Monday, 14 September 2009

And On The Third Day.......................................

On the day after the General Election, Dave bounds into No 10 having achieved his long held personal ambition to have his portrait hang on the stairwell of No 10, then realises like some tourist arriving at his hotel in Florida that he has actually forgot to pack his policies. In fact he had forgot to go out and buy any policies before he started on his journey.

A bit tricky, because he has spent the last twelve years borrowing policies from the other lot, or at least not want to say he was going to change much at all.

Popping next door to see his old school chum George, he sees that his old mucker is staring ashen faced into an empty tin, with a moth fluttering around it. Whats that Georgie ? Its the Treasury Tin, there is nothing in it, and it has a very large hole at the bottom.

Really, I wish I'd packed some policies so we could have a think what we should do with that tin ! Any Gold we can sell ? No the previous bloke sold it all at the bottom of the market, and told everybody in advance he was going to auction it !

Oh, thats a bit dashed awkward ! By the way who are all those people milling around by my new 'I'm Dave the New PM executive Prime Minister' Car-

They are all the unemployed,benefits claimants and Bankers who would like some of what they think should be in this tin.

Thats even more dashed awkward, said Dave, stroking his new silk 'I'm Dave the new PM' tie

Any chance of a loan from anybody ? Said Dave smiling his PM smile into the mirror

Well there are a few unopened letters from a firm of consolidate all your debts into one easy monthly payment for sixty years ? Shall I ring them ? said George hopefully

Best do that- said Dave satisfied he had hit just the right note of approachable Authority.

On the second day, the nice man from the IMF said well how did you get yourselves into this mess, were you not supposed to be holding the other lot to account ?

Errr Yes said Dave, but I thought people would get cross with me and not make me Prime Minister, if I did not promise I would spend as much as they did.

Well what are you going to do about the other lot now ?

What do you mean said Dave- its our turn to be in charge now.

No, how are you going to make the other lot accountable for their incompetence, greed and corruption ?

Sorry I don't understand , whats accountable mean ? said Dave

The money that was spent was not the other lots to spend, it belonged to the Taxpayers.

What do you mean said Dave, his Prime Ministerial forehead started to furrow.

Well the previous lot spent £16m on an enquiry into how the Directors of MG Rover did nothing illegal and the SFO refused to prosecute them, so the other lot decided to spend another £25 m on Treasury Lawyers to try to prosecute them.

Did they really said Dave, must have missed that. I was doing a lot of photo opportunities for the last ten months, because I wanted to be Prime Minister.

On the third day Tony,Gordon,Alistair and Peter Poppet, opened the post to find a letter inviting them to come and have a chat about running an insolvent country and starting a few illegal wars. There was also a warning that this might end up in Court and they would be wise to sign a voluntary undertaking not to be a politician again and not to go anywhere near the Houses of Parliament again.

Dave, smiled into the mirror practising his Prime Ministerial smile. This accountability lark is jolly good fun.


Tony Blair said...

Blooby marvellous.
Cherie and myself laughed so much that we pissed ourselves.
Bugger it ,we have no clean knickers to change into.

Dr Evadne said...

Not so much funny as worryingly close to the possible truth. I have always said that the Tories are as much to blame for the mess we have today as Noo Labore. They have provided no credible opposition over the last 11 years and still can't bring themselves to nail this lot. WTF is Ken Clarke doing? Was he not supposed to be keeping tabs on Manldleson? Listening to Jeremy Vine this afternoon there are still people out there who would be happy to pay even more tax to 'safeguard our public sector services'. Is there no limit to the amount of bullshit that people are prepared to swallow?

Oldrightie said...

So the answer is?

Anonymous said...

All bollocks.

There is no opposition, Dave and his cronies were already bought and payed for by the IMF, the Builderbuggers, the trilateral mafia, the international bankers, the Rotschilds, the Goldsniffs, the rockasmellys.

What can Dave do anyway considering the EU control virtually everything?

Same group control the EU as control `Dave's` Torys.

Remember fat Ken? Mr Europe, Mr Bilderbugger Still at the heart of the Tories!

Small goverment Tories? is that a joke?

Same mafia group who put the unelected Mandy in charge of the country have several placements in the Tories eager to make millions just like Phoney.

The Tories should we not forget with Ted Heath and a very long line of Tory traiters, deliberately and subversively led us into a totalitarian unacountable federal Europe.

Forget the Tories forget the idea of two ideologically opposed parties, for while you bitch about which team of stooges is better, both teams lead us into illegal wars, selling out our democracy to a totalitarian foriegn power and making no noise of the erosion of our civil rights.

You may get some bollocks about a hunting act - that is about all you will get back.

Both have made themselfs redundant, serving no other purpose than seeing in the new reich, led by the international bankers for their 30 pieces of silver.

NOTHING will change under Dave other than the continued erosion of accountability, the continued erosion of Liberties, the continued erosion of democracy.

In fact under Dave will will most likely see the final nail hammered into the coffin that is British democracy.

Guthrum said...

Agree with everything you say

john in cheshire said...

Wouldn't it be wonderful if just once, the electorate did something totally unexpected and voted for anyone but the three main parties. Then we'd see excrement and fans colliding.
It's not going to happen, though, is it. More's the pity.

Anonymous said...

Anon 15.49
I'm sure Ted Heath did some naughties, he isn't alone there, but I have a feeling that his VERY unfortunate experiences in WW2 made him a passionate believer in 'no more war'. There used to be a lot of that about: a serious effort to nail the German psyche into a European coffin, along with everyone else. 'No more European war' was one of the early motivators, willingly taken up by all the returning socialists displaced by .... you know who. Revenge is sweet.

Harryot said...

All those who are so keen on voting Tory should be asked precisely what they expect to be different about their lives this time next year. You'll still be spied upon, fined for the slightest transgression, robbed of all your money, banned from smoking, dictated to by fake charities etc etc.

As you say the only likely difference is that you will be able to go hunting again. As john in cheshire says, it would be good if the electorate gave the lot of them a big 'fuck you' and voted for the minor parties. You never know, it could happen the way things are going.

Hairy Arsed Bloke said...

I keep tell ya, gotta top the bastards.

Moody's and S&P might downgrade the UK unless this happens.

Spare Vote Available said...

Surely there are votes going for the party that commits itself to bringing justice to 646 thieves.

Anonymous said...

Call me a stupid star gazing twat if you like but I went to one of those 'Cameron Direct' mtgs Dave was holding round the country & I asked him in public what he intended to do about the erosion of our civil liberties that had taken place, and still was, under that fat delusional cunt McSnot and he stood there & said that the first thing he would do, would be to cancel the ID card project and dismantle the database behind it, then he would carefully examine all the other laws brought in by you know who - and - unless they served some useful, democratic purpose he would get rid of them.

Dick Emery's Cock said...

where did it all go wrong?

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