Monday, 5 October 2009

Let the revolution begin.

This is a repost from December last year

I believe that one of the key factors in the “hell in a handcart” decline of the UK is the absence of a justice system that punishes a criminal. There are too many instances to mention (except this one, which has me spitting teeth) and I don’t see any real chance of anything changing. Decent law abiding citizens will continue to be raped, mugged, stabbed, beaten, set fire to and burgled by an ever growing underclass of amoral thugs until they have everything they want. The Police are not interested in stopping it, the Gummint are not interested in stopping it, large swathes of pen pushing Righteous are not interested in stopping it.

I am interested in stopping it.

So I want to start a campaign that will simply scare the fucking SHITE out of all of the above. This is your cut out and keep guide to protecting you, your loved ones and your hard earned property. It will cost you some money and it may cause you a little concern, but I believe it would work.

Step ONE.

Buy a gunsafe. Basically a metal cabinet that is lockable and bolted to the floor. £100.

Step TWO

Apply for a shotgun licence. You will need to do this online via your local Police Force. Mine is Essex. You will need to find one person to sign your form who knows you and some photos.
Guidance HERE


A man will come to your house and check your application, look at your gunsafe to make sure it is secure.


Buy a shotgun and some ammunition, put it in your gunsafe. (£250)


Put this in your front window.

If MILLIONS of us were armed with a simple shotgun, burglary would plummet over night. Feral thugs would have to risk their very existences every time they decide to kick someone to death for objecting to them pissing up their car. The 646 shaved baboons in Gummint would think twice about treating the common man with such utter contempt. We would, in effect, become empowered.

A shotgun in YOUR house will give you back some of the power that the State has taken away from you. You need never load it or fire it. Just owning one will send a very loud message to ALL the cunts out there who want to fuck with you that you will not take it lightly anymore. You have a means of defence. You can and will defend you and yours with lethal force if required. It will also tell the Police that you have had enough of staring down the barrels of criminals guns and are now happy for criminals to stare down YOUR legally held barrels for a

This is not a scam and certainly not a joke. Farqham Hall is now ARMED.


tomfinnie said...

As much as I agree with the principle here, all you'd achieve would be to lose your shotgun license. If you told the police to fuck off, they'd come back with more men and better guns. It's at least 30, possibly 90 years too late for this approach, sadly.

Anonymous said...

On the money, OH. After the Tony Martin case Mark Steyn, I think it was, said that if he shot an intruder in his home in the US the only thing he would have to worry about would be redecorating. I don't think I'd even worry about that. I'd invite people round to view my tribute to Jackson Pollok

Bemused Wolf said...

I looked into this a few days ago after you mentioned it, and, while I like, and agree with the idea in principal, I noticed a couple of problems with applying for one through my local police force.

I don't know if it is the same for all forces, but North Yorkshire Police require us to give good reason to own a shotgun.
Sadly, 'To shoot thieving chav bastards who try to get in my house' will not do, apparently.

I do not belong to a gun club, and I live in a two bedroomed terrace house, with a few feet of concrete yard at the back, so, pest control isn't an option either.

Any suggestions or ideas as to what I could give for my reasons?

Old Holborn said...

Tell them you want to take up pigeon shooting.

AngryDave said...

I have numerous swords and weapons as i am a martial artist and martial arts instructor. Also being an ex-copper and prison officer, i know exactly what to say on my statement to 'prove' my use of force was reasonable and justified.
If anyone would like a few tips, just ask.

I remember going on one job to take a statement from a guy who restrained a burglar, and was looking at assault charges. The sergeant i was with was old school and managed to put the right words in the guys mouth, without him even noticing, to make his statement say all the right things to keep the guy out of handcuffs.

Old Holborn said...

I'd like some tips Dave.

When I showed my local PC a cricket bat, he said

"Make sure you hit the bastard full in the face. If you hit him on the back of the head, I'll arrest you. If you hit him full in the nose or teeth, I'll buy you a pint"

Tuscan Tony said...

A sub-ed writes: "the inhabitants" not "this inhabitants".

*returns to work*

Anonymous said...

If thousands of people suddenly applied for shotgun certificates, and there was a serious risk of civil unrest, Mr Knee-jerk Reaction would kick in and the govt would simply round up all legally-held firearms as they did with handguns after Dunblane.

Legally-held firearms will always be a soft target (pun intended) - they know who you are and where you live.

However, holders of illegal guns would have no such problems.

Old Holborn said...

TT, just got back from the pub, apologies.

Cackleclaw said...

I like those Armed Response signs you see in front gardens in the less PC parts of the USA...

Anonymous, just in case said...

Welcome to the club OH.

Personally I went the FAC route - more interesting toys to be had.

I'm not sure that the police (nice people in my experience) would take the sign in the window as appropriate!

The gun club I belong to costs around £100 a year, is full of nice, friendly, responsible people. This is _probably_ a requirement for an FAC. The only other costs are cabinet, guns and ammo.

Shotguns can be more easily justified I believe; Clay pigeon shooting for example. Good for reflexes and coordination. My local clay shoot charges 20p per clay, add say 15p per cartridge and that's it. No membership required.

If adrenalin is your thing, try looking into the UKPSA - United Kingdom Practical Shooting Association. Timed shoots of up to 40 targets over a short course, ten round pump action shotty, or the like (FAC required). It is amazing to see what competent shooters can achieve in a short time - sobering too.

I wouldn't recommend talking about shooting chavs though if I were you. When I saw what a shotgun can do my attitude to guns changed somewhat.

The Penguin said...

There was a thread some time ago on AARSE dealing with the situation of what are the right key phrases to use to get plod and CPS instantly on side rather than considering nicking you.

AARSE is humungously big and my chances of finding it unaided are remote, so a useful guide from AngryDave would be of great benefit.

The Penguin

Anonymous said...

Now that handguns (pistols) are only available to criminals, a 'Section One' firearm effectively means a rifle - a .22, a high-powered air rifle or a full-bore rifle (7.62) if you're lucky enough to live near an outdoor range.

