious stint as a Lambeth councillor, Mandelson really arrived on the scene in 1985 as Labour’s director of communications. When he entered Labour’s HQ in Walworth Road, he found a ramshackle organisation, a ‘no we can’t’ culture, and a dead pot plant on his desk. It is a remarkable feat that just two years later, Mandelson could co-ordinate a credible Labour election campaign which achieved its strategic goal of Labour coming second, not third.

Since the mid-eighties Mandelson has been at the very heart of Labour’s leadership, being chief courtier to two kings, Hartlepool’s MP for 12 years, and a Cabinet minister who has survived not one, but two resignations. Even during two periods of exile – under John Smith, who couldn’t be doing with all that new-fangled spin nonsense, and as European Commissioner – Mandelson remained in the public eye with well-chosen media appearances.

But it is Mandelson’s career since returning to government in 2008 which is truly remarkable.

First, it is astonishing that he agreed to come back at all. The caricature of the man as lover of the high-life, with his expensive furniture, clothes, homes and holidays, might suggest that once he left the European Commission he might want to earn some serious cash on various boards, and spent more time on yachts. By agreeing to return to the front-line, at a time when Labour was behind in the polls and being widely written off, he displayed genuine loyalty to the Labour Party and its values.

Second, by coming back he shored up Gordon Brown’s position as leader and Prime Minister. It allowed Brown a spectacular reshuffle coup de theatre in 2008, and ensured that subsequent threats to the leadership were blunted, sabotaged, or headed off at the pass. History will show that the main reason Gordon Brown was leader of the Labour Party at the 2010 general election was because of Peter Mandelson. With Ed Balls and Harriet Harman both reported to be euphemistically ‘on manoeuvres’, he with left-sounding articles in the New Statesman, she using polling to build her contacts database, it is Peter Mandelson who is seen as the uber-loyalist.

Third, his reward for being such a useful engine is an amassing of political power and influence across Whitehall of Heseltinesque proportions. His private office is vast. Over 30 ministers report to him; other cabinet ministers have four or five junior ministers. He sits on the majority of cabinet committees, where the real decisions are taken before cabinet rubber-stamps them. That’s more than John Prescott was on, and more than Labour’s current deputy leader. It is no hyperbole to suggest that Peter Mandelson is the most powerful person in British politics. When commentators suggest he is the Deputy Prime Minister in all but name, it woefully underestimates his real influence and role.

Fourth, Mandelson is now driving Labour’s election strategy. His speech to Progress on Monday was widely reported, and I shall return to its substance in my column on the Progress website tomorrow. But what was significant was the fact that it was being made by the business secretary, rather than anyone else (including the Prime Minister). It nailed down two significant areas of election strategy: that Cameron will be painted as the leader of a right-wing party which hasn’t changed since the days of Thatcher, Tebbit and Keith Joseph. Dave the Chameleon was laid to rest on Monday, unmourned. And, more importantly, it established the main dividing line for the election. Not cuts versus investment, which no-one believed, but ‘wise spending’ under Labour, and reckless cuts from the Tories, who, as he told us, are ‘foaming at the mouth’ at the prospect of a smaller state. Such is the acceptance of Mandelson’s centrality to Labour’s fortunes, that few paused to ask why he announced Labour’s election strategy a couple of hours before the political cabinet which agreed it.

At a time when so many Labour MPs are deserting, Mandelson is marching us towards the sound of gunfire. Surrounded by riddled political corpses, he is the last mandy standing. Listening to him at the LSE on Monday, you could just about imagine that we can pull a decent election campaign out of the bag, and even stand a fighting chance.

In a world of quitters, Labour has found its fighter. There’s a story that Tony Blair once said that his modernisation of the Labour Party would be complete when Labour learned to love Peter Mandelson. I can’t find the evidence or source for the quotation, but it doesn’t matter. Like the mushy peas story, or membership of the Bilderberg Group, it’s just another part of the Mandelson mythology. Okay, street parties might be going too far. But after a quarter century, it is time at last for Labour to learn to love Peter Mandelson.

