Friday, 21 November 2008

Quick Joke

When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English.

She is now an unmarried, single mother with three kids from different fathers, one of them black.

Job well done!!!!!


Barnsley Bill said...

Top effort that..
Here is one for you.

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,


TBRRob said...

I shouldn't laugh -- but that is very funny.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Thats so stolen
Hope that you are coming to the Christmas party
It involves weaponry and pain, and some drunkenness
The Beast

Old Holborn said...

Beast. As a nihilistic alcoholic Buddhist with deep pockets, it would be a pleasure to join you to celebrate the birth of a Jewish carpenter

"Yes, yes, I know he's the son of God, and you're a fucking virgin (yeah, right), but at least let me give him a trade Mary, you slut. Just in case, like"

Details to

Anonymous said...


*(c) Kerry McCarthy 2008

Here's one for ya.

What do you when you see a Labour supporter with half a head?

Laugh, then reload?

Mark Wadsworth said...

That joke is inaccurate - little David Banda was adopted/bought/stolen*, so not only does he have a different father, he has a different mother as well.

And as a black boy brought up by a white mother ... David Banda could go a long way**

* Delete according to taste.

** Follow the link for more Mark/Marc based humour.

Tuscan Tony said...

The Beast advised me re Dennis Rodman. Hmmm...

Lord Elvis of Paisley said...

This is quite appalling.


Excellent Old Holborn.
I'm giving my co-blogger Barnsley bill a chance to post it on his blog, otherwise I'll be stealing it for our No Minister group blog.

And concerning your post below, since we in New Zealand have just had our own brutal child murder and related court case, I'll have to think of who is equally responsible for that crime so they too can receive a similar email.

Barnsley Bill said...

Fairfacts.. you take it. BUT, LEAVE MY BLOGGING FOR DUMMIES post at the top for an hour two will ya..
And did you get my email re "Carbon trading is enron for lesbians and gingas"?

cecil parkinson said...

I'd still bone the slapper.

idle said...

Can't we deport the talentless tart?

She has been one of the most malign influences on music for twenty years. Hope she catches ebola from the wretched little plaything she bought in the jungle.

Did anyone hear the great parody of the Kinks' Lola a few years back?

Caught it in the ear
And it made me ill
But there ain't no cure
And there ain't no pill
For ebola
E-B-O-Lay, lola

Doctor says I'm sick
And I won't last long
But at least I'll get to
The end of this son...ughhhh

Sir Henry Morgan said...


Are you sure? Her husband (ex yet?) sad it was like shagging a lump of gristle.

Scrobs said...

And she insists on taking her own personal supply of bottled water everywhere.

Famous for being famous? Well the BBC think so, they've got the same sort of 'celebs' queuing up to be on every fatuous programme they squirt out each evening.

Oswald Bastable said...

It's only a few more years and all the 'talent' will be replaced with CGI.

We will look back on the period 1920-2020 and ask "why the fuck did we listen to these dress-up dolls on ANYTHING?"

Kippers Dickie said...

"she said she wanted to feel more English".

Well, here's one Englishman who wouldn't want to be felt by her!

Anonymous said...

But she hasn't got a council house yet. There's still time though.

The Penguin said...

Three anxious fathers down in the waiting room outside the Maternity Ward. One Englishman, one Welshman, one Nigerian.

Nurse appears.

"Gentlemen, good news and bad news. Three healthy baby boys, three happy mothers, but we have mixed them up. You will have to draw straws to decide who gets first pick"

Englishman wins, and returns shortly with a beautiful black baby.

The nurse is surprised.

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, yes - couldn't risk getting the Welsh Bastard!"

The Penguin

dame cecil parkinson said...

At least she's done the decent and got her kit off loads of times unlike Kylie. Kylie's morphing slowly into a mannequin.

AngryDave said...

I have a good one...

What's the difference between the french and a piece of toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast.

Anonymous said...

Difference between Australia and yoghurt?

A yoghurt's got culture.


The Penguin said...

Kerry McCarthy School Visit

The Penguin

Old Holborn said...

Photo of Kerry visiting a school


Billy Wallace said...

Poor Mr Happy.

bofl-too lazy to sign in! said...

o/h....kerry wont be pleased about the photo link you put on her site....

bloody funny thogh!

Chalcedon said...


Bloody brilliant!

kerry fan said...

Thats vile. And probably racist. I will have to ask Kerry.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Speaking of vile and racist:-

In the USA, they put a n+gger in a white house and called him president.

In England, if there's a n+gger in a white house, we call them a burglar.

Billy Wallace said...

Read this from top to bottom ...................

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2008

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2008

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,


FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2008

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!How am I supposed to handle this?


Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2008

RE: Holiday Part

What a diverse group we are!

I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2008

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people !!!

We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream.

I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.

The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November 2008

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

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