To get an FAC you have to be a member of an approved club, shoot regularly and submit to all sorts of other onerous restrictions.

A rifle may be a useful sniper's weapon but a shotgun is far more intimidating and destructive, particularly at close quarters.

Anonymous said...

Unbelieveable that you need to justify the purchase of a lousy little scatter gun to plod. It should be none of their fucking business. But then again I live in the US. It is also strange that anyone concerned with their personal safety would need to be told to arm themselves.

I guarantee you that nothing will shrivel the balls of a trouble maker like the sound of Remington 870 being racked.

Bemused Wolf said...

Angry Dave:

I think a guide would be very useful to most people who read this blog, so, I too would like to add my name to the list of people who would like your advice.

It sounds quite sinister doesn't it; 'I need your advice so I can keep myself out of handcuffs'.
But, the sad truth is, as has been highlighted on this, and other blogs all too often, that normal, good, and hard working people, need all the help they can get to protect themselves from getting into trouble for protecting themselves.

Anonymous said...

May save some people some money (this isn't a wind up) I have heard that a drink driving conviction may ban you from a shotgun license or fire arms certificate.

This may vary from police force to police force, but if you check before you apply you may save the application fee.

The 'logic' behind the ban appears to be that if you flout (sp?) one law by drink driving, you may well flout restrictions on how weapons are stored, transported and handled etc. I never did drink then drive, but I am now extra careful the morning after.

As usual application forms and restrictions are likely to be found on your local force's web site.

Chris said...

Angry Dave: would like as many pointers as you can offer on the right buzzwords to use with HM Constabulary. I've already taken Nightjack's excellent Guide for Decent People to heart, but more in that vein is always useful.

wv: stings

Cato said...

At this time, may I ask you all to view this video?

It says a lot when this pile of shit we call a government are cutting spending on armed vehicles for our guys.
Yes, I know it's a bot O/T but it had to go forgive me.

dmc said...

ok,now what about idea's for us who dont or cant have a gun.Is it illegal to buy a cattle prodder for instance.

The Odyssey said...

The Right to keep and bear arms, one thing our friends across the Atlantic got correct.

Already done OH, Twice this week you have posted my mindset.

Old Holborn said...

Watch them drop to the floor trying to claw their own eyes out


AngryDave said...

When you give your police statemant, say that you 'honestly believed' your life or the lives of your family were in danger.
Like my old colleugge the sergeant suggested when the home owner said he knew someone had been/was in the house because it had got dark since ha had left the house and he could see the kitchen light was on, and had no reason to switch the light on before he left. It was subtly suggested that the guy would have had acess to knives etc from the kitchen, and was asked if he was concerned. At this suggestion the guy went a bit white and said "well yeah, he could have had a knife". As the home owner had said the words outloud, they could then go into the statement.
It then occured to the guy that the young scrote could have been armed when he restrained him. And there is suddenly a case of reasonable force.

What you say afterwards will be what screws you not wha you do at the time. REMEMBER! you 'honestly believed' there was a threat, and you only did what was neccessary to stop them hurting you or your family but THEY escalated the level of violence. Also, you never chased them and kicked the shit out of them, they came at you, and you panicked and faught out of sheer fear for your life.
But under no circumstances did you 'punish' them.

A heard of a case once where a young police officer went ballistic with his baton on someone, and when asked by the judge why he used such a degree of force. His answer was, "i was shit scared". Excessive force was discounted as the officer was in fear for jis safety the whole time.

Thud said...

I'm thinking of by a small area of woodland...I just fancy a place I can take a dump in the fresh air.I suppose it would be a suitable excuse for a shotgun though...if I get roound to it perhaps others here may find the place of use to them in any applications...the old holborn gun club(northern branch)

Sussex Shooter said...

OH you only need 1 person to countersign your shotgun licence application.

Clay pigeon shooting is so popular these days isnt it.

Guthrum said...

I just said 'rough shooting'ie vermin seemed to work and was pretty accurate

defender said...

What about a tank? what kind of permit do you think I would need for a mk4 Panzer? I need it to fight climate change and and and polar bears and yea, grey squrils, or is it the red ones.

charcoal said...

Couple of points

1. No good reason is required for a shotgun certificate (that's only for section I firearms)

2. Putting such a sign in your window would lead to immediate revocation on "danger to public safety and the peace" grounds.

3. I'll email you with No 3. It's far too interesting to go with publicly.

LWTU said...

Was on the bus the other day, overheard some old guy casually reading out the latest local news (that everyone out there will never hear about or see on the TV) - group of four teens set fire to a guy on the train then ran off laughing.

Meanwhile, I put the TV on and on the One Show, there's a shower of do-gooders from places like barnardos, child help charities etc claiming kids "have a hard time of it" and there's no such thing as feral kids, everything is hunky dory and then they whip out some kids at a youth club to prove their point. This goes on for ages, and the sole task of attempting to counter this vile barrage of lies goes to Rick Parfitt and Francis Rossi in the space of about 20 seconds or less.


Chrysippus said...

defender said...

Louis Theroux travels to Johannesburg, where the residents find themselves increasingly besieged by crime. Despairing of the capability of the police and the courts to protect them, many have turned to an industry of private security, offering protection for a price. Are the sometimes brutal methods of these private police really a solution or just another part of the problem?

The first stop for Louis is a meeting with William Mayangoni, the local co-ordinator for a security firm known as Mapogo. Based on the outskirts of Diepsloot, one of the squatter camps that ring Johannesburg, William investigates thefts for his mainly white clients. When he catches a suspect, he gives them 'medicine': the alleged offender is beaten with a leather whip known as a sjambok.

Although his clients seem to support what they see as 'an African solution to an African problem', William's methods alienate the people of Diepsloot. Finally, their patience snaps dramatically, and William has to call out the real police in order to protect himself from the vicious threat of the mob.

