Saturday, 27 December 2008

How to reduce Crime

Another of my short suggestions to slow the hand cart on it's way to Hell.

Britain is now the most crime riddled cesspit in Europe and no one gives a fucking shit. Well, I do.

Gummint report

How to reduce crime by 10% overnight.

Simply round up the 5,000 cunts that are responsible for 10% of ALL crime and weld the fucking door shut of a brand new Prison (no PS2’s, gyms, TV,s pool tables, prayer rooms, single cells etc) based on Lundy.

How to HALVE ALL crime overnight.

Simply round up the other 95,000 cunts who are responsible for 50% of ALL crime in the UK move them to the outer Hebrides.

How to reduce the Prison population by 15% (11,000).

Boot the foreign prisoners out, wipe your arse on their passports and leave them on a small pacific island for their country to collect. Or not.

How to reduce prison populations in general and cut costs.

Outsource anything over a 12 month sentence to either Istanbul or Marakesh. Let’s see you bastards reoffend after 18 months of Midnight Express with arses like Flanders Poppies.


Source: Old Holborn think tank, a part of Common Fucking Sense Ltd..


John said...

A strategy like that would probably work.

DaveA said...

Two Home Secretaries have increased sentences for prisoners, Michael Howard for the Tories, but no' a lo' of people know it, David Blunkett too for Labour. The net effect was of course less crime. Labour abandoned it as it was costing too much money and they wanted to spunk their money on the NHS.

I agree, if it costs £50,000 in the UK to house a prisoner why not send hem to 3rd world country jails to serve their porridge. It must be cheaper and a far greater incentive not to reoffend.

Ron Broxted said...

Firstly I didnt realise that 100K punters committed 60% of all crime.Uncle Rons idea?DNA the Ras Clarts and then shoot 'um.Secondly anything over 12months?What about political prisoners?Mrs O'Grady holds up an Animal rights placard and gets a longer tariff than the Connollys in the baby Peter case.Finally foreigners.Anything over (very)petty crime.Dumped at Calais or Santander.Set foor in Ingerlund again you are dead.Have a nice day!

Daisy said...

i agree with a portion of what you said...however...for me...i would
1. bring back the death penalty EVERYWHERE with a max time for appeal of 6 months...6 months after the verdict pull the fucking switch...
2. prison should be a work training atmosphere...where do you start training? at the fucking bottom...all the shit jobs no one wants to do but need done, they should do for their upkeep...don't make it a pleasurable place to be and people won't fucking call it home...and keep coming back!

The Penguin said...

Fucking pink liberals - it's no time for pussyfooting about, it's time we took back the country from the cunts.

First step, string up 646 MP's and start over.

Second, tell the fucking judges to start serious handing out sentences which are both deterrent and punishment and no early release. Introduce serious regimes with hard labour again. Is Dartmoor still standing empty? Must be a pile of shitty chaingang jobs available, save needing all them illegal immigrants and would fuck off the bastards who traffic and prey on them. Bonus!

Third, plod paid on results of clearing up crimes and lowering crime rates in their areas. Disband the useless CPS, put prosecution back in hands of plod. Saves money too!

Bring back the death sentence, have the exceutions in public.

First time offenders get a severe taste of the sort of prison regime that Sheriff Red Neck hands out in Fuckville Texas (or whatever, you know who and what I mean!) so they don't fancy re-offending anytime ever.

No Parole, No Probation - save a fortune. Just throw the key away on anyone up in front of a judge for the 3rd time. No excuses.

Cut out the cushy bits - TV, hot meals, blankets, mobile phones, drugs - make Prison a place to be dreaded.

I reckon crime rate would plummet.

The Penguin

killemallletgodsortemout said...

We live on an island. Prison ships are the way forward for Little Britain. We have room for loads of them. As for the inmates, Out of sight, out of mind.

1. Staff the ships with ex-forces staff. Pay them a small fortune, and give them excellent conditions of service.

2.Politicians, kiddie fiddlers and murderers can meet their maker on board, and be buried overboard. No-one notices. Job done.

3. No luxuries on board. Bed and board only. If you don't like it, leave - over the side. No-one notices. Job done.

3. I love Daisy, especially when she talks dirty.

LJ said...

no no nooooooo!!!

you couldn't possibly take away the few things they have left in these treacherous places such as PS2's, pool tables and tv's

that would just be an infringement on human rights!!!

have some compassion for these poor people, they have a hard enough life as it is to have to resort to crime!

Ampers said...

OK, you've bribed me... you have my vote!

We should also stop all pensions for all government workers and MPs, tell them to start their own and maybe put in a few quid we've saved by cashing in their existing ones. Hell, I'm a generous bastard, make it a fiver each.

Then pay MPs double salary for the first five years to attract good people from business, and then nothing afterwards. If they haven't been bright enough to get on the Ministerial ladder they can continue for nothing or fuck off.

I like the idea of farming out... we do that with help centres, why not do it for prisons.

Here I would offer the first minister of the country we use a bonus of £10,000 for his swiss bank account for each prisoner who doesn't re-offend for five years. My God, he'd then make sure they never wanted to come back!!!!!!!


Daisy said...

the penguin...i believe you are referring to Joe Arpaio from Arizona

killem...only for you...and herc of course :)

The Penguin said...

Yep, Daisy, that's the guy.

We could do that here, must be plenty of old Army Tents around, cheaper than building new prisons, plenty of space in far North of Scotland, and wouldn't be too hot for the scrotes, perfect.

