Monday, 14 September 2009
And On The Third Day.......................................
On the day after the General Election, Dave bounds into No 10 having achieved his long held personal ambition to have his portrait hang on the stairwell of No 10, then realises like some tourist arriving at his hotel in Florida that he has actually forgot to pack his policies. In fact he had forgot to go out and buy any policies before he started on his journey.
A bit tricky, because he has spent the last twelve years borrowing policies from the other lot, or at least not want to say he was going to change much at all.
Popping next door to see his old school chum George, he sees that his old mucker is staring ashen faced into an empty tin, with a moth fluttering around it. Whats that Georgie ? Its the Treasury Tin, there is nothing in it, and it has a very large hole at the bottom.
Really, I wish I'd packed some policies so we could have a think what we should do with that tin ! Any Gold we can sell ? No the previous bloke sold it all at the bottom of the market, and told everybody in advance he was going to auction it !
Oh, thats a bit dashed awkward ! By the way who are all those people milling around by my new 'I'm Dave the New PM executive Prime Minister' Car-
They are all the unemployed,benefits claimants and Bankers who would like some of what they think should be in this tin.
Thats even more dashed awkward, said Dave, stroking his new silk 'I'm Dave the new PM' tie
Any chance of a loan from anybody ? Said Dave smiling his PM smile into the mirror
Well there are a few unopened letters from a firm of consolidate all your debts into one easy monthly payment for sixty years ? Shall I ring them ? said George hopefully
Best do that- said Dave satisfied he had hit just the right note of approachable Authority.
On the second day, the nice man from the IMF said well how did you get yourselves into this mess, were you not supposed to be holding the other lot to account ?
Errr Yes said Dave, but I thought people would get cross with me and not make me Prime Minister, if I did not promise I would spend as much as they did.
Well what are you going to do about the other lot now ?
What do you mean said Dave- its our turn to be in charge now.
No, how are you going to make the other lot accountable for their incompetence, greed and corruption ?
Sorry I don't understand , whats accountable mean ? said Dave
The money that was spent was not the other lots to spend, it belonged to the Taxpayers.
What do you mean said Dave, his Prime Ministerial forehead started to furrow.
Well the previous lot spent £16m on an enquiry into how the Directors of MG Rover did nothing illegal and the SFO refused to prosecute them, so the other lot decided to spend another £25 m on Treasury Lawyers to try to prosecute them.
Did they really said Dave, must have missed that. I was doing a lot of photo opportunities for the last ten months, because I wanted to be Prime Minister.
On the third day Tony,Gordon,Alistair and Peter Poppet, opened the post to find a letter inviting them to come and have a chat about running an insolvent country and starting a few illegal wars. There was also a warning that this might end up in Court and they would be wise to sign a voluntary undertaking not to be a politician again and not to go anywhere near the Houses of Parliament again.
Dave, smiled into the mirror practising his Prime Ministerial smile. This accountability lark is jolly good fun.