In the centre of Johannesburg, a security company called Bad Boyz work in an area called Hillbrow, notorious for its high crime rate. Louis meets company director Hendrik De Klerk who explains that much of their activity involves reclaiming and securing buildings that have been taken over, or hijacked, by criminal gangs who illegally take rent from tenants. Louis watches dramatic evictions unfold, in which the police and security companies are not afraid to use force to kick out the protesting residents.

There is something deeply irritating about Louis Theroux. His pursed lips, his concern for the caught criminals appears mere lip service. I must play the role of a liberal, he seems to be thinking, and pretend to be shocked that real bullets are being used, not rubber bullets.

He asks questions such of caught and beaten criminals:

"Is he frightened and hurt?"

"Should we call am ambulance?"

"May I see his wounds?"

"Is it too brutal?"

He did get a sensible answer: "It is good for the community. He won't do that again, ever."

Louis tries to answer the question of "whether private police are the solution or part of the problem".

No, Louis. The solution is to bring back the death penalty which the liberal establishment saw fit to abolish in 1995, in their infinite wisdom. (Did our Louis mention that, in his infinite journalistic impartiality? Did he hell!!)

Louis' show made one see why apartheid was once seen as a solution. One just simply wanted to separate oneself from that horror and have nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with people like that.

I will just list a number of the more memorable pieces of information I gathered:

When they start swarming, watch out!

The concept of the "mob" and the "community" are used interchangeably. The law-makers and law-breakers are indistinguishable, caught up in an apparently unbreakable cycle of violence.

Methods of punishment were burning with petrol, stones, bricks and the sjambok, amongst other things. William of Mapogo Security, (who seemed a gentle smiling likable giant) had the mob (or was it the community?) turning on him, wanting to burn him after he had broken a thief's leg with a golf club. While Louis was asking him if it was really necessary to break that man's leg, the conversation went along these lines:

What would you do?

I would call the police.

The police are failing, they do nothing, they don't come. If they do come and take him away, after making a donation to the police, he will be meeting you tomorrow over there.

I would build higher fences.

They will climb them and still get in, and meet you later, over there. So what do you do?

To which Louis ha d no answer.

People are killed "like chickens".

"There is no solution. We must solve it ourselves."

The private policeman was openly on friendly terms with the Nigerian drugdealer, who called him "boss". Nigerian drugdealers and dealers in stolen goods are "human beings too", said the private cop. He doesn't give me trouble, in a way he keeps order and I am not paid to take people like him off the streets. If he were taken off the streets, he would be replaced almost immediately.

The most chilling encounter was the exchange Louis after he shook hands with a criminal and his partner in crime, who killed a traffic policeman for his gun, had been inside for 10 years and had just got out. No remorse was expressed.

"I will die for the job. I like crime. I never go to school so what can I do?"

That was certainly a very healthy attitude of accepting one's lot in life and making the best of things.

His brother, a criminal was sought by a policeman who behaved "like a soldier". Apparently, the policeman killed both his parents in order to capture his brother. This could explain his rather antagonistic view about policemen.

He then gave us a few helpful tips on the art of extortion.

"You have a baby. I want your money. I put baby in microwave. I turn it on. You give me money."

"You have a wife. I put knife to her throat. I cut a little bit so you can see blood. I ask if you want me to finish the job. You will give me. No other way".

Louis must be thanked for putting the case for the death penalty so cogently and subtly. He is a liberal, you see, and not allowed to ask for such things as the condign punishment for criminals without risking losing his job or his girlfriend.

In the meantime, we wait for more African problems of to arrive on these shores, and continue the great British tradition of wringing our hands and pissing in the wind.

Mark Wadsworth said...

This seems perfectly sensible vis a vis burglary, a crime which is on the decrease, allegedly, but it doesn't solve muggings, rapes, car theft etc, which would increase, probably, as The Underclass have got to get their welfare top-ups from somewhere.

Dick the Prick said...

OH - since when the fuck has Stoke been in the North? I despair sometimes, I truly do.

Old Holborn said...

Dick, as far as I'm concerned, the great unwashed Northern Barbarian hoards start just north of Cambridge on the A14.

Old Holborn said...

If anyone missed the Theroux expose of Western Civilisation in meltdown, I would suggest you make the effort.

Coming to an inner city near you.

Cato said...

Just remember folks, police MAY NOT refuse a shotgun licence merely because they don't like you. Unless there are CONCRETE grounds for refusal, i.e. you've done bird , or you're a certified homicidal maniac they MUST issue a certificate. You do not have to specify why you want such a weapon.
You MUST however, have a gun cabinet...without one you will not get a certificate.
Also, like Angry Dave, I was a cop and he is bang on in what he says.

Anyway, go here and read thoroughly...and I mean thoroughly

I did own several shotguns some time back so I have a good idea of what I'm talking.

Old Holborn said...


Everything you need to ensure that when the Ferals start on you (and yes, eventually, they will) is under the christmas tree

Anonymous said...

All very well, but your plan will fall at the first hurdle because you simply won't get the licence.

Plod will ask "what do you need the shotgun for" and unless you're a farmer or a wildfowler or something like that, there is no answer you can give them that will result in you getting the licence.

As for putting that notice up, well others have said what would happen.

Guns are only for criminals, remember?

Houdini said...

You forgot £60 for the licence too.

Make a footnote too OH that states CATEGORICALLY that you must KILL anyone breaking into your home and not just wound.

Anybody want a cheapo and legal gun let me know...

Goodnight Vienna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cato said...

Anonymous said...

All very well, but your plan will fall at the first hurdle because you simply won't get the licence.

Plod will ask "what do you need the shotgun for" and unless you're a farmer or a wildfowler or something like that, there is no answer you can give them that will result in you getting the licence.

As for putting that notice up, well others have said what would happen.

Guns are only for criminals, remember?

Oi, numpty brain...can you read? If so read my post above...Twat!!

Cato said...

Goodnight Vienna said...