The Penguin

GrumpyOldTwat said...

1. Anyone with a conviction that incurs a custodial sentence of 12 months or less should have their genitals (internal or external) removed with a rusty penknife. This will prevent them from reproducing unlawful kin.
Then the fuckers (or non-fuckers as the case may be) can be safely deployed to landfill sites working amongst all the other rubbish and vermin.
2. Anyone with a conviction that incurs a custodial sentence of over 12 months should be publicly hanged and deployed to a landfill site.
3. Anyone that interferes with, abuses or murders a minor should be stoned to death by the parents of the victim until they are dead. They should then be shoveled into a black bin bag and deployed to a landfill site.

After a couple of months the desire to offend, by any 'would be' criminals, should be greatly reduced.

Mitch said...

"arses like Flanders Poppies."

You bastard I gotta clean my monitor now.

Wheres that island they tested anthrax? we could use that.

Harrithebastard said...

And yes this is from experience ,not mine but its from experience and lets say no more about it .

(1) Take away the all the items apart from the basics, leave them a toothbrush etc , etc . but too do this the authorities would also have to remove the social workers and the Liberalists which infect the current system and weaken it to the point of uselessness.

(2) Remove the capacity to the easy access of hard and soft drugs , this will require a complete clear out of all the crooked screws , and there is lots of them., dodgy screws are the main silk trading road for mobile phones and all class of drugs.

(3) How can it be construed as a ' prison sentence' when the inmates can smoke in an HMP yet those that control them can not , just who is the actual prisoner here with an upside down system .

(4) The Human rights charter , i am not saying that they should be treated as bad as the rest of us on the outside , ie constant 24 hour cctv surveillance , being hassled and fined for the most irrelevant of so called offenses , etc , etc but very restricted and limited prisoner rights , if they do not like those restricted rights , then don't go there in the first place .

(5) English white Christian , Muslim , Hindu, Jew , Black white yellow brown purple , whatever its a British jail not a British Embassy , one law with no special rights .

(6) No segregation of ' special groups ' leave that to the Americans , it don't work there and it will not work here .

(7) Life is life .... end of no discussion

(8) If non conformance inside prison is shown then time will be added on a pro rata basis , if its good enough for Charles Bronson , its good enough for the rest of them , one law one set of rules .

(9) Work and pay . prisoners work for a week and if you work hard enough you can get a television or a radio back for the same amount of time that you have earned that privilege .

(10) All screws will be called Sir by all inmates its called learning some fucking respect .

(11) Don't like what's for dinner today , then fucking starve.

(12) All current Labour and Liberalist left madcap laws to be withdrawn with immediate effect , ie , ASBO's ACBO's Community service etc , etc and an emergency team put be in place to draw up sensible and adult sentences and punishments to fit the crime.

(13) Any reference to Sharia law and its current standing to be abolished in favor of British law . one people one law .

(14) Any foreign national prisoner that has completed a full sentence to be deported upon release .

Its not much , its all i have got but its a start and an improvement on the current system which is so obviously ineffective and in meltdown

Anonymous said...

I like the option for halving all crime overnight as long as they were housed in WW2 prison camp style huts.

This option would be have a low carbon footprint as all materials are local with minimal transport costs, it would help in rehabilitation the lags can built it themselves thus gaining a trade and cut down on rioting as the exposure from those chilling winds coming in from the North Sea would deter them from setting the prison up in fire.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

How the cunting fuck does it cost 50k a year to keep a scumbag locked up? We should get to see the breakdown of that 50k. Bet it would make interesting reading.

The Penguin said...

I recall reading somewhere some years ago that the loss of life on Atlantic and Artic Convoys in WW2 led directly to a glut of Cod, Lobster, etc. as they had a plentiful supply of readily available protein and minerals floating around.

So, since Cod stocks are a bit low, and Lobster bloody expensive, could we not solve at least 2 problems with one simple and cheap solution?

You know it makes sense!

The Penguin

max the impaler said...

Look chaps and chapesses...these ideas are all very well BUT the Dibble in this country do not have an unblemished record of correct prosecutions.There have been many,many mistakes as well as 'stichups' and enticements.Just look at recent events...would you trust them with the death penalty, because I wouldn't.

Harrithebastard said...

THE sneering killer of 11-year-old Rhys Jones is STILL getting in trouble — in jail.
Sean Mercer tried to hit out at a guard and threatened to break his nose.

But he was quickly overcome by officers and hauled before the governor, who slapped an extra 14 days’ detention on top of his 22-year sentence. The 18-year-old was also stripped of privileges for a week, put in solitary, banned from watching TV and docked cash from his prison pay packet.

They really just fucking do not get it do they .

Right on fucking cue , a whole 14 fucking days extra i bet thats got the little halfwit cunt shaking in his nikes, we are all fucking doomed .

Half wits making the laws , half wits running the prisons full of fuckwits .

Kippers Dickie said...

"...based on Lundy"....
..."to the outer Hebrides."
No, no please no. These are really
beautiful islands...let's keep them
that way.
They are too good for scumbags. There must be some unpleasant hunks of rock more suitable (volcanic perhaps)

ranter said...

Why don't we just execute all the paedos, murderers, robbers, etc etc. one month in the summer, Vembley Stadium, couple of cranes, day of neck stretching, one crane with 5, two cranes with 10 each etc? No need to build more prisons after that, they'll soon get the message. Oh, Happy Christmas!!!!

