Monday, 8 December 2008

Baby Mohammed

I would like all my readers to meet a new pet of mine. OH already has three chickens currently wrecking the grounds of Farqham Hall and he quite likes supporting British entrepreneurship, so I am adopting a baby pig from those wonderful people at http://www.eatbabe.co.uk/.


They have a great business model, in that you pick a plump piglet, they look after it, pamper it stupid, it send you emails and photos and in six months you get to eat the fucker, delivered to your door.


Meet Mohammed (peace and apple sauce be upon him in six months time)

Send your fatwahs to oldhoborn@gmail.com

PS Could someone let vegan Kerry McCarthy know?

48 comments:

Don't chavs have feelings tooooooo said...

Ah - how sweet. Apple sauce eh? Interesting. Bang the laddo in a bap and reach for the HP. Life gets no better.

On a vaguely serious note - the cunt who's nicely fucked up Ireland's sausage industry should expect a little prezzie this Christmas. At present it appears he was a complete cunt but if it was a genuine fuck up - well, unlucky.

paul said...

first cigarettes,alchohol and now pork! boom bowm,boom bowm,boom bowm!ding deng ding(sinister music)i smell new labuor sandals?

man in the street said...

Is this still legal in this crummy dump of a country?

Old Holborn said...

Let's find out!

Anonymous said...

I am offended merely at the thought that some of your more militant rag head readers may, themselves, be offended.

I say to them fuck off. A plague on all their straw houses.

K.McEgan said...

Bad form naming him after the Prophet QSSL.What do you think of the Scorpions album cover being banned?

mmm said...

Overtones of the "Watership Down" controversey, caused by butchers painting their windows with the proposition:
Read the book?
Seen the film?
Now eat the cast!


RSPCA activist with woolly hat and protest placard on pavement.

Revolution Harry said...

That's cheered me up on a particularly dull Monday in New Britain. I'll have a couple of chops worth off you if you're selling any.

man in the street said...

Hope the bog trotters bearing gifts in plastic bags don't get too close.

TheFatBigot said...

A Yorkshire Old Spot, I'd guess. Yummy, exceptional crackling.

Anonymous said...

Pigs are just delivery vehicles for dioxins!

lilith said...

I have an unclean dog called pig

Ashgar the Mullah said...

Sounds great. I love pork - when eating alone.

Allah is bountiful.

Shergar the Horse said...

Ever tried horse Ashgar?

John said...

Brilliant fucking idea. But I wouldn't want to want something with a name.

Nancy's stout said...

Religions and their food fads. Just more control for people who struggle to think for themselves. Take the pig, leaving aside our best of range bangers ,gammon, etc. In Northern Italy they practically worship the beast and it's versitility. Salamis, air curd ham. herb roasted. The list goes tastily on. God bless the beast.

Call me Infidel said...

I keel you! Aloha Snackbar!

Shirking From Home said...

Nancy's stout - Agree and if there's one thing the Germans should be applauded for it is their excellent cold meat selections.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I laughed at this post, then showed it to the wife, who was appalled. Then I laughed even more!

microdave said...

You obviously aren't a social worker - see question 10 (b)in your previous post:

"So called pet animals are just another form of slavery. Let the animals be free."

Anonymous said...

Forget where you are sunshine? This is SOMALIA now!

man in the street said...

I did tell Kerry but the post hasn't appeared yet... moderated blogs are shite and stifle debate.

Old Holborn said...

She'll be busy roasting tofu on an open environmentally friendly fire.

The witch

Anonymous said...

What is Mohammed sucking? Is it an EU 'feeding device'?

Gareth said...

No it's Jacqui Smith.

Mitch said...

Love it,the wife thought it was in bad taste.

man in the street said...

If you require smoked bacon does it take longer?

Anonymous said...

What is it with all these disgusted 'wives' on here?

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Why the inverted commas with the wives comment?

Old Holborn said...

Man in the street,OH built a cold smoker in 20 minutes and now cures and smokes his own bacon, eels, fish, chicken, cheese and anything else he can lay his hands on.

I divorced my last wife

documented HERE ( a long read but worth it)

Anonymous said...

How could you consider eating such a sweet little animal. In six months time, back in Wales this little darling would be loved at least three times a day.
Bastard.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Aye, if it was wearing a fur coat!

Chris said...

Man in the Street: "If you require smoked bacon does it take longer?"

Nah, they just get it hooked on Lambert and Butler when it gets weaned.

Custard said...

OH, are you sure the source (sauce?) of this swine isn't the P.I.R.A.? (Pork Infection Republican Army)

Now that they realise bombing the fuck out of us doesn't work, and the rag-heads have taken that idea over, they are targeting roadside cafes, builders, lorry drivers and the whole social fabric of our society. Be wary.

Omar Sharif said...

Peas be upon him.

David said...

That's going to be a serious heap of meat.

I'm demoing butchering a fallow deer at the weekend it's incredible how much you get out of a single animal.

Rogerborg said...

Mmm, fat sows, and a divorce story... inspirational.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, second chest freezer required methinks. I think I'll call mine Gordon.

