Bollox to the lot of them.
Lets hope it opens and closes on the same night.
And next...OH the musical. Guthrum, you get to be a grasshopper who sits on his shoulder drinking a tiny cocktail out of a thimble. You communicate in a voice like gravel and when you have finished the coctail you put the thimble on your fist and rub it up and down your ridged back legs to make a sophorific burring sound, thus sending OH to sleep at some crucial plot point. I haven't worked out the story in detail, but Anna Raccoon gets to float about in a chiffon tutu and marabou slippers for no particular reason, other than I think it will sell seats.What? It's no worse than some of the things Lloyd-Webmaster has boiled up.
OH - the musical, I like it! Who would play the lead role?
Do you think they'll dig her up to perform some sort of guest appearance? Bit like Mr Dead in the Fast Show. Or they could put some electric motors in her legs and do a re-enactment of Michael Jackson's Thriller. Isn't he doing some concerts at the O2 this summer? Perhaps she could appear at the concerts to promote the musical. Fuck me, I should be in showbiz with this sort of creative genius.
Depends, my little Custard Cream. Step over to my couch and leave the cheque-ee-cheque on my desk. Right, now, what's your motivation... let's pretend I'm casting a big musical and you are fresh out of ballet school...
OH the musical! hmmm. I could play the token drunken jock who pops up now and again to spout drivel.
only in this country
Excellent! Scripts cost money, so if you can write your own unintelligible gribble that will allow the budget to be diverted to really important things, such as my ticket to Rio. I think we can fit you in - you can run in front of the curtain while we change the scenery to update anybody who doesn't understand what is going on. Hope you've got your own costume.
Someone is going to make money out of this - and it ain't Jade or her boys. Sick!!
Every day I think "surely things can't get any worse" - then shit like this happens....Please make it stop Please Make it Stop Please make it stop Please make it stop
Stop press! Susan Boyle hired to sing "I dreamed a dream" in musical. Not.Would not put it past them, though.
"The most important thing is to give someone a break, just like she got."Yes, I agree. Give me a break! Now that she is dead and gone, let her rest in peace and allow us all to also rest in peace from bloody Goody mania!
From Jailhouse Lawyer - "...Now that she is dead and gone, let her rest in peace..."Who he talk about?
Can't I just rest in peace, for fuck's sake?I've got chavs all over me grave, that cunt Clifford has still got to be paid and I'm starting to go off at quite a rate, now the spring's here and the worms are gettin lively, and that.Now I'm back on the fuckin' BBC, all over the papers and on Old Holborn's bog.'An anyway, where they gonna find someone as chavvy as me, tho? Well, apart from Sarfend, Chatham, an that. Iss gonna be well difficult, I reckon.Did jer know they spelt East Angular wrong on me reef? Cunts.For fuck's sake, jer nar wha'Imean, innit?
**Shudder**They could call it 'Babe IV: Pig on the Telly'.But I suppose it's a bit more money for Max Clifford the Goodys. No doubt they'll televise the auditions process. I'm sure Andrew Lloyd-Webber and John Barrowman would be delighted to help. They could call it 'Britain's Got Absolutely Fuck-All Talent'.And, to help them along, I've made a start on some of the songs that a 'Jade' musical could use or recycle. Happy to help and all that.From West Side Story: 'I Slagged Shetty';How about a spot of The Jam, with 'And Now She's Underground';By The Hollies: 'It Ain't Telly, It's Big Brother';How about recycling from 'Oklahoma'? 'Oh, What A Beautiful Mourning';Anyone have any other suggestions for songs? Stick 'em over here, I may even do lyrical parodies of the best suggestions.D
Shes dead (at long last) and while I wouldnt wish cancer on anyone, why the fuck cant see just stay dead without some fucking TV special or being all over the fucking pages of every tabloid the moment some cock fuck mentions her name or what Max Fucking Cliffjumper decides he hasnt been in the news for 5 minutes.Im for one thing, mention her name and get a fucking lashing on Tower Hill
WOAR - you've missed your calling - echellente.
Andrew L-W said -"Lets hope it opens and closes on the same night."...I would hope that it could close the night before it opeened, then we would be spared acres/hours of newsprint/'expert' comment/BBC/ the next day, and we'd all get some sleep...
Always a good idea to allow gatherings of the type of folk who are attracted by these things. A very small tactical device will get rid of hundreds of them at a time.Same for Whacko when he plays o2, but you'll get rid of thousands each time.
Read the article, it says that Max Clifford is an ex-publicist. So that's a result. Did he just give up in despair when his main cash cow kicked the bucket?
Jackboot Jackie for the lead role, eh, after Gordo dumps her?
Mrs Raft,Au contraire, much, much better.
All they need to do is find a retarded muppet with no self respect and it will be just like the real thing.I cant fucking wait...........
Some title suggestions (thsnks to Popbitchers)ChemolotOh! What A Useless WhoreChicagoneHiss HairgonThe Kebab Monologues
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