Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Here comes the Taxman.

"Stick with me, Darling boy, and we'll pick every pocket in the UK."

(Picture superannuated from here)

(Note: The author has no idea how economics really works but does recognise a stupid idea when he sees it.)

The caterpillars A Darling balances above each eye must be feeling precarious at the moment. He has to find a way to raise 150 billion beer vouchers from us, and we don't have it. You can't steal what we ain't got, matey.

If he increases VAT, the EU gets it and he won't be allowed to reduce it again later. If he increases income tax, many on low wages will find that they are better off on benefits than working, while anyone rich enough to be hit hard by the higher rate can afford to leave the country. Increase taxes and the tax take goes down. We self-employed just won't work that hard if you lot are taking more of it. Why would we?

The IFS estimates that the government will have to find a further £40 billion a year to keep its borrowing under control, which equates to an average tax rise or public spending cut of around £1,250 for each family in the UK.

No chance, Gorgon. You made this mess, you pay for it. Get your Toynbees and your MacGuiles to cough up. They still think you're doing great, so they can pay the bill. And tell them, and your Cabinet of Freaks, they can't put it on expenses. Just watch my income drop to subsistence level if you try this. Oh, and watch my costs go up too. I have enough backup to sit back and post a massive loss next year. Pick the tax out of that.

Colin Jelley, head of tax and financial planning at Skandia, said: ‘At this stage in the economic cycle can we afford to raise taxes? If you raise taxes now you’re just going to drive the economy further into recession.’

They'll do it anyway. This is New Labour, remember. Not a group of intelligent people. New Labour, the party led by the drooling Brown Gorgon, a man-shaped blancmange who controls everything but has no idea what's happening in his own offices. That's what he claims.

Socialists out there will be delighted to learn that businesses are likely to take a hit through increased NI costs. What a great idea. Let's take down the business owners. For the workers. The workers who work for those business owners. The workers who are about to be made redundant because the business owner can't afford these new costs. The workers who are about to hit the dole queue en masse when the business owner folds, or takes his business overseas. No more tax from that business and no more tax from its employees. Instead, a bigger benefits bill. Result, eh, Gorgon?

UK business will be hit further by the changes to non-domicile taxation, with reports that 30% of foreigners are thinking of leaving the UK and taking around £5 billion from the economy.

‘They may pay little or no income tax but they pay employer national contributions and VAT and this is where the UK will lose out,’ said Grant.

Yup. The Gorgon is aiming for a £200 billion hole. That's the only possible conclusion. All his ideas are based on getting rid of money, not accumulating it. Thirty percent of foreigners are thinking of leaving and taking their money with them. What's the percentage of indigenous people thinking of going along with them? High, I'd say, and getting higher by the day. Those who leave will be people who earn money, not those on benefits. In fact, benefit claimants come here from everywhere in the world.

Give it a few more years and everyone left in the UK will be claiming benefits.

Unfotunately, nobody will be paying for them.


The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Watches on your wrist or best quality gemstones up your arse on the way to Asia.
Buy the best quality and its always tradeable.

Tyburn Jig said...

Shitcakes all round.

Michael Fowke said...

Sad but true. This country is totally fucked now. Remember a few years ago, when everyone was complaining of Labour's taxes? Well, that was in the good times. The bad times are here now, and we are going to be taxed even more. And still 30 per cent of people want to vote Labour. What a comedy!

Anonymous said...

Tax doesn't have to be taxing.

Oldrightie said...

Labour exist to tax and spend. Oooops, sorry, invest. The wonderful world we live in, here in The UK is testament to Labours' superb investment.

Gareth said...

The last thing Alistair and Gord want to do is fill the tax black hole - then they'd have no excuse to print money and inflate away the ill advised debts the Government and the populace have racked up.

Anonymous said...

