Thursday, 5 February 2009

Tortuous coercion, Torts, and Torture.

Posted by Anna Raccoon at Old Holborn

The ‘special relationship’, by which we paupers comply with any demands from our favourite loan shark, has skidded to a halt in front of civil rights champion David Davis MP.

We may have paid off the Marshall Plan, but that hasn’t stopped the US from firing the odd salvo across our Sovereign bows. This attempt to interfere with the UK judicial process is not remotely acceptable. However, should the UK judicial process have been involved in this matter in the first place?

The American government have threatened to withdraw intelligence co-operation with Britain if details were revealed of the means by which they persuaded Binyam Mohamed to tell them what they wanted to hear. .

Binyam Mohamed? A fine English name! Why is the UK involved in this sordid affair? Because back in 1978, Binyam took the time honoured ‘Euro star’ route into Britain and convinced the authorities that he was in fear of his life as a political dissident in his native Ethiopia. It wasn’t his first port of call, that was – the US! Naturally we weren’t so rude as to enquire how this ‘child’ (for that is how he was treated in England) had managed to get from Ethiopia, to the US to a British port. He was 16 at the time – some threat to the Ethiopian authorities. If indeed he was 16. but no matter, we dusted him down, gave him some money and somewhere to live and told him he could stay with us, he’d be safe here. We educated him and taught him electrical engineering, and we turned a blind eye to his conversion to Islam. We didn’t go so far as to give him a British Passport, having gone to so much trouble to get here, we naturally assumed that he would want to stay here and pay his taxes and help us increase our birth rate.

Binyam had other ideas. He stuck his photograph into someone else’s passport and took off for that other great bastion of the Welfare State – Afghanistan. He had by this time acquired a nasty drug habit and Afghanistan was an obvious first choice to help him kick it. While he was in Afghanistan he continued his education in those attributes essential to English life, weapons training and the manufacture of dirty bombs. He travelled onto Pakistan where he took an advanced course in Passport forgery and then planned to return to the UK to pass on his new skills. A laudable aim.

Unfortunately the Pakistan authorities, obviously acting under undue coercion from the US themselves, and in a gross violation of his human rights, which they had never heard of, and weren’t much interested in anyway, arrested him at Karachi airport. They handed him over to the US authorities. They made enquiries of the British authorities, since he was by now screaming blue murder for his ‘British Human Rights’. MI5 told them that he had had the right to live in Britain, but that his passport was bogus and no genuine one had ever been, nor would be, issued. They told them about his education and his hobbies.

The Americans, aware that he could have elected to stay in the US originally, assumed that he didn’t like the place, and sent him to Morocco. Now the tale darkens. For the Moroccans, patently confused by his various conversions to different faiths, elected to circumcise him, variety being the spice of life. Before, during or after this minor operation, does it really matter?, they mentioned to him his kick boxing trainer. And thus reduced him to the depth of despondency, for he realised that only the British could have known the details of the education they had so kindly given him.

Ha! Terrorist Bingo! He did what any ungrateful, expensively educated, well fed and housed, well travelled, drug addict with dubious bomb making skills would do – he got himself a British lawyer.

This is the basis of his tort which now has the US authorities threatening us with tortuous coercion if we dare reveal what he said when he was tortured by the Moroccans whilst being told the name of his kick boxing trainer in the UK.

You couldn’t make it up. A virtual bottle of champagne for the best suggestion as to what he actually said!


Biluś said...

"Binyam Mohamed? A fine English name!" Since when did libertarian = little englander, Old Holborn?

Anonymous said...

Sorry OH.

Compeletely O/T but couldn't resist posting.

Had a phone call from a client who is in trouble paying her mortgage following her husband taking a hike with another woman. Usual problems, negative equity so can't sell (even if she could) so has a few very difficult options.

Just spoke to the lender, a well-known nationalised bank that was at the forefront of ridiculous lending (you know 'em!), to see whether she could take advantage of the scheme Brown announced at the end of last year. That one where, if your income had reduced dramatically, you could take a 2-year paymnet holiday? You remember it?

Well, apparently, it's been 'scrapped'!! It never got off the ground, dead, kicked the bucket, deceased, no more, six foot under!