Dick da stupid prick said...

Hope you've had a spendid Chrimbo OH. This is the best part - family fun without the ceremony - brilliant. 6 kids!! Not much sleep eh? All the best bud.

Cheers man.

WV: astley - really?

Damo Mackerel said...

Ban smoking in prison.

Daisy said...

it seems like the majority are all saying the same thing...if in prison you should be treated like a prisoner...mind blowing shouldn't be a place to EXPRESS yourself...or have have taken them away from someone else or you wouldn't be there in the first place...

Mark Wadsworth said...

Seems like a good plan. You could also get prison population down (or free up 10,000's of places for longer sentences for more serious offenders) by legalising, regulating and taxing drugs and prostitution.

Anonymous said...

Our politicians are now just administrators on behalf of the eu. Your excellent proposals, (especially outsourcing detention)couldnt be considered under any of the the mainstream parties. Our paid representatives (what a joke) are only allowed to tinker with policy but they always make a song and dance while doing it in order to keep snout in trough.

bofl said...

broons-hoons-all see u next tuesdays!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Talking of prison OH this will blow you. I know some one who works in the prison service and they told me one of the cunts was given 370K compo after attempting to hang himself. The prison service made an agreement with the cunt not too the speak with the press to stop the details leaking out.

The Grime Reaper said...

Canada and the U.S. have signed an agreement that paves the way for the militaries from either nation to send troops across each other's borders during an emergency,

I love a good fight!.......

The Hitman said...

A new report from the U.S. Army War College discusses the use of American troops to quell civil unrest brought about by a worsening economic crisis.

The report from the War College’s Strategic Studies Institute warns that the U.S. military must prepare for a “violent, strategic dislocation inside the United States” that could be provoked by “unforeseen economic collapse” or “loss of functioning political and legal order.”

We could be having 5th November this summer coming?

kiddie fiddler said...

Fuck that... I'm outa here...

Harrithebastard said...

If the Thieving rapist child murdering kiddy fiddling conning bank robbing car fucking car thieves are not as fit as fucking fiddles when they go into prison , then why the fuck do they all resemble Arnold Swarzeneeger when the cunts are released ?

They should come out a whole lot fucking worse off than when they went in , Oh the joy one could set up a stall and sell tickets for the big release day , and the law abiding public could line the road and take the piss out of the scrawny fuck wits, what it should resemble is like the fucking chain gang returning from a days sweat and toil on the Bridge over the fucking river Kwai , what we should be chasing down the road are skinny scag heads with long pointy sticks with absolutely no hope of survival on the 'outside and they should have the torso's of a skeleton with a durex stretched over it .... So to summarize , gruel for breakfast , followed by gruel for dinner and then fuck all until the alarm clock rings at 4 in the morning ready for the big rock breaking competition , so take take way the bastard free gym and showers .. fuck em , fuck em all.

I bet there would not be too much of a rush to go back anyway .

Harrithebastard said...

And another thing now the vodka has kicked in , if you went into prison in 1976 and was released in the year 2000 or so you should come out dressed exactly the same as you went in .. Oh the fucking shame only weighing 6 stone and dressed like Marc Bolan , Oh the sheer fucking horror , bastards that will teach you , walking down the fucking high street with velvet flared trousers a powder blue silk jacket and fucking high heeled purple boots with a top hat on.

And before some one takes the piss , Yes i did .

Anonymous said...

Harrithe bastard,

just wondering why you went down that long... I doubt you're brave enough to confess though...

Atheist Ranter said...

After you've been made prime minister and the aforementioned scum have been sent to the glue factories this country might actually be a nice place to live once again. Then, of course the problem moves on to getting rid of the self serving, lying fucking pigs we currently have as politicians... Let's start with Mandleson, where does he live?

Harrithebastard said...

Anonymous said...
Harrithe bastard,

just wondering why you went down that long... I doubt you're brave enough to confess though..

Well it all started to go wrong in 1976
,I walking down the fucking high street with velvet flared trousers a powder blue silk jacket and fucking high heeled purple boots with a top hat on when i was apprehended by the fashion police and as you can imagine i did not have a fucking leg to stand on ... i pleaded insanity but still got 12 to 15 ,

By the Reggie K says hello and hopes to see you soon .

Harrithebastard said...

Its not me its the demon drink .By the way Reggie K says hello and hopes to see you soon .

Harrithebastard said...

And fuck Marc Bolan as well , its all his fault , shit music an even worse fucking dress sense , and he should have learnt how to fucking drive properly .

Utter curly long haired twat .. and once again , before any wise arse comments anon, yes i did.

But now i havn't

Harrithebastard said...

Anon this is all your fault i was almost at the point of being happy until you made that unkind remark, Let me just say OH is correct your arsehole will end up like a flanders poppy and what started off the size of a marble will end up the size of a beach ball .

And no i did not ..... Honest Guv

Paul said...

