Sunday, 30 August 2009

The Princess and the 'Ps'

Princess Emma of Sheffield can’t have been sleeping easily the last few nights, and the news that there are more than 100,ooo ‘Ps’ – otherwise known as Polish construction workers – heading to her feather bedded kingdom has caused great consternation in her land.

This could be why the latest edition of ‘Benefit Busters’ has been withdrawn from both the ‘on demand’ section of Chanel 4 and from the 4od web site. Those who missed Thursday night’s episode are being denied the opportunity to see Emma fail to justify the £700 million the government are shovelling in her direction to ‘train’ the unemployed and make them ‘job ready’.

Edited to add – I now have a link to an episode if you want to watch it. HERE

Her crack troops of trainers apparently considered a scene reminiscent of early editions of Blue Peter as the great unemployed sit around reading the Daily Star and constructing a ‘bridge’ out of old yogurt pots and yards of sellotape, whilst occasionally looking up and languidly turning down the opportunity of work with various local employers to be the best possible advert for the A4e company whilst they renegotiate their contract with the tax payer. The public were reputedly less than impressed.

Young Mark Pilkington, an ex-army man who had had a ‘few problems’ since leaving the service was hailed as a success – but he was already highly motivated and actually wanted employment. He took on a job laughingly described as ‘landscape gardener’ but which appeared to consist of clearing roadside brambles. Mark was delighted though, and there were touching scenes as he spent his first weeks pay cheque on his partner.

Disturbingly, although A4e claimed Mark as a success, and presumably will receive their full £1500 payment for finding him a job, he was already motivated at the beginning of his mandatory course (his benefits would have been stopped if he had not attended) and worse, when he had landed the job and called into the Job Centre to tell them, it seems that his Job Centre ‘controller’ was on such first name terms with the Greenco landscaping company involved, that she was able to pick up the phone, dial the number from memory and address the person at the other end of the phone by christian name…….in which case, why hadn’t she got him that job without the tax payer having to put another £1500 under Emma’s mattress?

Sadly within four weeks, he was laid off, through no fault of his own, and although A4e and Emma Harrison get to clock up another £1500 from the tax payer for having got Mark back into work, Mark will spend the next four weeks without any benefits whilst the DWP rebuild his claim. Apparently, this sort of thing goes on all the time. Companies take the unemployed off A4E’s hands, then drop them, just like that.

The staff at A4e seemed remarkably keen to recommend low paid, temporary, agency work, and when asked about this during the interview, Emma replied she was ‘gutted, gutted’ – she must be gutted – she gets £1500 worth of gutted every time she persuades someone to sign up for temporary work as young Mark did. It was pointed out to Emma in the interview that she might like to take this up at Government level and that her clients seemed to be losing confidence in her, she replied ‘ d’you fink I’m sum sort of Einstein or summink’ and giggled with embarrassment.

You can take the girl out of Sheffield and make her business woman of the year, but you’ll never iron the Sheffield out of her.

One unfortunate fellow had scribbled BNP on his folder (not actually uttered the fateful initials!) – wash your mouth out lad, this is nu-labour land, you can’t say anything like that! He was dressed down in front of a room full of his colleagues (and the watching TV audience) and threatened with being thrown off the ‘course’.

The most successful of her employees was the one who was handing out short term contracts – ‘0′ hours, no job security – there should be a total bar on A4e getting paid for putting people into employment that they know cannot last.The first episode had ended with three of the women getting two weeks unpaid work experience at Poundland!

Surely the Department of Work and Pensions must stipulate the minimum that Emma should be doing for her £700 million – I understand that her new contract will only give her 40% of her money up front, and the rest conditional on getting a job – but what sort of job? If this is how the company and its CEO perform in front of the cameras, God only knows what goes on there in real life.

Today we read that the News of the World is shocked to discover that a staggering 225,000 foreign workers have been signed up to build London’s 2012 Olympics.

Ministers promised the billions invested in the 2012 Games would be a LIFELINE for local workers and firms.

But the Olympic Development Authority (ODA), which is battling to get locals into the jobs, has found many of them unwilling to give up their BENEFITS.

As luck would have it, Poland is hosting the 2012 European Soccer Championships, and the:

“Economic Ministry believes preparations for the European soccer championships will generate at least 100,000 jobs in Poland. If the country is lucky, the total could be much higher. Dziennik indicates the number of jobs that the Euro 2012 effort generates may reach 370,000 jobs by the end of 2012. [...] A labor shortage will complicate that effort. Tens of thousands of Poles with construction skills emigrated to Great Britain, Ireland and other European countries after Poland joined the EU in 2004. Estimates are that Poland needs about 200,000 construction workers right now. It will need more as the pace of building picks up. To meet those numbers, the country will have to recruit many workers from abroad, not only from neighboring countries like Ukraine, but also from Asia, especially China.”

If A4e can’t get off their backside and find some jobs for labourers in the London 2012 Olympics building boom – then perhaps they could export some workers to Poland to fill the vacancies there – after all they do have offices there.