Cato - thank you for the video here. My brother was in the RN and I will pass it on.

You're more than welcome!!

Tomrat said...

Old Holborn,

I will be cancelling my martial arts dojo membership in March to use the money to save for a shotgun and read the legal in the meantime. For now if anyone is ever in the neighbourhood this is a very friendly shop to support:

They'll sell you what you need.

As for the conference will we be seeing you there?

Houdini said...

Quickie for you all.

Nip down to your local outdoor specialist where you can purchase flares and buy a set of Schermulli mini flares.

Nip down to your local gunshop and buy the cheapest .22 air-rifle you can find. Chop about four inches off the barrel and thread the same as end of the mini flare. Get a competent person to do this if you are a numpty.

Jopin a gun club and start shooting some .22 rimfire, and pocket a few.

Put .22 rimfire round into barrel and screw onto mini flare launcher, pull back trigger and release to spit death.

Voila...instant assassins gun that can be placed in cold dead fingers of burglar and LEGALLY claimed as having gone off accidentally in a struggle.

Use your own arms and it is a little problematical as legally you shouldn't have them to hand to use as a civil defence tool.

Houdini said...

Plod will ask "what do you need the shotgun for" and unless you're a farmer or a wildfowler or something like that, there is no answer you can give them that will result in you getting the licence.

Firstly, then start shooting wildfowl, or secondly, go to the local shooting ground, there are plenty, and start shooting clays.

90% of shotgun certificate holders have never killed anything other than a pitch disk.

Goodnight Vienna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cato said...

Goodnight Vienna said...

It's alright for you country-dwelling folk but what about Londoners? I'm Yorkshire-born and Yorkshire-bred (enough of the jokes) but live in London. There's no way I can get a licence.

Not a problem for Londoners either. I used to live and work there. Just apply as normal. But make sure you read the BASC guide I posted.

Goodnight Vienna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Goodnight Vienna said...

Thanks Cato.

charcoal said...

Just remember folks, police MAY NOT refuse a shotgun licence merely because they don't like you. Unless there are CONCRETE grounds for refusal, i.e. you've done bird , or you're a certified homicidal maniac they MUST issue a certificate.

Not so I'm afraid. The Chief Officer is required to make a value judgement on whether he thinks you are a "fit and proper person" and can be trusted to own a shotgun "without danger to public safety or the peace". He could refuse because your brother is an armed robber or because you talked about shooting burglars on an internet forum or you drink too much or a hundred other reasons.

But if you're law-abiding and haven't offended them you should be able to get one without any problems.

defender said...

If you live somewhere with yardies about, have a word. Maybe some albian types might see you alright. Me, I am in rural lincolnshire, the home of the poacher, and no, you stay where you are, we have closed the boarders. Any way you city types would just clutter up the landscape and complain about the farmyard smells .
Had a look at that vid linked by OH about louis Theroux in SA and it brought to mind my place of birth, left it in 79, same type of shit there. You should have a look.
As OH said, not far off here if you know what to look for.

Cato said...

@ charcoal....Total rubbish.
Go to....

In particular read para 11.9 which deals with this subject and refers ro Section 28(1B) of the 1968 Act.

Grant or Refusal
11.9 The 1988 Act revised the criteria set out
in section 28 of the 1968 Act for the grant
or renewal of a shot gun certificate so as to
allow chief officers of police more discretion
to make enquiries into applications. Where
non-statutory forms are used for this
purpose, they should be clearly marked to
indicate their status. It is important to note
how the criteria differ from those in respect
of applications under section 1 of the 1968
Act. No certificate shall be granted or
renewed if the chief officer of police:
a) has reason to believe that the applicant
is prohibited by the Act from possessing
a shot gun; or
b) is satisfied that the applicant does not have
a good reason for possessing, purchasing
or acquiring one.
Section 28(1B) of the 1968 Act, as
amended, provides for sporting and
competition purposes or shooting vermin
to be regarded as good reasons for
possessing a shot gun and that an
Chapter 11
application may not be refused merely
because an applicant wants to possess but
not use a shot gun nor lend it for another
person’s use. This is likely to be the case
when the shot gun is of special significance
to the applicant, such as an heirloom or is
of some other sentimental value. However,
the Act does NOT require the applicant to
make out a good case for being granted a
certificate, but rather extends the chief
officer of police’s grounds for refusing
one. A chief officer should therefore need
to make further inquiries only where it
comes to their notice that there may be
genuine doubts about the applicant’s
reason for wishing to possess a shot gun.
11.10 If the grant of a certificate is not so
precluded, chief officers of police have to
satisfy themselves that the applicant can be
permitted to possess a shot gun without
danger to public safety or to the peace.

As I said, providing you haven't done bird or are a raving loon, then they CAN NOT refuse.

Damo Mackerel said...

If you're having a problem with the police calling out in an emergency, tell them that the scumbag is stuck in the toilet window and can't free himself. The hold force will show up with their camera phones.

AngryDave, thanks for the tip. Anymore? Here's something that is very useful:

Dick the Prick said...

Bunch of Southern, ignorant girl scouts who spend more on moisturiser and hair gel than I spend on food. Just saying is all - no, no bee in my flat cap.

Goodnight Vienna said...

You're right Dick - no bee, no cap but, alas, no sense of humour either

Dick the Prick said...

Vienna - well sweetie, if the bonnet suits ya - heck, you're worth it.

lol9000 said...

Say, Big H, have you thought about May Day next year? I know it's a little early, but we have the right conditions to make it a corker this year...

Ming said...


I once got four months/suspended one year for growing my own dope. Would that bar me? I have no record for violence, have been clean since (don't even use any more; don't drink either).

I once (about 30 yrs ago) had a Firearms Cert for a rifle, when I was a serviceman. And I have access to a couple of hundred acres of farmland to shoot vermin.

What do you reckon to my chances?

charcoal said...

Sorry mate but you're talking rubbish. That relates to "good reason" which applies only to s1 firearms not shotguns - that's why they're pointing out it doesn't apply.

