Friday, 26 June 2009

Michael Jackson Joke Thread


Do your worst....

106 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is just unkind and cruel.

So I'll get some punchlines in now.

"I'm forever blowing Bubbles."
"Don't let your sun go down on me."

Anonymous said...

"Don't let you son go down on me". Bugger.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

FOR SALE - Chimpanzee and oxygen tent. Willing to sell seperately. Genuine reason for selling.

Anonymous said...

When Farrah Fawcett arrived at heaven, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children to be safe, so God killed Michael Jackson :o)

Michael Jacksons family have been asked what colour coffin they want him buried in, they said it doesn’t matter if it’s black or white.

McDonald’s is bringing out a new burger …”Michael Jackson Burger”…
It has 50 yr old dead meat inside 5 yr old buns.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

The jockey club have announced that black armbands are to be worn in tribute to MJ who has ridden more three year olds more succesfully than anyone in living memory.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

MJ's ghost has been sited in a children's hospital. Seems he is still putting the willies up small children.

GaryGlitter said...

How cum he still gets air-play and I dont?

Gadd-zooks

Obama Beach said...

Is it cos he's black?

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Early reports say that Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since young Macauly Culkin stayed over.

Barnsley Bill said...

he died from an allergic reaction to some 12 year old nuts he had eaten.

Michael Jackson died at 3.15 p.m. local time.
What is significant is that at 3.15 the big hand is on the little hand.

Whats the difference between Farrah Fawcett and Micheal Jackson?

Young boys loved to pin Farrah to the wall, whereas Micheal loved to pin……….

what's the difference between Michael and a Sainsbury's carrier bag. One is yellow, plastic and won't degrade in a landfill, and the other is . . . a Sainsbury's bag.

Exposure to sunshine, moonlight and good times ruled out: now coroners say cause of death was 'boogie'.

One of the advantages of living at the bottom of the planet is we get a 12 hour headstart with out vileness.

Anonymous said...

They won't need to embalm him.

WackoJ said...

Gary.G@10:48
Shamo Mother Fucker!
Cos I beat da rap, rumours put about by the white honkys at the D.A office.

Barnsley Bill said...

And my personal favourite.
His final wish is to be recycled into party balloons so kids can still blow him.

Harriet_Harman said...

A very sad day for us Black Mothers eveywhere.

Ozzy said...

Michael jackoff: f**$£*^%$&%£&

Barnsley Bill said...

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks.

Barnsley Bill said...

Michael Jackson's dying wish was to sprinkle his ashes over a bowl of cornflakes so he can go through the arse of little children just one more time.

Simontm said...

The Jackson 4 have announced new tour dates

RIP Michal jackson said...

I carnt beleve U r all beeing so cruel. He is a lejend and the world is weeping for the joy he gave us.

shame on u all.

♥ ♥ ♥ MJ 4 eva ♥ ♥ ♥

Anonymous said...

What's the difference between Manchester United and Michael Jackson?

Man U will be playing giggs next year

Master Bates said...

What is the difference betwen Alex Ferguson & Michael Jackson?

Alex Ferguson can still play GIGGS!!!

Blackthorn said...

Quote of the day has to go to Uri Geller - "Michael Jackson was a young boy inside a mans body".

Dungeekin said...

A Greenpeace spokesman described Jackson's death as 'a tragedy'.

D

Gary Glitter said...

Any chance of a Cum-Back,
PLEASE!

I can Black up if need be.

Sony Millions! said...

The King of Paedo is Dead!

Uri-9mm said...

RIP Michael.
I was given a remarkable vision into Michaels forthcoming demise. An angel spoke to me and said "King of the Illusionists, terrible things will happy to Wacko" It was then I awoke and called my Agent....

CryBaby said...

I'm just not getting why everyone dislikes him here? I'm must be on another planet with this one.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

What a coincidence Farrah Fawcet and MJ dying on the same day. One played with majors, the other played with minors...

Anonymous said...

Crybaby@11.40

Yes you probably are...

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Whats the difference between Arthur Scargill and Michael Jackson. Scargill hasn't seen a miner's helmet in years...

Mickael not dead - just restin' said...

Excellent RAB!

Anonymous said...

jackson's body is to be melted down and turned into plastic toys so that kids can play with him for a change
Urban11

Jimmy Tarbuck said...

Michael Jackson's last tour was sponsored by Captain Morgan Rum.

They both come in small tots...

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Cry Baby, he's just such an easy target.

The Great Uri.G said...

Im taking bookings to contact Michael via my supreme talent as illusionist and medium. $100 a pop.

Roger Thornhill said...

What are the similarities between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag?

A: Both are made of plastic and should not be left alone with young children.

MJ via Uri incoming message said...

