Saturday, 10 January 2009

Possibly the most politically correct shit I've ever seen

From Bristol Dave

From our old friends at, of course, Bristol City Council - here.

This is a guide on arranging "accessible" meetings, and is, in short, fucking hilarious.The checklist at the beginning gives an idea of what we'll encounter:

A variety of food including food traditional to Black and other minority ethnic communities


Curry, and fried chicken and watermelon at BCC meetings? Wicked, count me in! First, we start with the usual wheel-chair friendly bollocks:

The venue has either ramped, level or lift access to all meeting areas. All door widths are at least 860mm wide. (900mm is preferred)


(I think this is fatty-friendly as well?)
Then it gets a bit more ridiculous:

Public transport is within an appropriate distance, eg 500m to a bus route.

Yeah, good luck with that in Bristol.
Then a bit more PC creeps in:

Cultural and religious requirements are taken into account. Ensure meetings or refreshment areas are not in areas with bars serving alcohol.


Nice to see that the religious nutters have BCC by the bollocks, as usual.

Ensure that there is are clear signs informing people with a hearing impairment that there is a loop system and how to use it.


So presumably there is an implication there has to be a "loop system" installed in every meeting venue?

Do not use all capital letters on signs because this makes the sign inaccessible to visually impaired people. Use lower case eg Toilet, Exit, etc.


Really? Really? Are you sure about that, BCC? Because to me, it just sound like steaming bullshit. So now you're saying visually impaired people can't cope anywhere that has all capital letters?

Ensure signs are no higher than 1400-1700mm.


Oh yeah, for the wheelchairs. The specific measurements though, imply you should carry a tape measure to every meeting.
Then it just turns farcical:

It is good practice to provide picture signs where possible, eg for fire escapes. Use pictures of both men and women in picture signs.


Seriously, men and women? So the "man" symbol on a sign isn't enough to just mean "person"? For fuck's sake.

Signs should be placed on seats near the front to reserve places for Deaf people and people with Usher Syndrome. This will enable them to easily access the interpreter.


Usher Syndrome? Is that like "Bride or Groom"? Oh, OK. But of course, they can't be "grouped" with deaf people, can they?

Where appropriate ensure translated signs are provided. As good practice, a welcome sign in different languages makes a positive statement that the service welcomes Black and ethnic minority people.


So does this mean you should have translators for the meeting as well? Or just translate the signs? Seems a bit pointless really.

Allow spaces for wheelchair users, and disperse amongst the other seating.


Oh, of course, you couldn't have them all sitting together, could you? That would be disablist.

Provide a variety of seating including back/neck support and padded chairs.


Seriously? I don't think I've ever been to a conference centre in the real world that has these kind of facilities.

Some cultural groups may require separate seating arrangements for men and women..


Yeah, medieval ones. Fuck 'em, they can sort that out between themeselves, surely?

Allocate rooms/areas for plenary sessions, workshops, refreshments, rest area/room, creche, exhibitions and registration.


Since we're not American, this really does just mean somewhere people can go for a rest, doesn't it. Christ on a bike.

The Equalities and Social Inclusion Team have loop system available, free of charge


They're called something even better now, the Equalities and Community Cohesion Team. You couldn't make this shit up, could you? And pray tell, what the fuck the name change was in aid of? What did it achieve?

Buffets are inaccessible to people with a visual impairment and some other Disabled people, offer one to one assistance.


Would you like some cheese? Maybe some ham? Simper, simper.

Consult with representatives of your targeted audience or the Equalities Team to ensure the programme includes an equalities perspective.


Ahhh, so that's basically what this team does. Sounds very valuable, and not at all a waste of taxpayer's money.Then it starts to get even less "equal".

Ensure all Disabled participants can claim and be paid travel expenses in cash at the event.


Fucking hell. So not only are travel expenses seemingly only paid to Disabled people and not able-bodied people, but they get it in cash!! When does BCC pay anyone anything in cash?!?

The personal assistant should be introduced at the beginning of the meeting and should wear a name badge or a badge saying ‘personal assistant’. Invite Disabled people to use the personal assistant if she/he needs help in getting refreshments or removing empty coffee cups, holding papers, or needs someone to push their wheel chair.


