Thursday, 27 November 2008

Donate to the Labour Party

The Labour Party
Donations Department
Eldon House
Regent Centre
Newcastle Upon Tyne

Dear Sirs/Madams/Ms/Transgenders,

I am a grateful citizen and would like to donate to the Labour Party to show how much I support your policies that have taken this country to hell in a handcart and then some.

Please find enclosed cheque for the sum of £00.01p.

Love and kisses

Old Holborn.

PS. Please acknowledge receipt of this donation by return

Make sure you mark it "Donations Department"

(it costs New Labour 44p to process a cheque or 27p to return it. If you put a 1p stamp on the letter, it costs them 26p to even pick it up from the post office. )

I'm sending one letter/cheque a day until the election


The Penguin said...

Fucking Ace, Mr H.

Enough folk take this up, and they are fucking well fucked.


The Penguin

The Penguin said...

Whoops, slight flaw, what if someone there has more than one brain cell and decides just to bin the cheque?

And why would they pay to collect under-paid post?

Mind you, this is the Labour Party in Geordie-Land, so it may well work out just fine.

The Penguin

Rab C Nesbit said...

You're such a rascal OH!

Old Holborn said...

Even if they decided to bin it, they'd have to pay people to open it first, read it and then shred it.

And then of course, there's the data protection act....

If one million of us did it, that'd be JK Rowlings pissed up the wall in a week.

Gareth said...

And why would they pay to collect under-paid post?

'Cos someone has to pay for the transport of the under-paid post and the easiest target is the recipient. Unless you have a decent Postmaster who shows you what the post is so you can decide whether to accept it or not.

Dave H. said...

I've got a pile of ½ pence pieces, I'll send one of them instead.

Come to think of it, I may have a one Pfennig somewhere. Better still.

Anonymous said...

Every once in a while the Tellytax collectors send me a reply-paid envelope. I'm always pleased to return it to them empty. Same applies to other junk mail.

I'm constantly embarrassed by the green tiddly winks they insist on handing you in Waitrose. I have decided to send them to the Labour Party. Think how much time they'd waste walking it round to their local store to 'vote' for the Battersea Dogs Home (in gratitude for saving the Home Secretary when her owners kicked her out).

WV: shircoma. Brilliant, OH. Do you write them yourself?

geewiz said...

hmmm, not sure if I want to send up a red flag by giving them a cheque with my name and account number on it. Never know what those fuckers will do with that info. It's a pity postal orders are so fucking expensive. I'll send an IOU.

fuchsia groan said...

I would watch it OH. Wouldn't put it past the scum to change the amount on the cheque. Could be expensive.
Great idea though. I have a huge pile of small change. I will sellotape some of it to blank pieces of paper and send to NuLab as a token of my esteem.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

How about sending them a turd in a box?

TheFatBigot said...

I think it would actually cost them £1.26 to collect the letter because they have to pay the missing postage and a handling fee which I believe is currently £1.

Gareth said...

That's a good point thefatbigot.

Labour have a freepost address too. Though it is for sending membership forms to...

The Labour Party,
NAT 8909,
NG2 1BR.

Geordie Scoot said...

Eldon House is opposite Northern Crock HQ - coincidence I'm sure.

sarah said...

For the telly tax reply paid envelopes: don't send them back empty.... fill them with all those pizza, insurance offers etc that the postman spams on you, the more it weighs the better :) or wrap a brick and stick the reply-paid envelope on it

curly15 said...

Is this why Bliar only dropped them £7500 out of his millions and squillions?

Anonymous said...

You sir are a genius. said...


Would it not be apt if we instead donated one Euro-Cent, as that's the direction the one eyed man and his party so clearly wish to take.

Anonymous said...

A second strategy would be to send a cheque, no stamp of course, for say £10 but do not sign it.

When it is returned send it back but show the date as 2007.

When it is returned send it back but write 'one pound' in the narrative whilst showing £10.00 in the box.

When it is returned, with apologies of course, show the be continued.

A prize to the reader who can keep the toing and froing going for the greatest number of boomerangs.

The Penguin said...

Anon at 14.52, Pure Fucking Genius.

Sir, I salute you.

The Penguin

Anonymous said...

off topic, but wtf?

the head of barnados claims baby p would have grown up to be a "feral yob". Isn't this the same guy who only recently claimed there was no such thing as "feral children"?

Gareth said...

Anon 15:26,

The majority of feral youths will not have suffered as Peter Connelly suffered. They have better opportunities and advantages than most due to state support by the bucketful. They are not encouraged to take those opportunities; they are not given any boundaries, their bad behaviour is excused and their parents don't give a stuff - they just want the money.

They exist largely to satisfy the selfish interests of the welfare state in order to ensure it's own survival.

fuchsia groan said...