As I stated above, the basic criteria for grant of a firearm or shotgun certificate is that:

"the possession is not likely to endanger public safety or the peace"

And for S1 only

"the applicant can show good reason."

These requirements have been in place since the 1922 firearms act (the foundation of modern firearms law) and were carried through the 1968 enabling act into the firearms acts 1968-1997 (as amended).

To quote the 1968 act (I don't have the 98 act to hand)

"Subject to subsection (1A) below, a shot gun certificate shall be granted or, as the case may be, renewed by the chief officer of police if he is satisfied that the applicant can be permitted to possess a shot gun without danger to the public safety or to the peace."

In other words it's a value judgement and convictions are not necessary. Hence the uproar about Thomas Hamiltons' firearm certificate not being cancelled - the ACC claiming to have believed much the same as you.

And the example I mentioned earlier about a brother being a blagger - that's a real life example from the met.

Have a nice day.

defender said...

Another of our lads got shot and killed in Basra today. Sad business.
Politicians are utter cunts. I wonder if the lads, and lasses, hate these fuckers as much as we do. Then again they must do, they are the ones being killed in a forign land without hope or victory to comfort them. Fucking felling it, my youngest boy did 7 years in the Greanideers, mostly NI and I know how I felt when there was an incedent.

jaymason said...

Dear OH,

apart from the warning bang on the nail, buugerem hall my own humble abode (and it's oop north) is armed with an extendable hasp baton placed above the front door, a shotgun in a cabinet downstairs and I also posses a Bokken (and am trained in it's use) I also have a few mates in the local plod. So consider our humble home fairly Chav proof.

However I would rather just twat the scum than warn them baout anything

Goodnight Vienna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Goodnight Vienna said...

Dick Sweetie, bring your shotgun, I've got the ammunition and we'll test the firepower. And I look so fetching in a bonnet.

crackers said...

To approach this from another angle.
Serious burglars case the joint before breaking in. They will note alarms, dog, external lights etc etc. These days they are after wallets, car keys and passports. Not interested in tellys etc.
Why not just post OH's warning plaque(English/Spanish) on front side and rear windows and skip the shot gun. In my absence wife not capable of shooting to kill.

defender said...

Good news from my lot. This promises to be a worthy contender. A fair wind in your sails Michael Smith.

BNP Candidate in Brown’s Constituency Maps out His Battleground

December 12, 2008 by BNP News
Filed under National News


The BNP candidate who will stand against Prime Minister Gordon Brown at the next general election has mapped out his battleground with Labour, dealing with issues such as foreign aid, illegal wars, NHS health tourism, immigration and Islamic extremism.

Mr Michael Smith (60), who has a farm near Cleish, will contest the Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath constituency.

He said he quit the Tory Party three years ago because they were “too soft on everything.” Mr Smith said his new party could prove more popular than the Conservatives in parts of Fife.

“I have friends from mining areas and the Tories will always be remembered there for the miners’ strike and the poll tax,” he said. On his new party, Mr Smith said, “The party members I’ve met, and I was at a meeting just recently in Perth, are nice family people who are proudly patriotic. I’m patriotic as well. I’m Scottish but I’m also proud to be British.”

Mr Smith has a long list of policies where Gordon Brown has failed the country.

“He throws our money around with great profligacy — £850 million to China and £32 million to the Palestinians when we don’t even have a dual carriageway to Inverness,” he said.

“We’ve had a case of a West African woman arriving in this country with full-blown AIDS. It’s health tourism and where do you draw the line?

“The foreign policy has been pretty foolhardy. If we were going to go to war with anyone, it should’ve been Zimbabwe. They’ve given more reason than anyone else.

“I said that before they hung Saddam Hussein, George Bush should have called him and said ‘There’s been a terrible mistake, take it back off our hands’.”

Mr Smith said the Prime Minister had also let down the British public by failing to have a referendum over Europe and now by possibly looking to delay the aircraft carriers programme.

“During this economic downturn, most other countries’ fiscal strategy is to bring forward projects like roads and the aircraft carriers but Brown is so much in debt he wants to put them back.”

Mr Smith, whose father, Sir Alan, now 92, was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for valour during the Second World War, believes that British servicemen have also been let down with poor equipment in conflict zones.

“I have more time for old Labour than New Labour. At least people like Tony Benn have principles but not the new lot. Tony Blair once made a speech saying we were a nation of immigrants, which was bloody insulting.

“You have cases like the Kriss Donald murder in Glasgow (a white schoolboy abducted and killed by a group of Asians) and you know if it was the other way around, all hell would break loose from the PC brigade.

“Also, if I was to marry somebody else I would be a bigamist but a Muslim can have four wives and then get tax credit for it.”

Mr Smith had been planning to stand when it was rumoured the Prime Minister was going to call an election just over a year ago but he now thinks Labour will hold on till the last possible date.

“Their MPs want to make sure they get every last penny they can before they’re booted out,” said Mr Smith.

Old Holborn said...


I am currently negotiating with various printers for a series of car stickers.

They will cost my readers NOTHING.

Suggestions please:

So far I have:

646 OF YOU, 60,000,000 OF US.
محادثة فورية مع شريك حياتك
عن طريق المسنجر والرسائل الفوريةou (translation: Tell them you are a Muslim. They can't fucking touch you)

Dick the Prick said...

Vienna - truth be told - 'If any of you fat Northern Scum fancy getting some exercise and wisdom instead of eating lard in front of the 50" Plasma' - it was the 50" plasma thing that irritated. Wisdom, lard, lazy and scum - fair enough but a spendthrift? Not on your nelly.

I've got mild psycho dreams about stoving a burglar's head in with a 7 iron - swear to God, 1 good shot and it'd be a struggle to prize the club out - bound to slice a bit on impact.

Goodnight Vienna said...

Dick, don't be a prick, I never said any of that. I reckon you're just picking on me 'cos I won Guido's caption competition - either that or you're a wind-up merchant.

