Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Dearest Mandy



Dear Mandy

I sent the following message to Alistair yesterday


Alistair, I will forgive you anything if you just have a chat with the lads about mounting a palace coup whilst he is out of the country- he is not going to apologise or show any contrition. You are the Chancellor that has dropped a bollock as far as he is concerned, not him- you will go down as the worst Chancellor ever in British History, because Gordon is off loading the blame to you. I know you are losing sleep over this.

You will be in our prayers tonight, think of all those foreign trips that did for other PM's Callaghan's 'Crisis what Crisis' trip to the West Indies, Margaret's trip to Paris.

You will be feted as a national hero, the man who brought Brown down, you can be Geoffrey Howe to Gordon's Thatcher.

If the others cannot agree to depose him, you must resign as a matter of principle- or be consigned to the History books as the man who broke Britain, instead of Gordon.

Now is the time, strike hard and strike true, be a man of destiny.




He obviously has not got the balls like you have, your Lordship, and to be honest I should not have expected anything much else from him. He is obviously quite happy to be Gordon's Patsy, but you your illustrious Lordship understands the way these things are done. Quietly, discreetly with money involved.

Here is the plan, you meet Gordon off the plane Your sublime, illustrious Lordship, whisk him off to somewhere soothing and quiet, the VIP lounge if you wish, or any of the woods and heaths around London, and break it gently to him that its all over between you two, and that the rest of the Cabinet feel the same.

Then as he is being restrained and weeping copiously, you make a public statement from the House of Lords, that the Prime Minister is going to be spending a lot more time with his family, and that for the good of the nation and in consideration that Harriet Harman is nowhere to be found you are calling an election.

Your youthful looking, sublime, illustrious, Lordship or may I presume to intimate your Grace (How would the Duke of Surrey sound) you will earn yourself the gratitude of the nation, all the unpleasentness about mortagages,passports and yachts would be forgotten. Your place assured as one of the great statesmen of the 21st Century,if not the greatest, your legacy.

Think- Wellington,Churchill, Mandelson- does that not make your spine tingle just a little ?

Of course we would all like to make it worth your while, as a starter how about £703 000 pa tax free in used fivers.

We are relying on you, meet that plane- think of the church bells ringing, your name on everybodies lips- His Grace The Duke of Surrey- the garlands of flowers being thrown at your feet by bronzed young persons of the non-distaff side

14 comments:

Kill them all said...

You're begging the fucking organ grinder to rid us of the monkey? Have you lost your remaining marbles?

If I only had one bullet, I would go for the Ponce of Darkness over Gorgon without hesitation (though fervently hoping to catch Gorgon with the bullet as well after it ricochets off Mandlebum's spinal column).

Matt said...

(though fervently hoping to catch Gorgon with the bullet as well after it ricochets off Mandlebum's spinal column).

A fine plan, although I think the obvious flaw in it is that the Prince of Darkness seems to be missing a spinal cord......

Anna Pendix said...

Interesting idea - but I rather think Mandy Pandy would probably prefer une coupe de glace rather than a coup de grace. Pity really.



OH SHIT!!! wv = comes [how do they do this????]

Chris said...

You don't defeat the hydra by cutting a deal with one head against the others.

wv = ingsin (Cramner would approve)

Oldrightie said...

Couldn't the Snake just swallow Snotty. Sort of return the favour?

Kill them all said...

Matt - reptiles do have spines.

Though on reflection, a well-aimed shot through the fiend's head could splash the contents of the venom glands all over the cowering Gorgon to greater effect.

Cato said...

Kill them all said...

Matt - reptiles do have spines.

Though on reflection, a well-aimed shot through the fiend's head could splash the contents of the venom glands all over the cowering Gorgon to greater effect.
04 March 2009 16:07

How about a one-eyed spitting trousersnake?

Kill them all said...

They have both been partaking of the venom of the one-eyed spitting trousersnake for decades without apparent ill-effects, the horrible cunts.

glibertarians to the rescue - who? said...

Don't worry the Glibertarians(c) will save us!

Eh OH!

Jesus wept.

Anonymous said...

Glibrtarians = self rightous Tory boys hiding their shame in PC drag!

Funambulist said...

Which 'Carry On' film is that photo from? That is Charles Hawtrey, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Surely we can pay jade a few hundred k to strap on a suicide bomber belt and wait for the znl hoons to try to cash in by visiting?

It's the only way that there'll be a tear of sadness in my eye thinking back to the days of the people's chav...do it for us JADE

Anonymous said...

Rather mandy than haridan

I've just realised what I've said - I do feel sick now...

Anonymous said...

Is auntie Mandy turning into Hitler? All she needs is a toothbrush moustache.

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