Tuesday, 30 June 2009

I have just cut the top off mt thumb


Bastard

45 comments:

Newgates Knocker said...

Bit careless! seriously looks painful

Old Holborn said...

Mrs OH took one look and plunged it into the salt cellar, laughing like a banshee.

Cunt

Newgates Knocker said...

Will it be re-attached?

Mike Kingscott said...

Niiice. Did a similar thing with a new kitchen knife once, attempting to open a wrapped cucumber in a downward stabbing motion - completely missed the cucumber and plunged it into my finger. Ouch.

Stop Common Purpose said...

Araldite may help.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine did that in a blender, had to get a bit grafted from somewhere unpleasant... still if you can imagine it, a heavily bandaged middle finger is highly amusing

subrosa said...

Stop moaning OH, you're only thumbless not handless. :)

Anonymous said...

I planed the tip off a finger with the electric planer once.

Dick the Prick said...

Tosser (well, not for a while - ha ha)

Obnoxio The Clown said...

"Mrs OH took one look and plunged it into the salt cellar, laughing like a banshee."

Lovely!

Did it hurt? :o)

Anonymous said...

As good an excuse as any to get totally rat-arsed.

Anonymous said...

Did you attempt to remove some handcuffs and got it rather wrong?

Kishmein Tochas said...

I had that done to my schmeckle when only 8 days old

Catosays said...

I hope your salad wasn't a veggie one...cos it's got some meat in it now...ROFL

Anonymous said...

More importantly, you seem to be in the process of spilling your wine!

"Cut of the top of my thumb"

Well you've got another one, stop whinging.

Conan the Librarian™ said...

My brother-in-law forgot drill while drawing a machete from it's scabbard and neatly sliced through the tendons of his first and second fingers.
His nickname was Churchill until he got it fixed.

Anonymous said...

ot ---

what happened to the Balls story over at Guido's. Suddenly disappeared whilst I had dinner. Ideas?
DZ

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I'm a trained first aider. Ummm, go to hospital!

Anonymous said...

Either it was scotch mist or my dinner, but it is back again.
DZ

T' old 'un said...

Can I make a practical suggestion?
Get some homoeopathic Arnica 6 from the chemist ASAP and keep sucking a couple of pills every half hour for 24 hours.
Yes, I know it does not work, I am a retired chemist and know that it is impossible......But me and my family have used it with extraordinary success over the last 50 years.

Old Holborn said...

Result! It nhas finally stopped bleeding andn I showed itmtothe dog.

The dog fainted

Gallimaufry said...

Would it help if your doctor prayed for you? Get well soon.

Old Holborn said...

I a n ratersrd

Dick the Prick said...

Good man

Scrobs... said...

Well, you don't need to hitch-hike now, because a) you're already home, and b) because you can't!

Tomorrow will be a bastard because it'll sting like crazy, so more Scotch called for - medicinal purposes of course - and on Thursday, the weeping sore will start to stain your corduroy trousers as you stand in line for your MP's expenses.

By Friday, you'll begin to feel a new man, but unfortunately, that man will be Ed Balls, so you might as well just finish the job off and start again...

On the other hand...if you have one that is...

Custard said...

Poof. At another local Grammar school they would do that to you for having your top button showing. Jesse.

Barking Spider said...

I notice that the red wine didn't take long to appear - industrial quantities, I hope!

Ivor Bigot said...

I notice that the red wine didn't take long to appear

Cause and effect. Although i wonder which caused which.... Anyway OH, stop bleating, it's only a flesh wound.

Old Holborn said...

Cunts

I'm supposed to be playingbteh Barbican next week, piano concerto in b flat minor.

Try that with one thumv missinb

Dick Puddlecote said...

Merely a flesh wound. Remember that, according to Labour, the wine will kill you in seconds.

Get your priorities right, OH.

caesars wife said...

First blog world victim of labour cuts ??

hangemall said...

Was that a kosher EU straight salad or a reactionary curly salad?

Pogo said...

I didn't know that Barbican ever wrote a piano concerto..

Agent Moselle said...

Is that a glass of blood? Or were you just trying to numb the pain, or disinfect the wound?

Henry North London said...

I stabbed my left forefinger but thankfully I didnt do too much damage,this morning after de stoning an avocado

I would have it looked at though they may be able to do something at the hospital. A&E may be a little less crowded now, Though if you are as ratarsed as you say maybe wait till the morning and Mrs OH can get you there

Anonymous said...

Ouch! Mrs OH's cure, though unpleasant & painful, is probably correct. My terrier dogs used to fight like &*^%) - horrendous vets' bills. Stopped taking them to the vet & applied hottish water with a handful of salt in it 2 - 3 times a day until the nice clean dry scabs appeared. Luckily, they've now got too old to fight.

denverthen said...

Ouch.

My dog would having gobbled down the the severed bit before you could say "put it on ic..."

Make sure you haven't don't get blood poisoning. Not sure table salt is enough. If dark threads appear under your armpits, it's too late. You're food for worms.

charcoal said...

Serves you right for eating salad you great nancy boy. Wouldn't have happened with pie, would it?

Leg-iron said...

Try 'Piano Concerto for Nine Fingers and One Bloody Stump'.

If it doesnt exist, make up any old thing and tell them its post-modern or that Handel dictated it from beyond the grave, or it fell through a time warp created in the future by the Large Hadron Collider.

There's no need to trouble people with the truth. Nobody in Government does.

Clunking Fist said...

"Cunts
I'm supposed to be playingbteh Barbican next week, piano concerto in b flat minor.
Try that with one thumv missinb"

Have you seen that movie "Piano"?

A mate once reached under a lawnmower for some reason. He's quite a bloke so didn't cry. But he didn't do it again, yet.

ps can you look into a ratings system for comments? Scrobs "on Thursday, the weeping sore will start to stain your corduroy trousers as you stand in line for your MP's expenses." made me wee in a good way.

The Penguin said...

Just trying for the sympathy vote. You'll have to try harder - some bloke in the news for giving himself a circumcision with a fucking pair of nail clippers, now that gets my vote.

The Penguin

Prezza (Lord of the pies) said...

Did someone mention PIES?

Wesley Groves said...

An extreme way off getti ng rid of fingerprints O'H.

microdave said...

I hope you didn't do it by reaching up to one of your Wind Turbines.....

Anonymous said...

Silly sod!

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