Monday, 11 May 2009

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Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the followingstipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £50 of alcohol/tobacco a week .....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

32 comments:

The Grim Reaper said...

Absolutely brilliant.

Anonymous said...

How appropriate. Blears has 'why so serious' advertising Batman:Dark Knight at the bottom of hers.

Anonymous said...

Very good - and so appropriate!

Obnoxio The Clown said...

The loss of those lucky patriots will not do the economy any good, though. :o(

Screech said...

simples

Ampers said...

OH, your figures are not realistic. I can understand you getting it wrong. We in Zimbabwe understand huge figures and can work with them :-)

If you pay twenty million older people a million each, you are talking twenty trillion pounds.

But, in essence, a great idea. :-)

Ampers

John M Ward said...

I'd take that offer right now — though, as I don't have any children, I'd expect a smaller "pay-off". I can do the rest.

someday said...

Bloody good idea.

Thud said...

Apparently ampers rather like our current pols nobody here can add up bar yourself.

AnonyBNP said...

Do you want to punish the Westminster pigs by doing exactly what the cunts don't want you to do ?

Well then vote BNP on June 4th.

BNP expects expenses row boostGo on, punish a Westminster pig. You know you want to.

UKIP Canvasser said...

Well, blimey, if others are at it then why not. Vote for us too on June 4th.

fewqwer said...

I'm not sure we need MPs to return *all* their expenses to raise a measly 20 trillion.

On the other hand, £100k per year x 1 million elite parasites = £100 billion per year.

Go figure.

Gigits said...

BNP and UKIP canvassers: You should add OH's idea to your manifestos.

UKIP Canvasser said...

More like WC.

V for Victory.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking of voting Green Party as my protest vote.

Leeks and lentils forever!

Guthrum said...

Where do I sign !

and by the way vote for me as well !

SerenityNow said...

Is this the same Greens that advised Londoners to vote 2nd preference for Leninspart in the last Big Smoke Mayoral Elections?

H said...

Yes please - better than going off to some strange new temping job tomorrow.

Hey - I'm a woman who loves cars, houses, alcohol, clothes, shoes - in fact I love shopping. Unfortunately I don't have any money - so this idea seems perfect to me!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Fuck it, vote for me. I'm a retard and could run the country better than Broon and his bum chums.

Monster Raving Loony Party said...

Don't vote. Or if you do, you are all loony. So vote for us.

formertory said...

20 million workers over 50? Forgive me if I seem a little sceptical but there scarcely more than that who are economically active, in the entire country.

Though happily I'm one such, and will gladly take your offer of a million quid.

It's just a shame that Daily Mail-ish foaming at the mouth and spraying of meaningless, completely incorrect, numbers-shite has taken over from anything vaguely Libertarian in this blog.

jailhouselawyer said...

Vote for prisoners votes. Prisoners have more moral authority than expenses cheating MPs.

Ampers said...

Good luck UKIP, used to be your head office manager when you were in Regent Street, London. Give my regards to Nigel, and Roger if he is still around.

Ampers

Dick the Prick said...

Cheers buddy

Dick the Prick said...

Just a little bolshy

caesars wife said...

interesting idea OH , your leaning over to a libertarian/totalitarianism but i can see you have thought out to how re balance things .

i would chuck out the university bit as it doesnt cure crime , although 2 years enforced crop picking or harvest to pay for there 4 years education , would help pay for further education .

to much unproductive appendages leads to tax nightmare , but i wouldnt deny anyone the chance to educate themselves better at any age

Ruth said...

What a great idea! Even if it had to be cut back from 20 million to 10 million it certainly would jumpstart the economy in all the ways you mention & would be a lot more productive than bailing out bankers!

Clunking Fist said...

Vote for on 4th June: I'm a prize cunt.

Anonymous said...

Good work on plagiarising an idiotic American email forward.

Once you've printed £20trn, a million quid will no longer be enough to buy a car, let alone a house.

I really hope this is a joke.

Custard said...

Make them pay all the dodgy claims back.

"But I don't have the money!", they will cry.

Well get a bank loan then.

"But the banks won't lend to us!".

Yes, and that's your fucking fault too you daft cunts.

Sell your houses then.

"But my house has lost £100,000 in value over the last two years!"

Yes, and that's your fault too you daft cunts.

Time to reap what you have sowed.

The Great Simpleton said...

I'm over 50 and would bit your hand off:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed
My resignation letter is written and ready to go. I'll even forego my notice period.

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed

I drive a jag and would love to be able to replace it.
an either buy a (british built) boat or a second home off an MP?

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

I would have paide for hm but he didn't want to go

5) They MUST buy £50 of alcohol/tobacco a week .....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

Can I spend £100 on alcohol instaed of 4?

It can't get any easier than that!

I'm up for it

DevilsAdvocate said...

Libertarian?....Ok...

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