And remember, at the time, Brown announced that ALL the major lenders were 'on board'.

So another Brown promise goes poof. Oh, sorry, no offence - I mean a puff of smoke. Just another headline.

The Penguin said...

David Millipede, our Foreign Secretary From Outer Space, has confessed under pressure that he has no idea what words mean in plain English.

"When I say that the United States of America has not blackmailed or threatened the British Government over releasing details of the torture and mistreatment of an Ethiopian scumbag who had forfeited his British Residency status to go and kill American and British troops in Iraq and Aghanistan and who they want to dump on the taxpayer here in Britain, I merely mean that they have pointed out that releasing such information would result in serious consequences that we would not like."

David Millipede is 13 and a half and very fond of bananas. And Gordon's cock, of course.

The Penguin.

Ampers said...

Surely he said:

Alah is merciful, Allah is great, and fuck you!

subrosa said...

Great assessment of the issue. I can't think of what he said but that's possibly because it was a 'man' thing.

Earthlet Nigel said...

Am I alone in thinking that if the boot were on the other foot, he would expect the same consideration for people he may have interogated, fuck no, whoever it míght have been, would have, upon the ending of questioning been beheaded.
And demanding his Human Rights when he aligns himself with those who recognise no such thing.
And what colour and religious persuasion is this lawyer?

He's the one who pissed on his bonfire, I say build another and throw the cunt on it.

Bet he ain't promising to play nice in the sandpit if we let him back in. Freed he'd be off to some mosque to be lauded as a hero by some rag-headed paedo-worshipping Imam.

stsanislav, a young polish plumber said...


There's no capital S in sovereign, no capital P in passport; misplaced commas abound; 'however,' in your misuseage, is an incorrect opening to a sentence; the American - presumably US - government is a singular, the American (sic) government HAS....., therefore, not HAVE....; and on and on and on.......

Ignorance of punctuation and grammar aside - and if one doesn't understand them that's fine, no blame, just avoid pomposity and develop another, earthier, humbler, less portentous,less judicial style; lots of people in cyberspace do so and richly, you, by your cack-handed pretentiousness, leave yourself wide open and deservedly so to catcalling and impatient dismiss - the content, once deciphered, is shit, also; peurile tub-thumping, groaning and clunking; arythmic; irony as deft and elegant as a load of wet cement, humourless. A thought process, if that is not too grand, too elegant, too charitable a description and a prose style which are, each reflecting the other, banal, peurile, clod-hopping and would discredit even the likes of Toilets Maguire leave one, nevertheless breathless, in admiration of the chutzpah, the sheer nerve it takes to share this drivel with others, as though it had merit, purpose, vitality, originality.

Fuck me, son; go away and learn first to think and when you've done that, you might be able, with practice, to write; presently, you can do neither.

Just as an aide memoire for you, it is currently quite legal for people to convert to Islam; it is not for you to "turn a blind eye to it;" who, pray, do you think you are, Gordon Brown, is it?

Mr Bilus, above, has the right of it; little Englanders, as bad in their own obnoxious way as Little Jocks, but with slighter excuse.

At Nuremberg we hanged people for what Uncle Sam's psychobastards have been doing in Cuba and elsewhere; some useless, witless, posturing, jumped-up, nobody blogger, shouting the odds, magnifying evil, parading his ignorance, shames us all, as if the government did insufficient of that, daily.

Old Holborn said...

Stan, meet Anna, Anna, meet Stan

Chalcedon said...

Indeed it is becomming a fine English name. More's the pity. This little scumbag isn't a British citizen. He is just a resident here, more's the pity. Unfortunately we might have to take him back when the US finally throws him out of Gitmo.

Gareth said...

The American government have threatened to withdraw intelligence co-operation with Britain if details were revealed of the means by which they persuaded Binyam Mohamed to tell them what they wanted to hear.

Do we have anything more than Millipede The Righteous and the FCO's word that the US would withdraw from an intelligence co-operation that makes us very much joined at the hip?