I think "Personal Bitch" would be more appropriate.

Ensure that non-disabled people at the event are aware not to use the personal assistant.


But it's only the Disabled people's bitch. Know that, evil able-bodied people.

Ensure that tea, coffee, herbal teas, de-caffeinated coffee, and water/juice is available to participants throughout the event. Artificial sweeteners, as an alternative to sugar, should also be available.


Seriously, when was the last time you saw anything other than a tea urn and a coffee urn at a meeting? Herbal tea is presumably for the Equalities Team.

Publicity information for participants should be in clear, simple English and use positive images. People will be more likely to attend if they see themselves reflected in photographs and images. For example, include Disabled people, Black and other minority ethnic people, and women etc.



Ahhhh so that's the thinking behind every photo on every council bit of literature.

This, people, is what Bristol City Council see as "worthy" expenditure of your Council Tax. Paying for people to do this, and think up policies like this.

Fucking hell. Somehow the planned 3.5% increase in Council Tax seems just that little bit more with it, doesn't it.Give me strength.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot, Dave, for FUCKING MY DAY UP!

The worthless lickspittles of BCC clearly have nothing better to do than to shine the seats of their trousers and give handy fucking hints on how to deal with disabled and immigrants.

Worthless, incompetent parasites. A pox on their houses.

lilith said...

Ensure that non-disabled people at the event are aware not to use the personal assistant.

Should I refer to myself as a non-disabled person in all correspondence with the Council?

Friend of Carlotta said...

Refer to yourself as "able"

It drives them fucking mental

Craig said...

FFS. Twenty pages of BS. How much did it cost to produce this?!

max the impaler said...

It's a parallel universe.It's financed with OP money. Nothing to do with reality.

Anonymous said...

proper bollocks in the main, although I don't get the hatred of disabled people, or measures to make it easier for them. It's clearly been written by a patronising bastard who thinks everyone else has the same IQ of 40 as they do, mind.

Shirking From Home said...

What an utter load of shit.

If there's a place for cuts in spending in this fucking shit hole of a country it is exactly crap like this.

Anonymous said...

"Provide a variety of seating including back/neck support and padded chairs."
How about a padded room for the fuckwits who wrote this?

cartermagna said...

"Cultural and religious requirements are taken into account. Ensure meetings or refreshment areas are not in areas with bars serving alcohol."

What about my needs as a raving piss head?

"Some cultural groups may require separate seating arrangements for men and women.."

So it's alright for certain cultural groups to be sexist then? A-fucking-mazing.

Daisy said...

i loved this one "Where appropriate ensure translated signs are provided. As good practice, a welcome sign in different languages makes a positive statement that the service welcomes Black and ethnic minority people."...does that mean the UK is getting Ebonics? and what exactly would that sign look like...lmao

stonker said...

May I be in charge of the sign writing for the next meeting please? ie 'If you can't read English get out of my fucking Country you parasites', with the appropriate pictures of course.

JD said...

Herbal 'tea' isn't.JD.

Guthrum said...

They are full of this crap- expanding the work to fill the day

lilith said...

I don't think there is a hatred of disabled people, anon, there is a hatred of overpaid worthies with gold plated pensions spending money (that could be spent on disabled people) on bullshit.

1984 said...

1984 is just late in arriving

Henry North London said...

What 1984 said Its all bollocks really

They have to do this to fill in time

Its a bit like playing bullshit bingo

I could win several times over with this fisking that youve done

Henry North London said...

Good to see you back posting though

really good

Baccha said...

"Would you like some cheese? Maybe some ham? Simper, simper"


Can't have ham, might offend the muslims :/

Mark Wadsworth said...

BCC are rank amateurs - they get marked down for the omission here:

"Allocate rooms/areas for plenary sessions, workshops, refreshments, rest area/room, creche, exhibitions and registration."

HA HA HA!! They forget to say "prayer room" for the towel heads!!

And the whole talking about food thing misses off the essential:

"If it's Ramalamading-dong do not serve any food or drink whatsoever to avoid causing offence to those observing faith based dietary programmes"

So double HAHAHA with knobs on, even I could be more PC than that.