OH - I like either 646 of you, 60,000,000 of us or Remember, Remember.

K.McEgan said...

IN January 2005 I moved back to Belfast.Met up with a guy on the Lower Shankill.Had the idea of getting a 22 starting gun and "modifying" it to take live ammo.I had to obtain a licence for blanks(it is Northern Ireland).My licence was refused(for the record I said I was involved in amateur dramatics and we needed a stage prop,for good measure that I was in an athletic club).

Dick the Prick said...

You won Guido's caption competition? Well done. Nah you didn't say it - it's from the thread OH posted and the fact that he thinks Stoke is up t'north. I think there's been a communication breakdown. Have a good un bud and well done again - didn't enter today as thought the picture spoke for itself. Will wander over and have a butchers.

Anonymous said...

We are fucked. In a few years this cuntry will make Johannesburg look like Disneyland.
Our overlords, like their fascist/communist brothers before them, have removed any means of "fighting back" from us.

I wouldn't worry about pikey's or chavs, when the shit hits the fan, our only enemy will be the sheepy-police-force; armed to the back teeth with tasers, microwave weaponry and other such stinging toys.

cutting through the matrix with Alan watt

Cato said...


I once got four months/suspended one year for growing my own dope. Would that bar me? I have no record for violence, have been clean since (don't even use any more; don't drink either).

I once (about 30 yrs ago) had a Firearms Cert for a rifle, when I was a serviceman. And I have access to a couple of hundred acres of farmland to shoot vermin.

What do you reckon to my chances?

12 December 2008 19:37
Anonymous charcoal said...

Sorry mate but you're talking rubbish.

To quote the 1968 act (I don't have the 98 act to hand)

"Subject to subsection (1A) below, a shot gun certificate shall be granted or, as the case may be, renewed by the chief officer of police if he is satisfied that the applicant can be permitted to possess a shot gun without danger to the public safety or to the peace."


Have a nice day.
The word you're failing to recognize here is 'SHALL' as in shall be granted.

Anonymous said...

gotta be remember remember

Anonymous said...

Just for info:
Aluminium foil will defeat a Taser and possibly microwave stingers.

I think REMEMBER REMEMBER, is the best wording for a sticker.

mad manc cunt said...

'If any of you fat Northern Scum fancy getting some exercise and wisdom instead of eating lard in front of the 50" Plasma, you might like to attend THIS...'

Cheeky cunt, i've only got a 40" plasma! Mancs told the Labour shits to fuck off today with the congestion charge, so very fuckin' happy and very fuckin' pissed. The stinkin' shits will probably add more fuckin' bus lanes and road calming measures now to piss us all off. CUNTS! I think I will be taking up clay pigeon shooting in the new year, sounds a very interesting past time.
I reckon the stickers should be - V FOR VENDETTA - MY TURN!

Dick the Prick said...

£12 for a crate of Stella at Tesco - yeah great value. There's 5 boozers a day shutting and a government intent on bullshitting everyone.

All evidence supports that good pubs save lives - it's a gibbersih thing called problem oriented policing - victim, location, guardian. By destroying boozers and having booze at give away prices in supermarkets - well, you don't need to play the tape to the end to figure out what's gonna happen (or has already happened). Fucking stupid fucktards. I just got 24 cans of beer for the less than 4 pints!!

electro-kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yudansha said...

I won't be getting a gun.

Don't you realise the 'underclass' are the real police in this country ?

Ordinary taxpayers are the enemy. We are kept in check by the threat that if we dare revolt our homes are taken off us and we are forced to live among the underclass.


The underclass is moved to a house near us.


Billy Wallace said...


The Olympic 'Zil' lanes: 250 miles of road will be coned off for 2012 VIPs

More than 250 miles of road are to be reserved for VIPs during the London Olympics.

Up to 80,000 officials, sponsors, politicians and athletes will have congestion0free lanes in London and at other venues.

Ordinary motorists face fines if they stray on to the reserved routes, which include sections of the M25. Challenging the fines could lead to a penalty of up to £5,000.

More than 200 traffic lights will be adapted to keep Olympic officials on the move in 2012.

Critics said the plans - outlined in a Department for Transport consultation paper yesterday - owed much to Soviet-style 'Zil lanes'.

In Communist times, these were used by high-ranking party and state officials to get around Moscow in their Zil limousines.

Car stickers. Your post heading.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

I don't think that any responsible person would give me a firearms/shotgun certificate and I would not trust them if they did.

car sticker
more realistic
which is amusingly sinister without being rude.

Dick the Prick said...

Isn't it a little bit mental wanting to kill people rather than beat them?

Pierrepoint said...

Thanks for that OH.
The wife says she is gonna stick her Glock 17 up your arse and her G36 up your nose!
You'd probably survive the Glock but would surely succumb to the 36.
She finds your blog hilarious but cannot comment ever. No need for us to elaborate, I'm sure!
My .17HMR and Theoben Rapid would both give you a seriously bad head.
Wifey says, "tell that southern cunt to stop taking the piss out of us northerners". We are useful. We can all drink, scrounge and shoot!

Ming said...

Dick - and why not both eh? Any order you choose.

Jack of All Trades said...

Oh well... Guess it would be a good time to do a shameless Cold Steel plug for people... A good spear was the service rifle of waaay back in the day...

crackers said...


Re window notice. Remember Remember.

Whichever wording chosen there must be no ambiguity as to who is being addressed and what the consequences of trespass will be.

Hence there must be pictorial addendum. The two barrels look ominous and thieving scum will be in no doubt. Should plod pop by it would be simple to explain away.

Wife favours buying a derringer on black market.

charcoal said...

cato said The word you're failing to recognize here is 'SHALL' as in shall be granted.

Are you realy that stupid or just too pig-headed to accept you can be wrong.

"Shall" makes no difference because it's dependant on meeting the condition of public safety.

Conjugate the following:

I SHALL be rich when I win the lottery

Kaygee said...

