Sunday, 11 January 2009

Food Waste Police


Following on from the amazing plans to send Blears-Plods round to help the work shy get up and ready for non existent jobs, a wonderful new job creation scheme is announced to a fanfare of ridicule.


8 "inspectors" are to be given a whole day of training and sent out to go door to door for 7 weeks on a massive hourly rate of £8.49, to train hard working families how to waste less food and eat more scraps. Their target is announced as 24,500 homes in this trial period.


That works out at 24,500 divided by 8 inspectors = 3,062.5 per inspector. 7 weeks gives each inspector a target of 437.5 homes per week. Working 7 days a week that's 62.5 homes per day. If they worked 24 hours a day that's 2.6 homes to train per hour, or 23 minutes per home.Fucking good going, I'd say. But what can you teach someone in 23 minutes?


And will these super-human inspectors also have Police escorts? Because I can imagine the welcome they are going to get in some quarters!!


31 comments:

Pogo said...

I can imagine the welcome they are going to get in some quarters!!

If your photo is an example, they could get a *very* warm welcome - straight into the stockpot.

The Penguin said...

That's a photograph with contraceptive powers!

Cheers,
The Penguin

K. MacEgan. said...

Oceania tis for thee.(For the love of Big Brother).

Harrithebastard said...

A very disturbing picture , these two appear to be very much in love , so i guess that at some point in time they have or have wanted to ' make love ' i can just about work out why ! what i want to know is ... HOW ?

She is either sitting on a settee or she has eaten it . if i was him i would not stand around still for too long.

The Penguin said...

Think about it, she's so fucking fat no way can she reach either her arsehole or her twat. So some poor git has to help her wipe her arse when she has a shit, and insert and remove tampons for her.

Nice.

The Penguin

The Penguin said...

Or, he's planning to buy a gas guzzling 4X4 and regards hers as a source of bio-fuel....

The Penguin

Harrithebastard said...

Maybe i am coming over all benevolent? , so either she is heavily pregnant with sextuplets ... or she has just devoured six grown teenagers ?

Ah , fuck the benevolence , she is just a fat bitch who has no fucking will power and will eat anything within her grasp ... anything , the poor sod who is sitting next to her has either very , very strong forearms or is fumbling about for some sort of secret entrance .. Oh the fucking sheer horror , if he loses his grip he will spend the rest of 2009 in bastard traction. not having read or studied it with too much interest just lately , but i bet the karma sutra did not see this one coming .. ( no pun intended )

Chrysippus said...

There's a thin line in this case between sexual attraction and gravitational pull.......

JD said...

YUK!
JD

Shirking From Home said...

Jesus wept, what a fucking munter. She should be offered dignity at Dignitas pronto.

AngryDave said...

How about these pricks stop wasting our money.
Then they can stop wasting our oxygen by doing something useful, like choking on something.

K. MacEgan. said...

Peng-think shes still menstruating?

Cato said...

This will really cheer you up. Pass the sick bag, Alice!

http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:D9M1m2KNWy0C6M:http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/sexyitaliana13/bellybutton.jpg

Anonymous said...

If some officious little jobsworth appears on my doorstep wanting to tell me about food wastage, he'll leave a lot quicker than he arrived - and he'll have learned a few new words of abuse.

Daisy said...

omfg...this has got to be a joke...please tell me this is a joke...

Shirking From Home said...

Has she eaten one of his legs?

Anonymous said...

Fat cunt. There is only one reason for being too fat and that is eating too much.Nothing else. Unless those cunts New Labour get involved then is it a disorder.

Anonymous said...

Is he holding her gut in or playing with her twat?.

Leg-iron said...

Eight inspectors won't last long. She'd have them for lunch. With chips.

mmc said...

Anonymous said...
"Is he holding her gut in or playing with her twat?"

I do hope he is not playing with her fat fadge, for his sake. It would be like sticking his hand in a swamp!

Anonymous said...

They could always take the young lady along to finish all the leftovers up!

Anonymous said...

Just imagine how many bars of soap you could make out of her!

Harrithebastard said...

I actualy give the guy 10 out of 10 for peseverance , whilst most of the male sex have to use romantic words and maybe a bottle or two of babycham to get to the end game ... this guy must go IN equipped with scuba diving gear , including one two spare oxygen tanks a flashtorch some scaffolding and a map . then if he had any sense i would leave a note for someone to request emergency services back up if ' not back in three days ' SOS .

Afghanistan Banana Stand said...

Harris the bastard said

A very disturbing picture , these two appear to be very much in love , so i guess that at some point in time they have or have wanted to ' make love ' i can just about work out why ! what i want to know is ... HOW ?

11 January 2009 17:37

Roll her in a large tub of flour
Aim for where it sticks.

Captain Skint said...

Do fat people get mouldy? I've always assumed they did but have never investigated, but you'd think there'd be folds, crevices, undulations which never see the light of day, which never get oxygen. Couple that with sweat, with condensation and the anearobic conditions for mould and fungus would be ideal.

Anonymous said...

'Do fat people get mouldy?'

I want to know how they clean themselves and wipe their asses.

Rag on a stick?

Anonymous said...

This is all very nasty. Clearly these poor fuckers are siamese twins with two heads and three bodys.You should all be ashamed.Bastards.

Harrithebastard said...

Oh the horror that lurks underneath that dress, Somehow i must assume that at some point in time this 'whale of a women' must have to walk somewhere ( maybe the larder and back again) but i would imagine ( and i am no fashion guru ) but it must resemble a pack of alsations under a nylon tent having a fight .

I am not one to tap away at the keys and come up with anything crude ! but my god her twat must resemble Wells Fargo fucking saddle bags .

The Penguin said...

She's obviously too wide to go through the door, or up the stairs, in a normal house. So either he's good at DIY or she has a "one room" existence. And one presumes, a very large and strong bucket.

The Penguin

Kate Winslet's Tampon said...

She'd have to shit in the bath. I bet the cunt's on DLA too.

When do these fucks not realize - it's not like this happened overnight - oh, putting a bit of weight on, oh, i'm fucking Orca fat.

Anonymous said...

This knobster would have to tie a scaffolding plank to his ass to go here!

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