Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Balls gets bounced.

Plays the same tune over and over and blinks continuously.
Get your own Education Secretary

A friend visited this evening, one of those who can smell an open whisky bottle from five miles away, and helped me to kill off the last of the Glenkinchie I opened last night. I didn't tell him about the Ledaig or we'd still be drinking now, although we'd have been doing it by candlelight.

As he left, the power went off. All of it. Fortunately I have one of those emergency battery units that saves the computer from crashing at such times, and gives me time to shut it down properly. It stayed off for an hour and a half. Anyone relying on a radio alarm tomorrow morning is going to get a nasty surprise.

It's back on now (well, duh) and the first thing I found when I went into the news was the story of Bouncy Balls telling us how he's going to 'fix' the mess of education. You know, the mess it's not in if you listen to Labour spout tractor stats disguised as exam results. Michael Gove, someone I have ignored so far, had this to say:

Mr Gove said promises of personal tuition outlined by Mr Balls had previously been announced by Prime Minister Gordon Brown in June 2007.
And he told the Schools Secretary: "I know you relish your role as this Government's attack puppy and your special vocation as the Prime Minister's mini-me.

I'm starting to like this Gove chap. This is a nice change from the barely-heard voices of the opposition so far in this government.

"But when will you realise that simply repeating the same old nonsense over and over again ad nauseam hasn't exactly helped the Prime Minister to new heights of popularity and it won't help you."

It's a taste of things to come. Balls is practising to be the next Prime Monster, so he's emulating the style of the current droning sack of saggy misery because obviously, that's really worked well. It's produced excellent results at the polls. For every party other than Labour.

Tory spokesman Michael Gove said Mr Balls was offering "old material" and told MPs introducing legal obligations on schools to drive up standards was evidence that Labour had failed to do so in the last 12 years.

There go the 'legal obligations' again. Not content with making it illegal to be poor, the government now want to make it illegal to be stupid. Of course, the poor and the stupid won't be the ones punished, because they are 'the criminal' in this law. Under the Labour legal system, the criminal gets understanding and compensation while the victim (everyone who isn't poor and/or stupid) goes to jail. We're all to blame for poverty because we earn money by working and don't want to hand it all over to those who don't want to work. We'll all be to blame for stupidity because we listened at school, learned things and worked at getting qualifications. Those who didn't, well, its not their fault they're stupid. It's those capitalists hogging all the qualifications for themselves.

Mr Balls had said that teachers will in future need a "licence to teach" which would be regularly reviewed.

What can he mean? Some kind of teacher training system where teachers learn how to run a class? Why didn't we think of that before! We did? So, what he means is a licence that can be revoked if the teacher doesn't comply with New Labour indoctrination teaching methods. The kids must all come out equally stupid or it's rip up the licence time. Can't have those terrible elitists learning things. Everyone must be stupid to a level equal to that of a Labour minister. It's quite a challenge.

Labour are trying to get their party handbook made law. The trouble is, their handbook no longer makes any sense at all. The Tories will have to scrap the entire statute book (is it a statute library by now?) and start from scratch. It'll be quicker than trying to pick out all Labour's petty and generally insane legislation.

This Gove might be worth watching. He has a way with words.

UPDATE: The Daily Politics has it on video.


denverthen said...

Really glad you didn't suffer a terrible, agonising death from blood poisoning.

Education. Gove and the Tories better get their heads out of their collective fundaments on this one.

Purging a British education system of the Crossland/Williams/Anyotherchampagnesocialistoftheday,American Marxist poison is going to be a big battle.

Place to start? Simultaneously take on the NUTS and priviatise all teacher training 'college' - divisions - of every university.

Ultimately, the aim to purge Britain of the Marxist poison that has penetrated every part of the British state. Every part.

Ask Mandelson or Balls, for example, if they believe in competitive sports.

They will lie to you. I don't like liars. I value the truth.

The truth is something I shall fight for.

Goodnight Vienna said...

Gove did well responding to Balls in the House today but he lost out to Paxman by being too inflexible and belligerent - it looks as though Lansley will be in trouble again.

banned said...

They are still at full tilt. The other week I was chatting with a newly trained teacher going to his first post. All he wanted to discuss was my wrong attitude since I referred to 'pupils' which is, apparently, putting the kids down, Student or Learner are the correct terms.
I am sure that go will go far, twat.

Mitch said...

How about we make ed balls illegal? it makes as much sense as anything else we could jail his parents(brother&sister obviously) and have him put down.

Does he know he`s talking bollox or can he really believe what he says?