Crime and punishment, I live in Thailand and of all the places you don't want to get banged up is here in SE Asia. The womens prisons have massage rooms for the public (no not that type pf massage but traditional Thai)to go to, all the women there are in for selling Ya Ba, crazy medicine, methamphetamines don't messa about here 5 to 10 years is the norm.
The mens prisons, 40 to a room no cells,water in a tub on the outside with the tin cup on a bit of string, one squat toilet and shower for all of them no welfare for the families either certainly no travel warrants. Oh yeah and they have to work making furniture and stuff to pay for their food no Jamie Oliver here thank Christ telling people how to suck eggs.
I have no idea what the reoffending rate is but I would guess its low they also lock kids up here but not that many as they are brought with something thats a bit thin on the ground in the UK and thats respect.
My family and me feel safe when we go out at night never been threatened, never felt threatened in Singapore a few years ago they hung an Austraian/ Vietnemese man for smuggling heroin around this time of the year so he won't be doing it again will he?
They still cane people there take a look at what they look like afterwards.When we go shopping we know, not hope that our car will be where we left it and not scratched when we come back, every decent car I had when I was in the UK wa, as in "that will teach the bastard to work hard and get on in life". More and more people are coming to live here from the west and I don't blame them one bit all my friends in the UK say if they had the wherewithal they would do the same how sad from a once decent country to live in.
Also I have counted the asylum seekers here with council houses and a giro book waiting for their families to join them on the dols twice and there is still none, now do you think the fact there is no welfare here has something to do with it?

Harrithebastard said...

Anonymous said...
Harrithe bastard,

just wondering why you went down that long... I doubt you're brave enough to confess though...

27 December 2008 22:04

No surprise there then the silence is fucking deafening , if i am going too fast for you just ask and i will slow down anon , and i am the one who is half faceless , anyway . Honesty lets test yours shall we Vicar , Have i had sex with any dead animals .. i was well up for it but was put off when my mate who has told me its like flogging a dead horse , have you ever sucked a fisher mans friend.. ? i have and they fucking taste like shit , and hot shit at that, are you gay ..? I know i am not but i am getting a tad suspicious about my boyfriend , are you a leftie my guess is yes but you will not admit to that one it would be more of a privilege to be a dyslexic deaf dumb and blind transvestite dwarf. well spit it out (pun intended) do i have any shame at all .... No none

John Pickworth said...

Paul said...

... in Singapore a few years ago they hung an Australian/Vietnamese man for smuggling heroin around this time of the year

I remember the case well.

Even that bloody Tony Blair (spit) was pleading for mercy. I have little sympathy myself. The warning signs at the airports are plenty clear enough about the penalty for smuggling drugs.

Like you Paul, I have a deep admiration for the way the authorities deal with these things in SE Asia. They say what they mean... and MEAN what they say. Yeah, there's crime in these parts but you can bet nearly every criminal has considered the consequences. Not here. Oh no, in the UK the bastards don't even expect to be caught much less punished.

Harrithebastard said...

Harrithebastard said...
Anonymous said...
Harrithe bastard,

just wondering why you went down that long... I doubt you're brave enough to confess though...

27 December 2008 22:04

Anon well has honesty set in yet ! or maybe you are busy soaking ones lentils for breakfast , anyway before i fall into another happy alcoholic coma , lets talk honesty again shall we and appearing that you obviously don't possess any i fucking do and coupled with no shame you could be onto a loser, so more advice to you just in case you ever get down to my unashamed level , Shagging sheep not too much experience there but just in case you do ever get that lonely and horny at the same time , don't use the missionary position because the fuckers can bite you , the only draw back there is you can't kiss em ! next ... have you ever sucked a dogs plums , i have just the once but i owed the mutt a favor , and you ! No didnt think so, what about wankng maybe you might do that at the very least and what about todger size ( i hope you are a geezer) anyway i would like to manhandle myself but the doctor told me not too lift anything too heavy , so thats off the schedule and secondly whilst i might not be in the John Holmes league you would not want it on the end of your nose as a fucking wart , and what about your other half , i can tell you this, waste of time there for me .. too many sprogs later , and now my wives chaff resembles wells fargo saddle bags or B52 bomber doors , it would be like waving a woodbine around in St Pauls fucking cathedral . and using the unheard of other entry point is not all its cracked up to be .. anymore for anymore anon .. anyway look forward to honesty some time soon . sleep tight and don't have nightmares Vicar .

Fuck Labour and all who sail in her .

Anonymous said...

Mark Wadsworth 19:21

Spot on.

Prohibition creates criminals...

Which in turn gives governments... power...


WV - no I'm not even going there - too silly....

Anonymous said...

Yes, a great idea! Lets make sure that all the prisons are far away from the south!

Following on from some of the notes in the comments, I see that people who habitually don't pay their tv tax would get their balls cut off - as would people who speed over 120 mph or so - yes, I can see this policy getting support!

Can't you people read? the main people who end up on this list are already in a bad way and the system is working against them to make things worse!

In the case studies at the end of the report is a 17 yr old kid who is homeless - this means they can't get benefit - and generally they can't get a job either because who is going to employ a homeless person? Simple answer, let him get arested a few times for sleeping in doorways, chucked in jail, cut off his balls, and send him to australia for the crime of not getting on with his family and ending up on the street!

Sorry for pointing out the downside of your great plans, but the truth of the matter is, the majority of these perpetual offenders are just stupid, stuborn unlucky people who are ending up in a cycle because they don't know anything else!

DaveA said...

£49,000 to be precise and £70,000 for a young offender.

Paul said...

