With the EU "elections" looming, we can expect visits from local "political" scumbags hoping we will haul our sorry arses to the polling stations, where our votes will be registered against our names to vote for more of the same shite.
OH Guide to Doorstep Canvassing by Part time activists.
1. A small sign on the gate reading "No implied access" is enough legalise to allow you to murder with reasonable force anyone walking up the garden path and get you off scot free. Remember, you genuinely believed they were going to kill you.
2. If they make it past the dogs, moat and electric fence, make sure you have wired the doorbell to the mains.
3. Should they be wearing rubber shoes and survive, look them in the eyes, holding a meat cleaver and explain that you are in fact a Satanist, a racist and that women are slaves of men. Children are for eating. Animals are for your "pleasure"
4. Introduce them to your children
5. Offer to play them a recording of Margaret Thatcher/Michael Foot/Jeremy Thorpe reciting allegiance to the devil. Backwards of course.
6. Wear a sombrero and cough and sneeze
7. Take off all your clothes. Right there. (my favourite)
8. Introduce yourself as Josef Fritzel
9. Chew on a bone
10. Call the police and tell them an armed white male has just called you a filthy immigrant Muslim on your doorstep.
Fuck with them. Delay them for HOURS. Make them squirm, make them miserable. Enjoy every second of it.