Sunday, 28 December 2008

How to reduce Obesity and other solutions

How to reduce Obesity

Release hungry Tigers into nightclubs and shopping centres. Seal the doors.

How to reduce drug fuelled crime

Make drugs freely available, taking away a £1 Billion revenue stream from Winston da gun toting Yardie, innit and decimating burglary, muggings and petty theft overnight. No more "Granny beaten to death for £5" stories. Ever.

How to reduce sex slavery

Introduce licenced Brothels, leaving 500,000 Albanian gangsters out of a job or a revenue stream.

How to reduce Alcohol consumption

Invite 2 million Muslims to the UK, let them have their own parliament, jump up and down at anything they think is unislamic and threaten to kill us all in our beds if we do not bow to Mecca and Sharia Law.

Which one of the above do YOU think the Gummint are doing?


Mark Wadsworth said...

Items 2 and 3 are eminently sensible (please note the drugs trade is worth tens of billion a year, slap a tax on legalised drugs and you not only reduce cost of crime by £billions, you get £billions in revenues as well, thus doubling up your winnings), so that rules them out.

Item 1 has been suggested before, before it will never catch on because of Elfin Safety.

So that leaves Item 4, must be the correct answer.

Ampers said...

You wrote: "
Make drugs freely available, taking away a £1 Billion revenue stream from Winston da gun toting Yardie,"

Not to mention the A&E wards, and the dealers hanging outside schools!

Also if we stopped all Government Welfare and gave this to charities to sort out, they would ensure only the really needy got it.

No pensions for anyone unless it is private - initially help for anybody over 30 to make sure their ongoing contributions will at least match the present government pension. But everyone under 30 to make provision for themselves.

Introduce the old American work gangs for surfacing highways, digging ditches, planting food etc. Every prision to become self sufficient.

Bring back the cat for teenagers who commit crime. It is cheaper than sending them to prison university. And no fucking Qoran under the wealders arm!!!

Henry North London said...

There arent enough tigers left unfortunately

Charlotte Gore said...

Please let it be tigers. Please let it be tigers. Please let it be tigers...

beness said...

Invite 2 million muslims to the UK.

OOPS! you've overshot your target.

Harrithebastard said...

If there are not enough Tigers , why not make use of all the banned dogs which are still in abundance , they will do , if it snarls and bites thats good enough for me .

There was a ' Breeder ' here who apparently was under the false belief that breeding snarling mouth foaming killing machines did not apply to him , so the Police turned up at his house and shot them .

Now he has found a new hobby .

Daisy said...

we have plenty of bears here you could borrow if tigers aren't available...i'm sure...

Chalcedon said...

I've been saying for years that possession of recreational drugs should be made legal. The drugs can mostly be taken relatively safely if the concentration and purity are known and that the excipient used to 'cut' them is clinically approved. They would be taxed of course and raise a load of tax. It would put lots of criminals out of business and reduce muggings and burglaries.

Unfortunately governmenys have come to believe their propaganda and those of the scumbag abolitionist pressure groups that wanted the ban in the first place. Did you know heroin was perfectly legal in the early 1950s. Not many addicts. When it became illegal the number of addicts rocketed. Forbidden fruit is exciting.

Of course no government is brave enough to do this. They would rather let a foreign army enter the country with an alien and hostile culture and then try to placate and appease them and give in to all their demands.

I'm going to buy a gun.

Snowolf said...

Is it point 1?

Perhaps we should speak to Aspinall's Wildlife Parks. They seem ever so keen on contact between their animals and humans and it gives a bit more of the wild to their captivity.

A capitol idea.

Oh. . . . it's the last point, isn't it?


The Penguin said...

There's fuck all justification for having "illegal" drugs prohibited when you have alcohol and tobacco legally available (with large tax revenues!). As with the Al Capone era in 'Merica, all prohibition does is drive the banned substance underground, where it evades tax, encourages criminality, and escapes quality control.

Sooner or later some politician will grow a backbone and get a whacking great majority just by saying "Elect me, and I will legalise and tax drugs, thereby dropping Income Tax to a 10p flat rate with Personal Allowances set at £15,000."

In the meantime, thousands of jobsworths make a good living out of the status quo, and thousands and thousands of criminals live life high on the hog. Addicts meanwhile get ripped off with 9/5th's harpic and the like, and our prisons are over stuffed.