I don't believe it frankly. It is more likely Millipede The Righteous is pushing the potential for the US to use it as an excuse to cut off intelligence sharing. It'll never 'appen so long as we both speak roughly the same language.

Anna Raccoon said...

Stan dearest, I model my English on your excellent example.........

Anonymous said...

@Bilus (15:34)

Since when did it mean you were a 'Little Englander' (what the fuck is that anyway) to be concerned about the ongoing Islamification of our native culture, aided and firmly abetted by the Righteous ?

You smug, liberal cunt.

Anonymous said...

St Sanislav,

I wondered where you'd been.

Biluś said...

You really don't have to look far to find things out these days, 'anonymous' (if that's your real name...)

Dick Smith said...

stsanislav, a young polish plumber said...


A space after portentous, before the next word.

Puerile not peurile.

Arrhythmic not arythmicr.

People in glass houses and all that jazz.

Marios said...

"the ongoing Islamification of our native culture"....


An old boring bummer said...

Stanislav said......

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Boring cunt, fuck off back to Guido. I'm sure 45IQ is missing you and all the rest of the silly big knickered brigade!

Anonymous said...

@Marios (20:39)


I can only assume from your laughter that you either a) think it isn't actually happening or b) think that it is funny that it is happening.

But then again, I read your profile and when I saw that it said 'Industry: Education' that kind of told me everything I need to know about you. Working in 'edukayshun' you probably have to suck the proverbial Islamic cock on a daily basis to prove that you aren't a 'racist'.

Oh, and you're a prick as well. Just thought I'd mention that.

Marios said...

@Anonymous 23:44

Firstly, assuming what MY laughter means and then going on to build an argument on it is a very fascist way of doing things-you tell me what I think and then punish me for it.

Let me explain my laughter: "Islamification of native culture". What native culture do we imply here? Pre-1066 or post-1066? Pagan or Christian? Moronic football chanting monkey culture or fat middle class spending its Saturdays in a Swedish tunnel shopping for ladles and plants? Anyway, when I checked YOUR profile it said fuck all, so I can only assume that you are just a coward for posting anonymously and abusing other bloggers you fascist cunt.

Dave H said...

“Arythmic” “peurile”? Mistakes within, as ever, a rant about ignorance of the English language. This happens so often here should be a name for it.

‘However’ is also widely accepted as an opening to a sentence.

Despite the elegance and impressive rhythm of his prose, he can clearly act like a puffed-up arsehole.

Anonymous said...

"Anyway, when I checked YOUR profile it said fuck all, so I can only assume that you are just a coward for posting anonymously and abusing other bloggers you fascist cunt."

Fuck you.

You smug, State-controlled muppet. Go and teach the kids about Black History Month or about how much they could learn from the 'Religion of Peace'...

Go on, go suckle on the State's teat you arsehole.

Biluś said...

Mmm. Good argument, 'Anonymous' - I can see how you've really given the issues some thought here. Very helpful.

Pamuel Sepys said...

It is heart warming to see that the high skills of the debating society, and the nuances of the finer points of the English language are still so widely practiced.

Alan said...

@Dave H
"Mistakes within, as ever, a rant about ignorance of the English language. This happens so often here should be a name for it."
Tthanks, biggest laugh all night.
Here certainly should.

w/v cable ? Found a new party OH?

Grant said...

Sanilav the plumber wants to wash his mouth out and use his hose to flush out all the shit inside his haddled brain. I have read his blog and his grammar is the worst on here by far. He even finds it hard to construct a sentence himself. And he sounds like an old drunk who can't shag to save his life.

Fuck off back to whichever country it is that you pretend has spawnned you. If they will let back you in after your surgery. That will teach you to mess with nature. Tranny.

Grant said...

Sort my bad grammar and spelling mistakes out for me when you have some spare time duckie. There's a good girl.

Grant said...

I have just noticed that Anna Raccoon's name is now missing off the authors list. What the fuck is going on? I hope she hasn't left here because of the sick bog cleaner who seems to have got his rods stuck up his arse. Come back Anna Raccoon and roger his brains out with another brilliant story. This twat has been boring our arses off for too long.

Ratings and Recommendations by outbrain


Related Posts with Thumbnails