Remember lads, these are the two sentences that can make the difference between freedom and incarceration

"I was honestly in fear for my life"
"I will be happy to help your enquiries as soon as my solicitor is present"

Also this link may be useful>

I shall be attending the Stoke thingy.

La Bete said...

I can't comment on the shotgun/FAC issue since ll my experience with these has been outside the UK.

However I saw OH had mentioned pepper spray and I would add a word of caution there. In law it is classed as a firearm (I know it's stupid), so getting hold of it can be a little trick. It's also not that effective and can cause problems at close range or indoors. Spray back can be an issue.

I've personally been pepper sprayed at a training event and was able to keep fighting through regardless.

Another point is that it is important to practice with any tool you might plan to use. Under stress and pressure you don't want to fuck up. A weapon is not a magic talisman that will keep to safe, rather you need regular, effective training.

Anonymous said...

Interesting ideas - but a bit stupid - which is what you expect from a Southerner!

Firstly, If you really want to do damage to chavs, then letting the coppers know you have a gun is a bit dim.

I get all my weapons from abroad, that way there isn't an audit trail leading the police to my house wherever anything bad happens!

Oh, and get some training - its all very well being all hard and cockney by having a shooter - but if you don't go shooting it every now and again - how you going to cope with the freezing up of your nerves when it actually comes to using said implement in a knee jerk situation?

If I was you, I would arrange a nice little white van trip to one of our more liberal european countries for supplies - and don't tell 25,000 people who read your online diary what you are up to - someone is going to spill the beans!

Soft southern shandy drinking puff!

Old Holborn said...

You're missing the point.

I want the State to know that millions of us are legally armed. I want the chavs to know that when they deide to pick on a decent, law abiding citizen, he may just go inside and come back out with both barrels loaded.

I want them to know that WE are now a threat to THEM.

Giolla said...

Commenting to a slightly older post, I know, but this:
seems somewhat relevant.

AngryDave said...

OH, go for the one that says 'tell them your a muslim, they cant touch you'. Would be hilarious if it wasn't true.

Damo Mackerel, Have a read of 'understanding reasonable force' by Mark Dawes. It puts all the law into understandable language and gives examples, then have a pre-prepared defence that you can add to and adapt to fit the circumstances. You wont be in the right frame of mind while the police are on the way and you are in shock. Rehearse it, and under no circumstances admit to anything. Delay the giving of a statement for as long as possible so you have time to think.

Anonymous said...

Its easier to have an electric chainsaw in the house.

No one will bother you then

Jayce Kay said...

Too bad me being norti as a teenager counts me out.
Unless I move to another country I doubt I'll be able to lock'n'load.
Still sound advice though.

boomer john said...

The regulations regarding shotgun & firearm certificates are 'statute' laws, and have no equivalent in common law. As a freeman on the land
you would be in a position to arm yourself to the teeth - Lawfully!
Protect you 'n yours, become a freeman on the land. Take a look at :-, or for further details. You are not alone!

The Economic Voice said...

Fuck all that you bunch of whimps....go to the Royal Mile Armouries in Edinburgh......

Swords kept us safe for thousands of years......

It has a good collection.....

I sleep soundly at night.

Billy Blofeld said...

In order to be legally acceptable, your window sticker would need to repeat the same information in Welsh and Urdu and be illuminated by an environmentally friendly light bulb....

Terrorist said...

Hey OH, check this out!:

I'd be sorely tempted to try it out on a "tobacco control officer", if one were ever stupid enough to approach me.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

There is a site campaigning for gun ownership rights in the UKhere

Harri said...

Give it six months, and all the 'citizens' in the UK would be 'legaly ' allowed to keep in a cabinet, is a pointy stick ?

And some crockery !

I purchased a 2.5 million volt tazer gun from the local market a few weeks ago, for the horrific cost of 8 Euros !

Now , if you would be kind enough to 'ship' over a few of the millions of chavs you have spare, i am fucking dying to try it out ?

And the family mutt is starting to look very worried !

They do a ' happy shopper ' version, ( 500,000 ) volts for 3 Euros if cash is tight !

microdave said...

Has anyone got a copy of Nightjacks guide that was linked here:

It's no longer available since his blog was taken down.

I'm a numpty for not grabbing it while I had the chance.

William Tell said...

Just buy a 150 pound draw weight crossbow, no licence or cabinet required (yet), will easily kill large 'mammals'

General Stiltskin said...

It needs a proper campaign.

Better than this...
http://britainneedsguns co uk/

I wonder if they can get any money off these people?
http://www nra org/

Again, it's only UKIP, BNP, and LPUK that want to uphold the principles of the 1689 Bill of Rights,
"Freedom for Protestants to bear arms for their own defence, as suitable to their class and as allowed by law"

and the Rights of Englishmen ( http://en wikipedia org/wiki/Rights_of_Englishmen )

I mean, the 1689BoR is still in effect isn't it?!

Just in case anyone is in any doubt:
http://docs google com/gview?a=v&

To Will Tell... i'd go for a "portable" railgun (connected to some submarine batteries in the back of me car), if I didn't have a handheld coilgun or a taser wasn't handy...

Tempted to rig up one o these in me lounge:
http://en wikipedia org/wiki/Kinetic_energy_penetrator

D'ya reckon plod'd even know what it was?! There's no laws against possession of experimental weapon systems. "He broke into my lab officer, i safety signs everywhere - in Gaelic (it is a legal native language)".

caesars wife said...

car sticker "feeling lucky punk ?"

only two shots ! try a an eagle 5.0 ,

Griblett said...

"... as suitable to their class and as allowed by law"

Bollox, that means I'm allowed a turnip.

I'm a dead man.

Leg-iron said...

Bows, crossbows, pistol crossbows, catapults, throwing knives, all legal to have in the house and require no licence. Buy them with cash. They are quiet, and you can reuse the ammo. Full size bows aren't much use indoors. Stick to short ones.