If your self employed run it at a loss and you pay no tax.
If you dont earn enough you dont have to pay NI conts either.
Deal in cash and tell the taxman to fuck off.
They are not getting any more of my money to piss up the wall.

bofl-too lazy to sign in! said...

get yourselves and your money out asap!!!!!!!

the shit hasn't even started yet.....

the goal of labour is to bring the uk to its knees.

charcoal said...

you should all read http://burningourmoney.blogspot.com

It's wordy, and it can be hard going sometimes, and the posts are never brief - but it's bang on the money and it'll scare you shitless.

PS It ain't like here - be polite.

Anonymous said...

New Labour, the party led by the drooling Brown Gorgon, a man-shaped blancmangeClass, absolute class.

Anonymous said...

How about 'New Labour, the party led by the drooling Brown Gorgon, a festering, pus-filled, man-shaped blancmange'?

Delphius1 said...

Well, this budget is going to be so unpleasant I'm waiting for Darling to add some light relief and say: "We're doomed! Doomed I tell ye.."

Or maybe he can train those eyebrows of his to emulate the kids in the Cadburys ad.

Or maybe the truthful option is best and shortest:

"We've run out of money, so it's hardly worth having a budget.

You're fucked and your kids will be fucked when they grow up and pay taxes too.

We're cutting every public service to the bone, so the NHS is fucked.

The teachers can go fuck themselves if they think they're getting a 10 percent payrise. So thats education fucked. Again.

Beer and fags will go up again, so you're fucked if you have any vices. Whisky won't rise by as much because I like it and I'd be stupid to fuck myself wouldn't I?

The motorist of course, will be royally fucked, by tax increases of fuel duty and road tax.

Holidaymakers will be fucked by me before they can even have a holiday fling, by some arbitrary tax I just thought of you'll have to pay at the airport. Luggage tax, I expect we'll call it...."

Old Holborn said...

They won't stop until they run out of money

Help them run out of money. In any way you can.

Pay cash, no receipt. Take the fine and pay the VAT bill late.

Claim every benefit you can lay your hands on.

Drive at 30 mph. Save energy. Buy your booze and fags from smugglers.

Avoid ANY tax you can. They are ticks, worms, parasites, feeding on you.



Anonymous said...

a bad day to hide good news?

the peasants are revolting....


Anonymous said...

Fuck, I'm too poor to piss off abroad, the suits have already nicked my pension,I can't afford to employ a bean counter to sort out whats left (SFA), so it looks like I'm going to have to work my nuts off to bail out the UK. Still, it was fun while it lasted.

If I get ill I will just crawl into a corner and die, don't want to be a burden.

Be nice to my kids otherwise they'll be after you, I've trained em' up you see.


manfromthefuture said...

i always thought we were ahead of the laffer curve anyway. more tax = less revenue from now on.

but here's some other ideas for taxes :-)


aproposofwhat said...

Anon - care to join my pension plan?

We're going to knock over a few banks once we hit 60 - as the Pete Seeger song goes... "you can come too, too, too..."

It's the only way we'll get back what we've paid in., otherwise we might have to listen to party music all our lives.

wv: perro (Spanish for dog)

Roger Thornhill said...

To quote WSC:

"To attempt to tax oneself out of poverty is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."

Chris said...

Shitcakes all round."Damned be the name of Gordon the Ruiner! Damned be he, and all his thieving tribe!"
So sayeth the Blessed Stanislav (long may he plumb)

Gareth said...

Shitcakes? I thought they were posh mushrooms.

Chalcedon said...

To stimulate the economy Dar;ing should be cutting personal income and reducing tax on business. he won't though. That 2p increase on petrol and diesel duty says it all. they don't care. They are loath to cut public spending too. 80 years ago all public sector workers had a 10% pay cut, and teachers are demanding a 10% rise!!! We are just going to be fucked completely and the government will leave a massive mess for the next one.

caesars wife said...

exquisite touch with the eyebrows and the grasping claw , impressive OH and funny .

but whos the artful dodger , tom by any chance

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