"Can't you people read? the main people who end up on this list are already in a bad way and the system is working against them to make things worse!"
As a matter of fact I can read unlike these people who commit crimes.
I am fed up to the back teeth of bribing people not to commit crimes.
I went to work brought up my kids with no state aid thanks,and like most people was short of money but I didn't break into people houses and knock off their stuff.
As I said above I live in Thailand where we can have stuff outside our house, you can't have stuff inside your house in the UK. It seems to me that the punishment does not fit the crime there a whole army (paid by me) of state employees is there to help the miserable bastard that has robbed ,mugged, stolen property from a citizen and what will he get? not enough from what I see.
As to the 17 year old homeless youth, so what? Brings tears to a glass eye I was married with a kid and a mortgage when I was 18 tears old and just got on with it. There are plenty of homeless people here, take a look under any bridge in Bangkok whole families living there with no state help, if you breed 'em you feed'em.
It would seem to me we are putting the cart before the horse here by dealing with the consequences of all these single mothers with many kids by different fathers. I have said it before but the only way it will be stopped is by witholding benefit from these women until they name the father because if they do he will have to donate some of his beer tokens every week to look after the result of his legover intead of us taxpayers. Yes I feel sorry (well a bit) for the young girl but this can't be allowed to go on welfare is for the needy not the lazy and greedy.

Leg-iron said...

Anyone remember a programme called Lexx? In the first episode, the punishments meted out for crimes were donations of body parts for transplant. The worse the crime, the more bits you'd lose.

Well, let's see.

This country has to start exporting something to survive.

There's a worldwide shortage of transplant donors.

It's hard to be a cat burglar with no corneas.

I'm sure there's a logical connection forming in there somewhere...

it's either banned or compulsory said...

"The government has "no interest"" in deporting foreign criminal " Maybe not, but I fucking well do.

Istanbul or Marakesh OH ? Too warm and sunny, lets ask Putin if he needs any manpower to re-open the Gulags.
We could provide some management expertise ( Securicor/G4S ) but it would be internally self-disciplining as the bullies rise to the forefront in exchange for bribes such as warm socks and a teabag.

Anon. 1:07 There was a similar case locally when a 17 year old was in court for riding a stolen motorbike. No-one accused him of stealing it himself but he was riding it some distance to a training type job.
His address was a tent in a local park. Magistrate asked why he was not recieving help from Social Services and was told it was because the lad was not drugs or alcohol dependent. Mag. gave him a slap on the wrist and some kindly advice, dunno what happened to him subsequently.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

There is a better way to combat crime, its called GLOCK.
Beasty has a Brand new laptop, its so pant burstingly cool(aluminium and CF)that I can no longer resist blogging from the loft of OH.

Paul said...

"There was a similar case locally when a 17 year old was in court for riding a stolen motorbike. No-one accused him of stealing it himself but he was riding it some distance to a training type job."
I hope you don't think I'm making this up but, the last time I was in the UK a friend of mine had a vehicle stolen,he had all the documents and the reciept for it bought new.
The police said it was a civil matter so off trots to see a parasite lawyer came back relieved of a load of money with the advice it's a police matter.
Now I was there when Plod came to his house, now here'she best bit it is only stolen if the thief won't return it otherwise its TWOCKING taking withot the owners consent. Different offence I must say the UK looks a lot better from here 7,000 miles away.

Anonymous said...

My better half worked in a womans prison for years and the record of smashing TV's belonged to a young misfit whom have never been taught the word 'no'. She smashed 17 colour TV's in her own private room which she had her own key, her own clothes and whatever she wanted. The simple fact is bed wetting liberal pinkos have destroyed any form of punishment and have given rights to scum who will punch, scream and take everything throughout there miserable lives. You will pay your taxes to support this and you will be the target of the same scum on release to attack you, burgle you and do whatever they choose.

Harrithebastard said...

Home for retired missionaries loses council grant... because it won't ask residents if they are lesbians

A care home where elderly Christian residents refused to answer ‘intrusive’ questions about their sexuality is at the centre of a bitter legal battle after its council grant was axed.?

Fucking outrageous.

Of course they are fucking lesbians.

Mitch said...


Anita said...

Old Holborn, your case for crime reduction is laudable. Sadly, however, the 5,000 scrotes who are responsible for 10% (Only 10%?) of all crime are the core of a vast business of servicing criminality. From police, lawyers, courts, probation, security through to inventors of initiatives. There is a revolving door, which is being kept spinning by scrotes being pushed through. The system is geared towards continuous processing and these 5,000 petty crims are the regenerating fuel which drives the engine of the profitable Criminality Machine. If any scrotes are jailed the rest need to offend harder to keep-up the averages. We can’t have court staff made redundant for lack of crime.

The Penguin said...

We're saved - Slippery Jack get's tough!

The Penguin

Harrithebastard said...