On the weight of these two example of crass cultural insensitivity it's off to Re-Education Camp with those closet racists at the BCC I'm afraid.

Word veri: dissed (I shit ye not)

Katabasis said...

Incredible.

So it's fine to insist that women are represented on fire escape signs, but not to insist that they can sit together with men.

FFS.

K. MacEgan. said...

It has changed then since I was on the town twinning commitee in 2001 then it was 100% white,m/c Brits.

The Penguin said...

Do you have to have a room where the Somali Pimp can have his string of prostitutes earn a few quid while he is attending, so as not to disregard his Human Rights to live of immoral earnings?

And an area with running water and towels so Kerry Matthews can wash her hands, like Pontius Pilate?

Oh, news at my place, Ginger Minger Sacked (no, not Blears)

The Penguin

Bristol Dave said...

Anonymous @ 11:58:

There is definitely not a hatred of disabled people or necessary allowances (e.g. wheelchair ramps) for them.

There is, however, a very strong hatred for the hand-wringing, PC bullshit thinktanks like this one that seems to insist on deciding the needs of everyone for them, as well as deciding what might offend them.

Dave H said...

"It is good practice to provide picture signs where possible, eg for fire escapes. Use pictures of both men and women in picture signs."

Why not just use a transgender?

And hey, I hope the women in the signs are wearing Burkhas.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Hilarious, yet tragic.

I notice there's no mention of pikeys.

Perhaps disabled, half-caste, lesbian pikeys would actually cause an overload of the PC twats sensitive wiring?

Shades said...

All local auhorities do his as do he police auhorities, Fire Auhorities, Police, Regional Development Auhorities and probably every Quango that snouts at the public purse if they do so-called consultations.

I'm told it is for fairness and to comply with the DDA. I say it is positive discrimination and the only fair discrimination is based on merit.

Shades said...

By the way, my letter T is a bit fucked, insert one everywhere above where it doesn't read right.

Anonymous said...

Stretford housing office, Manchester has signs in 40 different languages so they can get fiddled by by people from 40 different countries.
In the Peoples Republic of Manchester, taxi licensing depertment besides Urdu (of course) and Christ knows how many more languages there is even one in Vietnamese. I know I am not the sharpest knife in the box but wouldn't you think it might, just might be a plus that taxi drivers in Manchester could read write and speak English?

Anonymous said...

"Publicity information for participants should be in clear, simple English............"

Oh Oh, I see a PC issue here. What about translations into Rastafarian, Urdu, Serbo-Croat?

Why not make it in complicated English, to discourage non-natives?

Anonymous said...

Presumably, white anglo-saxon males will be an ethnic minority?

dr cromarty said...

Usher Syndrome? It affects 1 in 20000 or thereabouts. How small a fucking 'minority' do you have to be?

it's either banned or compulsory said...

The Equalities and Social Inclusion Team are doing fine work. Remember back to those whiteist, hideously middle class right wing gatherings at so called Womens Institutes. How they condemned wheelchair users to stuggle up the steps unaided, laughed behind the backs of deaf people ( 'deaf' incidentally is not a disablement, they are a " community " ). We all remember those Parish Council meetings that locked the doors before the blind members of the public could find their way in and shoved the dwarves out of the way to scoff all the pork pies.

I've been on a Disability Awareness Course so I know and I've got the Certificate to prove it.

Anonymous said...

"Why not just use a transgender?"
Can we use Graham Norton for the pics?

Mitch said...

Can anyone suggest a menu that would not offend anyone?

These fuckwits just need shooting.

beness said...

I'm not shocked anymore. No wonder Cameron wants to cut back on waste.

We are starting to dissapear up our own assholes

NO wonder with articles like this:

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/yasmin-alibhai-brown/yasmin-alibhaibrown-spare-me-the-tears-over-the-white-working-class-1225824.html?startindex=0

Chalcedon said...

If I was running the council, there would be bacon sandwiches (kosher and halal of course), wine/beer as well as fruit juice, plus a place reserved for lepers to sit too.

These wankers will be inviting dead people next and want all the signage in every written human language.

Anonymous said...

"Use pictures of both men and women in picture signs."

Isn't this likely to cause some regrettable confusion at the lavatories?

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