Old Holborn lights blue touch paper and stands well back

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's simply beyond parody. I posted a response on Liebourlist suggesting the intention was satirical. They haven't published it. Is the author a complete numpty or part of some plot?

Old Holborn said...

Made me laugh out loud.

Paul Richards also writes fo the Spectator.

Parkylondon said...

Peter Mandelson aka Mandy aka The Pink Pirate is an unelected, unwanted CUNT.

VotR said...

...

General election please... be seeing you, Mandy.

TheBigYin said...

At first I thought I was entering Old Holborn's blog...but nope, I've entered the Twilight Zone...I have, haven't I?

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I'm speechless.

Anonymous said...

The delusions implicit in that piece are amazing. Do they really think that this corrupt kleptocrat is anything other than hated by the population at larger?

I truly hope that Mandy is the next leader of the Labour Party. He'd be almost as good as Harperson for ensuring thirty years of Conservative government.

Anonymous said...

FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS! He might just as well have said - "Yes he is a communist sympathising, slippery, all things to everyone, shallow, bent prick - but he can't half dictate to the media and therefore the retarded public of which we have millions. He might be able to satisfy our desire for power regardless of how much it fucks everything up. Way to go Pete."

SO17 said...

Is this fucking Paul Richards some kind of cunt?

Triffid said...

After the first couple of paragraphs I just went into "whatever" mode and couldn't be bothered to finish the piece.

I'll wait for the movie.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately for us, the west is full of Mandelsons; arrogant, oily parasites who have zero loyalty to the countries they are ostensibly meant to represent.

That we in the west have allowed these vermin to gain power to manipulate and scheme against us will surely be our undoing.

Quiet_Man said...

The only noise here is the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.

Were someone to tell me it's a spoof I'd believe them.

Hairy Arsed Bloke said...

"This silver jubilee deserves street parties, at the very least."

ARE YOU FUCKING SURE!

The only street parties we want to have are the ones on the day of execution of Mandy the Queen of darkness, the pant-pissing snot goblin, B'Liar and the rest of this evil bunch.

Anonymous said...

When people have power, no matter how achieved, their predilections cause them to court and be courted by like minded individuals. Look at Belgium, Scotland in the eighties and early nineties. The list is endless. The corruption of power and money permit a worldwide cartel of pederasts to flourish at every level of society. Here it is as prevalent and casual as cocaine and heroin habits. Love Mandleson. Not if you knew of the suffering he causes and has caused.
My anonymity is a matter of life and death.

Billy Blofeld said...

Fuck me.

"It is no hyperbole to suggest that Peter Mandelson is the most powerful person in British politics. When commentators suggest he is the Deputy Prime Minister in all but name, it woefully underestimates his real influence and role."


Lucky the bastard has been elected by the people........ what you mean he hasn't??

Yeah - let's have street parties and celebrate that we no longer live in a democracy.

Utter cocks.

bofl said...

hahahahaha...........

o/h you are a laugh!

you cannot tell me this guy gets paid for writing such shite?

someone should tell him to stop mixing ketamine and heroin.

i wonder what the REAL reason is that mandy came back?

the present Labour party have nothing to do with being the party for the working man..........

and why the fuck have we let him come back?

the law needs to be changed.no un-elected positions in government.

as for street parties: i will organise one when blair dies.

Jessica said...

Looking to modernise your Home with some new and stylish European Furniture Spacify has everything you need.

Guthrum said...

What the flying fcuck is this cretin talking about.

I am exporting $42 m of work out of this country because of the creeping harbinger of industrial death.

In my case a French tosser illegally closes down our factory runs off off with cash, the machinery and stock dragging the UK parent down, and his acolytes give the French Tosser a prize !

They then spend the next three years hounding me out of business in the UK.

As a 'Politically Exposed Person' my company is charged additional quarterly bank charges even though we are no longer registered in the UK, because of the risk associated with banking with somebody so utterly opposed to this vampire.

