Monday, 16 February 2009

I'm Distraught Says 13 Year Old Father

"Alfie's Dad, keeping a low profile in case the CSA recognise the prolific breeder"

Little Alfie Patten is distraught that some nasty bigger boys are claiming to have shagged the arse off his beloved Chantelle, 15 year old mother to benefits ticket Maisie, and may indeed be the father.

Max Clifford is equally distraught on behalf of his young client, as he can see tabloid scoops drifting away if the DNA tests prove that Alfie's balls have yet to drop.

Chantelle, who bears an amazing likeness to Karen Matthews, is claiming that she only had sex the one time with little Alfie, and that they did take precautions in that she tied his ankle to the leg of the bed.

Gordon Brown's spokesperson said that it showed that his policy of British Bastards for British Chavs was the right thing to do. "Soon there will be a new growth industry, as families of hard-drinking chavs set their pre-pubescent children to work making babies. Getting on with the job!"

The Penguin

10 comments:

Oldrightie said...

When asked "What's it all about Alfie" that "little lad" asked "What's a Dad?"!

Pogo said...

that some nasty bigger boys are claiming to have shagged the arse of his beloved

If this is true, it's somewhat unlikely that one of them could be the father... Unless you meant "shagged the arse off his..."?

:-)

The Penguin said...

You try typing with two flippers and a fucking beak, smart-arse :-)

Noted and corrected before I read you comment, but thanks anyway.

Incidentally there's a daft website devoted to trying to prove that God approves of anal sex before marriage!

The Penguin

K. McEgan. said...

I demand copious EU subsidies for this!Like Ireland!I further deman somewhere to live!Finally I demand political asylum in Holland where one can't get fitted up for photographing plodscum!

Anonymous said...

Pppppick up a Peng....

"Incidentally there's a daft website devoted to trying to prove that God approves of anal sex before marriage!"

Where?

Doesn't one of the other major religions also recommend that too?

Anonymous said...

This young lady was obviously not aware that having enough dick by the age of 14 if placed end to end you could put a handrail around the Isle of Man. Its just kid like can't wait for the next one as in "career move" save some of that piano wire we will need it later.

Anonymous said...

This kid is too young to have a girlfriend. The "girlfriend" looks so much older and ugly too.

Besides she slept with other boys, no morals.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

I feel deep sympathy for the lads of Eastbourne is munter Chantelle is the best they can find.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but what's a Chav? Are they only Brits or do we have them in the US, too?

Angry Exile said...

Sorry, but what's a Chav? Are they only Brits or do we have them in the US, too?

Of course you have them in the US. Posh and Becks still live there, right? :-)

"White trash" is probably there or thereabouts for you Yanks. But chavs may be slightly different in that they think they look a million dollars, but usually look like twats in fake Burberry and cheap, shitty, hollow bling. Wealthy chavs do exist but still look like twats.

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