Oink Oink said...

Excellent.

Had with a few nice bottles of something alcoholic I'm sure it'll be delicious.

How many fatwas have you received yet OH? If pigs are so unclean why don't they simply clean them up and cook them? Morons.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig for me please OH.
There was a recent letter in the Telegraph from a farmer whose widowed father had recently retired and was living alone.
He gave his old Dad two piglets as pets and they were spoiled rotten. Pigs are very bright and provided great company; predictably after 6 months the pigs were no longer to be found because they had been taken by Dad to market.

ADVERTISEMENT

http://www.pennywellfarm.co.uk/

from where you can adopt a pig as a house trained pet that will respond by name and easily get the better of your labradores.

Ali Pali said...

The reason why pigs are deemed unclean in Islam has got SFA to do with religion and everything to do with the fact that if you don't cook a pig properly or you leave it standing around, especially in middle eastern 40+ degrees of heat, it can turn very nasty and indeed fatal when eaten. It was a sensible measure adopted by the desert Arabs hundreds, if not thousands, of years before the prophet was even a twinkle in his daddy's eye to ensure that their families and tribes were not killed off by mass food poisoning from an un- or badly cooked pig. This sensible custom/prohibition and was stolen by whoever and incorporated into a religious belief.

Similar edicts apply to covering up. Simple protection from blazing sun and sandstorms in the desert. These people lived there all their lives and knew what they were doing and why they did certain things.

Here endeth the lesson...

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Ali,

Why don't the ragheads

a) cook the pig properly, and

b) not leave it standing around when properly cooked, but instead eat it?

Thick mongs. Seems they've wasted thousands of years worth of decent pork dinners because they're thick.

Ali said...

Killem, dodgy pigmeat is probably summat to do with the fact that they didn't have fridges in Medina in those days. Plus, pigs are big animals and if you only have a small tribe/family you are unlikely to finish it off everything at one sitting. A bit like today where a normal family always has something left over for another meal from a Sunday roast, the difference being most folks now have somewhere to keep it safely.

Anonymous said...

Watch out OH. The word "piglet"
is not approved.
Neither is the word "bacon" !!!!!
What the hell do kids eat for breakfast.

Re: OUP Junior Dictionary
Thank you Oxford University Press for taking the trouble to list all of the feared words - I now intend to use them all the more, to make sure that children know all of them!
Carol, cracker, holly, ivy, mistletoe
Dwarf, elf, goblin
Abbey, aisle, altar, bishop, chapel, christen, disciple, minister, monastery, monk, nun, nunnery, parish, pew, psalm, pulpit, saint, sin, devil, vicar
Coronation, duchess, duke, emperor, empire, monarch, decade
Adder, ass, beaver, boar, budgerigar, bullock, cheetah, colt, corgi, cygnet, doe, drake, ferret, gerbil, goldfish, guinea pig, hamster, heron, herring, kingfisher, lark, leopard, lobster, magpie, minnow, mussel, newt, otter, ox, oyster, panther, pelican, piglet, plaice, poodle, porcupine, porpoise, raven, spaniel, starling, stoat, stork, terrapin, thrush, weasel, wren
Acorn, allotment, almond, apricot, ash, bacon, beech, beetroot, blackberry, blacksmith, bloom, bluebell, bramble, bran, bray, bridle, brook, buttercup, canary, canter, carnation, catkin, cauliflower, chestnut, clover, conker, county, cowslip, crocus, dandelion, diesel, fern, fungus, gooseberry, gorse, hazel, hazelnut, heather, holly, horse chestnut, ivy, lavender, leek, liquorice, manger, marzipan, melon, minnow, mint, nectar, nectarine, oats, pansy, parsnip, pasture, poppy, porridge, poultry, primrose, prune, radish, rhubarb, sheaf, spinach, sycamore, tulip, turnip, vine, violet, walnut, willow

lilith said...

Squatting to relieve herself in an Indian lavatory a friend felt breath (breath?) on her backside....

Pigs are ambulant sewage disposal units in some parts of the world.

I was taught that pigs get a parasite that is fatal to humans if not properly cooked. But that was a long time ago...and I forget it's name.

Pig, properly brought up, is utterly delicious and bears no resemblance to the grey denatured slabs that supermarkets sell.

Mr T said...

OH just a thought, why not wait 'til baby Mo's an 'adult' piggy, then adopt a female piglet, name it "Aisha" and see if you can get 'em to breed. Oh silly me - I forgot: creatures of the genus *sus* don't feel they've got a divine sanction to fuck infant females of their species.

BTW please publish any fatwas you *do* receive - I love reading the rantings of the idiots who kneel to Mecca. (They are worshipping bingo aren't they?)

Ali Pali said...

Lilith: Many thanks for your erudite corroboration of the message I was trying to convey.

Anonymous said...

Wow, a week has gone by without some fucking crazy religious nutjob threatening to cut your head off for either calling a pig mo-ham-head (bad joke) and/or suggesting that Islam is violent.

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