Tuesday, 15 September 2009

How to save for your Grandchildren

H/T to Mark Wadsworth

Sorry to be the one to tell you this but with one in six CORRECTION one in FOUR of us now working for the State (something like East Germany) the fucking money has run out. I know you were promised an easy life and a fat pension by a walrus of a boss, who you have put up with sweating and puffing every time you bent over to pick up a paperclip, I know the chats by the coffee machine were your raison d'etre and your desk houses the worlds largest collection of fluffy animals along with great galleries of your spastic children's "artwork" on every wall. But it's over. The party is over.

So it's time to shave off the moustache, get your hair done, lose some weight, shave your legs, stop wearing sensible shoes, abandon the idea of knocking off at 5pm and throwing a sickie 20 times a year, reading the Guardian whilst having a shit, pack up your cuddly toys and "achievement awards", put back the stolen stationary, download the book you were writing in your "spare time" onto a memory stick

AND GET A FUCKING PROPER JOB.

Shhh. Hear that? The sound of 7 million civil service sphincters puckering like Flander's poppies in the breeze. Bliss.

24 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

Ta for link. Actually, there are eight million taxpayer funded jobs (including outsourced stuff, fakecharities etc), so that's one in four of all jobs in the UK.

AMW said...

Ha ha ha i love it, hey maybe the Scottish Gov should employ you to cut down on the huge bulging public sector in Scotland.

In Glasgow about half the city are employed by the council.

..

" So it's time to shave off the moustache, get your hair done, lose some weight, shave your legs, stop wearing sensible shoes, abandon the idea of knocking off at 5pm and throwing a sickie 20 times a year, reading the Guardian whilst having a shit, pack up your cuddly toys and "achievement awards", put back the stolen stationary, download the book you were writing in your "spare time" onto a memory stick

AND GET A FUCKING PROPER JOB.

Shhh. Hear that? The sound of 7 million civil service sphincters puckering like Flander's poppies in the breeze. Bliss "
...

Hee hee pure priceless but so true :)

Edgar said...

Hilarious ... but have you thought it through? Some of those useless fuckers might actually get jobs in real industry. We're doomed!

subrosa said...

OH my main beef is that they get far better pensions than the private sector.

Superb description of lower flatulence btw.

Rugmunch Mandela senior communications officer for the strategic alliance of progressive outreach delivery enforcement. said...

I fink u r been vewy wacist toords left wing pubic sector staff.

plz stop or we tap yur blower n chech yur bins for viorlations.

Oldrightie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Oldrightie said...

About half this lot could be sacked and we would not notice. Furthermore their pensions, wages and perks would be several times more than paying them job seekers allowance. Ergo, we would be better off with 10 million on the dole, than paying 3 million to do fuck all!
Jimmy Snot announced 27000 public sector apprentices. What, speech writers?

Mandelson's Gerbil said...

Let the whole thing collapse.

I am sure most people would be fine without a Public Sector. Apart from Hospitals, and collecting rubbish, what do we need them for?

Teach our own kids.
Bash the criminals ourselves.

If everything goes to hell, we can just convert to whatever currency is left standing, or barter for stuff.

Always did like the Mad Max films.

JuliaM said...

"...have you thought it through? Some of those useless fuckers might actually get jobs in real industry."

Like battery chickens, they won't be any use in the real world...

microdave said...

Just heard our wonderful leader announcing that Liebour are going to get rid of all the non essential jobs, but keep up investment in Health & Educayshun etc....

So you're going to close down all your wonderful Quangos, are you, Snot Muncher?

No, didn't think so....

Stuart said...

I'd enquired about a job at my local council last year. They sent me a booklet with 3 pages of perqs.

On top of the gold plated pension, they get free gym, free pool, subsidised home computer, subsidised internet at home, subsidised travel, subsidised childcare, subsidised study, and loads more that I forgot.

Cunts.

Anonymous said...

How about we start paying the towpath, street football, 5 vegetarian a day co-ordinators the same money as the dole.

Then we can see how many actually think that their job is worthwhile.

I don't think they deliver anything worthwhile to the country, let's pay them by results

Anonymous said...

In our local paper tonight there's a suggestion - by a Councillor - that to save money, the number of Councillors per Ward should be cut from 3 to 2 in our two local Councils. Needless to say, the leaders of the two Councils are haemorraging on the spot!

polaris said...

Just blogged on this (in a Scottish context)today.

I once attended a meeting where the head of West Lothian council was present, he stunned us all by boasting that his council provided employment for 48% of his constituents - he couldn't be persuaded that this was negative, prick!

Anonymous said...

Erm, HM Revenue and Customs didn't exist in 1997. The Revenue and C&E were merged in 2005, hence the apparent 90% increase in staffing levels.

Anonymous said...

Erm, HM Revenue and Customs didn't exist in 1997. The Revenue and C&E were merged in 2005, hence the apparent 90% increase in staffing levels.
No mention of UKBA either. In 2008 UK Immigration Service and the Customs part of HM R&C were combined into UKBA. You need to find some more accurate figures.

electro-kevin said...

1 in 4 working for the state ... and the rest employed extending their houses, transporting them, entertaining them, selling Chinese stuff to them ...

We're ALL fucked when this goes down.

suigmypiel said...

Sorry OH, I work for the NHS and couldn't give a fuck either way. Make that 6,999,999 sphincters apuckering.

Anonymous said...

Our press really are Labour pets aren't they?

Brown announces: "Labour will cut costs, cut inefficiencies, cut unnecessary programmes..."

And NOBODY says: "Why haven't you already cut costs? Why are there significant inefficiencies after 12 years and WHY are there ANY UNnecessary programmes? You fucking idiot.

Ivor Bigot said...

@electro-kevin,
There are still some of us actually designing, making and selling stuff, much of it as exports. Not many, but some. I often think we're the only thing keeping this horrid little country going.

As I heard someone say recently, we can't all work at B&Q.

Anonymous said...

And one in six live in a household where nobody does anything more productive than pick his giro off the mat.
We're fucked.
Urban11

Mark Wadsworth said...

@ the two Anon's 15/9/09 at 22.28 and 22.38, the 1997 comparative figure for HMRC staff includes all people employed at predecessor bodies (Inland Revenue & HMCR), so it is a fair comparison.

Anonymous said...

"@ the two Anon's 15/9/09 at 22.28 and 22.38, the 1997 comparative figure for HMRC staff includes all people employed at predecessor bodies (Inland Revenue & HMCR), so it is a fair comparison."

It's not a fair comparison as the two bodies worked in different ways, with little or no overlap.

If both organisations did exactly the same job, you'd have a fair point. However, C&E were far more hands on that the IR. The VAT man was far more likely to visit than the IR, and do so more often.

Added to that, most of the taxes that C&E administered were transaction-based (such as VAT and excise)whereas IR worked off annual accounts or had an arms-length relationship with taxes such as PAYE.

The IR also didn't have uniformed staff at ports and airports with an anti-smuggling function.

I can see what point you're trying to make, but the merger of IR and C&E is more akin to merging the Army with the Royal Navy and calling the result The Royal Army. Numbers are up but the jobs the organisation's members carry out remain very different.

Anonymous said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaawn!

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