Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Cost Effective Advertising?

"What's Your Number? And Do You Fancy A Kebab Afterwards?"

It seems that the Home Office spent £3.5 MILLION of taxpayers' money to advertise some fuckwit text messaging scheme whereby you could find out a phone number for your local plod.

Only 3,000 people used the sevice, which has been suspended prior to being quietly swept away altogether.

So that's 3,500,000 divided by 3,000 equals £1,167 per text.

Great value for money. Even 118 118 is cheaper.

The Penguin


CryBaby said...

and this dumbass wants her job back in the cabinet? She certainly has the incompetent money squandering credentials to be reinstated.

Wesley Groves said...

What is the point in ringing the corrupt, cowardly racist plodscum? It is only a blues n twos if its "political".

Anonymous said...

Who cares? It is only public money.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Company announcement

As a result of budget reductions across all departments, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of the next financial year will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with senior management.

This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or C.L.A.P. (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training them through our S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) programme.

We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this industry. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

Once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us.

Yours sincerely,

The Management

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, but this great scheme was thought up by our totally incompetent, corrupt, thieving, bullying, late unlamented Ex-Second Home Secretary & Minister for Porn, Jacky Spliff so surely you couldn't expect it to be efficient, effective or value for money? Nothing else she did was so why should this scheme be different? Wonder which of her little pals trousered the money though & where it finally ended up? Jacky Spliff - public money fraudster in addition to being a Benefit cheat? And just in case that PR company is still monitoring blogs for mention of her:

Jacky Spliff is STILL a cunt. Hopefully a jobless cunt after the next election.

Newgates Knocker said...

This government probably thinks this represents extremely good value for money. Their strategy for every problem is spend more money on it! Someone needs to take their cheque book away and fast!

Chalcedon said...

Three and a half million quid on advertising. The first I head about this was via an online MSM this morning. What bloody advertising? Where? I never saw anything.

St Paul said...

Fat Jacqui is a thick, ugly, NULabour munter when compared with; say; Lady Barbara Thomas Judge who appeared, elegant as ever, on TV yesterday. Lady Judge's qualifications are slightly better than those of Jacqui.

charcoal said...

And how much to design, configure and run it?

Anonymous said...

St Paul - re Lady Judge & Fat Jacqui's qualifications - I'm not knocking Lady Judge but really it wouldn't be difficult for anyone to have better credentials than Fat Jacqui.

subrosa said...

I'm sure this site brought this to my attention when it announced. Of course it also said it was fail miserably at great financial cost to us taxpayers.

I hate people who are always right. :)

Anonymous said...

If the Gordon Brown ran a tuckshop in a school for bulemics, he would fuck it up.

No doubt he would raise the price of the crisps to match the chocolate in an 'equality initiative' then give all the profit as compensation to the Muslim kid who's Mars bar's chocolate coating depicted the prophet Mohammed.

Harry Potter said...

OT, but just noticed that the Harry Potter actor who was done for growing Cannabis was actually ARRESTED for taking a photo of a police patrol!:


OK folks, this means that YOU must take MORE photos of ze Stasi, not be scared into complying with their Idiocies.

Wesley Groves said...

Harry P, they are all pixelated out on TV now anyhow. Very brave, our plod. New Scotland Yard delenda est.

Anonymous said...

Total bunch of cunts - But never fear Mendleson will sort it!

Griblett said...

Jackboot: "What's your number? And do you fancy a kebab afterwards?"

Plod: "No can do. According to your husband your kebab is fucking well off."

banned said...

Plod says " Last time I saw you you threatened to have me killed you fucking bitch. George, you got the tazzer mate ? "

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