OH , I came over here to live in relative peace , and it seems to work here so UK plod get on a plane its only a two hour Flight and fucking learn something from some real Police , i will start with tramps whom choose that lifestyle , here in Slovakia it gets mighty bastard cold , and i have no fucking idea how the homeless and feckless survive but they sure as hell do , the local authorities have no legal or moral requirement to 'house' ( in Military tents by the way) these people until the temperature reaches at least minus 10 .. and no i am not for once fucking joking , now as for the local criminal ( i am not including the Mafia ) in this equation, are treated as such , hence if the local scaghead .. not too many of them about, feels the need to steal your favorite stereo or breaks into your shed and has it away on his toes with you going out fork and spade, then they run a high risk of being well and truly fucked .. literally in the gulag from hell , thus 10 years now and all appears well, the police week in and week out send sniffer dogs into all schools and if Rexski finds any then goodbye fucking Vienna for the kid who is holding, pubs ... many times i have been to pubs and clubs when the Klitch ( Police with ski masks on have stormed the pub ) everyone including the barman / women have to place there hands on the tables , again any trouble and loudness , its bye bye time . no trouble, plod fuck off and much merriment continues. lets take the media documented example of the British groom and his half witted stag party in the year before last who got pissed jumped in the main fountain and decided to have a piss whilst laughing like a drain , instantly nicked , next morning gulag two weeks and by fuck did he squeal like a baby , its unfair he squealed , i am getting married he squealed and now i can't he whimpered , tough said the authorities maybe you should have used a fucking toilet like the rest of the population . low and behold the British Government pleaded on his useless behalf and he was released , and i have seen this so many times from the Brits in Bratislava because its a free for all back in blighty and all is most certainly fucking lost , its not here in Bratislava so for all the scaghead fountain pissing halfwits , when in Rome and all that or don't bother coming and if you cant behave yourself stop crying like babies when reality sets in , either that or don't fucking bother coming in the first place you are a total fucking embarrassment to the rest of English over here. as yet the EU lunatic leftie Liberalists have not invaded common sense here and its very much ignored , why i can even smoke and drink in the local .. so until they do fuck up this Country as well i will carry on enjoying my freedom .

The Lefties have fucked the entire UK and i hope they take many many years to fuck the Czech Republic and Slovakia , we know they will but just not yet .

beness said...

Only one small problem with your suggestions OH, They've already found an Island to dump the whole of the WORLDS dross on. Unfortunately no one told the inhabitants that it was to be their land.

Now if they had let us lot off here first....

Harrithebastard said...

More rant and outrage from an ex-pat

thus :

Prince Edward has been accused of animal cruelty after losing his temper and lashing out violently and repeatedly at his gundogs with a wooden stick.

The 44-year-old Prince reacted angrily when he saw two black labradors trying to grab hold of the same dead pheasant during a shoot at the Sandringham Royal Estate in Norfolk yesterday.

dead pheasant , bollocks more than likely a dead peasant .

Complete bastards .

man in the street said...

THOUSANDS of National Lottery players lost out on the chance to scoop the jackpot after a computer glitch made it impossible for them to buy tickets yesterday.

Fucking chav wankers should have been grateful that they didn't have to pay one of the twice-weekly stupidity tax payments. Are they really complaining that they were unable to waste their (my fucking money in many cases)?

Ungrateful cunts.

Harrithebastard said...

Updated travel advice for British nationals .

If you have no wish to pay three fucking quid for a pint in Bratislava and then stand there scratching your bastard heads in dismay , instead of boring us all to fucking death in the airport and on board the fucking plane singing the same old shit 'ere we go ere we go . for the love of Lucifer shut the fuck up , maybe it would be wiser to spend ten minutes of the two hour flight learning how to ask for a beer in Slovak its not fucking difficult , then the cost will only be 90 pence you half witted suckers , but then again my most enjoyable hobby at the weekends will be ruined which entails standing at the bar and laughing my bollocks off at all the ere we go ere we go muppets , and the Slovak Women really fucking hate you as well you loud destructive fucking half wits.

Oh and on the slim off chance that the Groom who's so called fucking mates thought it would be a jolly jape to dress him up as the little britains only gay in the village .. well i did try and warn you at Luton airport and you took no bastard notice ... not so funny when the locals got hold of you was it .

As i said fucking halfwits

And still the cunts come.

Anonymous said...

I recommend just sticking them on the South Sandwich Islands or somewhere like that with the bare minimum they have to survive. They won't come back, put it that way.

Anonymous said...

it would be tempting to have all scrotes in an area mysteriously win a free holiday. when all the rotten eggs are in one plane...oh the humanity!
but seriously folks....
1. all drugs legalised and available cheaply to adults. (80% of crime is for money for drugs)
2. petty criminals pay financially for crimes of theft. how is this accomplished? by RFID technology - every time a criminal buys something he pays a bit more for it. this "you've been bad" tax goes into the bank account of his victim.
3 strikes and you go to jail which is bare minimum tent in a field stuff; could be an island somewhere. you get a radio and a sleeping bag (and a tent) if you pay for them yourself. you work off your bill when you get out via deductions from wages or sales of assets (could indeed be a cornea!)
4. illegal immigrants are removed from britain.
5.NO DEATH PENALTY - you can let a chap out of jail if his conviction turns out to be unsafe but it's a bit late if he's been topped.

LJ said...

what made you decide to move to Bratislava?

my partner and i regularly visit some of his family in Kosice(not quite as up market as Bratislava! but still a world away from here) and the first time i went there i thought i was in another world, i was just waiting for a tracksuited loudmouthed chav to appear, push his way past me into the nearest welfare office and shatter my dream like state of bliss, but, no chavs! no welfare offices!...

then i returned home again

what a fucking anti-climax.

someday, we will emigrate. when we can save enough of our hard earned cash. that is, what percentage of it doesn't get eaten up to fund these fuckwits lifestyles and short breaks in her majesty's pontins...

Paul said...