I love you CRYBABY...
(Passed over Message from MJ)

Chubby Brown said...

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Acne?

Acne doesn't come over kid's faces til they're in their teens.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Paramedics said that MJ never re-gained his colour!

Rev.JesseJackoff (no relation) said...

Sing on bruvva, for the oppressed black yuth out there.

Bubbles said...

Who will fuck me now?

PC World said...

Gadd-zooks, RIP michael, the world will not be the same.

P.Gadd

Barnsley Bill said...

Rab......... Asshole.
Scotch on keyboard via nostrils. The scargill quip deserves a prize.
Well done sir.

President: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said...

Who da Fuck is Wacko?
I must watch more American TV, and experience Western culture.

Allah-muvva-fucka

Anonymous said...

The Paedo's are in Mourning. The loss of one of their own.

Conan the Librarian™ said...

The difference between Mother Hubbard and Jacko?
None, they both reared too many kids.

Anonymous said...

After many years of being unsure whether he was black or white, it briefly appeared last night that Michael Jackson had settled on blue.

In the end he finally chose grey.

Jonathong King said...

Some of the best comments ever posted. Pissing myself laughing.

Anonymous said...

o/t, great game of "spot the disreputable sodomite" going on over at the Daily Mail

hint: it's a trick question.

jailhouselawyer said...

McCanns saddened by death of Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson is a Paedo said...

Get your arses over to the Daily Mail Jacko site – red arrow all the sad fucks crying their hearts out !

You know you want to ..!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1195607/The-King-Pop-dead-Michael-Jackson-passes-away–aged-50–rushed-hospital-coma.html

Uri-9mm said...

Michael.J Seance my place (Berkshire)
£1000. As Michael would have said
"First cum, first served"

For every £1000 ticket I will give £1 to the McCanns. My generosuity astounds even myself. For I am the great illusionist.

Harri , oh well never mind time to move on . said...

On hearing of Micheal Jacksons sudden death , Maddona has kindly said that she will adopt his children, & it dont matter if there black or white .

I will get my coat.

Rev.ObamaBeach (non-Muslim) said...

Time for us Nigga's to cum out ov da closet...

WordVer: Finksha

Harri, i know its wrong ... but here goes nothing said...

Micheal Jackson is to be cremated and his ashes are going to be put into an etch a sketch so 10 year olds can still play with him .

I will shut the door on my way out !

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

When Farrah Fawcet arrived in heaven, God granted her one wish.
She wished for all children to be safe.
Six hours later, Michael Jackson dies...

Anonymous said...

Sorry not a joke. Today would be a very good day for someone to 'bury bad news' - we should all be on alert...

Z

colval said...

Why did Michael Jackson smear cheese spread on his cock?


'Cos kids'll do anything for Dairylea.

Anonymous said...

The Jackson family have just visited the Funeral Directors to make sure they take plastic.

Anonymous said...

Apparently he had a valid donor card - Madame Tussaud's are said to be first in the queue.

Old Holborn said...

His wife Maddie Jackson is said to be upset.

Anonymous said...

In light of his death, all Jacksons upcoming dates have been cancelled.


They were James (aged 9) and Thomas (aged 11).

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Statement by Macaully Culkin -

I am deeply saddened by Michael Jackson's death. Throughout my life he touched me in ways only a Catholic priest would understand.

Anonymous said...

Michael Jackson's last request was to be melted down and made into a slippery slide so that kids could still go down on him.
Urban11

microdave said...

Fuck me Rab, you're on top form today!

I take it you won't be telling these on your diversity training course...

Revolution Harry said...

As Jacko was fighting for his life in the ambulance, the doctor said i think we should start CPR, the paramedics said no we should start heart massage, the driver said we should start an adrenaline drip. Then Jacko gasping for breath said fuck me, you wanna be starting something!

Anonymous said...

Police have searched Jackson's house. They found Class A drugs in the bathroom and Class 4B in the bedroom.

Anonymous said...

They have just announced that Jackson will not be buried or cremated.

He will be recycled into carrier bags so he can stay white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.

Anonymous said...

Reports of Jacko's death are untrue. He's been found in a children's ward where he just had a minor stroke.

jailhouselawyer said...

Michael Jackson's unreleased recording of I'm forever blowing Bubbles now for sale on ebay.

Earthlet Nigel said...

Because "dead and buried" no longer mean "dead and buried" MJ's toxic corpse is to be launched into space, thus ironically fulfilling a final wish of going out with a bang

Earthlet Nigel said...

Jordan Chandler was said to be devastated at the reports of his death saying,"we had hoped he would have gone on longer, now I'll have to get a job".

The Penguin said...