I’ve got a better idea. Instead of padding Emma’s mattress, why not offer the £1500 to the long term unemployed as a bonus after they have managed to find and keep a job for a minimum of one year?


bofl said...

i poted this on annas page:

on my course at the ymca they sent 2 guys on an hgv driving course…

i seem to remember it cost £1500 and £300 for the test………

which was amusing as my advisor at the job centre told me that there wasn’t a driving job within 15 miles of southend,essex!


i hope you noticed the amount of ’spec’ letters the ‘clients’ were made to send?

employers have hundreds of letters for advertised vacancies.
ask any agency-they will tell you to tailor each application for each application.the sending of ‘ spec’ letters is a complete waste of time……


some of the job centre staff are ok.others thick as the proverbial planks………among the 200 jobs i applied for on my course was to work at the job centre ,basildon……….as it is a govt. institution they are obsessed by useless tests…………

they ask 15 questions……….after 5 i nearly had a nervous breakdown……………if you would like to see them anna,please email me………..


ps they will NEVER give anyone money back because if you had not noticed 'they' the blairs ,browns,darlings and all the other hoons know far better than we do about how to spend OUR money!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I watched the programme and was too stunned and shocked to blog about it.

Am I right in thinking that the people who are on these 'training' courses are not counted in the unemployment figures?

Chris said...

@Rab: That's right mate. Technically, the people on the course (and I use the word in the loosest possible sense) are employed by A4e, with their dole (and other bennies) still paid to them through the New Deal.

They don't count in the unemployment figures because while they're being babysat their money comes from the pot marked 'Training', not the one marked 'Dole'.

A4e is a dirty, quangocratic money-churning scam of the worst kind.

Oldrightie said...

Rab, that is correct. The actual unemployment levels are nearer seven million and climbing. Watch out for soon to be announced means tested state pensions, NI hikes (more than the one coming soon)and 22% VAT levels. All to pay for the rising benefit costs. It is a viscious circle of scary proportions.

A.B. Gordon said...

A few points. I had to attend something similar. Instead of the govt putting a few quid into funding my uni I had to go to DSS. Looking for the best job? No loking for the least worst job. I had to take a look at one of those Employement providers in Belfast. They were more interested in my signing a contract (ching ching £1000) than getting me a job. As for the punter on TV having X on speed dial. They do that so they don't spend 10 mins with some twat dialling wrog numbers, put on hold, all the shit in the real world. BNP on folder? Yup. I can see how that would happen. If you can't see the Big Question you see The Small Answer.

Ivor Bigot said...

"Where there's mong, there's brass"

Ultimately of course, this is just an exercise in keeping the tractor... sorry, unemployment figures down.

Marchamont Needham said...

Poor Emma. Allows a TV company to film all the good she's doing in the world, and the proles just don't understand.J

udging by the trailers, next week's programme will be even more of an eye-opener than the last two.

bofl said...

well what a surprise?

the govt. puts people on courses to massage- er lie- about the unemployment figures!!!!

with people like mcmental and mandy and blair who would have thunk it?

EVERYTHING these cunts do is a lie!

One major thing that you all seem to have missed is the working tax credits-worked out by mcmental in between writing books on courage and visits to hampstead heath.....

a scheme so difficult and expensive to administer that £billions have been wasted!

Dont you all find it ironic that the brown wind bag goes around the world banging on about free markets yet runs a system of job subsidization ?

a system that makes the bosses happy and rich and in a bizarre take on wealth distribution means that the rest of us- when working -pay the rich even more!

a friend of mine owns a piling company - he only offers minimum wage-because the govt. tops up the money!!!!!!!!!!!

ffs!!!!!!!!!!!he is a MILLIONAIRE!!!!


what a great commie system gordon-
where the majority become poor........

still,eastenders is on every day and so is corrie so the plebs slumber and the real criminals carry on their legalized extortion.

Anonymous said...

Bogus training schemes, coupled with the massive expansion of pointless higher education in worthless non-subjects - all desperate attempts to disguise the catastrophic level of unemployment in this country.

The fact is Britain has had large-scale real unemployment since the late 70s. It’s just the political classes have been forced to come up with ever more inventive ways to hide it.

BNP guido refugee said...

I watched the program ( just by fluke)

My jaw hit the floor.

I couldn't believe how demeaning the whole process was. The most shocking thing to me was how no one was killed during the classes. I know I would not have taken it for very long before trying to strangle one of the job councilors !

subrosa said...

What surprises me is that Princess Emma thought her organisation was worthy of a TV series and the television company thought it too.

I wonder if the producer was astute or just daft. I suggest the former because he knew the ratings would be high. Taxpayers like to see where their money goes even though it is stuffed under some silly woman's floorboards.

pissing blood said...

LOL they've even done a Hitler on A4E.

Anonymous said...

I saw the programme in question and was gobsmacked. The only cunts 'benefitting' from this dodgy firm's antics were its employees, most of whom seemed to be sanctimonious overbearing twats. Especially the old cunt who gave one fella a bollocking for going home or summat and not sitting in a room doodling instead.

The smug bitch who owns it should be shot.

Bloodsucking bastards of the first order.

And, the poor cunt who got a months 'work' shredding brambles or whatever. At least he got ninety quid for an outfit for an interview, which was really a 'shoe in' from the start.

So the tax payer get's shafted for £1590.00, Mark Wotsit the poor sod gets a suit, a months work and then fuckall.

This country really is a shithole fo the first order.

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