He is not interested in the people of this country, their jobs and their future he is interested in his future and 'the influence' he can personally generate wealth from.

His transgressions are legend, yet he is never prosecuted or dismissed from office- he resigns for a short while because the Left is morally bankrupt and weak beyond calculation.

He has been at the helm of this country for twelve years, or at least tugging at at the shirt tails of those who have.

He is unelected and a fcuking Lord you spineless socialist drones !

The honourable men who founded the Peoples Party in 1900 will be spinning in their graves at the lying, corruption, moral turpitude and institutional incompetence of the Labour Party personified in just one man.

Katabasis said...

It simply boggles the mind that such cognitive dissonance doesn't make this man's skull eject the brain, thinking it is some foreign object completely inimical to the body's survival.

Mandleson is one of the most obvious and strikingly corrupt officials in British history and - like another commentator says above - his connections with, and loyalty to, foreign interests. He, like Blair, is an international playboy-tourist, courting the great and the good and using the UK as a vehicle for other interests.

Never mind Bill Hicks' suggestion that all new leaders are taken into a dark room and shown the Kennedy assassination from an angle never seen before to ensure their compliance. I think instead they gather together and snigger at the hoi polloi, laughing at the extent to which we will tolerate their blatant corruption and toying with our credulity.

Anon 11:05 - on that topic, I wonder if he has any connection's with Obama's ACORN?

Billy Blofeld said...

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK I can't stop hating this article and coming back...... those lynch mob feelings are really strong today.....

Billy Blofeld said...

The Original photo on Labourlist has "that photo" of Brown and Mandelson..... I'm going to be arrested for fantasising about a massacre........

.....FUCK ....... walk away....

Anonymous said...

The corrupt and treacherous pervert Mandelson deserves the Hugh Despenser treatment.

peter pervert said...

Is this the same Paul Richards who used to do Hazel Blears up the arse? By which I mean, used to be her "special adviesor"?

Word verification: hoess

Sums it up in one!

Think This said...

Wait, wait, wait. Why was this posted here again?

Billy Blofeld said...

"Not cuts versus investment, which no-one believed, but ‘wise spending’ under Labour, and reckless cuts from the Tories, who, as he told us, are ‘foaming at the mouth’ at the prospect of a smaller state."


"As he told us" - is he some sort of Jesus figure?!!

Fuckety - that makes sense..... Mandelson draws in the thick and gullible. If he ever ran a religious cult these arseholes would be queueing up for abuse.

JuliaM said...

"By agreeing to return to the front-line, at a time when Labour was behind in the polls and being widely written off, he displayed genuine loyalty to the Labour Party and its values."

The Labour Party has values..? Since when?

tris said...

IYes, I'm with Julia. If the Labour Party has standards, could someone please, please tell me what they are.

Work of Art said...

I've read some great articles on this blog, but this is a work of art. This "Paul Richards" is clearly a brilliant satirist. A wonderful attack on Labour, made even sweeter by the Labour media's acceptance of this blatant piss-taking. Chris Morris, is that you?

beagleslovefags said...

shouldn't that be Sodfather

Billy Blofeld said...

Paul Richards is that Mr Potato headed twat who in his last article for Labourlist called for statues of Blair to be erected.....

...... if anyone goes to the Labour party conference on one of those free tickets.......... please chin Paul Richards for me. He'll be the one sat near the front with a raging stiffy.

Anonymous said...

Are they having a relationship, because for someone to be so delusional, they must be in love?

Parsnip said...

Nowhere in that piece does it mention that Mandelson gets his rocks off by inserting his penis in men's anuses, and by having the same done to him.

And he's now the most powerful politician in the country.

Total fucking pervert.

Parkylondon said...

I couldn't care less about his sexual pecadilloes - what I care about is that he is an unelected cunt doing an unelected job for an unelected boss (it's debateable about who is the 'top' in that relationship) in a corrupt, contemptible, cuntish government.

SO17 said...

The Conservatives made the mistake of blaming their Policies and not Micheal Howard (another slimey toad) for losing the election.
Mandybum is a bigger oily fucker than Howard and if Labour want to kid themselves.
Well Bring it on.