The Funeral Director said, Sorry Fellas, we've got a real problem with this one. There's so much plastic in the face that we can't cremate his because of toxic fumes, and we can't bury him because there's no way he'll decompose properly, and we can't risk the dangerous gas seepage.

What the fucking hell are we gonna do? asked the distraught family.

Buy a big chest freezer and a few solar panels, and start looking for really cheap self-storage.

Oh, and get the presses rolling on Greatest Hits, should help pay for it.

The Penguin

JPT said...

His 'fans' (puke) are the biggest joke.

Anonymous said...

Police have just released details of Michael Jackson's heart attack, apparently hae was found clutching a letter............it was a job offer from a creche

The Penguin said...

Great career move, though, he's already back in the charts.

The Penguin

Anonymous said...

Disneyland have announced they going to build a special rollercoaster for little kids in memory of Michael Jackson. The ride will pound them for 30 seconds and they won't be able to walk for a week.

Gorgon Kiddy Fiddler Union said...

R. I. P(aedo).

Gigits said...

Some funny fucking stuff here. Gonna take me forever to transfer these to a mobile phone so I can text them around!

Chrysippus said...

You would have thought that the world famous psychic could have used his abilities to warn one of his best friends of his demise.

Anonymous said...

All the jockies at todays race meeting wore black armbands in honor of jackson who rode more three year olds than any man in history.
Urban11

The Penguin said...

Jonah has decided to lead the World in Mourning the People's Prince of Pop.

The Penguin

Harri the bastard said...

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson?

Ferguson will be playing Giggs in August.


Oh its so wrong.

Anonymous said...

M.J.'s condition was hereditary, it was in his billy jeans.

How do you start M.J.'s heart? Just beat it.

Tony Blair said...

Just as Princess Diana was the peoples princess,Michael will always be the saddo's saddo

Joe Public said...

The BBC today reported:

"And other minor news stories are:
Russia has just been invaded by China; North Korea fired a nuclear missile at Tokyo; and, an earthquake has devastated half of India."

Harri is now definitely a bastard said...

Gigits said...
Some funny fucking stuff here. Gonna take me forever to transfer these to a mobile phone so I can text them around!

26 June 2009 18:05


Oh, there is more? so much more...

Here goes nothing, i know its wrong! but fucking funny anyway.

Michael Jackson is being melted down and made into a slide, so the kids can still go down him?



I will make sure the door dont hit my arse on the way out

frosty said...

People have been complaining that some of these jokes are in bad taste however ive just read on the Daily Mail website that the ageing ginger bum boy Elton John whilst hosting some chatrity ball sang "Dont Let the SON go down on me " as a tribute to MJ when hearing of his death,the heartless gay bastard!

Gigits said...

Harri said:

"Michael Jackson is being melted down and made into a slide, so the kids can still go down him?"

I make it:

"Michael Jackson is being melted down and made into a slide, so the kids can still go down ON him?"

Which, I'm sure is what you meant and is a fucking great one!

Keep em coming!

Anonymous said...

Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital"


I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.


MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.



Why did michael jackson hang the baby out of the window? ...

To stop the cum dripping on the carpet

Anonymous said...

Best Tribute video?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luz2HE1aT1c


A photographic history of Michael Jackson's face.

http://anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html

Wesley Groves said...

A tireless charity worker-he always stood behind Children in need.

Bubbles said...

My arse hole has never felt so good.

Michael Jackson Was a Pedo Freak For Christ's Sake! said...

Coroner reports show that Michael's last meal was chinese food......they found cum of sum yung guy in his stomach!


On a related observation....could anyone explain why Blacks still have the need to worship scumbag freaks when they have Obama to admire and aspire to be like.....I'm just saying! The days of needing to accept what you can find are over!

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell, even the pron forums are full of jacko shit soundtracks...

Elizabeth Taylor's Cock said...

John Landis just phoned. There's work available Michael, if you still believe in yourself! Keep it real brotherfucker. Peace out.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Picked this one up on Gadget. Best one yet:

His girlfriend has spoken for the first time since his death. She said: “First my parents leave me in Portugal and now this”.

Anonymous said...

Years ago, following the sucessful birth of their first child, Michael & his wife are gazing into each others eyes.

A doctor enters the room.

Michael breathlessly asks him -

'Doctor, Doctor, when can we start to have sex ?'

Doc replies-

'If I was you son, I'd wait until he was at least 14!'

m culkin said...

Don't fuck with karma!

Anonymous said...

whats black and got 8 legs?

the jackon 4


All these people that who keep saying "well yes, Michael Jackson messed with kids but he was a great singer," make me sick. No one mentions what a good caretake Ian Huntley was or what a cracking builder Fred West was or what a safe wagon driver Peter Suttcliffe was..............................

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Paul Gadd said...

Fuckin DISGUSTIN man

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