Anonymous said...

I like to'encourage' Labour every so often by leaving a message on their website (it makes them think someone cares). To-day's message, after listening to Dickhead Balls was 'I listened to Ed Balls & his new White Paper - basically a tacit admission that Labour 'education policies' over the last 12 years have failed miserably. 1-2-1 tution - originally offered by Brown in 2007 - why is it being re-offered in 2009? - why hadn't it already been implemented in 2007? New acadamies=failing schools scraped from the bottom of the barrel & relaunched with bells & whistles. Same old, same old dumbed down education - keep them stupid & they won't question anything.'

Anonymous said...

I was a teacher once and would rather nail my foreskin to the mast of a sinking ship than ever set foot in a school again.

Anonymous said...

The concern here is that they are trying to legislate all this sh!t.

Can just see how tied the next government is going to be if any of this crap is made law.

Imagine it - we currently have "Injury Lawyers 4 You".

It'll be "Entitlement Lawyers 4 You"

headed by Tone & Cherry with Straw helping out.

The opposition parties need to make damn sure this stuff doesn't get into the law books.

Talk about scorched earth policies!

Grinningsadist said...

I wouldn't mind so much if we could *actually* make stupidity illegal. But then, I work with people (non-'special needs' adults) who have inordinate difficulty in even remembering their own name on request.

Anonymous said...

V O U C H E R S.


Alan Wallace Jury Team said...

Read "Celsius 7/7" by Michael Gove and your opinion of him will certainly change.

VotR said...

Blinky Balls can also make your house look nicer, better and repaired with FREE MONEY. Then you can sell it for a VAST PROFIT!

Blinky Balls comes with a guarantee of at least three house sales. But unfortunately, you can't get your money back if things go wrong.

Clunking Fist said...

The new government will spend their first term merely removing all this law from the statute books... which won't matter, because all the new EU law coming will reder it obsolete anyways.

scish said...

Anon 07:59,

A law that is made can just as easily be unmade. It would be a damning indictment of the Labour Government if the early actions of the Conservatives was some kind of Reform Act to wipe away such legislation as this.

Unsurprisingly, prats like Matthew Taylor were recently talking about the need for Labour to set in law their achievements in this very manner. But no Parliament can bind a successive Parliament, so long as enough of the MPs have the balls to remove egregious legislation.

We're on an election footing I reckon. We've had the following announcements in the last few weeks:

Road pricing is to be abandoned.(Again)
ID Cards are not going to be compulsory.(Yet, and the database behind it is untouched)
Thousands more council houses.(Unfunded of course)
The rolling back of the state as far as education goes.(Except Balls cocked that up by announcing licences for teachers)
100,000 extra tutors and every child access to 1 to 1 tuition.(Unfunded)
Tesco is looking to buy Northern Rock.
And today the Government has nationalised the East Coast main line.

Norman-normal said...

Very much a Nazi "Scorched Earth" policy. NuLab wants to leave the UK is as much mess as possible. Trouble is the Tories - they are just as power mad.

Post GE 2010, and we'll see a new Tory gov, and same old nulab shit floating on the water.

We are FUCKED! Good and proper.

Ivor Bigot said...

We're all to blame for poverty because we earn money by working and don't want to hand it all over to those who don't want to work. We'll all be to blame for stupidity because we listened at school, learned things and worked at getting qualifications. Those who didn't, well, its not their fault they're stupid. It's those capitalists hogging all the qualifications for themselves.

Beautifully put.

I am sick to death of being viewed as somehow inferior for being hard working and well educated. It's all my parents fault of course, forcing me to do my homework and (shock-horror) earn my pocket money doing chores. The kind and loving bastards!

Man in the Street said...

Gove is totally establishment. Useless.

Newgates Knocker said...

Ivor Bigot
You got it in one!

When I was as school I worked hard and got some Qualifications. My life was made hell at the time, because 'mixed ability classes' had just been thought a grand idea. The few of us that actually tried to achieve some learning were verbally abused every day by the incapable and distruptive whom I am now expected to support through my taxes. Well I have a long memory and they and their multiple retarded offspring can fuck off!

Anonymous said...

For all you BNP knockers,Harry (the trougher) Cohen has announced he is not standing at the next GE.
He blames Michael Barnbrook BNP spokesman for law and order for reporting him to the Commissioner for parliamentary standards. Michael was also partly responsible for bringing down Ian Clement deputy Mayor of London. There are another (at least) 18 on Michael's "to do" list.
We are on the same side.

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