Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Home Sweet Home ( Until It's Burgled)

"Fear Of Crime? I Don't Know What All The Fuss Is About!
I'm Just Out For A Kebab!"

This useless government with its talentless ministers becomes more farcical by the day.

Jacqui "The Fat Lodger" Smith, the Home Economics Secretary offers discount vouchers to home-owners to buy security devices to make their homes safer. Shouldn't she be getting the police to do their job? Oh, sorry, the police are too busy protecting the government and killing passers by!

Meanwhile the majority of burglars actually caught and convicted do not get sent to prison, despite repeated assurances from government ministers and judges about being tough on crime, especially crimes against the home.

I really really wish that Fat Jacqui or Slippery Jack become the victims of a brutal and vicious robbery in their own homes.

Then you'd see some fucking action!

The Penguin


Roger Thornhill said...

The vouchers are all part of the Rent Seeking economy.

Anonymous said...

When did the police start getting small and fat, they could chase me down the road any day, they wont catch me.

Oldrightie said...

killing passers by!

See the Nazi pic on my site. Scary.

Goodnight Vienna said...

Anon 10.53 - good one. They do seem to be getting shorter and fatter and a fair few look wheezy and asthmatic as well.

Sue said...

This is a "stealth bailout". B&Q must be doing badly and the government think that homeowners will rush out and buy all the security stuff now that they have a discount!

Anonymous said...

The righteous 646 are hardly likely to get their numerous homes burgled if nobody knows the addresses, are they. What are they?

Shirking From Home said...

Jacqboots is beyond parody. She is evil and deserves everything coming. It will, one day. Not soon enough.

Scan said...

That photo of Five-Bellies made me fucking scream and sums up the whole philosophy of Neo-Labour:

PoliceMEN (one of which will be gay)
PoliceWOMEN (one of which is lesbian)
Token black man
Token asian
Tall person
Old Policepersons
Young Policepersons
THREE different hat styles
And Five-Bellies representing fatties

Gareth said...


Yes, a stealth bailout. Maybe even a hollow one if it's vouchers that require a minimum spend.

nick clegg said...

ide give em all wrist burns no messin about!!

BlogTart said...

God help you if you drive at two miles an hour over the limit or take a photo of a copper (you fucking criminal), but apparently it's perfectly acceptable to randomly attack innocent people walking along the street (if you're a policeman) or rob the taxpayer blind and make up the rules a you go along (if your name is Jackboot Smith).

How the hell have we come to this state of affairs? Unbelievable!

Goodnight Vienna said...

BlogTart - how many of us really care? That's what worries me. I foresee a Conservative government doing exactly the same things - it's the old Hegelian dialect again. Same direction, different route.

Anonymous said...

good old law and order, streets have never been safer.

oh wait.

while walking home today in broad daylight on a fairly normal and busy street, some tracksuited retard with a huge assed mastiff makes a sort of bang-bang noise and puts his fist up to my head as he walks past, casual as you like.

of course when i looked over my shoulder to see if i was about to be hit with a brick from behind, he was already (surprise) standing facing me a little further down, mouthing off and looking for his excuse to come over and try to fuck me up. (worraya looking at, eh? etc etc)

and yet if I were the one to stab his dog in the eyes, smash his head on a wall then shit on his remains, *I* would be the one up in court!

in all seriousness, i realised he could have just as easy kicked the crap out of me and left me to die, leaving a wife and child on the front of the mail or whatever.

safety on the streets? not a bit of it. if someone actually decides to kill you for whatever random reason they feel like, they will do and you can't stop them.

a bit like the police, in fact.

great, innit?

Anonymous said...

Scan hit the nail on the head. Look at them all, what a shower of shit.

Mind you , every 'diversity' box ticked. So that's alright then.

jacqui does old scrotland yard said...


yeah, the cameras are all set up home sexcretary, and the cast have been carefully selected in order to tick all your boxes. oh boy, your husband's gonna love this one, ma'am!

BlogTart said...

Goodnight Vienna. You are right, most people only seem to care about remortgaging their houses to buy more cheap stuff they don't need, and complaining to Al-Jabeeba about annoying storylines on EastEnders.

I care, but I can't help thinking that principles of fairness and justice are old fashioned concepts and the preserve of the terminally naive and politically starry eyed. We're all supposed to be moral relativists now, and if you're not with them, you're against them.

Anonymous said...

Personally, coming back to this article with ever increasing anger, I'd love to see them burgled, gang banged by the burglars high on drugs & finally murdered as part of an S&M 'snuff' movie. Am I being just a teensy weensy bit too harsh here? Am I fuck!

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