Earlier this year my wife who is Thai applied for a visa to visit the UK in Bangkok the useless bastards at the embassy(and whatever they pay these people is too much) have privatised it so instead of going to directly to the embassy in Wireless road we had to go miles away to a place called Lumpini.She had to go in by herself no phones allowed and I had to wait outside as a UK taxpayer even though I live here in Thailand and I am paying their wages I wasn't too pleased.
Anyway after about 10 minutes she came out and said he wants a word with me, good I said I want a word or two with him. I have been around the world worked in many different countries but these useless twats take some beating believe me. I pointed out to this chap when I told his fortune for him that their are two queues in the UK, one to get in and the other to get out. She got her visa and we went touring Europe after seeing the UK for the first time she is in hurry to return there nor am I.

Harrithebastard said...

what made you decide to move to Bratislava?


The women .

LJ said...


can't fault you on that one!

Harrithebastard said...

LJ Okay not just the women , i have one daughter who was born in England , and the others in Slovakia , so whilst 5 to 8 year olds are being ' taught' how to have full penetrative sex in the UK , here its slightly more advanced , and all kids are taught languages , example my Eldest can speak Russian , Czech Slovak , German and Perfect English , the other two Slovak Daughters speak Czech , Slovak , and German and one is currently learning Hungarian , the Youngest is more interested in playing the piano and the boys , Slovak, Czech and English , so although they might be a tad behind the UK kids on the ' how to make someone pregnant and how to get pregnant .. i am pretty confident that all is well ..

The Adults are fucking doomed in the UK and so are your kids in the hands of the Labour Luddite Fuck wits ..

Kosice , a long haul from Bratislava , if you have never had the chance to visit ,, please do so its worth it , and by the way it is rather pleasant to taste freedom is it not .

Harrithebastard said...


Ask you friends about the welfare in Eastern Europe ?

It not a wonder that they all think that the benefits in the UK is like hitting the fucking jackpot, here in Slovakia , if you are unemployed and have no wish to work you will starve or freeze to fucking death , once someone has asked for state assistance it can only be claimed for a maximum of three months , plus unless you have the correct paperwork to prove you are wandering about like a fucking nomad because you are actually going to an interview there is a curfew to be adhered to . and inspectors do check on a very regular basis , if they call and you are not registered as being at an interview or actively seeking a job , then your basic and bare cash supply to just about get by is stopped with immediate effect and you are dragged to court , suffice to say that teenage pregnancies is not too much of a problem here , if you get yourself up the duff and have no home already of your own tough , your family will have their property inspected and made to look after you , and its strange although we have a large indigenous Roma group here , and yes they are cunts most of them. there is no queue of immigrants waiting to get in ?

LJ said...

i know, having children there is considered a luxury. my partner when out of work over here for a few weeks had a discussion with another couple of eastern europeans, it made me pretty fucking angry to hear them say "no worry, goverment here help you and pay for everything" (in their shit pig ignorant english which they have no intention of learning properly- more draining on our country's resources for interpreters, etc..)the next sentence to come from my partner was one i'll always respect him for " i don't want to be a fucking parasite on a welfare system, especially if it's not my own country, i'd rather live under the (local) bridge" he trailed the streets in the nearest cities each day and within 48 hrs had another job which he still has 2 years later. respect to him.

but i've also heard stories through various e.europeans that they are claiming benefits for children which don't even live here, and in some cases don't even exist! i can't understand how this is even possible but it pisses me off and is yet another reason i hate this fucking cunt-tree(!)

LJ said...

... its worth mentioning also that i don't agree with the way millions of e.u. were just allowed to land here like fleas on a rancid dog with a dole check waiting for them without so much as a yes, no, fuck you later from the british people.

great work for a 'democratic' country

the only good thing about that is i met my partner and experienced a place like slovakia. but i think i can complain because he has never claimed a damn thing here

Harrithebastard said...


Dodgy Birth certificates from Eastern Europe is fucking child's play to them , and definitely no pun intended, lets see the same half witted Uk Leftie weirdos try the same shit over here and see how far they fucking get .


(a) All leaflets , notices in Plod stations , council offices and the likes are in one language and one language only Slovak , if you can not read it , then fucking hard luck , try requesting an interpreter for petty things or demand that the notices should be in English and see how far you get .

The Slovaks and Czechs realize they have also made a fuck up with the European Union , they fought long and hard to be rid of the Communist regime and now they are back in it ? but no where near as advanced as the UK .

LJ said...


true, but the lesser of two evils is looking very appealing to me right now, so i'll be joining you as soon as possible!

bolo to velmi zaujimave pokecat s tebov

dobru noc a zatial!

it's either banned or compulsory said...

"THOUSANDS of National Lottery players lost out on the chance to scoop the jackpot after a computer glitch made it impossible for them to buy tickets yesterday.
Bloody hell, how did I miss that ? It would have made my day being in a cheapo convenience store on a skanky estate watching the hung-over chav queens moan and wail in anquish at being denied their fix. And at Xmas Too !

wf SUAKEDS honest !

Exile in KL said...


There! I told you we be berdsovafevva din't I?

Lucky you living in that part of Europe. Prague, Budapest, Bratislava, Vienna - all favourite old haunts of mine from way back when I was rather younger and more fancy-free, and although I admit I was not very good a picking up the languages, I found I could get by quite happily simply by being civil to the locals and asking nicely in English (or French) for a spot of assistance.

