Monday, 5 January 2009

Proper cold

About time too. It may go as low as minus 10 tonight (-10C) which has a few great advantages.

You can burn a climate change hippy to keep warm
Big Issue sellers suddenly find themselves somewhere to live and stop cluttering up the bloody streets
Northerners will still wander about drunk in nylon football shirts or miniskirts and boob tubes at 1am, thereby taking themselves out of the gene pool
Ditches on country roads will be full of souped up Saxo’s on their roofs as Wayne, Bazza and Ayeesha find out that black ice and low profile slick tyres do not mix
Somali national dress year in Bristol will be suspended as the chattering of teeth deafens the wailing from the Mosques.
Emo’s, who are basically scrawny strips of faulty DNA at the best of times, vanish into ice crystals.
Real tramps, proper Scottish red haired psycho tramps will be prised from park benches, frozen solid and sent back to Glasgow in boxes for burial en mass.
Less mobility scooters loaded with bloated land whales blocking the high street as the batteries go flat in 5 minutes. No AA or RAC for those bastards.

Love it.


JD said...

Antidote to eco-chondriac scaremongering:

Nice picture. JD

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I can see a couple of excellent points here which should keep me warm fro about 30 seconds.

Apart from that I've had to fire up the chainsaw this morning, any excuse, I love that noisy fucker. Wakes up all the shirkers and burns loads of fuel.
Managed to massacre a couple of trees before some tree hugging twat started bleating on about the climate. Told him to fuck off or I'd set the Stihl on him and chuck his woodentop into my lovely big woodburner.

Had to stop anyway. Blunted the chain on a rather fucked looking Fiat Cheekycunto which some spotty faced twat had rolled into the undergrowth.
Happy days!

Cato said...

Anything but anything to get rid of the bloody Big Issue sellers!! Lazy idle bastards!
Not forgetting the chavs who insist on roaring down the High St with their monster bass booming out total crap.

Thud said...

everything in your post sounds good to me...I'm hoping this cold spell lasts as long as possible...grasshopper and ant etc.

Dick the Prick said...

You can't kill Jordies with a biy of fucking weather but fuck the rest of 'em.

Taters in Londonistan-on-Thames said...

Don't bring the Jordanians in to this already.

Pizza all around.

puzzled expat said...

OH - 'scuse my iggerance, but what's an Emo?

wv: amozo - must be room for a few of those in the ditch too?

Dick the Prick said...

It's Geordies isn't it? Uuurrgghh, me so thick.

Chalcedon said...

Ah, feel the luuuurrrvvvve

Harrithebastard said...

OH nice pic , even with your best efforts i almost did not recognise her with her clothes on .. i wish

If the young lady is selling any of those puppies i will have the one with the pink nose .

Bob said...


You forget. It's now 'Climate Change' so any fucking weather is justification for more and more insanity.

Obviously there are some exceptions sir.

The Penguin said...

Better off burning one of the fat lard arses, plenty of them about (even though they are going to start airlifting them in from Belfast!) and they have sufficient fat to last for a good day and night (at a low regulo, natch). Unlike the tree huggers whose diet of lentils and wild rocket doesn't help them with putting on huge unsightly layers of fat.

For a real street party, though, use a suitable accelerant and let a lardarse rip! Bonfire and fireworks all in one, with huge gouts of fire like fucking sunspots. Don't stand too close, mind.

The Penguin

Gecko said...

Must be said that it's lovely to have the winter back after several years off!

Had to do best lumberjack impression at the weekend and get my chopper out in the back garden.

Snow this morning - was great fun watching the chavs battle their Saxo's down the ungritted road whilst I sat at my desk supping coffee and eating toast with a roaring fire going :o)


it's either banned or compulsory said...

puzzled expat said
"what's an Emo? "
This my help.

Daisy said...

i just sent beast of c an email with that picture...thought it would warm his soul...something has to!

Barnsley Bill said...

Meanwhile at barnsley manor it is nudging 30 degrees celsius, the unheated pool is now too warm to swim in and the chilly bin is being used for my feet.
You daft fukwits deserve to freeze when you have a murderous cunt in charge.

We can wear our nylon football shirts all year round down here..

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