The Penguin

Anonymous said...

Bastard,after your rant about arming yourself take a look at this.

haddock said...

Make drugs freely available,.....No more "Granny beaten to death for £5" stories. Ever.

So no one gets beaten up for money for booze or fags ..... that's nice to know.

Old Holborn said...


"Of course no government is brave enough to do this."

Except, of course, the Swiss.

Yet again.

Old Holborn said...

"Crime by heroin addicts has fallen 60 per cent since the initiative to allow health clinics to administer controlled doses of the drug began 14 years ago, according to the Swiss Federal Office of Public Health. "

Drug-related crime costs England and Wales more than £13 billion a year

— Of the people who had HIV diagnosed in 2005, 56.8 per cent of Swiss nationals had contracted it through injecting narcotics

— A survey in 2005 showed that 88.4 per cent of addicts not using clinics occasionally or frequently shared needles

— A report in Scotland showed that 97 per cent of those treated with methadone went back to drugs, compared with 71 per cent who simply went cold turkey

— Regular heroin users have a 20 to 30 times higher risk of death than non-drug users (excellent news)

Mohammed's sex op doc said...

Hey chaps, it's unislamic not to beat crap out of your wife, sister, daughter etc so give 'em a new year punch, even though it's not new year. Anywho cheers for the giro, house, etc etc.

The Penguin said...

Hang on, OH, those obese people are now a prized RESOURCE and need harvesting! Not inflicted on poor tigers.

The Penguin

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Fuck tigers
Make it crocodiles.
We empty all the sink estates and nice people like myself pay good cash to throw feckless chav scum into a pit full of crocs.Then breed the crocs and use the hides,feed the chavs on the remains of other chavs and crocodile shit.
economicaly and ecologicaly sound.
Lots of lovely bags/belts no chavs.
The chinese probably already do it

dmc said...

no 4 obviously.what else could you possibly expect.

Tractor Stats said...

Last one, Gordon's onto it.

Anonymous said...

I think I got the same box of crackers with the same jokes in it. Especially the last one there.

Here's another: How do you save a shitload of money?
Stop giving £40 mill a week to Europe!

Harrithebastard said...

How to reduce drug fuelled crime.

Raise that Fucking den of inequity and crack house the Houses of Bastard parliament to the ground and all the coke snorting oxygen thieves with it .

The local drug dealers takings would be down by about 90% in one swift go .

Anonymous said...

I'd like to say No. 1, but unfortunately, I think it's No. 4.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Beg to differ OH "Regular heroin users have a 20 to 30 times higher risk of death than non-drug users "
I would have thought we all had exactly the same risk of death, 100%.

But I do agree with your main point, such is the profitability of the illegal drug trade that the state could grow, secure, process, distribute and tax the stuff yet still undercut the scumbags whose sole remaining market would be those deemed underage.
Law Of Unintended Consequences once again. In order to protect the kiddies they will still be obliged to go to criminals who will sell them bad gear, encourage them to use more dangerous stuff, entice them into criminality and prostitution until their 18th birthday.

As to the question in your post, No. 4.

A headmistress said...

Dear Mr Bastard, excellent suggestion, but the word is "raze" no "raise". Mind you if you stuck a ton or two of Guy Fawkes' best in the cellars and threw a lighted match in, that might raise it a few feet!

electro-kevin said...

Presumably the taxpayer is to pay for the drugs.

The dealers will quietly skulk away and resort to an honest, peaceful way of life.

The slothful dependancy on drugs and the damage it causes families and society will miraculously cease.

Wrong wrong wrong.

Taking drugs IS a crime and the user should be punished and made to do 'cold turkey' in prison. Zero tolerance.

Current policy doesn't work because they lie to us about 'punishment'. Prisons are now comfy hostels with access to drugs on the tacit approval of guvernors and politicians. My prison officer friends tell me so.

Harrithebastard said...

A headmistress said...
Dear Mr Bastard, excellent suggestion, but the word is "raze" no "raise". Mind you if you stuck a ton or two of Guy Fawkes' best in the cellars and threw a lighted match in, that might raise it a few feet!

Well thanks for that Headmistress , and the word is not errr not no . touche

Headmistress maybe then i deserve a dam good thrashing , i am available for this most days of the week . and somewhere i might just still have my old flannelette school shorts from 1961 ,, they might pinch a bit , but fuck it it will be worth it .

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