Judging from his comment on the previous thread, (28/12 at 8.01:
"I still live in the country you fucked off from you stupid fucking cunt. Your opinion became worthless in this discussion when you gave up and left.") - which I ignored as undeserving of any meaningful response - "Mikey" will now also be highly pissed off at you too for having the gumption to actually DO something for yourself! According to his philosophy, since you took the plane out your opinions now count for naught. That's going to be tuff to live with, mate, and, like me, you must be utterly devastated.

Happy New Year to you and yours and do raise a glass of your fave Pilsner (or whatever may be your chosen tipple) to like-minded absent friends around the world and in SE Asia (among whom I nominally include Paul up the road in Bangkok with whose contributions bioth here and elsewhere I thoroughly concur and who like me finds his hard earned resources depleted by some 30+% thanks to the unelected Scottish McHoon who - like Peter Pan never grew up - and who for some reason of his own always chooses the most perverse sol-yu-shun to any problem when the simple and obvious one to everybody else would do.

Bridge said...

Sounds like a plan.

electro-kevin said...

Crime is too big an industry in Britain for simple solutions.

Industry ???

Yes. Industry. One of our biggest employers in fact.

What would all those gummint advisors and police big-wigs do if we cured the issue over night ???

It would certainly mess up their planned retirements to sunny climes in safe countries with proper law enforcement.

State 'professionals' are the real problem at the bottom of all this.

Harrithebastard said...


Dobre rano

KL ..Fuck Mikey

22 years of Paying taxes , ( 5 of those at 40 %) , being stabbed once and my Slovak wife having a gun held to her head by the local smack head yoot gangster fuckwits and the fact that i was obviously better than Mikey the unlucky, at digging tunnels still gives me the 'right' to say what the fuck i like , so whilst jealousy will get him absolutely fucking nowhere , possessing a shovel , common sense , a plane ticket , the lack of fucking ignorance to learn another language and somewhere else to go does .

I left the UK with a heavy heart and a wad of money , no freedoms and could not give a fuck attitude , now , 10 years later .. I still could not give a fuck , the kids have eaten most of my money and i have drunk the rest, So with regards to Mikey , look here now, if the likes of Mustapha the Muslim, Raj the Hindu , Singh the Seikh , Lmao the Ethiopean, Stanko the Pole, and Irubu Onguwlagngu the NIgerian, to name but just a fucking few can have a say in what goes on in the UK .... then fuck it so can fucking i .

End of

Doverdinia v Vesele vianoce stasne novu roc

Happy new year to all . Oh its cold ,so bastard cold

Minus fucking 10 last night

Paul said...

Does anyone know what our "Dear Leader" Brown is on? Industrial strength Prozac perhaps? Knife crime is at an all time high, the economy is down the drain, one reason people have been using their houses as ATM machines as in buying the latest LCD TV on a mortgage. The county courts in the Uk are chock full of cases where the buyers have defaulted on the payments and he wants people to spend more. All is not lost though as he said we can rely on him to pull us through these tough times.
Wartime spirit and all that, when all the leaders were in bomb proof shelters and a boat waiting to take them to Canada ir the shit really hit the fan while the plebs had their house bombed, but it's nice to know he feels "our pain" nothing like the pain I would like him to feel with my boot up his arse.
I do have the odd tiple I can reccomend Mekhong whisky it does the trick for me but him? He must be drinking milk of amnesia, the twat he took over from and his policies are the cause of all this but it had probably slipped his memory. It's not all that long ago that if you wanted to remortgage your house and what a palaver that was, you could only get the money if you wanted to improve the place. We have big problems here in Thailand with the deposed Thaxsin very popular with poor people, yeah I bet he is because what he was doing was the same thing here by letting people who have a snowball in hells chance of paying back the loans he allowed the banks to give them.
If somone were to give me free money I would like them as well. You don't need a degree in economics to know that borrowed money bank loans or credit cards sooner or later has to be paid back with real money. Never a dull moment oops almost forgot Happy New Year

Harrithebastard said...

And another thing ,

Lets see now, everything in fucking place , unstable soapbox , check.

Unstable bloke , check.

Absinth , check.

Here goes fuck all , the UK whilst i was only mildly fearful for my families life's, the final bastard straw was the fact that i found it a tad annoying at suffering from acute insomnia due to the simple fact that the only fucking respite i got from the plod Helicopter buzzing overhead was when the fuckers had to return to base to fucking refuel .. then come back , i am convinced master and Miss local scaghead used to use the fucking thing as a taxi now the local church bells wake me up , just as fucking annoying but they don't go on as long, also now rather to my ever increasing pride . my kids wake up and say good morning in half a dozen languages , which in my humble fucking opinion is a slight improvement on what would have been the likely outcome if i had remained in Blightly , thus :
What fucking time is this to wake me up innit you old cunt , and by the way i am pregnant ( again)
so what appen Dad and wot ya gonna do bout it ... innit

I rest my case you honor

Harrithebastard said...


Very nice speaking with you too.

Lets raise a glass or three to Blighty and those we left behind . nazdravie

LJ said...


dobre den

i will happily raise 3 drinks to the 90 percent irresponsible scum this country has to offer on the day i leave, and i don't even drink! nazdravie!

Harrithebastard said...

LJ said...

dobre den

i will happily raise 3 drinks to the 90 percent irresponsible scum this country has to offer on the day i leave, and i don't even drink! nazdravie!

29 December 2008 11:34

Don't even drink ! you will if you come over here .
its the national pastime coupled with ice hockey , a bit like the UK only without all the dross .

Drinking only leads to bolĂ­ hlava

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