Wednesday, 22 April 2009

A joke from Clement RIP

13 comments:

Shibby said...

lmao!

Anonymous said...

Sounds suspiciously like our Dear Leader 'It wasnae me, a big boy did it & ran away'.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

Brilliant! God bless him.

Dick Puddlecote said...

£20 notes courtesy of minced morsels. One of the old-school nice guys.

RIP

Conformists aplenty said...

Bit crap really, dissapointing.

Still the window lickers and sychophants did their impression of the seals that they are.

Just waiting for Guthrum now, come on Guthrum theres a good little peer group conformist, clap along even though you know it's shite.

codger said...

@ conformistwankersaplenty

It's an old joke but well told and delivered by someone whose command of the English language is light years ahead of yours.

Window lickers indeed...

caesars wife said...

brilliant OH thank you !

old bores arrive said...

codger said...
@ conformistwankersaplenty

It's an old joke but well told and delivered by someone whose command of the English language is light years ahead of yours.

Window lickers indeed...

22 April 2009 20:21


It's delivery was utter shite, in fact, that was the worst part of the joke, the guy is a bore.

Which would explain why you like it so much.

Besides, I believe it's time for your nap, do us a favour and make it a long one.

Old Holborn said...

*hugs*

Now, fuck off. That's all the lovin' you're getting

denverthen said...

Brilliant. Sad loss.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Clement fascinated me as a child. Fun guy, calling her " my first wife, to keep her on her toes " LOL, my old Dad would have liked that.

The Penguin said...

http://therantingkingpenguin.blogspot.com/2009/04/clement-freud-rip.html

"The Inland Revenue decide to audit Cyril, summon him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his solicitor. The auditor says: 'Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.'

"'I am a great gambler and can prove it,' says Cyril. 'Would you like a demonstration?'

"The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: 'I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: 'It's a bet.'

"Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.

"'I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye,' says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn't blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.

"The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3,000, with Cyril's solicitor as a witness; he gets very nervous. 'Double or nothing?' Cyril says. 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the righthand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.'

"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again.

"Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his trousers, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' asks the auditor.

"'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet.'"

Chalcedon said...

OMG! I admit it. I laughed out loud. Damn this scatological humour!

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