Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Burglaries Up, Burglaries Down, Grab A Statistic and Shake It Around


Our ever incompetent Home Economics Secretary, Jacqui Smith was spinning a full 180 degrees today from her previous pronouncements on "acquisitive crime" inevitably going up during the recession becasue there are fuck all proper policemen on the beat anymore.

Now the spin was that the Home Orifice was taking action to bring together the experts to prevent burglaries. Is this not something that happens automatically all the time? Apparently not.

Jacqui Smith said she was determined that people should receive the best possible advice on how to protect their homes.

"I don't think there is anything inevitable about saying because we have a recession burglary needs to rise," she told BBC Breakfast, her eyes bulging with earnest uselessness. "In order to make sure that doesn't happen we are taking action. Today we are bringing together the people who know how to stop burglary. We are rounding up all of the known culprits, many of them out on bail, all of them well known to the intelligence-led police farce, and we will be signing them up to a scheme whereby they will be paid £500 a day not to commit any burglaries."

The Penguin

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I find her too depressing to look at and cannot stand her voice. She is totally incompetent in her job and has either played a major part in fucking up the Country or at least is guilty in acquiescing in it. Looking on the positive side she may be reasonable at gritting the pavements as there's no other fuckers doing it.

max the impaler said...

Looking down the barrel of a .44magnum is the best deterrent.

JPT said...

It's Jacqi Smioth what do you expect?
I knew she was bad news - who's ever heard of a Home Secretary called JACQI!?

Old Holborn said...

The sign of a good Police Force is the ABSENCE of crime.

Angry Frank said...

This fuckwit of a woman really boils my piss, what the fuck did we do to deserve such a useless tit? Jacqui, why don't you do us a favour love and fuck off!

killemallletgodsortemout said...

An abdomen full of Eley and Kynock number 5 shot tends to make burglars think about a change of career.

An arseful of the same would probably have no effect on the Munter Smith.

The Economic Voice said...

So, what have all those crime fighting geniuses being doing up until now?

Harrithebastard said...

Are you all mad?

Its Jacqui we are talking about here , such a trusting face and oh so fucking honest.

If Jaquie says crime is down then it is ... out of bastard control

Nothing to see here, move along.

electro-kevin said...

For God's sakes, give us a general election.

Nu Lab are going to get utterly eviscerated. Utterly UTTERLY knocked into oblivion.

TractorStats said...

You know the sound when some one pukes over the pavement, well that's all I hear every time she opens her shit faced gob.

Earthlet Nigel said...

This bunch of cunts, for that is what they, with their attempts and successes, in many things, at micro-management of everyday lives, can't see the fucking wood for the trees. They're even too fucking stupid to say,"hey this contradicts what I said last time".

CUNTS, CUNTS, CUNTS

Useless tit is right, she only has one, and that's on her fucking shoulders. Needs a good dry arsefucking with something extremely rough

Bill d'Sarse said...

Tough on crime, tough on the victims of crime.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Lets be fair
She does have massive tits and being an ex Home econonomist can make a cup of Tea.

Anonymous said...

"Jacqui Smith said she was determined that people should receive the best possible advice on how to protect their homes."

That's easy, ask an ex-con.
http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/content/News/story.aspx?brand=ENOnline&category=News&tBrand=enonline&tCategory=news&itemid=NOED04%20Feb%202009%2019%3A16%3A54%3A767

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Silly bitch, added a new defence for those few scrotes that the Police manage to get into Court.
" In mitigation m'lud; as supported by announcements from The Home Secretary, my client was forced into a life of petty crime because of the recession, innit "

Anonymous said...

"Jacqui Smith said she was determined that people should receive the best possible advice on how to protect their homes. "

1. Get a shotgun & licence (Peter Martin would have got off if his shotgun had been licenced)

2. Put up warning notices
3. Don't bother calling the police 'cos they're all at diversity awareness courses

4. Dispose of the body. Nobody prosecutes fly tippers anymore and the scum won't be missed.

Pissed of with Jacqui?
You bet I am

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