Peter might have stood a chance if Haringey Social Services had been doing their job properly. In the meantime, that bitch Shoesmith is still in her job.

Snowolf said...

Would it be bad form to send them a cheque made out for one 'pnney' and then to put some talcum powder in the envelope as well to make sure the cheque doesn't get wet if it is delivered in the rain?

You'd have to include a note pointing out that the white powder is talc and not anthrax or something. Some people are SOOOOO suspicious.

The Penguin said...

Shoesmith may still have her job for now, along with a whole raft of other people who should also be sacked, but I don't intend to let her forget that I (and quite a few others) are very very angry.

The Penguin

Tuscan Tony said...

The penny hurts but Anthrax works.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 14.52

I'm writing my first cheque now. I just don't know whether I've got enought pages in my cheque book.

Sheer genius.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Pennies and dog turds?

Nah. Could we not just send them a severed head, preferably Horriet Whoreman's?

That might make the papers.

(Stasi - only joking, OK?)

Anonymous said...

.. but what happens when I send my genuine donation of £250 but forget to put a stamp on it.. and they start refusing to pay for postage after opening 49 letters with cheques of £00.01p?

p.s. they can only accept donation with a real address ? but what happens if its a wrong address does it get returned back to donation department?

Anonymous said...

tags on this blog entry..

Their Law

Anonymous said...

How about - i'll write a cheque for $0.01 Canadian, that's about 0.4p and the bank will charge them about 9 quid for processing it!!!

Anonymous said...

Anon 1851

I am sending a starter for £10.00 unsigned and will see how long I can keep this one going.

I intend also to ask for application to join party that "supports hard working people."

In fact I may morph into a Henry Root and have some fun and games with this shower of shit.

Fidothedog said...

Ever the one to help a worthy cause I have sent New Labour a one pence coin.

Anonymous said...

Can I sound a note of caution folks.

From personal experience I know that the banks do not always check cheques - particularly for low values like £10.

I once had a donation for £1000. 00 (yes - that's one thousand) towards a by-election campaign totally legit and above board but the sender forgot to sign it. It went with others to the bank and passed through the system no prob.(IIRC it was the helpful lady in the bank that said "Try it, it will probably go through"

Soo - there's a possibility that your unsigned £10. 00 cheque might get accepted and honoured. Be careful.

Dennis said...

Man, all this is amateur night stuff. Take lessons from the masters - the 419 Eaters. You know those Nigerians who write telling you they need to borrow your bank account for 20 minutes and will pay you $100,000,000 for the privilege? Well there's a whole culture of people on the net who pretend to take the bait and then royally fuck them over.

Check this out. It's a classic, beautiful sting, and it's still unfolding. About 20 baiters have got hold of this would-be crook and made origami out of him. They've sent him hundreds of miles on wild goose chases, made him fill in hundreds of forms, and even got him beaten up and left without his shoes in a strange city. His head's so fucked up he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.

Myself, if I could be bothered, I'd write to Labour HQ saying my elderly aunt wants to remember them in her will. She's a bit gaga but has extended periods of lucidity. However, she is also eccentric and will not see anyone but me and her nurse. I am a dutiful nephew and wish to see her wishes fulfilled. Can they advise? That gets the correspondence going. After that it can be spun out to utterly absurd lengths, especially as clues will dropped along the way of the colossal size of their potential legacy.

As with the 419ers, new twists and turns are naturally suggested as the baiting proceeds.

Much more fun than writing 1p cheques, I'd hazard.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Hows this
We all send an envelope to every constiuencey office, minus a stammp
"Dear CUNT (insert the name of your choice)
As a blind person I would like to thank you and your party for everything you have done for the visually impaired
Forget the fucking stamp, just mark the envelope "Donation" postage to be paid by recipeint" and stick a Zimbabwean piece of arse paper in there.
Even better a real piece of arse wiping material(I dont mean OH's back catalogue)

Anonymous said...

How about anytime you buy something from a shop (with counter staff) you ask them in a whisper if they have any of the 'good stuff' they keep for Labour MPs and councillors? When the sales staff say that they have not heard anything about it just say "OK, forget I asked".

Then in the tea break or around the family tea table our confused sales person will ask if anyone has heard of "the special stuff reserved for Labour MPs?".

Their colleagues/family will then ask their friends, and so on, and before you know it the whole country will be talking about Labour and their special perks.

Unless it is already true, of course.

bilambil kid said...

burleigh Queensland said, i had a dream last night, walked into house of commons and sacked the fucking lot

Anonymous said...

Always cynical and one to point out a slight flaw. May I say that all these processing fees might not actually come out of ZNL coffers but the taxpayers pocket (as per usual).

Wyrdtimes said...

That free post address...

Can you send parcels? Containing weighty items such as rocks to bump up the weight/cost? Would that work?

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