Ordinary kitchen knives can be thrown with practice. A 50p pack of sharpened HB pencils and a cheap pistol crossbow, at close range...let's see forensics pick clues out of those holes.

Ever been whacked edge-on with a two-foot steel ruler? Or a good cane walking stick?

Guns? Too noisy and need to be registered. No need. There are too many potential weapons around to count.

I have a biro in my pocket. I'm armed.

Anonymous said...

I assume you've upgraded the .22 air rifle then Holby?

Anonymous said...

"Guns? Too noisy and need to be registered."
get a sling. it costs nothing but your practice time, and is good fun as a hobby. it is legal.
hypothetically of course, a catapult (slingshot) could be used indoors, where space is too limited to use a sling. for slinging, two bootlaces can be assembled with a bowline and two reef-knots. carry a pebble. that's it, plus a bit of practice.
a sling must be used with extreme care, far from people or property, especially when practising. a hit to the head or chest of a human being would almost certainly result in instant death.
it's fortunate that the art of slinging has died out as a universal pastime, otherwise policemen who "kettle" unruly protesters would have severe problems in maintaining law and order.

Lutney Chocker said...

Just grow a beard and carry an alarm clock around with yer.

Alternatively carry a sneezy piglet and snotty hanky around.

Best of all, carry a megaphone and a bible - no-one'll come near yer!

banned said...

microdave re: Nightjack A Survival Guide For Decent Folk; I saved the page in full but dunno how to upload it as an MHTML Document apart from copy n paste.

Cato covers the ground well, the act says "Subject to subsection (1A) below, a shot gun certificate shall be granted..."
The keyword being SHALL, which does not mean 'might' or 'maybe' but SHALL unless there are good grounds not to.
Personally I'd be happy to settle for the window sticker which, like fake burglar alarms, is usually enough to make Johny Scrote Thug try his luck eleswhere ( not very community spirited but there you go ).

hangemall said...

banned @17:48 I don't know about the legalese meaning these days but "shall" is from Old English "sculan"
(pronounced "shullan") which meant to "ought to", to "have to," to "must."

microdave said...

@ banned - if you could post it at your place, or even here I would be very grateful. Just the text will do fine.

Anonymous said...

A shotgun... Hmm, Ive got a Police investigation incoming for putting "Semtex" in white text on a white background, in 1 pixel high font, in WingDings in an email signature several months ago, forgetting about it and then sending an email to a local councillor... I shit you not, I expect the S.P.G to come knocking anyday after his complaint to the Police

I dont think I would survive having a shotgun

banned said...

Microdave Done.

microdave said...

Thanks, copied and stored.

Keith Butler said...

No disrespect to you people but as an ex private hire driver working the rougher areas of Birmingham for twenty five years and never refusing a fair picking up gangsters, wannabe gangsters crack heads heroin addicts drunken heavyweight micks and pikies, yardie crack dealers and never carrying a weapon of any kind except the old grey matter and also working in all Muslim private hire offices, i just think you may be a tad confused if you think the enemy will be a few chavs coming to steal your family silver, you could have a house full of guns, if a full jihad was called there favourite method is to burn your house down with you and your guns still in there, it would be unclear who the EU state troopers would side with looking at most demo tapes but rest assured they will be fully tooled up, i am hoping that this nightmare scenario does not ever happen but with a bankrupt Britain and Broon wanting London to be the islamic banking capital of Europe amongst the miriad of other dodgy sellouts to all our old enemies anything is possible.

Keith Butler said...

Just to add to the above post, people only see things through the prism of there everyday existence and so to a certain degree politicians can be forgiven for thinking they have created a wonderful utopia, doing a normal nine to five job compared to doing the all nights picking up from front line in Handsworth and other such places showed me worlds within worlds that most people do not even know exist even the police never go there unless there is a riot and so the crack houses sweat shops and illegal gambling dens are simply ignored for various reasons but white collar worker Joe Bloggs on his way to work goes over the speed limit and they appear from behind a bush in the middle of nowhere to impose the law, i was going to carry on but been new to posting here and also having no concept of punctuation, thats what reading an AtoZ as your main source of reading material can do to you would make it a long tedious read.

GS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GS said...

Absolutely perfect post. I truly feel for you good gents in the UK, having to present a reason to own a shotgun. The right to self-defense is essential to a truly free society, one where those who break the law have to fear repercussion from those they would victimize.

Some of the more liberal States here have had gun bans enforced, only to experience more crime, as in Chicago and Los Angeles, or have them struck down as unconstitutional a la Washington D.C. If someone wants to commit a violent crime and the target cannot defend themselves in proportion to their assailant, the police are only going to be good for drawing a chalk line around the body. That same criminal probably has no qualms about obtaining a gun illegally.

Gun control has never really been about safety, but simply the operative word in the phrase: control.

Tory Aardvark said...

I'll bet you firearms officer loves you.

I live in thecountry where gun ownership is the norm, I have both Section 1 rifles and shotguns, and we dont get much in the way of burglary out here.

As to using a firearm to defend your self, good luck. If the other guy opened fire first you might get away with shooting back.

But as criminals have more rights than us.........

Anonymous said...

Hey Aardvark, maybe you don't get many burglaries around because there's NO ONE FUCKING AROUND. Try living in a city for a few months you 'orrible bumpkin.

Hemulen said...

I like this sign

gamefan12 said...

you are right about innocent people getting mugged all the time. this definitely drives me crazy.
tx asbestos lawyer

Gareth said...

Hi - you know, the links in your post are out of date and dont work, which is a shame.

Lord T said...

When you get into power then can you work on getting shotguns, as a first stage, back to the good old days where you don't have to jump through hoops to get one.

Jim_Watford said...

This link should work for advice.

Jared Gaites said...

You shouldn't encourage people like me to own guns.

Music SE said...

When I watch news and see how unjustful is the world I often recall the film Bunduck Saints. If you haven't watched it, do! It is worth watching.

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