Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Know your enemy - The Socialist Hierarchy


1. Evil Controllers, drunk on power, convinced of their own righteousness. Nasty, vicious, vindictive bastards with grudges. No humour. Corrupt. Authoritarian. Bigoted. Extremely dangerous. Responsible for the deaths of MILLIONS. Detroys anything and everything that they do not understand or can control. Brown, Draper, Mandelson, Stalin, HAL-9000


2. Champagne Socialists. Love to tell people how much they care, whilst eating fois gras. No real power other than that bestowed on them by Evil Controllers. Typical BBC types, Guardian readers, public sector management, social Services heads of department. Love telling other people how to live their lives and completely fucking it up. Aromatherapists driving new Volvos. Typical New Labour. Toynbee, Shoesmith, Street Porter, Lenny Henry, Jo Brand.


3. Bolshy Oiks. Most of Liverpool and the North. Jealous of everyone and everything, yet grabs/steals/pilches everything they can. Wishes they had the brains to be entreprenureal, so "acquires" as much as possible whilst never "selling out". John Prescott for example. Proports to speak for the working man whilst picking his pocket at every opportunity. People who sell hamburgers for £4 from filthy vans on the A1. Never wash their hands after taking a shit. Skinner, Chairman of local working mans club, the fat bloke with the dog in Braintree town centre.


4. Airheads. Students who think that if you give an African a dollar, they won't demand your entire wallet. Vegetarians, greens, eco warriors. All for the "commune" until THEIR packet of Quorn goes missing from the fridge. Usually supported by the State and/or parents. Grow up to be Surveyors or Champagne Socialists. Swampy. Most of Oxford/Cambridge


5. Ethnic Socialists. Pretend to be socialist whilst sticking steadfast to their own agenda ie. I am special, fuck everyone else, I want it all for ME, it is my RIGHT as a Hutu, Rasta, Somali, Muslim, BNP Trade Unionist, disabled, woman, lesbian/gay, shirt lifter, Aboriginal artist. Dianne Abbot, Lee Jasper, anyone with anything to do with Stephen Lawrence. Alibi Brown


6. Useful Idiots. Currently 18% of the population who would vote for a pig with a red rosette because Dad was a Labour man. The Welsh for example.


Bastards, one and all.

34 comments:

Jack Maturin said...

Nope, you got me.

I can't think of any other separate categories.

Excellent work.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Cunts, one and all.

saucepan said...

What about nationalist socialists like SNP and Plaid? Or do they come under the ethnic tag?

Tuscan Tony said...

Very good. My own father falls into category (6), sadly.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Shamelessly stolen for my place. Cheers!

Julian said...

What you now need is a chart detailing how they merge into each other. For example the Airhead will slowly degenerate into a Cava Socialist and thence into a cheap Sainsbury's socialist and slowly into the full Redgrave vintage Krug. The early indications are "Oh, I just got my first American Express card". Its only a matter of time after that that they get elected onto a local council and then its non-stop troughing thereafter.

6. I was always told that the Welsh were Irishmen who had learned how to swim.

The Penguin said...

And shag sheep cos the wimmen are all fucking pig ugly.

The Penguin

JD said...

Julian 11.16
I was always told that the Welsh were Irishmen who had learned how to swim.

Funny that, here in Ireland they say the Welsh are Irishmen who COULDN'T swim.

Either way the grass is definitely greener on this side.
JD.

Goat said...

You can shove that northerner shite up your arse. I make obscene amounts of money and would only vote Labour if the cunts rigged my postal vote.

Now fuck off.

Anonymous said...

We love http://www.wekip.org

D P Dance said...

Peter Principal Man

Overpromoted underachievers, union officials, social workers, ex posties, secondary school teachers, placemen, yesmen, estate agents with an eye on the main chance.

Chris said...

Could do with a little polishing on the language, but functionally excellent. Nice counterpoint to Leggy's forensic dissection of the Righteous.

wv: redayert - PRNK's equivalent of Defcon1

Cold said...

Thankful that I don't fall into any of these categories, to be honest.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I can't be the only one who finds a welsh accent particularly sexy?!

Bordeaux Binger said...

Excellent but how about the senior civil servants who have abandoned their usually excellent non-partisan stance to cuddly up to the Stalinistas ?

RayD said...

Bordeaux Binger, you beat me to it. The top of the pile is not a bunch of sad, Jock fags but the Civil Servants. They have formed the bureaucrats bureaucracy to control us all, you might have heard of it, the EU I think its called?

Consider this:
Option A. Miss Jaquie comes to work one day and explains she's had a brilliant idea, she's going to monitor everyone's communications. The Civil Servant raises his eyebrows and asks "Are you sure, Minister?"
Option B. The Civil Servant slaps the communications monitoring bill on Miss Jacqui's desk and says "Sign this, you fat twat."
Now, which do you think nearer the truth?

Grinningsadist said...

Speaking as a northerner, I just wish I had the brains to *spell* 'entrepreneurial', let alone purport to be it.

Nelson Mandela said...

Well, that covers just about everybody. If you stand for parliament, you won't get in, but we could see how many genuine Englishmen are left in the country. :-)

Gigits said...

Excellent work, OH.

HAL-9000 - LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

Ah Wales, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous as in come here ewe

Borderpoint said...

Of course, you're not claiming everyone north of Horton-cum-Studley is a bolshie oik, are you? Some of us are just as sick as you are of the overpaid underachievers (to nick a phrase from another commenter). We can sharpen knives, too, you know. oh, yes ...

Anonymous said...

Very funny!

Fausty said...

Many MPs and MEPs are also useful idiots. They've done the EU's bidding for their 30 pieces of silver. Should the Lisbon Treaty ever be ratified, I'd imagine that MEP remuneration will start to diminish. Job done, idiots expendable.

Fausty said...

PS: Caroline Flint is an example - she hasn't read the Lisbon Treaty and was responsible for Spain's grab of Gibraltar's fishing waters.

Anonymous said...

Category 5 appears to be missing its noisiest contingent - you know the ones who live in North London and love uncontrolled immigration and hate white people. You know who I mean, wink, wink..

David Davis said...

No, they're not cunts.

Cunts are very nice places, if you're a normal heterosexual human being of either sex. Wish they could look better from the outside though.

But I can't think of any other categories, so as Jack said, you got me bang to rights.

Pity Oxbridge produces so much trash too. Blair, Cameron, Jackbooty-Smith, so many many others.

But then there's Thatcher, Johnson, Heffer (bad on drugs, so a no-no) and a few others.

denverthen said...

Comprehensive ;)

Anonymous said...

Fucked up on the surveyors.

How about dress and mask wearing pussies?

Thud said...

The people of Liverpool told central govt to fuck off long before anybody here got brave on tinternet.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Excellent OH.

@sixtypounsaweekcleaner: No, you're not alone, I'm with you on that one.

Maturecheese said...

All around me is category 6 but I do live in S Wales. LOL

jaymason said...

Is Buxton North?? 'cos we all hat the fucking trots

Anonymous said...

I don't fall into any of those 6 sections. I'm a realist and a revolutionist and realise that the left-right paradigm is a load of bollox.

Perhaps people could realise that we are run by the EUSSR now? A 'governing' body which has not had their 'accounts' signed off for... oooh... 10+ years. Welcome to NAZI Germany MKII.

Maybe it's time to stop TALKING and DO something about it?... I realise this concept is difficult to most.

BTW... it might involve HEAVY violence...

...Hope this helps?

Anonymous said...

5- Trevor Philips?

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