Harri the unmincer said...

What the fuck did they expect !

It Jonah they were trying to impress !

"Diversity's mini dance star sobs after falling flat on his face during display for Gordon Brown outside No.10"

Whats more worrying is the 22 pregnant women who stood next to Jonah Mc Doom for a photo! Thats tantamount to 'child abuse' before the sprogs have even been born ?


As for Paul Richards ,i would like to congratulate him personally, it must be some feat to write such a load of bollocks, whilst only the soles of his feet were sticking out of Lord Mincers Arsehole !

( Paul Richards )What a total cock sucking chocolate starfish licking bellend and utter and total toe curling creep and general twat of biblical proportions.

Anonymous said...

Hang on, the phrases "displayed genuine loyalty to the Labour Party" and "he shored up Gordon Brown’s position as leader" are completely contradictory.

If he was that loyal, he'd realise Labour are ruined with Brown in charge and move to replace him with somebody less repulsive.

Unless he's in this for personal gain of course?

Angry Old Man said...

Give me a gun so I can shoot myself.

Harri i hate the fucking lot of them said...

Angry Old Man said...
Give me a gun so I can shoot myself.

17 September 2009 14:01

If anyone deserves the pointy end of a bullet its the likes of fuckwit P Richards... just dont go for the head shot ! no vital organs to fuck up see ! probably have to make do with taking pot shots at the soles of his feet?

denverthen said...

I disapprove.

Billy Blofeld said...

You're right Paul, street parties are going a bit far. It would be an incitement to riot.

How many police would you need to hold back a lynch mob intent on stoning the Labour leadership with tins of Peter's favourite mushy peas?

Dazed and Confused said...

So our unelected leader, who will NEVER be accepted by the British public in any future vote, has been kept in place by a poisonous tosser who isn't even a British M.P? And the odious left wish to celebrate this with street parties? Would it be compulsory that we attend then? Perhaps they could have a few tanks roll by to celebrate the event.

If Socialists had a sense of humour then Id laugh along, but they don't. This genuinely is Paul Richards view of "Progressive" Labour politics. - I.E. Communism, in any other thesis.

Anonymous said...

H.A.B. I'm with you on this one. I'll street party when that cunt has been hung, drawn & quartered - and then revived so we can do it all again - at least ten times.
The author of this piece of fuckwittery is doing it tongue in cheek - right? Or is it tongue as far as it can reach up Mandelsnake's nether regions?

Dazed and Confused said...

I notice that New Labour bloggers have dropped by to "rate" this post.
I also note that they didn't comment.

Ah democracy New Labour style. Anonymous and spiteful in equal measures.

Mark said...

'Peter Mandelson is the most powerful person in British politics.'
And this puff takes power worshipping to new, cringeing heights.
Oh, and Mandy's attendance at Bilderberg group meetings is no myth, although craven courtier Richards suggests that it is.

The Paragnostic said...

I can't decide whether to laugh or die at this piece - it's either a satire of Orwellian skill or a piece reflecting the true attitudes of the Liebour elite.

I have to believe the satire option, because the alternative is too horrible to contemplate.

Mandelson's Gerbil said...

Peter:

Stop being a cunt!

Peter Spence said...

"He has been at the helm of this country for twelve years, or at least tugging at at the shirt tails of those who have."

lifting the shirt tails you mean.

The Beast said...

He is a fucking Jew
Wise up you thick cunts.
You think that Hitler or the Arabs woke up one morning and thought
"You know that Chaime is a cunt cos he wears a silly hat" ?
They are hated for a reason.
Id be first in the line for a black uniform and a spot of hunt the Yid with an Alsation and a
sub machinegun, happy days.

barbedwireblues said...

Fraudster, thief, shyster, poof ( prefers young tight buttocks ) and all round good guy.This corrupt and nasty pile of shit is currently running this once proud banana republic we live in and it seems the nightmare will continue so god help us all................fuck this im off to cuba.

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